Time wasters,
What a crappy little Test match in Adelaide to start off the summer - a dead-as-a-doornail drop in pitch, shocking over rates, extremely poor run-rates, and the standard of umpiring was simply appalling. Any other complaints or excuses? OK, it was tough on the first two days. 38+ degrees? Meh. Good beer drinking weather to be sure, but try playing for five days in Madras. Just ask Deano, he'll tell you. At least it went the full five days, unlike recent Pink Stink's in Adelaide, that were lucky to make three.
The new owners of the game - Channel Seven - were desperately trying to stave off the boredom and slumping ratings with the commentaors constantly saying "isn't this great...a return to the much loved good old days of Test cricket".
My arse. Wot? Go back to the days of say, Geoffrey Boycott and chums, who were about as exciting to watch as the grass growing around their feet. People forget that back in the days of eight-ball overs, the over-rates were very good, and the run-rate was quick. The Donald [as in Bradman], for instance, never ever "ground out" an innings in his life. Never mind the alleged artistry of his stroke-play, Bradman was so popular simply because he scored his runs so quickly [and rarely got out], compared to the average Joe Blow.
The Stats Guru was quick to point out that the unsung hero for India was R Ashwin, who bowled an astonishing 86.5 overs for the match, took six wickets, but most importantly, conceded well under two runs an over. Tied them up in knots, he did, which wasn't that hard on that deck. In the view of the man with the abacus, he should have been man-of-the-match...Mr Poojah's 246 ball century didn't cut the mustard in the grand scheme of things.
In the entire match, the run-rate never came even close to three runs an over in any of the four innings. The punching power of Burbs and Smiffy are long gone, and India are more than happy to go into the trenches and battle out a game of attrition. Straya's problem is they fell into the trap of playing the game the way the opposition wanted them to play. At no stage did they even remotely look like taking control of proceedings. Constantly on the back foot, so to speak, with an inexperienced Captain, who at various crucial points in the field, looked fairly clueless.
In the final paralysis, the 15 run first innings led was priceless, as is a 1-0 lead in a four match series. Straya now have to win a minimum of two of the next three games to reclaim the much esteemed Border-Gavaskar Trophy, which one random punter of sub-continental extraction tried to explain to a TV camera outside the ground "is much bigger than the Ashes these days, you know". Gawd...if England were playing, Adelaide Oval would have been as full as a boot on, they would have been hanging from the fig trees for all five days, rather than less than half full.
That useless Pommy Bamford NJ Llong had an absolute shocker - got no idea how many of his decisions were overturned by DRS - but these days Umpires, it seems, couldn't care less. In this day and age of hyper-surveillance, if they get it wrong, it will always be righted by God Television. The fundamental age-old concept of "The Man in White is Always Right" has now been totally undermined, even though they forget that the camera always lies. And as one of my Spies at The Ground astutely observed, the Bamfords have completely given up on looking at the bowler's footfall - stacks of no-balls were bowled, and went undetected. Now that's cheating, plain and simple. Again, the Stats Guru backed this up...of the 66 sundries entered in the scorebook, only five were no-balls. Five in five days. And they must have over-stepped by a country mile.
In this new age of Straya playing all gentlemanly-like, y'know, not too soft, not too hard, there was still plenty of chit-chat, and of course that Viral Rat Kohli just cannot help himself, once again proving to be beyond doubt the worst kind of serial pest. The freak should have been fined at least 25% of his match fee, for mine, just for being goose.
Kohli's gobful of a send-off for Finch when he was cleaned up by Sharma on the second day was an utter disgrace. Strayan coach Alfie Langer was quoted as saying his charges would've been called “the worst blokes” if they indulged in that kind of nonsense. Don't you hate it when there's one rule for some, and another for others? What a sqwarking dickhead, who did nothing with the bat, Kohli was constantly chirping away at Paine and getting in his face when he was at the crease, and the Indian skipper instructed Pant to get right up our Token Muzzie's nose from behind the wicket, reportedly saying to Uzzie "Not everyone is Pujara out here, mate." That's a very cheap shot, if ever there was one. Lucky that kind of stuff rolls off Khawaja's back...he's heard it all before.
So, what would Pup do?
At least Straya proved that they are competitive [the losing margin was about right], if timid. Nothing wrong with the bowling attack, they are much better than India in Strayan conditions, but Lord Crikey the batting is a worry. You might as well set fire to 1-6 in the batting order and start again. But of course that'd be the last thing the Chairman of Selectors and the Three Wise men will do. All they'll most likely do is drop the HandyComb and reinstate the Vice-Captain so Marsh Jnr and Marsh Jnr Jnr can play in front of their home crowd at a brand spanking new stadium. Haven't gone through the arduous task of checking all the latest Sheffield Shield scores - but on the word of others who have - no-one is crying out "pick me! pick me!"
Sheesh...the way it's going, it's gonna be a long and lazy summer, with plenty of chances to take a nap between lunch and tea.
