Champagne football

 

Screaming believers,

It was a good thing the bowels had been emptied in the time-honoured tradition of the "match day nervous shit", otherwise quite a mess could have been made of the Viewing Lounge in front of the Crystal Bucket, as the match to end all finals' matches came down to a single solitary 'bloody point'. After a first quarter of Champagne football, there was no inkling of the nail-biting cliff-hanger to come, as the Swans swept all before them early, and looked for all the world like a Premiership team. It was possible to breath easy as the bright lustre of "Never In Doubt" settled over the game. There's been a long running school of thought this season that the Pies were pretenders to the crown, after winning so many matches by so few points. At three quarter time things still looked pretty safe, but My Spy at The Ground (who was actually in Melbourne) ominously pushed a message through that chattered in over the Bush Telegraph "Collingwood never, ever, give up". And so it came to pass, as everyone with 'skin in the game' held onto their collective sphincters very tightly over the last few minutes before the final siren, when Sydney/South Melbourne supporters all over the globe leapt about like Whirling Dervishes, while going absolutely apesehit and completely bonkers. And there were more than a few tears of joy.

To have four-goals-five kicked on you in the final quarter, after losing the Championship Quarter, and still win, is truly remarkable. Just this one time, the famed "momentum" failed to get the Woods across the line. It just points to the Swans quality right across the park that got them into the Prelim. in the first place. It was pleasing to hear The Great Buddwah Lance Franklin on interview after the match produce some spontaneous honesty to the dumb-arse question "What was the most pleasing aspect of the game?" to which the Living Legend replied "The game? We're in the Grand Final!!!".

In the popular Sydney press, just about the only thing you ever see written about the Swans is Buddy, but their unsung taggers and blockers have probably done more than the side's superstars to get them as far as they've got. Then there's the freaks. Tom Hickey, known as "Tall Jesus", was astonished on interview after the game that he'd actually managed to make a Grannie; the quintessential journeyman, the only player to have played for four different clubs in four different states, appeared in 100+ games despite multiple injuries and never being considered a No.1 ruckman anywhere, for years on end, until Horse got hold of him at age 31 and worked the magic of the "Sydney System" on him and again resurrected a seemingly washed-up has-been and turned him into a crucial player at the pivot. The Swans have had a very good record at that over the past 20 years or so under the long running Roos→Longmire Regime. And special mention should also be made of the "McCartin Sandwich". Sydney have long prided themselves on having an inpenetrable brick wall across their backline under the theory 'keep them out all costs, and any goals you score will look after themselves'. But this one's been a coach's dead-set masterstroke. Drafting in Paddy McCartin sideways after he looked completely & utterly shot and done for after eight concussions at the Saints, to join his younger bro Tom who's well on track to be a 200+ game ten-year long-termer, was pure genius. They taught Paddy how to look after his bonce, and he hasn't been knocked out since, and told him, "well, here's your brother, nobody knows him like you do, so play together and every goal we let through this year is on you". Now that's motivation. And that's just two of the miracles seen this season; there are a couple of dozen more.

With two sides with the two best defensive set ups in the caper set to go head-to-head toe-to-toe on That One Day in September, the Stats Guru whirred the beads on the abacus, looked piercingly at the results, spun them again just to make sure, divined the probabilities, and came up with the proverbial pronouncement "You know what? Ten goals might be enough to win the Grand Final."

On a side note, whoever came up with the madcap idea of sending the Grand Final Parade down the muddy, less than mighty Yarra should have been sacked on the spot. What happens if all the little floaties capsize in an unprecedented maritime catastrophe? In any case, do they really expect fans to line both sides of the river just to see their heroes waving from afar, or is it some kind of revenge for having two 'out-of-town' teams playing in what should rightly and traditionally be a Melbourne Grand Final and they shouldn't have let any outsiders in in the first place? As it is, the poor long-suffering die-hard rusted-on fans are now deprived of being able to run alongside the open-topped sports car carrying their favourite player, throw streamers across the parade; scream, yell, go mad, and bust through the police lines to snap that once in a lifetime selfie. Really? WTF?  It'll be the first and last time. Mark my words.

Super Coach Horse has many strategies to prevent the boys from playing the Grand Final over and over and over and over in their heads before the game even begins (the hard lessons learned from The Horror of 2014 come to mind), but in the final paralysis his core message to the lads is to just "lean into it, and have fun". Because, if you aint having fun, what's the point of it?

Cheer, cheer. 

SYDNEY:                6.3, 11.7, 13.10, 14.11 (95).  Goals: Papley 3,
Franklin 2, Clarke, Heeney, McDonald, McInerney, Parker,
Reid, Rowbottom, Stephens, Warner.
COLLINGWOOD:   3.0,  7.1,  10.5,   14.10 (94). Goals: Elliott 2,
Hoskin-Elliott 2, McCreery 2, Bianco, Cameron, Crisp,
N.Daicos, J.Daicos, Ginnivan, Mihocek, Sidebottom.
At Sydney Cricket Ground.
Crowd: 45,608.