Football sides are meant to be made up of 18 players with a few reserves on the bench, right?
So what is wrong with the above photo?
Had the good fortune to be at the annual Strayan Rules Reclink Community Cup grudge match at Henson Park, Marrickville, between the Sailors and Whalers, on a picture-postcard perfect late winter's day in the Emerald City last weekend.
The Musicians had the team called the Sydney Whalers, who took on the shonks in the Media who had the moniker of the Sydney Sailors.
In the five previous editions of the match, the Muso's had never won; outsmarted, outmaneuvered and played like a fiddle by those shifty, shady types in the meejah.
There's always an artistic argument about who gets the most airplay and which band or that gets high rotation etc etc etc.
So, it was on.
A full, properly umpired, 18-a-side serious Strayan Rules football match of four full quarters, mixed-sex with local rules [i.e...the boyo's were not permitted to smash the gals in a tackle, but the ladies could take on a bloke - and there were some big tattooed bruisers among them, who took great delight in tackling and dumping hefty men into the turf - and when the ball was being contested by two players of the same sex, it was anything goes - and the most enormous reserves bench on the face of this earth], for both sides.
It was the second year in a row since happening upon this extraordinary thing, and found myself again supporting The Red and The White Sailors - same colours as the beloved Swans AND, of course, could only show my solidarity with the media team, being a prominent retired disgraced former Sydney radio & TV journo.
A couple of old friends from London were in town and decided to tag along to the ball park, on the promise of a carnival atmosphere.
What they call in the tourist brochure's: "the quintessential Aussie experience for a tenner'.
Five dollars in, and a fiver for an Official Program, with free parking inside the ground for earlybirds and cripples.
["I wouldn't park there if I were you mate, the ball could dent a few panels where you are"].
One of the Poms had never seen a game of Strayan Rules being played before, and appeared to be quite taken with the highly unusual nature of it.
Once you'd gone through the mantra of "and it's six points for a kick through the big sticks and a point for anything between the little sticks" stuff, he eventually made out the rules about half way through, but the difference between "holding the ball" and "dropping the ball" eluded him to the end
"where did this game originate from?"
"oh, there is much debate about that, but it goes well back into the 1800's , and basically it's a game some dude dreamt up to give cricketers something to do in the winter".
"ah, that makes sense now. very clever."
There were about five or six thousand folks in for the match; of all sorts and stripes, from babes in arms to creaking ancient folk, extended families, picnickers, millennials, yuppies, hippies, funny drunkards, old stoners and too many dogs, yes dogs; a couple of loose hounds had to be shooed off the ground at the start of the Champo, after it had been taken over by hundreds of spectators [and dogs] for a big Kick-to-Kick at the long break.
Footies flying everywhere.
There was someone dressed as a jester in the crowd, there was a hula-hoop girl, cheer squads with pom-pom girls for both sides, water boys, ambulance personnel and an army of volunteers, as well as an attractive merch stand, two bars, and typically rudimentary toileting arrangements; old style latrines and things underneath the brick Scorer's Box near the tennis courts.
In a sad indictment of the times, you could not buy a meat pie for love nor money, and yet vegan hot dogs were freely available.
You heard me right - yes, vegan hot dogs, with real American mustard.
Go figure.
But, the carnivores among the carnival goers were well catered for with whopping wood smoked burgers in a brioche bun - straight in, down the gullet, thank you very much.
No idea what was going on in the Mexican food van, but they probably came from Melbourne.
The Bloke from London was most impressed with the lay-out at the "old brickpit" at Henson Park, being an aficionado of historic architecture.
Particularly the original King George V Memorial Grand Stand, built in 1936, the year the King died, after the sports field project was finished after filling in the quarry as a Great Depression work-creation project in 1933.
And he's still there, apart from the odd lick of paint - hasn't changed at all in 80 odd years.
You can still see the brick walls of the old pit up in the north-western corner of an expansive spectator hill, but it's better sitting on the aluminum bleachers in the shadows of the old King's stand as the sun goes down behind your back.
The Whalers got off to a blinder with a five goal first quarter; a blitzkrieg, whip-sawing the Sailors, who struggled to even get the ball to their end of the ground.
The Sailors steadied the ship in the second quarter, but were still a few goals behind at half-time, and with the early ascendancy for the Whalers, things were looking a bit grim for meejah.
