Misérables,
You can imagine my dismay on being told that the weekend footy had been officially designated the Umpires' Appreciation Round. Now, you can understand the Indigenous Round, the Women's Round, the Multi-Cultural Round - there's even a "Magic Round" in the league this weekend - but an Umpires' Appreciation Round? What have the Bamford's ever done?
Taught my children from an early age the basic tenets of the art of barracking at the football: always be the boosterist for your team; go berserk when they kick goals, get delirious when one of yours pulls down a screamer; never unnecessarily bag your own players; urge forward your under-performing ones on to Victory and wherever possible pick on an opposition player for even the slightest of pretexts and try to put him off his game with a few well chosen words all day, but as for the Umpires? Well, they're fair game. It's open slather, anything goes - freestyle, no holds barred, gloves off, the further below the belt the better. Calling into question the Umpires' marital status of their parents at birth is de rigour. They don't mind. They know they're professional bastards. Warn them not to come the raw prawn with you. Recommend an optometrist, or accuse them of being illiterate or lazy or both for their inability to consult, or even read, the Rule Book. The Bamfords neither want nor need to be appreciated. You know that the best Umpire's are the ones you never really notice, unlike Ray "Fucking" Chamberlain whose sole purpose in life seems to be drawing attention to himself. Every decision they make against you must be challenged and should be howled down, and when they rule in yr favor they get grudging respect, at best, along the lines of "about time!".
The Swans are in more trouble than the early settlers. If you thought going winless for the first six games of the season back in '17 was bad, then being 1-6 with almost a third of this season gorn is well beyond Sydney's reputation for having "a slow start". Everybody's saying they've lost their mojo or aren't drinking enough pickle juice. Never mind how lop-sided the team is viz-a-viz youth & experience, and the ordinary journeymen they've bought to fill the gaps, it is possible to fool old and young at the same time. Other sides have found them out, have been quicker to adapt to the new rules, and run them around in circles. Injury doesn't help. The backs are shot. No Buddy = No Cigar. While it's good to see the Goal Kicker from North Adelaide in the Hayward Kiddie back from a busted jaw, Richie Cunningham then goes and does himself a mischief and will be missed. The oddest buy of the off season, that injury-prone crock from Central's Daniel Menzel, is yet to play a game and will probably miss half the season. On his last legs. Sums up the situation perfectly.
Brisbane hadn't beaten Sydney at the 'Gabba in a decade, so there was definitely some kind of hoo-doo going down there, but the The Stats Guru struggled to find the last time the Swans had been on the bottom of the ladder, stone motherless last on the table. He did determine that they haven't finished last for 25 years [1994], and the following year they bought Plugger to solve all their woes. SC Horse has been at the helm for 203 matches, just one more game than SC Roos before him, so it'd be an opportune time in the minds of some supporters to pull down the curtain on a glittering career on and off the field. Seems like they're being coached by committee anyway, with so many assistant coaches falling over each other in the box. In the eight Longmire years, the side have won a premiership, made two other grand finals [thrashed in one and robbed blind in the other] and never missed the top eight. The Swans have only dipped out on September three times since the turn of the century. The "Sydney System" never got the credit it deserves.
You'll never read about it in the Melbourne papers, but here in the Emerald City the Swans have been an easy team to follow, they just kept on winning. For the the first time in a decade, tho', the Swans face the prospect of not getting past August after a bitter winter of discontent. But, It's a funny game. How good would it have been to have had some tasty cash splashed on the Swans to make the finals at 0-6 at couple of years back at mouth watering odds? Miracles do, and can happen, just not very often.
BRISBANE: 5.6 7.8 11.15 14.19 (103). Goals: McStay 2, Cameron 2, Hipwood 2, McCluggage 2, Rich, Cutler, Berry, Rayner, Robinson, Zorko.
SYDNEY : 1.2 7.6 10.6 12.9 (81). Goals: Papley 4, Hayward 2, Dawson, Heeney, McCartin, Florent, Kennedy, Lloyd.
At Brisbane Cricket Ground, Woolongabba.
Crowd: 20,075.
It was most unfortunate for Balmain to come across Eastern Suburbs' Latrell Mitchell when he's in the mood to put on a clinic. The man is a freak. Much to the Tiges chagrin, everything Mr Latrine touched turned to gold. Three tries, and a hand in virtually everything else and a stack of goals to score a stoopid number of points single handedly. And it's the Tiges turn to bump into a bloke at the peak of his powers, and stand there and just watch him put on "one for the Ages", "a majestic masterclass". Super Coach Maquire can take a leaf out of SC Sheens book, and scratch his mark in the right column marked "we'll take our wins" and "we'll learn from our losses" in the Coach's Ledger kept in the Club Secretary's office. You can't coach against that sort of stuff. In a straight forward game, it's that simple Just ask Esan Marsters who was made to look 2nd rate with Mitchell just brushing him off like a fly on numerous occasions.
It's bruising stuff. After the State Election, their home ground - the Sydney Football Stadium - is now in a state of having the wrecking ball put through it, so the Roosters have to play some of their home games at the SCG, which is really an old AFL paddock with a concrete-like Bulli clay centre-square to play rugby league on. Never mind another blowout scoreline, that must hurt.
As it is at 4-4 after eight rounds, its same same only different. The Tiges marvellous inconsistency's got it all so far - upsets, blow-outs, floggings, close ones, cricket scores, beaten in extra time etc etc et al.
It's too early to call, but lets face it, the really good sides won't have much trouble running over the Tiges this year, and if they do by chance happen to make September they'll be had like kippers on toast for breakfast. So, the die-hards could be shaking their heads, staring down the barrel of the 8th season in a row of Balmain not appearing in the finals, after yet another long bitter winter of discontent. That's a long time between drinks. They've always been a hard team to follow.
As they say in the classics..."they'll need a miracle".
SYDNEY ROOSTERS 42. Tries: Mitchell (3), Tupou, Keary, Butcher, Cordner. Goals: Mitchell (6).
WESTS TIGERS 12. Tries: Matterson, Farah. Goals: Marsters (2).
At Sydney Cricket Ground.
Crowd: 13,666.
