My Fellow Aghastee's,
Please excuse my apoplexy, but.
The Bullies didn't win the Grand Final.
The Swannies didn't lose the Grand Final.
Sydney were robbed.
Plain and simple.
Robbed blind by the Umpires.
Highway Robbery, in fact.
Something the national folk hero, Our Ned Kelly, would have been very proud of.
Now, if you think this is all starting to sound like a bit of sour grapes, then you are dead-set right.
And the flavour is tart.
Makes your lips curl into the shape of a cat's arse.
My Spy at The Ground was onto it early, as we all were, and pushed through a message on the Bush Telegraph machine at half-time saying "Bamfords give 12 free kicks + 2 x 50m penalties to Scraggers. Swans? 4."
Sydernee were lucky to still be in it at the main break.
The Stats Guru was quick on the phone post-match - you could hear the sound of the abacus whirring in the background building the prosecution case - saying the total free kick count went 20-8 in favour of Footscray.
And the Swans were worried they were the cleanest team in the comp.
That was just the plain stats, never mind the no free kick and no report for trying to break the Hannebery Kiddie's legs; K.Jack being thieved of a free at a critical moment in the last quarter, etc etc etc - the list goes.
Never knew that Bulldogs had been put on the protected species list.
And most of Footscray's 13 goals, apart from the outright gifts from the officials, came as a direct result of the passages of play from free kicks.
Everyone knows, in a game where kicks are hard to come by, every free one counts.
Admittedly the Bulldogs coach "Beery" Bevo was very clever, as he knew the only way to get their way through the Swans defence was to knock the ball to ground inside their forward 20m, and then pick it up quick smart, and snap it over your head in hope; and in the miracle of miracles, they all went through the big sticks
Must have been practicing that set-pay all week prior.
The Bulldogs didn't kick more goals than behinds for nothing, and they knew it takes more than ten maximums to win a Grand Final.
The Stats Guru also said something about the Swans being awarded no free kicks at all in the entire second and third quarters - none, zip, zero.
Also worked out that against the five interstate teams the Bulldogs played in Melbourne in this year's regular season, they got a free kick count in their favour to the tune of 111-70.
Even Blind Freddy could see the fairytale ending was not achieved honestly.
The most shameful display of downright biased Melbourne umpiring seen in living memory.
The Fraud Squad would have been through the Bamford's rooms looking for potato sacks jammed full of fat bundles of pineapples, if they hadn't been paid off.
It all smacks of an elaborate joint criminal enterprise, for mine.
My lawyer agrees.
And didn't they nick Our Ned on that charge [oh, and murdering a few cops as well, just by and by]?
And we all know what happened to Mr Kelly...hung by the neck, until dead.
The same fate awaits the umpires.
When the revolution comes.
After such a stellar season and winning the Minor Premiership, only to be shockingly shaken down by corrupt officialdom at the final hurdle, is insanely insufferable.
On interview after the game, asked about the standard of the umpiring, Super Coach Horse sensibly said he "hadn't seen the video" and would consider it in the "the cool light of day" [rather than go ballistic which he was perfectly entitled to do], and left it at that.
But, you can just imagine Horse fronting up to AFL HQ on Tuesday morning and asking ever so politely to see the Boss Cocky of The Bamfords.
When he was shown up to The Grand Poohbah of Umpiring's office, Mr Longmire would have gone utterly berserk; chuckin' chairs, overturning tables, smashing computer terminals, video machines; umpiring memoriabilia of all kinds flying hither and thither, leaving the place looking like a mad woman's breakfast after he'd finished with it.
That John Longmire, when he's in the mood -- Christ! can he break things.
However, when it's all said and done, you have to graciously but grudgingly allow that Footscray was probably the better team on the day.
Shame.
The Swans were carrying far too many passengers who were barely sighted all day, and Buddy got his kicking boot stepped on by a team-mate early.
Of all games for it to happen in.
Excuses, excuses.
But to add insult to injury, JP Kennedy had the Norm Smith Medal scandalously stolen from him by just two votes.
He was shattered.
We were gutted.
How can you possibly win, when you are playing against a pretty good young football team for the Premiership, and the umpires as well?
The odds are simply impossible.
Could go on, but won't.
The Stats Guru also had a cursory look for chinks in Sydney's amour in the season just gone - and found the most most telling of them to be the fact that of the five games Sydney lost in the regular season and the two they lost in the finals series - the Swans went 0-7 after trailing at three-quarter time.
Which suggests Sydney are first-class front runners in defending leads, but can't play catch-up football when it really counts.
A problem.
It's plain the Swans roster needs a good off-season shake-up if they are to stay competitive in the Brave New World, which starts next year, with the GWS Pygmies having "stolen all of Collingwood's money" well on their way - just as an example of the future.
Sydney are well supplied with juniors, but with retirements and de-listings to come, they need to pick well again in the draft, use their smarts to buy in the free agents market, and do a few shady swifty's on other clubs and pinch some of their really good players.
They have form in that regard,
Otherwise, SC Horse will stay as Mad As Hell for the next five months.
And that aint a pretty sight.
But, in the end, all things being equal, it will be - trust me on this one - it will be onward to victory in '17.
Us loyal, time-honoured, die-hards will go through all the joy and suffering, all the pleasure and pain, yet again, just to put that damnable thing - The Flag - in the dilly-bag.
You know it makes sense.
SYDNEY SWANS: 1.2, 7.3, 8.5, 10.7 (67). Goals: Kennedy 3, Mitchell 2, Parker, N. Smith, Rohan, Franklin, Hewett.
WESTERN BULLDOGS: 2.0, 7.1, 9.7, 13.11 (89). Goals: T. Boyd 3, Dickson 3, Picken 3, Cordy, McLean, C. Smith, Stringer.
At Melbourne Cricket Ground.
Crowd: 99,981.
Norm Smith Medalist: J.Johannisen [WB].
