Loyalists,
Just handed over four pineapples to the Mighty Tiges for tickets for two to all four home games at Leichhardt Oval, which apparently, also entitles me and the Good Lady Wife to membership of the Wests Tigers Rugby League Football Club.
Joisus.
Only been going to Leichhardt Oval for 25 years, and never once did it cross my mind to take up club membership, probably on the principal of "never join a club that would have you as a member".
So after all this time, in one simple transaction, it appears they've tapped me as a member, albiet by default.
It only gets you general admission and a member's cap mind you, but at least they can't lock you out when they close the gates as the crowd pushing to get in is deemed dangerously too large.
Mighty Tiges would have to be a magnificent bright shining chance for the flag this year, with a virtually unchanged line up that went third last year, including the Sensational Six, who are the remaining survivors of the Miracle Year '05.
They include Bryce Gibbs who was quoted in the SMH as saying that he would be rather disappointed if Balmain didn't go top at the end of the regular season and pick up the JJ Giltinan Shield.
Who's to argue with a big boofy prop forward who'd rather knock yr block off than look at you?
This was the bloke who last year scribbled on a scrap of paper "I will retire from the NRL if we don't make the 8 this season".
A few other jokers signed their names underneath, and pinned it up in the Club Secretary's office.
This was after the then Club Secretary asked SC Sheens if he would like to undergo a performance review analysis.
The mild-mannered SC Sheens exploded while doing a John Malkovich scene saying "what the fark are you talking about!!" and went straight to the board, had the club secretary sacked forthwith, and then when the new club secretary was installed, immediately took him to some cafe in Chiswick and extended his contract by a year on the back of a paper napkin, with an option for a further year, which he now finds himself inclined to take up.
Never mind the Great Benji's unfortunate incident while stone cold sober when he smacked some fool-drunk in the foul-mouthed piss-talking gob outside the McDonalds on George St at 3am on a Saturday after the inebriated idiot called him a "black c+nt", following him hosting a children's cancer charity fundraising dinner at some five star in town.
The scandal sheets made much of it of course, but the Club doesn't mind, coach doesn't mind, NRL doesn't mind, cops don't care that much, fans care less, and the justice system will consider the common assault charge a nuisance and a waste of time and money.
Better to ponder the full page feature in a recent Sunday fishrap that featured the life and times of the dashing young centre Blake Ayshford, with photographs of him with a rather unattractive woman from the leagues club showing him how to dress in a suit properly, the idea of tying his tie, the way to polish his shoes, and what it means to eat properly in polite company with a knife and fork.
You know the type of thing, sorting out the entree fork from the fish knife.
Proper training in social skills.
Then, and only then, are you are free to go and score tries and make a name for yourself, son.
It's good policy that's served SC Sheens well under his tutelage.
You don't generally find Tigers players wandering about the streets aimlessly pissed at all hours, do you?
If Benji can hold his body together he'll win everything there is to win this year
Robbie "The Best Leb in the Game" Farar, makes for an outstanding captain with an excellent football brain who doesn't muck about and leads men well in the field.
Pack?
As solid as granite in defence, as proven last year where the forwards won far more games than the backs, but also superbly capable in attack; being a bunch of marauders armed with heavy artillery to break up the opposition defensive line to allow Chris "The Try Scoring Freak" Lawrence and Lote "What'd I Do Guv?" Tuiqiri to do their business, which of course, is to trouble the scorers.
SC Sheens, who has so far declined all invitations to talk to the press about this season's prospects and has not said a word about it to anyone on or off the record, is very particular about points on the board and how they are obtained, because in the final paralysis the scorebox in the next day's papers is the only thing in the caper that matters.
Gave up trying to buy a Swans three-game superpass to matches at the Western Paddock, as the Swans have changed ticket agencies, and Ticketmaster has managed to make a complete mess of it - too hard and difficult to bother with in the end.
The price had gone up, designated seats in the cheap seats that you actually might want not guaranteed, a slow, clunky, unfriendly website that was almost unavigable, and they wouldn't take my prefered credit card.
Why change a perfectly good ticketing system when it's not broke in the first place?
Spare me.
So, instead, spent $50 on a Foundation Membership of SC Sheed's Greater Western Sydney Pygmies, even though they won't play a premiership game this season.
The infant club's membership department has been brilliant, putting the "don't care" attitude towards fans over at the Swans to shame.
Coach Horse Longmire will find he has a very hard, long road to hoe.
With a list of tried [or is that tired?] and true veterans on their last legs, a chronically injury prone principal full-forward and ruckman, some has-been journeymen, a handful of promising youngsters who have played a few games, Hannebery chief among them, and some poor choices in the rookie draft; Swans will appear to travel alright from time to time, but they won't make the eight; younger, fitter, want to win teams, of which there are now plenty, will run rings around them.
Happy to bet on it at the $1.88 currently on offer.
Sorry, but time to boot the old bush telegraph in the corner of the lounge room into service, to start receiving the intelligence from my spies at the ground and transmitting the Winter Game wire for yet another season.
It'll be fun.
You know it makes sense.
