Thrillseekers,
Joisus!
The Mighty Tiges are the quintessential coach killers, aren't they?
Fancy bombing no less than four - that's right, four - dead-set certain tries in the first ten minutes of the match, and then gifting a hapless opposition who have been all at sea for the best part of a month, two tries before half time off the back of really stupid penalties that not even a team representing the Spastic Centre would dream about giving away.
Surely, SC Sheens, at his age, would have been down at Centrelink on Monday morning looking for rent assistance to hire purchase his new toupe.
That said, Balmain do show that there is still some room for spectacularly speculative football in an age of conformity and political correctness, as a good mate put it, "at least some crazy ideas are allowed to get out of the box".
It's a view of things that's also widely admired in the Front Bar down at The Local, where the Philosopher, when you can get a word out of him as he ponders his form guide and brandy&dry, thinks Balmain are by far and away the best team in the caper to watch in aesthetic terms, despite, or perhaps because of, their unorthodox methods and willingness to chance the arm, have a stab at an unsual idea, try out a freak set play just for the sheer sake of it, which, he suspects is all the work of SC Sheens as the gears in his brain crunch and mesh to determine the probability of risk versus reward.
The Philospher reckons all this pulling out of tufts of hair is just show on the coach's part.
The Penrith coach knows what going on, as he admitted on interview after the game, "I was just out-coached in the end. It's as simple as that".
No kidding, Matt?
There's no doubt the Tigers pack has been on fire in recent weeks, with the props and the second row hammering the advantage line in the traditional softening up period and handing out plenty of "don't argues" and "how's your father's" on the way through, to the point where Todd "The Refrigerator" Peyton, Bludnut Galloway, and Man Mountain Heighington are tuckered out after the first 20 minutes, and pretty much buggered by half time...but not to worry...the Charging Fifita and the Great "Ol' Man River" Skando are there on the bench to take up the slack in the second half.
Not to mention That Pom Ellis, who can go all day, is playing out of skin, and is tougher by half than any other forward going around in the comp.
His two four-pointers this game were by far and away the most outstanding forward's busting barreling barnstorming tries scored by anyone in any team this season, leaving no end of defenders upended in his wake.
On that platform, it was only a matter of time until the backs opened the flood gates..
The Best Leb in The Game has been working assiduously all year on being the premier dummy half in the caper.
And that's not counting his uncanny ability to pot the field goal when no one is looking, or expecting it; least of all his own team.
Farah is working on the SC Sheens theory that "it's always good to get a field goal when you can get one one account of you can't always get one when you need one".
And the one he scored here was a classic example; kicked off a threep'ny bit and sailing sweetly over the black dot to surprise even the touch judges.
Little wonder then that Balmain are the leading exponents of the field goal this season.
Something that could come very much in handy in close encounters in September.
Can't remember which coach it was who said mid-week that "even a third grader can work out the Premiership ladder", so the Club Secretary would have noted that Balmain are now a single point on for&against difference out of second place on the table, two wins from the top.
The critical importance and the true horror of those two completely inexplicable losses to Souths has only just dawned on the Sec and the denizens of the Back Office.
Still, the beancounters would be rubbing their hands in glee as the dollar coins spilled out of the turnstiles with the best crowd of the year at the No.3 home ground.
South Western Sydney does like a winner.
A quick whiz of the beads on the abacus reveals the minor premiership is still not mathematically out of the question, however slim and problematical the prospect, with the tight, tough and testing run home of Parramatta [a], Farkin' Cheatin' Melbun [h] and Titans [a] to come.
On interview after the match, TP Ellis was talking up the prospect of a Miracle Year 05 repeat, Cap'n'Farah was visibly relieved at just being guaranteed a top eight spot for the first time since 05, while SC Sheens had no opinion on the question and nothing to offer on the subject.
As he would.
WESTS TIGERS 43. Tries: Ellis (2), Fifita (2), Farah, Lawrence, Lui. Goals: Marshall (7). Field Goals: Farah (1).
PENRITH PANTHERS 18. Tries: Gordon, Jennings, Pritchard. Goals: Gordon (3).
At Campbelltown Sports Ground.
Crowd: 17, 208.
Found myself forced to reach for a fistful of heart pills and a schooner of Drambuie at three quarter time.
This game in particular, and this team in particular, are not for the faint-hearted or those of a nervous disposition.
You just have to look at the margins in the score box.
3 points, 3 points, 3 points, 9 points.
Never mind the 10 lead changes.
After settling down on the final siren, told myself that it didn't need over-analysing, because in the final paralysis, the only really concrete thing to come out of it was confirmation of just how evenly matched the bottom four in the top eight are, and how they will be unmercilessly spanked and then eaten alive by the top four, who are a class apart, very early on during the pointy end of the season.
SC Roos spent the last few minutes of the game with his head in his hands as he couldn't bare to watch it.
Who could?
Came as no surprise that, after a 30+ possession career-high game, the Swans formally acknowledged mid-week that the Young Hannebery Kiddie had served his apprenticeship and stitched him up to a three-year senior contract on a fair-to-above average wage with performance bonuses thrown in.
No longer does he have to play for a ham sandwich and a longneck on match day; quite right too, with the Gold Coast recruiting squad circling like great whites with very deep pockets.
He's been identified and tagged as a Ten Year Man for Sydney, thank you very much.
Nice to see that Fremantle continues to play the game squeaky clean; just as "In Like" McGlynn looked like he was about to blow the whole shooting match wide open, he was wiped out by some screaming banshee masquerading as a Painter & Docker, who managed to bust up ILMcG's cheekbone, and then suffered no retribution at the tribunal whatsoever himself, while his victim is out for the season.
How does that work?
Cap'n'Kirk looked like the Cheshire Cat throughout, as if he was grinning at himself while saying to no one in particular "I'm thanking the Good Lord Buddha that this is the last time I have to ever come to Subi".
Suppose it'll be the same during this weekend's swansong at SCG.
The Club pensioned off SC Roos quite nicely this week; a touching finesse just before his last appearance at headquarters, by appointing him head coach of something called the Swans Academy, which by all accounts is some kind of wonderful new machine that's been designed to groom potential Australian Rules players from the moment they turn nine years old!
Junior park footy is just the thing to keep St Paul off the streets, and give him something to do in retirement.
The best Sydney can hope for now is for Coach'n'Horses to take over, make a play for sixth place on the ladder and a home final, weasel their way through to the second week of September, and then face up to the facts.
FREMANTLE: 3.2, 5.6, 10.6, 13.9 (87). Goals: Walters 2, Bradley 2, Hasleby, Johnson, de Boer, McPhee, Morabito, Hasleby, Broughton, Schammer, Suban
SYDNEY: 2.5, 5.8, 9.9, 14.12 (96). Goals: McGlynn 3, Dennis-Lane 2, Mumford, Moore, Bevan, Jack, Pike, Mattner, Jetta, White, O'Keefe.
At Subiaco Oval.
Crowd: 34,087.
