Weathermen,
If you thought last week was beyond belief, think again.
It does happen, but it's not often both your football teams win under extraordinary circumstances in the same weekend, let alone for two weeks running.
The day dawned miserable.
Bitterly cold with an antarctic gale ripping through the Emerald City with heavy showers sweeping about to boot.
Nothing could coax me out of a warm lounge room equipped with a crystal bucket, a bush telegraph and an en suite wine rack.
Never mind even thinking about going to the ground.
Had a cursory look at the weather vane out the kitchen window and thought "there's a four to five goal breeze there".
But at half time realised that that was back in the day, and in the modern game is probably now called a "14 behinds wind".
Let's just look at the Bare Facts:
Swans managed to kick 14 behinds to half time, then contrived to boot 21 behinds in the game, no goals whatsoever in the Championship quarter, and still went on to win by ten points.
Lord Crikey!
Go figure.
If ever there was an undeserving win against an opposition side who struggled under the damp conditions all day - that was surely it.
Seasoned observers who actually made it to the ground described it as being 'spongey' underfoot, but the main problem was that the breeze died away a bit and then picked up to gale force again by quarter time and blew like joisus throughout to the final siren.
Under the cirumstances, they said a beanie helped, but not as much as a little OP rum in the hip flask that always proves to be a welcome panacea to ward off the shivering.
They blamed the appalling inaccuracy on the Swans complete inabilty to cope with the wicked wind.
And then forgave them, given its not something that you can generally train for.
The Haneberry Kiddie might have got in under the radar to be best on ground, and is developing into a first class footballer, by all accounts
Ever since he first stepped out onto the big boy's park last year, he's looked the goods.
All the skills, with the right attitude.
Although, you get the feeling that he'll have to go to a high profile Melbourne club on big money in couple of years when his contract runs out if he wants to become a superstar.
The Great Seabs would have picked up the three Brownlow points [Bamfords are easily impressed by big men doing good] despite not being able to make the first grade team until Mummy did himself a mischief.
As it happens, he's not played much football of any consequence for fully the last three years, and yet is a premiership winning ruckman.
A bit crocky and playing second fiddle at the Swans, he's highly likely to end his playing days on a meagre disappointing pension at the Greater Western Pygmies
Mr Ed the Talking Horse, with three wins on the trot under the belt would be thinking the Swans really need to put together a purple patch right now, by beating a couple of very good teams away and home, to propel themselves into the top four, or risk dropping out of the eight altogether.
He'd also be thinking that on the strength of that showing and the kind of yips displayed in front of goal, Sydney will be eaten alive like kippers on well-buttered brown toast with a twist of lemon for breakfast by the likes of Carlton and Collingwood in the next fortnight.
The Queen's Birthday Holiday Monday smoko down at the Magic Waters would have been a wake up call; brisk in the pool with a whistling biting southerly coming in clean over the top of Mt Kosciuszko, not easy to light the pipe, with a fair bit of pondering to do.
Tends to concentrate the mind.
Crunch time.
SYDNEY: 3.8, 5.14, 5.19, 9.21 (75). Goals: Reid 2, Jetta 2, Dennis-Lane, Malceski, Roberts-Thomson, O'Keefe, Kennedy.
RICHMOND: 2.3, 4.7, 6.7, 9.11 (65). Goals: Riewoldt 2, Vickery 2, Martin 2, Nahas, Deledio, Browne.
At Sydney Cricket Ground.
Crowd: 23,782.
It was a touch ironic that the Mighty Tiges found themselves playing in an old volcano in Auckland, when they very nearly didn't get there due to the volcanic ash thingy drifting in from Chile.
Auckland is dotted with ancient dormant calderas, and they sunk Mt Smart Stadium into one of them on account of it's a near perfect natural amphitheatre; Kiwis - nothing if not practical.
Let's just look at the Bare Facts:
Balmain came back from being 4-22 down early in the second half, to win the match 26-22.
Lord Crikey!
Go figure.
The return from injury of That Pom Ellis over the last couple of weeks tells you how much extra starch he adds to the Balmain pack.
Tough and uncompromising are two words that come to mind.
Worth his weight in gold, which come to think of it, is probably more or less exactly what he would be paid over the course of his recently re-negotiated three-year contract.
Brilliant!
It did look like the Tiges might outlast the Worriers in match fitness at the denoument; history show those big bastard Brown Brothers in the pack might be able to bust you wide open in the early stages but are easily pooped once you put the work into them.
It was the forwards who manned up after Balmain appeared utterly gorn for all money early in the second half and won the field position that enabled the backs to just over-run the Worriers with three unexpected tries in the last ten minutes to snatch victory from the jaws of defeat.
The Marshall/Lui/Farah show had touches of brilliance - enough for two tries to the main man - but that bludnut Keith 'Keefy' Galloway was close to best on field for mine, with some damaging runs through the mid field to make critical attacking yards and create the all important room for the halves and three quarters to dance their way to the try line.
Never did bother to look up what SC Sheens had to say about it in the Monday morning fishwraps on account of it would have been very little.
He probably would have left it at "pretty good effort at the end".
Did like the very finish of the match with only a few seconds on the clock.
The Great Benji found himself in possession on the last tackle, and instead of booting it deep with a downtowner over the heads of the Worriers players, he instead gave it to himself with a little tap kick, then promptly turned around on his heels and ran backwards for 40 metres, carrying the ball over the Worriers dead ball line like some kind of demented chook just as the final siren sounded, then threw the ball high in the air in triumph.
Certainly, an unsual way to end a match, but the Kiwis saw it as akin to underarm bowling and rushed in from everywhere and tried to put on an all-in stink; threw a few punches only to be met with don't argues, before the Bamfords stepped in and reminded them that there was nothing wrong with it and they had in fact lost the match.
Game over.
NEW ZEALAND WARRIORS 22. Tries: Vatuvei (2), Inu, Locke, Johnson. Goals: Maloney (1).
WESTS TIGERS 26. Tries: Marshall (2), McKinnon, Ryan, Ayshford. Goals: Marshall (3).
At Mt Smart Stadium.
Crowd: 15,889.
