Fellow Flabbergastee's,
There's been a small forest felled to provide the newsprint for the goings on in the Australian cricket team of late, so there's no need for me to add to it.
It seemed fairly clear cut.
Skipper makes a few simple team rules, some choose to flaunt the rules; ok, fair enough, rules are made to be broken, but after the Horror of Hyderabad, in any sort of workplace, you'd expect to be asked to explain yourself viz a viz why you farked up so badly.
And in the modern workplace, almost everyone is subject to performance review from time to time, especially if your performance is patently manifestly not up to scratch.
Three of the four copped it on the chin for the final infraction of the rules - mea culpa - to try to avoid being told that they are now no longer popular with the selectors.
The other one, SR Watson, accepts no such fate.
What abysmal behaviour by FIGJAM - surely any lingering respect that there might have been at-large for the little turd has now been competely wiped away by such an appalling performance.
Fancy hopping on the next flight out after being told you won't be considered for the third test, without even telling your Captain that you are quitting the tour [never mind the impending birth of the first child - a very handy coincidental sideshow]?
Such a dismal course of events would have normally prompted a sharp rebuke by the cricket heirachy at the very least, but strangely, not in this case.
The prick could clearly see that he had got off Scott free, and so the minute he landed at KSA, he started bagging team management and anyone else he could think of, from here to breakfast.
Under normal circumstances, that would be viewed by the authorities as disloyalty of the highest order; but no.
And yet, even after all that, much to the general public's disgust, FIGJAM gets back on the plane to Delhi - by all reports at the behest of Pup - who for some unknown reason appears to want to smoke the peace pipe with the puffed-up jester, even when he is under absolutely no obligation to do so.
Inexplicable.
What on earth happened to "the line in the sand", drawn just a week ago?
To make matters infinitely worse, MJ Clarke contines to struggle badly with his chronic dose of Shaggers Back, and at 0-3 down and the series long lost, you would have thought he'd be reluctant to risk himself further by playing in the deadest of dead rubbers, given that a five test tour of Engerland looms large.
So, if he doesn't play, does FIGJAM become the 44th Strayan Test Captain, straight after putting on an entirely uncalled for, unacceptable, unforgiveable, simply unbelievable hissy fit?
Lord help us.
Perish the thought.
Even the possibilty affronts everything about it.
Surely, if MJ Clarke is ruled out, even if MS Wade is fit after his basketball accident, BJ Haddin should be named as a batting captain, a la JM Brearley?
Nothing said more clearly that the selectors are clutching at straws when the Chairman Himself said in public mid-week that he'd wholeheartedly welcome back Mr Cricket, if he decided to come out of retirement.
This, of a bloke, who very cleary said on retirement that he never ever wants to go to India again.
What the?
The only lure for MEK Hussey to return for a one-off arms-length appearance would be the promise of being named Straya's 44th Test Captain, aka JM Brearley.
Stranger things have happened.
Every man for himself, anything goes, appears to be the deplorable state of affairs at the minute.
But, you'd have to worry about the physical and mental health of the 43rd Strayan Captain - he'd have a fair bit on his mind, you'd imagine, as he lays on the work bench with a four and a half foot Indian woman walking up and down on his back.
The look on his face would likely be troubling.
Joisus.
