Long Sufferer's,
Robbed blind, in the rain, in Gosford, to nil.
Welcome to the long weekend.
Whoever the bright spark was who scheduled a match in Gosford on Maundy Thursday obviously had rocks in his head, what with the home side effectively "away", the opposition on the other side of the Bridge, and the F3 Freeway - the only way to drive there - choked with Easter traffic, makes it just brilliant for the travelling fan.
You'd imagine most of the people in the stands and on the bleachers at Singo Stadium would have been white-bread refugees from Sydney, driven out by the ever more madding crowd and the ridiculous property prices, who are now permanent residents of the Central Coast, who took their allegiances with them.
It was unusually hot for an alleged autumn day, but then the southerly with patchy rain swept in just in time for the game, and the players had trouble with the greasy ball.
But then the Bamfords stepped in and gave the game to the home side on a silver platter.
The Manly try off a blatant forward pass just set the tone, with the other tries all a matter of conjecture, with arms and legs going everywhere over the touchline as the try scorer knocked out the corner post.
What use are touch judges in this day and age, with dodgy TV replays right, left and centre??
And the only time the Tiges went over, the try was disallowed on account of a faint hint of sheparding from the Try Scoring Freak, and ruled as obstruction.
What the?
Have they changed the rules?
The Balmain skipper on interview after the game said he now has trouble reading the rule book on that interpretation, and might as well give up the "second man play" if that's going to be the case.
An utter shocker from the rude bastard referees.
But, in truth, Balmain had only themselves to blame.
It's the first time they have been held to SFA in almost four years.
Oh, dear.
After six consecutive possessions and forcing Manly into their own in-goal five times, they couldn't convert that pressure into any points, and it all went down the toilet from there against a side that could well be described as pretty handy, an early Premiership favourite you would have thought on that defence, even though you have to wonder how they can afford that many representative players under the salary cap rules, let alone pay the umpires.
Nothing to worry about when there's plenty of money in the back office, where the accounts are only kept haphazardly.
Things tend to go more smoothly when you live on the right side of the tracks.
The scoreboard doesn't lie, so that's all the more reason to hate Manly.
The animosity goes back to the 50's and 60's when Manly were well known for poaching their best players - all unprincipled men who were widely disparaged as traitors and mercenaries - from poor working class clubs on the other side of the Harbour, with the lure of a bright future.
They've never been forgiven, even though generations have passed since the Fibro's v Silvertails detestment began and specific incidents of bastardry are now lost in the mists of time, it's got through in the genes.
As if you were born to hate Manly.
Back in the day, the black and orange t-shirt with white lettering "I support Balmain, and anyone playing Manly" was a common sight at Leichhardt Oval.
In 1990, when Steve "Blocker" Roach was sent off for patting the referee on the head in my one, only, and last attendance at Brookvale Oval - with my life only saved by running for a Palm Beach bus - the loathing of Manly fans lodged in my backbone, unable to be removed.
To make matters even worse, the two times the Tigers have played north of the Hawkesbury River in four games this season, they've been flogged, twice.
And they've still got Gold Coast, Brisbane, and North Queensland to come.
Let alone down Mexico way v Melbourne and Auckland.
The only saving grace was to see the Great SC Simmons return from the Dark Satanic Mills of England to be back in the coaches box with Coach Harry.
The Idiot Savant has returned to his old job as the club Welfare Officer/Assistant Coach, where he belongs.
Who knows what they pay him, but the bloke is priceless.
Royce is absolutely inscrutable, and he makes it his business to know about everything that is going on, is a master troubleshooter, and is the reason why the Tigers players are never in the papers.
Keeps a keen eye on his players' social life - they know he has spies everywhere - and they also know he knows a thing or two about rugby league to boot.
Royce doesn't talk much, but when he speaks, people listen, and listen good.
On the bus home from Gosford, the players could only guess what he was thinking.
MANLY-WARRINGAH SEA EAGLES 26. Tries: Williams (2), Cherry-Evans, Matai, Symonds. Goals: Lyon (3)
WESTS TIGERS 0.
At Central Coast Stadium, Gosford.
Crowd: 11,758.
The Premiership Shrine in the corner of the loungeroom next to the Bush Telegraph was dismantled on the morning of the match, no trace now remains, as the Swans transition from reigning Premiers to defending Premiers.
A place of reassuring comfort, and a talking point among visitors, for a 25 week off-season...but now it's gorn to mark the start of the traditional toughening-up period.
Very little to be learnt, and certainly nothing to be gained from the pipe opener, except that a win is a win is a win.
Still, the opening game of the season is always a fairly good time to brush off the cobwebs and shake the dust off the legs.
Beating the Pygmies by five goals in a canter would have been just about the best most anyone hope for.
In the rooms after, the players would have been reaching for the cans of WD40 to spray on the rusty bits, in the hope that they'll come good and work again next week.
Super Coach John "Horse" Longmire would do well to pay attention to getting his team up to match fitness.
It'll probably take a month, with the team clearly short of a run.
Any longer and they could struggle against half-way decent sides.
The Pygs have no doubt improved on last year as the boys they have grow up, acquitted themselves rather well, and could trouble other poor-to-middling sides through the year, but they certainly won't kick five unanswered goals against anyone again this season.
Caught me, and the Swans, having a late afternoon nap after quarter-time.
You could go through the roster, but suffice to say it was very pleasing to see Captain Jack win the Brett Kirk Medal just for playing good.
Mummy and Mr Pyke did some sterling work early - you have to like big blokes throwing their weight around - with the Childe Hannabery, Keefey and Rick Shaw prominent across the middle.
The Ugliest Man In Football stamped his authority on the back line late, but didn't get enough game time for mine.
The Reid Kiddie did nothing all day except take the Mark of the Year [so far]; an absolute screamer.
Tipsy Tippett would be scratching his head.
The third leg is looking good on the Goodes Train.
GREATER WESTERN SYDNEY: 0.4, 5.4, 7.8, 11.10 (76). Goals: Patton 3, Sumner 2, Treloar, Shiel, Smith, Cameron, Giles, Greene.
SYDNEY: 4.5, 9.7,12.9, 16.10 (106). Goals: Jack 3, Goodes 2, McGlynn 2, Bolton 2, Pyke 2, Reid 2, Kennedy, McVeigh, Mumford.
At Olympic Stadium, Homebush.
Crowd: 23,690.
