Grandstanders,
It was only fitting, right and proper that a fully noood male streaker should appear on the ground with two minutes left in The Great Benji Marshall's 300th game of first-grade rugby league. It was like some kind of bizarre allegory of Benji as old man re-enacting his first appearances as a wild young man breaking free, letting it all hang out - the jink, the step, the weave...outfoxing his opponents at every turn...and then the soaring acrobatic leap through the air and clean across a veritable brick wall of defenders before crashing to the ground with a triumphant thud, deftly planting the ball in the in-goal, underneath the black dot for TRRRYYY! Sadly, the pudgy streaking basketcase who was rudely ejected from the ground clad only in a hi-viz vest half wrapped around his waist with his prodigious flabby arse still in clear view, was bought down in a crashing gang wedge tackle by some 6'9" Tongan security guards before he could reach and embrace his hero.
So, just where do you start on Benji's glittering career? How to do justice to it? The Stats Guru is having a field day with the numbers. Only four other players who have pulled on the Black & Gold at some stage or another in the 111 year history of the club have played more games. 89 tries, 402 goals, and 15 field goals speaks for itself. And usually you would not give a Kiwi an even break, but Benj has also played 28 test matches for New Zealand [only recently re-called after a seven year absence]. It was a shame the team contrived to lose in his 300th, but true to form, the dead set Superstar put on the final passes after orchestrating the set-plays for two tries, and came within inches of scoring himself. In the end, Benj was given an impromptu haka and chaired off. Enough said.
Call me a one-eyed Balmain tragic if you like, but It's not too far of a stretch to call Marshall the finest five-eighth of his generation, possessing a gifted talent, all the skills and then some, a football brain the size of a watermelon, and he's always been a superlative master in broken play - don't care what anyone says, running rugby league remains the finest sight in world sport. He had Class written all over him when he debuted in Match 1 back in the olden days of 2003 as an 18 year old, became famous as "The Entertainer" and "The Magician", and he certainly played that role beautifully in the Miracle Year 2005 towards that famous Grand Final victory against all odds. And he's as passionate about the game as he was 16 seasons ago. Too much old growth forest has been felled to tell the tawdry story of how Benj was forced out of the club in a stoopid disagreement over money that should have easily been resolved, then played 67 games in the Wilderness, before making a triumphant return to Leichhardt in 2018. He still wants another Premiership after all these years, but at age 34, he replied honestly on interview after the game on whether he would play on next year: "Dunno. Suppose they will want to talk to me about that soon." It matters little - been saying in these pages for yonks - the Great Man was admitted to the Balmain Pantheon of all-time out-and-out Legends a long long time ago, and can rest on his substantial wreath of laurels whenever he damn likes.
The memory remains vivid of when Benj was at the peak of his powers in 2011, finding myself in the latrines under the N.C. [Latchem] Robinson Stand at the Spiritual Home, Leichhardt Oval, straining the potatoes at half-time. Zipped the trousers and almost tripped over a Balmain supporter spreadeagled on the tiles, twitching, while on my way out. No-one was rushing to his aid, they were giving him a wide berth berth, so presuming the poor codger had just over-indulged somewhat, moved on. Soon enough, a bloke dressed in ancient beer-stained Tigers merch with wild hair and a half-crazed look in his eyes stumbled out of the dunnies and scabbed a smoke off me. [Attempting to make polite conversation] - "Did you see that bloke on the floor in there? Doesn't look in great shape, does he? [laughing]". The Wildman replied, "Nah, I just decked him". "What?! Whaddaya mean you just decked him? Why'd you punch him out, he's a Tigers fan?!" "Yeah, yeah, but he was telling everyone at the pisser that Marshall was having a bad game and could do much better in the second half, and no-one bags my Benji like that and gets away with it, so I decked him." Chugged my gasper as quickly as possible, and moved on. Astonished. Never mind back then when every kid on the block wanted to be Benj, that was the sort of true devotion the man inspires.
WESTS TIGERS 18. Tries: Nofoaluma (2), Thompson, Jennings. Goals: Mbye (1).
PARRAMATTA EELS 30. Tries: Takairangi (3), Ferguson. Goals: Moses (7).
At Western Sydney Stadium, Parramatta.
Crowd: 24,125.
And so, it's come to this.
Season over. Plan B, if there was one, never worked. This comes as a considerable shock to the Swans' rusted-on - just pride to play for and it's only July? No chance of going deep into September for the first time in a decade? Well, the Stats Guru - being the eternal optimist - reckons the "mathematical chance" remains. In the highly unlikely event that they win all their last six games, they'd finished the season at 12/10, which might be just enough, just, to scrape into the Top 8. However, after the embarrassing inability to beat - let alone flog senseless - the hapless second-last Carlton at HQ, the Red and the White know, deep within their heart of hearts, that they'll be had like kippers for breakfast by any genuine Premiership contender.
As the wheels fall off and teams drop out of contention like birds from trees in a heatwave, it's that "Coach Sacking Season" time of year again. Under normal circumstances, that would put Super Coach Horse under the proverbial cloud. Of course, Longmire unpragmatically calls Sydney home these days, and has knocked back a "big money offer" to nudge out his protégé Rick Shaw and take over the reins at North Melbourne. It's a decision he may yet come to regret. You can only go out to lunch on yr reputation for so long. What happens if the Swans board puts all sentiment and track record aside in the ruthless race for the top, and decides that SC Horse is all washed up at the end of another unsuccessful season in 2020, pulls the rug out from under his contract extension to 2023, and unceremoniously pushes him out the back door without so much as sausage? With quite a few old blokes due for retirement, and a mob of 18 year olds running around, the Swans won't be competitive again until 2022 at a minimum, so someone has to be thinking a breath of fresh air might be a good idea, surely? Just saying.
Never mind the future, back to the present. After the lamentable performance against Carlton in a bitterly cold, howling westerly gale that made goal scoring a lottery, My Spy at The Ground pushed through a melancholy two word message on the Bush Telegraph that neatly summed up Sydney's most recent escapades: "Swans unwatchable". Enough said.
SYDNEY: 2.5, 3.10, 5.12, 8.14 (62). Goals: Parker, Dawson, Jack, Rowbottom, Papley, Heeney, Reid, Lloyd.
CARLTON: 2.5, 5.8, 6.13, 9.15 (69). Goals: Casboult 2, Walsh, Fisher, Gibbons, Lang, Murphy, Silvagni, McKay.
At Sydney Cricket Ground.
Crowd: 32,570.
