Rejoicers,
What a time to be alive. Straya at long last winning at the cricket, runtering a cracking Sri Lankan side 2-zip while at the same time the Poms were being whip-sawed, eviscerated and torn to pieces by the West Indies, and nobody's even talking about a renaissance of the mighty Windies teams of yore. On that form, looks like that Stoopid Little Urn will be winging its way back to the Wide Brown Land later this year. At a minimum, it's a change from being disappointed, and that's all that matters. Never mind that two of the front line bowlers in Starkers and Bowling Garry are now approaching or beyond the age of 30, and the stocks of genuine test match players in the lower order being at a premium at the present minute. Minor issues. Trust in Alfie to sort that by the time the Ashes roll around. Good luck with that, son.
Starkers looked a bit flaky all season, for mine, and then took a double Michelle Pfeiffer for a TenFa in the second game to regain his national hero status, and Uzzie was out of sorts for most of the summer looking like his mind was elsewhere [and ending up saying on interview after the series that the sins of the brother had indeed been messing with his head]. Khawaja, just in time to save his bacon, then got out of jail with a crisp second innings hundred at the denouement, featuring some smart smacking of the rubbish and the best cover driving of the season. My Spy at The Ground remarked that the TM Head century - a long time coming - was the first instance of a South Australian tonking up a ton since Jason "#dizzy201" Gillespie's double hundred against one of the greatest ever Bangladesh sides thirteen years ago. No doubt they'll be casting the bronze as we speak for Travis's bust to be erected at the gates of the South Gawler Cricket Club.
The poor ol' Ceylonese had jolly bad luck being forced to play their 2nd pick bowlers in the second test, after an outright laughable Pink Stink at the Gabba that was all over in 2 and ⅔ days. No matter how hard they try, the good stitcher-upperers at Kookaburra still can't prevent that damnable pinkie from doing some crazy batshit stuff at night - the batsmen, let alone the spectators, can't even see the thing as the bowlers rub their hands in glee. And a new tactical issue comes into play here, as you want to do a lot of swing bowling and as little batting as possible under lights. They've already rooterised 'tradition' to buggery, so why not play with a red pill during the day and switch to a used white nut in the twilight? You know it makes sense, otherwise why not just abandon the Pink Stink altogether as an unsolvable mistake.
It was pleasing to see Manuka Oval reach the dizzying heights of a new Test cricket venue. Been there for a couple of AFL matches in the past, and even attended a Prime Minister's X! match in a bygone era [and got to shake the hand of RJL Hawke] when someone said to me "did you know the dimensions of the playing arena here are an exact replica of the MCG?" Cant argue with that. Wide open spaces. It's a real cricket ground with a lovely park-like feel to it - a hill, terraces, plenty of shady plane trees and low-slung stands. And of course the old re-cycled MCG steam-punk scoreboard that's got all the bells and whistles, that unlike modern videoboards, tells the tale of the tape at a single glace. What's the score, Jimmy? is a question never asked in Canberra..
The most baffling thing about the high summer test series against Ceylon, was the need of the Powers That Be to again appoint, not one, but two vice captains after the previous Vice's, MR Marsh got himself dropped and JR Hazelwood did himself a mischief. What next, Fawlty? Are they going to go the whole hog and bring in Captaincy by Committee, Pommy style? Not a great move. Engerland in the not too distant past has featured a Captain and two former Captains in the same side all jibbering at each other all day, so there's never been any shortage of Vice's in the Heart of the Empire, and a fat lot of good it's done them. The Australian Vice-Captaincy has always been a poisoned chalice, and while no-one's got anything against Jobsy or Cummo, who says you need two to carry it? The Stats Guru went down some dark wormholes and dusted off some really old li'l history books only to find no trace of another time that Straya has had two deputy dogs. In fact, there is no extant comprehensive list at all of Australian Vice-Captain's through the years. Just Google It. All anyone knows is that the Vice-Captaincy has never been a reliable pathway to the top, because there's no terrific need for one, let alone two. The never-defined role of the Vice-Captain...forget "leadership groups"... does not rate a single mention in the Laws of Cricket, insofar as there must be a Captain of the fielding side on the field at all times. But that's it As far as the Laws go, that can be any old Tom Dick or Harry, just as long as there is a Captain, Acting, or otherwise, it doesn't matter. On interview before the series, Head and Cummins were asked who would Captain in the event of Paine being forced to leave the field and who would keep wickets? Both gave themselves a puzzled look and professed to having absolutely no idea at all. None. When Smiffy comes back for the Ashes as he inevitably will, he's still banned from holding "leadership positions" for a further two years, by which time he'll be getting on a bit. So he can't even be Vice Captain, let alone be seen to be advising the skipper. Leaders of men are born, not made, so what would Pup do?
