Urgers,
It's all happening at the MCG!
Only this very day has The Right Honourable Alfie Langer AM has been appointed as the new Big Kahuna of Cricket Straya's vast Coaching Empire.
Which of course begs the age-old question in times of trouble..."What would Justin do?".
Boof is currently updating his memoir...Darren Lehman(with Brian Murgatroyd),Coach,[Penguin/Ebury Australia, Sydney, 2016], 336pp...to tack on some extra chapters detailing where it all went so horribly wrong, and why.
However, word in the publishing industry is that it's unlikely to include a "mea culpa", and instead concentrate on the slow-burn destruction of his career and the trashing of his brand.
More along the lines of "after all my years of service to the great game, I was spat out the back door without so much as a sausage", and his failure to follow Rule No.1 of employment "Never resign! Make the Bastards sack you!"
At last report, Smiffy had gone to ground in New York NY, getting on the work bench with his feeonsay.
There are no cricket nets in the Big Apple to distract him from the task in hand.
Plenty of time there after being rubbed out for 12 months to put a bun in the oven, get wed, and watch the missus drop a bundle before his triumphant return to the XI as a batsman only to do a Nikki Lauda, with the finest work of his illustrious career coming after a near-fatal flame-out.
Dave Burbs Warner is with the accountants to determine whether he will have to let any of his five choice investments in Sydney real estate go in a fire sale and/or trade-in the Lamborghini for a Toyota Corolla in order to fund he and his wife's lavish lifestyle.
According to Candice's Instagram account, Davo's also been doing some part-time brickie's labourers work on his long derelict 900sqm absolute waterfront Maroubra block which he picked for a song at $4M two-and-a-half years ago, while wearing a white safety crash hat with the words Project Manager and Celebrity Apprentice written on it in black texta, as a funny ha-ha-joke.
He's currently at a loose end, so why not?
Burbs always wanted to be a "Bra Boy" and now he can!
While The Great Rick McCosker is sorting the wheat from the chaff in his inquiry into the fall-out from the fiasco, Cricket Straya has also seen fit to appoint one Simon Longstaff, a failed lawyer with a philosophy PhD from Cambridge to head up an Ethics Review of the whole Shooting Match.
Longstaff has been the Large Cheese at the St James Ethics Centre for 27 years, longer even than James Sutherland has been the Boss Cocky at CA.
A couple of old timers there chewing the fat over a schooey of Carlton Draught tossing the wisdom of the Ancient Seers in the air like confetti, to see where the tea leaves fall.
But really, how many probes and inquests do we need into a simple case of ball-tinkering, when all the player's really need to know is what grain of sandpaper will be acceptable to rub on the ripe cherry and get away with it in the future?
And tell me, where does the word "ethics" appear in the new Cake Code of the Laws of Cricket?
Ethics?!
That well known unabashed rogue and cheat and the world's first celebrity cricketer, WG Grace, would be revolving in his grave, absolutely appalled at the idea that ethics would even come into it.
What have the Great Philosophers [who can't even agree on whether we actually exist] got to do with the most ruthless, brutal, and unforgiving game on the face of this earth?
It's got me beat.
And the answer to the question that the General Public have been desperately crying out for remains unanswered...What would Pup do?
