Ten reasons to dislike Shane Watson

Ten reasons to dislike Shane Watson:

1. Worst haircut in the history of test cricket.
2. Holds every good shot for a few seconds just so the photographers can get a good snap.
3. Stalks other more credentialed cricketers for their place in the team.
4. Manages to get injured while blinking.
5. Once took MJ Clarke’s place in the team, before being injured.
6. Smirks like an Elizabethan court jester.
7. Gets bowled and LBW a lot for a bloke with an allegedly barrel-tight defence.
8. Calls a press conference after straightening out a technical flaw.
9. Can’t win a bet for dinner in the nets.
10. Bowls a lot of rubbish.

spreading the love

My Dear Chairman,

Seems like the tour selectors have been taking some very powerful wild & crazy drugs in the West Midlands if the late mail is anything to go by; viz a viz a hastily cobbled together plan to drop the young MJ Hughes in favour of FIGJAM Watson!!!!
Now, granted, the Chairman and the Three Wise Men have always had this weird obsession with playing The Great Watto at every and any opportunity, but since when has he opened for anyone, anywhere??
Or maybe they’ll just shuffle the batting and pluck some other unsuspecting bat out of the order to open, drop MJ Clarke down to 4, and play Watto at 5 or 6.
Who knows what on earth they are thinking??
Fools!
One certain way to lose a test match is to tinker with the fundamental balance of a team for no reason at the last minute.
Also strong mail from the Vice-Captain that they will persist with Joke Johnson, against all the basic principles of a time-honoured thing known in racing circles as “form”.
And with Uncle Horrie also set be retained as a 4th and 5th day insurance policy, that means just about the only bowler in the touring party capable of striking fear into the hearts of the hapless Engerland batsmen, none other than No-E Clark, will once again be relegated to gin & tonic duties.
Fools!
Not that it all matters that much in the grand scheme of things with little likelihood of any play on Day One:

“Several members of Edgbaston's groundstaff will work on the water-logged outfield through the night, but have privately conceded there is little chance of play on Thursday. Steve Rouse, the head groundsman, appeared to be fighting a losing battle aboard one of the four super-soppers in operation on the playing surface on Wednesday as rain continued to threaten the third Ashes Test.”
Cricinfo.

In the meantime, great to see that Pup is spreading the love, and advertising his wares on LuvFree…
“Free online dating with well-educated boyfriend from Baku, Azerbaijan, Michael Clarke, 29.”

http://www.luvfree.com/profile76242

hibernation time

Fair weather fans,

Rather difficult to keep track of two football teams when they found themselves both playing away games simultaneously in the National Capital.

A classic game of two sides going through the motions, with Sydney allowed to just win in the end to avoid a stewards inquiry.
Only two things of any note to come out of the match were the first away win in 12 out-of-town fixtures [you can blame the Swans problems on that, there and then] and the abysmally miserable crowd figure.
Granted, the Canberra dawn started at sub-zero and the mercury never got above eight degrees on the day and there was a rugby league match in progress across town [but the two codes are by and large mutually exclusive], and it is currently hibernation time in that part of the world.
But struggling to get more than a few thousand in for the nation’s elite comp?
They are kidding aren’t they?
The turnstile staff would be the first to admit that they didn’t have an overly busy day.
Heard in commentary one end of Manuka Oval being referred to as the “café strip end”.
Perhaps that’s where The Man and His Dog got to, and no further, after seriously reconsidering their plans to go to the football.
[“I’ll have a hot Milo for me and a footy frank for the dog, thanks mate. How much is that?”].
No doubt the stats guru’s will be able to come up with the exact dates, but surely it has to be one of the worst AFL crowds, anywhere, in many a year.
If that hasn’t furrowed a few brows at AFL HQ, then nothing will.
And Canberra wants a piece of the Western Sydney action?
Gawd help us all!
{noted in the midweek fishwraps that the Canberra rules people are now crying out loud that it wasn’t their fault and that the AFL are charging a king’s ransom to stage a game and blah, and no one is really interested anyway, and they are now considering downsizing their blah bid to host up to six Western Sydney games to one or two, or none at all, on the grounds that, much like me apparently, they want to have their cake and eat it too}
Couldn’t help but notice that the bitter conditions appeared to have forced SC Roos, who looked like he’d forgotten his coat, scarf and wooly red & white jesters hat, from his favoured customary position on the sidelines bench, back into the air conditioned coach’s box.
After slapping his sides on the way up, he moped about on his feet for the last half hour in the back of the box [probably had a nice cup of tea and a read of the paper when the camera wasn’t on him] while Johnny Longmire was actually calling the shots through the microphone and headset.
A sign of things to come?

