Long kickers,
After enduring the many vagaries of an 18th birthday party at our gaff on Saturday night, there was nothing for it to curl up on the lounge like some kind of fat white grub and wait for The Rules to come on the crystal bucket so one could watch it through half closed eyelids.
Lucky for me, or anyone else in the household for that matter, there were no moments of any notable excitement throughout the game to disturb my fallen over relaxation, as the Swans were just intent on getting the lead with a five goal first quarter and then playing ugly through to the final siren.
Time for a lazy Sunday afternoon slumber.
No more evinced by the fact that Sydney failed to score a single goal in the Championship Quarter - not that they were really trying very hard to in any case - and still won the match by 30 points!
And the fans love it.
They'll keep coming back week after week to see that.
Not.
It was one of those games where the scorers when asked to nominate "best" for the scorebox in the fishwraps for the next day would have had trouble picking anyone out, as it was a match where most players were satistfied with doing a bit here and there; Goodesy took a couple of good marks, kicked a few goals, Malceski and Kennelly, along with The Ugliest Man in Football did a good job shutting down the Norths forwards, while Jack, Hanneberry, and Mumsy et al all did a bit here and there up front, but it was anyone's guess as to who was best on ground.
Perhaps the bloke who never gets a mention on the scoresheet, Mike Pyke, who did a sterling job with the hit outs in the ruck, given that he has been hypnotised by the trick cyclists on the coaching staff into thinking that he is still in the line out.
As if they got to third gear, eased off the throttle, and then pushed the button marked "auto pilot".
It was all so cynical that SC Roos appeared to spend most of the last quarter picking his nose; he was that interested in what was going on.
If SC Sheeds can promise some razzle-dazzle football with Israel leading the way in the years to come, he'll get a lot of converts on board the western bandwagon, given that sort of display at the SCG.
In that case, the Swans would be forced to artifically inflate their turnstiles figures even further.
A seasoned observer at the ground sent me a telegraph message soon after the off saying "they'd be very lucky if they've got even close to 20 in".
Needless to say, he was simply astonished when they posted the official crowd.
Go figure.
SYDNEY: 5.4, 8.6, 8.9, 12.13 (85). Goals: Goodes 3, Shaw 2, McGlynn, Jack, Bevan, Mumford, Kirk, Dennis-Lane, Malceski.
NORTH MELBOURNE: 2.3, 4.7, 5.9, 7.13 (55). Goals: Campbell 2, Goldstein 2, Thomas, Bastinac, Adams.
At Sydney Cricket Ground.
Crowd: 23,856 (? ed).
In his spare time, Benji Marshall has been making a study of The Art & Science of The Field Goal, and has obviously come to the conclusion that he concurs with the basic tenet of "get one when you don't need one, because when you need one you might not be able to get one".
And what an absolute corker it was too, from a bloke who has all but given up kicking in general play.
On the toe just inside the half way mark, cannons high, wide and handsome - a veritable rainmaker - bends back slightly on the breeze and literally falls from a great height clean onto the top of the black dot, and then tumbles off on the correct side of the cross bar for one point.
Magnificent.
You could practice that kick from here to breakfast, and never nail it.
Right up there with a hole-in-one.
SC Sheens was moved to comment on interview after the game "i thought to myself 'what the hell is he trying to do here?', then i found myself saying to myself 'you bewdy!'...maybe the football gods did smile on us."
Also very pleasing to see a good ol' fashioned stink in the scrum, with The Best Leb in The Game prominent.
That well known idiot N.Friend had been giving Farah the silly un-called-for niggle all game.
The clip across the chops here, the elbow in the ribs here, a squirrle grip there, that sort of thing.
In the end, Farah had just had enough - you can only take so much gratuituous violence for so long - and when Friend tried to head butt him across the front row, that was the cue for a couple of short, sharp upper cuts from Farah in the scrum.
The packs exploded of course, and it was on for young and old, just like in the olden days.
While Friend did not aquit himself very well in the ensuing melee as he was somwhat dazed by the well placed punches, both escaped penalty which was only right and proper for mine, but the Bamford saw fit to send that well known fool M.Minichiello to the bin for carrying like some kind of bush turkey on heat in a business which was none of his business.
Now that's what the fans come to see.
Penalty leads to Balmain try with Titans down to 12 men, and a match winning 15-8 lead.
Defence again the key to a not too complex puzzle, and the longer the season goes on, the dourer doth the game become, as teams simply try to protect their ladder positions while trying not to get bashed up too much and keep their key men fit and out of harm's way.
Simply no need to excell to excess at this stage in proceedings.
The Club Secretary would have had the abacus out on the desk this week totting up the numbers, working out the probability, crunching the multiples and computing the edges of the margins in order to get his punts on; on a top three finish.
With three games yet to come at Leichhardt, and with five opponents in the current bottom eight in the last eight matches, he'd be shovelling the Disabled Players Benevolent Trust Fund cash into the bookmakers bag on the Tigers being somewhere in the JJ Giltinan Shield trifecta at any old odds.
WESTS TIGERS 15. Tries: Brown, Ayshford. Goals: Marshall (3). Field Goals: Marshall (1).
GOLD COAST TITANS 14. Tries: Rogers, Gordon. Goals: Rogers (3).
At Campbelltown Sports Ground.
Crowd: 14,050.