The Member for Grayndler, the Hon. Anthony Albanese MHR aka "DJ Albo" played for the Muso's team last year, but a lack of commitment to training this year saw him assume the role of assistant coach of the Whalers.
He was obviously very good at it, brooking no possibility whatsoever other than a glorious victory for working men and women playing musical instruments.
A punter near me on the bleachers was leafing through the Official Program, and, pointing to the team list in disgust, cried out loud.
"How did so-and-so get a game?? He's no bloody musician. He's just a drummer in some band, you know?"
Albo was in good form on the Tannoy, describing the Sailors as the "Evil Murdoch Empire" or just calling them "the Murdochs" for short.
And decrying the fact that the Federal Gumnut had just given FOX hundreds of millions of dollars in free taxpayers money to cover "minority sport", but he did acknowledge that the Tories had also tipped in a fair truckload of cash into the charity [Reclink provides sporting and educational opportunities for disadvantaged yoofs], and he was pleased with that bi-partisan support, which he promised would continue under a Labor Government.
A consummate retail politician is Albo, who lists his main recreation as "beating Tories"; and a jovial bloke to boot, always ready with a smile and a joke, at ease with his popularity among the good burghers of his electorate; the faithful.
The Bloke from London learned that there are still a lot of Pinko's left in the Marrickville area, even after the yuppie scum bought in.
It used to be solid working class; factory workers, Greeks, Italians, Portuguese mainly, living in worker's terrace houses that now go for north of a million smackeroonies, baby.
It wasn't until after the game as we walked out behind a set of goal posts that the Londoner realised what an important & difficult job the goal umpire has to do, give the quite small, but a very tall target - in theory, infinitely tall.
The scoreboard never lies.
At one point the Pom had to be corrected when he yelled out "good catch" when someone took a screamer, being informed that it was more correct to call out "oooaah, whaddascreamer!" or just "onya, great mark there, mate!" would do, if he was playing for your team.
At another point felt myself compelled to yell out in contempt " 'BAALLL!! whaddya reckon'bouthatforajoke - UM-PIIIRE?!!" and the other Pom with us turned to me knowingly with a sunny smile on her face and said "I have absolutely no idea what it was you just said".
Assured her that there would be no point even beginning an explanation, let alone a long discussion on the finer points of barracking.
There was an entirely naked male streaker in the third quarter, clearly drunk as per tradition, no security required here; raised a good laugh - "show us ya donger!" - and there was a fair degree of a hootin' and a hollerin' when a, female - - how do you say this? - "rather shapely" female streaker appeared on the ground in the last quarter - fully nude - except for a picnic rug draped over her shoulders, which she then wrapped herself up in at at the completion of her run across the ground - the match, of course, continued as normal as if nothing was going on.
The Ground Announcer said on the Tannoy "ah, ya gotta love the RecLink Cup, where too much nudity is barely enough!"
Boom Boom!
Happens every year.
Reliably informed that the beer ran out just after three-quarter time after rationing of two cans per person was introduced at half-time, due to the unexpected size of the crowd.
But what did that matter with the historically & creatively named Henson Park Hotel just up there by the back entrance to the ground?
It was a bloody good well contested, well umpired, game of footy too...excellent standard for a social match...some could really play...good talls among the men, a couple of top goal kickers, and there were some first class crumbers and rovers among the women, who generally had better kicks-in-play on them.
The Sailors put up a good fight in the Champo but they could never get ahead with catch-up football and the five goal margin remained at the finish.
Local legend and on-field hard bastard, Freddy Crabbs, of the Whalers was awarded Best on Ground, to much acclaim.
It was noted that Shane "Mummy" Mumford, formerly of the Sydney Swans, now of the Greater Western Sydney Giants, was at at the ground, and found out that both teams had been training together for this for many weeks under the guidance and tutelage of the Great Mummy, who was a towering figure at the Presentation of the Cup, the day after playing for the Pygmies in the AFL game in Canberra.
With about a minute to go, and the result clearly beyond doubt - all of the 80 footy players listed in the Official Program, 40 a side + "emergencies" as well as the coaching staff and hangers-on, cleared the bench, and ran onto the ground - everyone - for an all-in free-for-all: Suburban Strayan Style.
And the crowd went ape-shit.
A happy chaos, mad minute.
SYDNEY WHALERS: 11.6 (72).
SYDNEY SAILORS: 6.3 (33).
At Henson Park, Marrickville.
Crowd: 6,000 [est.]