MELBOURNE: 1.2, 2.6, 4.11, 6.14 (50). Goals: Moloney, Jurrah, Miller, Davey, Newton, Whelan.
SYDNEY: 3.4, 6.6, 7.6, 10.8 (68). Goals: Jolly 3, McVeigh 2, Moore, O'Keefe, Mattner, White, J Bolton.
At Manuka Oval, Canberra.
Crowd: 7,311.

Seasoned observers at the ground, who have seen the Raiders glory days been and gone, couldn’t come up with any more descriptive words than ‘lackluster’ and ‘pedestrian’ to get a handle on this one.
But as the Club Secretary will always tell you, a win is a win is a win.
Balmain has been pretty well settled for the past six weeks or so with SC Sheens able to get the same motley mob together on the training paddock for the first time this year with no major injury, no one has been caught behaving badly in nightclubs or anywhere else for that matter, the forwards have seemingly got season fit and serious, the try scoring freaks are on song, and the two marquee players are doing what they are paid to do and making a closer inspection of the cash stashed manila envelopes passed to them in the rooms after the game to make sure it all tots up.
A cursory glance at the draw reveals the Mighty Tiges have more or less the perfect run home, a couple of soft touches along with some choice looking bash ‘em ups to sort the men from the boys at the finish.
5th Sea Eagles [H], 16th and stone motherless Roosters [A], 15th and second stone motherless Sharks [A], then 12th Eels [H], 3rd Titans [A], and 2nd Bulldogs [H]
Winning half of the last half dozen, especially the first three on the back of two wins and a bye, could well be categorized as a late season purple patch and they’d probably squeeze into the top eight, while a good result in either of the last two would almost guarantee it and be an excellent test on entrée into September.
You do the sums.
Hope springs eternal for the diehard, who’d never admit the jig is up, until the inevitability of Mad Monday rolls around, as always.

CANBERRA RAIDERS 4. Tries: Vidot
WESTS TIGERS 25. Tries: Moltzen (2), Morris, Tuiaki. Goals: Marshall (4). Field Goals: Farah (1).
At Canberra Stadium.
Crowd: 11,115.

an old fashioned stink

Bleacherists,

Said it before, say it again, there is no finer sight in world sport than running rugby league, and no finer place to have a look at it than Leichhardt Oval.
Couldn’t live with myself if one pilgrimage to the Spiritual Home of Balmain Rugby League this season went begging, so got on the 445 bus to the 2005 Grand Final re-match.
A good crowd in, and as usual, the place was “dripping with atmosphere”
Things did not auger well from the off, with the Tiges conceding a very soft Cowboys try within the opening 45 seconds of the match.
As things began to look grimer, it was fabulous to see an old fashioned stink in the scrum, right in front of me too!
Just like the glory days.
Farah took exception being worked over by his opposite number Anthony Watts in the front row, and broke up the scrum to complain to the Bamford, who ignored him and repacked the scrum, whereupon Robbie took the law into his own hands and began giving Watts a bit of his own medicine; the scrum blew up into a massive stink with Farah and Watts going toe to toe, Farah getting in a couple of good left jabs before felling the hapless Cowboy with a massive right hook, that had him out cold with Farah standing over him, screaming, a-la-Ali.
The crowd, including me of course, went absolutely apeshit.
When the dust settled, the Bamford sent Watts to the sin bin for ten minutes for starting the stink, and then marched Farah off as well for going on with it.
At least the Monday morning league justice system got it right, rubbing Watts out for two matches for being an utter idiot, while the Best Leb in the Game got off scot free!!
After the game, Farah was asked on interview what prompted the stink, to which he replied “I’ve got no idea, mate”.
Obviously subscribes to the school of thought which suggests rugby league and gratuitous violence go like a hand in a glove.
From that moment on, the North Queenslanders were done like a dinner, and the match was never in doubt.
The Human Wrecking Ball scored his customary try much to the delight of the punters, while the try scoring freak Lawrence latched onto a ball that had gone through half a dozen sets of hands before sprinting Ben Johnson-like over 70 metres to plant the ball under the black dot
Something happened almost every time Benii touched the ball, and he ended up a deserved man of the match, with his trademark jink and step opening the Tigers’ account on the scoreboard.
After the break, the Balmain forwards appeared to be powered by the groundsman’s steamroller, crushing everything in their path, with Farah only emphasizing their complete dominance when he strolled over the line untouched late in the game to put the fruit on the sideboard.
At half time, found myself standing behind a bloke in a beer queue who had a young boy, perhaps two years old, in his arms who said something to which his father replied ”no son, were not at the cricket now. We are at the rugby league. See that inflatable Tiger over there? Grrrr, Tigers, that means we are at the rugby league”.
The kiddie nodded his head, but still had a very puzzled look on his face.
Leichhardt, surely, must now be the only football ground in the world still selling ice cold beer in unopened cans at five bucks a throw.
As always, bar staff couldn’t be bothered with silly little plastic cups or fistfuls of worthless coins.
Stumbling back to the bus stop after the game, pleasantly surprised to see the lights on in The Orange Grove Hotel, which was boarded up a few months ago amid fears that it would become yet another anonymous apartment block, but lo and behold, the joint has been reincarnated into – a pub.
Of course, they have stripped all the character out of the joint in another one of those bog-ordinary no-need-for-an-architect paint-by-numbers hotel renovations [a TAB is now where the fireplace used to be], but at least it remains the only watering hole within spitting distance of the ground.
And oh, don’t make my mistake and eat in the new bistro.
Despite being disassociated from local politics since being forced off the Balmain peninsular more than 20 years ago by hideous real estate prices, was not surprised to be handed a protest flyer at the turnstiles:

SHAME LEICHHARDT COUNCIL
Leichhardt Council Mayor Jamie Parker: SENDING TIGERS BROKE!
WONT approve the leagues club development
WONT support immediate Leichhardt Oval upgrades
WONT support more games at Leichhardt Oval
WONT support more ovals for junior rugby league
Tell the Mayor that Tigers belong in the community!

Someone should’ve told the bloke handing them out that absolutely nothing’s changed over the decades.

WESTS TIGERS 34. Tries: Marshall, Lawrence, Tuiaki, Gallant, Payne, Farah. Goals: Marshall (5).
NORTH QUEENSLAND COWBOYS 14. Tries: Bowen, Webb. Goals: Thurston (3).
At Leichhardt Oval.
Crowd: 18,408.


The defeatist attitude from the super coach mid week obviously permeated from the top down.
How else to explain leading by two goals at half time and then having nine unanswered goals kicked on you in the final quarter?
By then the old blokes had just run out of legs and would probably have played better football if they had appeared on the ground in wheelchairs and had been pushed around by girls in funny nurse’s hats.
Simple fact of the matter was that Carlton took out the giant tusk during the third quarter, and then with two goals in as many minutes at the opening of the final quarter, rammed the damnable thing clean up the Swans’ runter.
Sensibly, SC Roos limited his post match comments on interview to "I'd say it would probably have to be one of the most disappointing games in the last seven years, no question.”
Probably?
No question?
So with the aged brigade gone for all money, let’s just see how the young folk shaped up on the day.
Of the 22 players picked by the Swans, a cursory glance at the team sheet reveals that only six were 22 years of age or younger:
The Veszpremi Kiddie [19]: Outmuscled, outclassed.
Jesse “James” White [21]: One good quarter for a few goals. Then went AWOL.
Kieran “Son of Gary” Jack [22]: Genuine talent. Best of the bunch on a bad day.
Danny “Pup” Hanebury [18]: Schoolboy playing a man’s game.
Eddie “Cheese” Barlow [22]: Solid, if unspectacular, as always.
Craig “Noisy” Bird [20]: Did he play? If he did, got no game time.
A lot of work, a lot of very hard work, to be done there.
Sickening to see Teddy Richards coughing up blood near the dénouement after a clash with that Bad Uncle Fev.
Wound up in hospital with busted ribs and a punctured lung, contemplating a sore and sorry season over, while surrounded by family and friends.
Did Fev bother to give him a call to inquire about his health?
No.
Some deadshits do play the game, don’t they?

CARLTON: 3.4, 4.6, 10.8, 19.10 (124). Goals: Fevola 5, Fisher 3, Kreuzer 2, Gibbs 2, Murphy 2, Judd, Carrazzo, Simpson, Betts, Yarran.
SYDNEY: 3.1, 6.3, 9.5, 9.9 (63). Goals: White 4, O'Keefe 2, O'Loughlin, Jolly, Ablett.
At Docklands Stadium.
Crowd: 42,018.