Canine Fanciers,
Pup, Pup, Pup!
What's shakin'?
What is going on?
Oh my dear Lordy Joisus.
Not the ol' hammy?
Tell me it isn't so, Joe.
How many years ago is it now that MJ Clarke retired from Twenty20 cricket on account of he was never really any good at it and so couldn't be bothered, and handed the short form captaincy to George "Bill" Bailey?
Why, oh why, didn't he retire from the 50/50 game at the same time?
Really, who remembers the great feats in one day cricket?
No one cares about it anymore, if they ever did - there's probably more silent interest in the Sheffield Shield - given it's the nursery for the only game that matters.
Only truly magnificent performances in test cricket can be re-called at will, especially if you happened to be at the ground at the time.
Everyone knows what it means to be your country's Captain, Pup, never mind the purists.
At age 33 and with a lifelong dose of chronic Shaggers Back to add to his woes, it's long overdue that the skipper reserved himself enirely for test cricket.
In truth, he's only got a couple more years at the top, at best, and that's if he's lucky.
Aggravating old injuries won't help.
At least he doesn't have old girlfriends on the lurk anymore.
There's plenty of other things to distract him, such as the likelihood of it all going to merde in Brisbane without him.
You'd want to give yourself the chance of making one more hundred at Lords, wouldn't you?
And Clarkey would want to win the Ashes next year before he wheels his wheelchair into the State Home for Crippled Captains, surely?
First class or nothing from now on, ol' mate.
You know it makes sense.
