A honeymoon in Calcutta

Canine fanciers,

On the eve of the blockbuster Which Bank series between Straya and the Bangers Boyz in Darwin, it seems the Acting Australian Captain has been doing a lot of vowing lately.
Pup has been vowing [ever the diplomat, in private, of course] that he would not be touring Pakistan, thank you very much.
A palpable sense of relief now that the ICC has canned the Champions Trophy.
He’s been vowing to treat the Top End series “seriously”.
He’s been vowing to ignore the Marcus Stresscothick autobiography The Weakness In Me, describing The Murray Mints Scandal as “in the past”.
He’s been vowing not to see a barber before his wedding day, preferring the frisson of his wife-in-waiting performing a No. 3 buzz cut.
And he’s been vowing to sit down with his bride-to-be at the kitchen table and finally nut out the wedding date on account of his cricket schedule over the next 18 moths is “absolutely insane”.
Yet still, as my invitation is yet to turn up in the mail, the date hasn’t been officially published, it seems.
Perhaps Our Lara is having trouble with the colour of the bridesmaid’s costumes.
They will probably have to squeeze the nuptials in between test matches and take a honeymoon in Calcutta.

The Night of the Long Knives

Disappointees,
It’s always something to look forward to, isn’t it?
The weekend where both your football teams simultaneously flush their seasons down the toilet.
It was very ominous when SC Sheens, a man who knows football and men perhaps better than anyone else, said that he “could see it in the players eyes” at half time; the belief that they could rally and win the match had simply gone missing.
Sheens has told the Club Secretary to throw out the abacus, even though there is still a mathematical chance of making the eight, he’s past caring.
He’d been sitting on his post match comments for weeks you would have thought, given their frank and blunt nature.
Ever mindful of the fans – it’s been three full years now since the famous 2005 Premiership Year and the club continues to go backwards -- Sheens has suggested a wholesale clean out from top to bottom, saying, quote unquote,
“Some people will be tapped on the shoulder”.
They will be quaking in their boots, knowing full well that if you are cut by Sheens, then it’s a very black mark on your record, and you can expect your fabulously bloated stipend to be at least halved elsewhere – that’s if you can find a club elsewhere – and you don’t wind up playing suburban leagues for a couple of hundred in a brown envelope in the sheds after the game and a free sausage sandwich.
"I said at the start of the season this is a watershed year for the club. We can't finish this year waiting for potential to happen and waiting for players, even our own juniors, who we thought might go another level, who haven't. It's time to bite the bullet and go look for some players to improve the club.”They can start by dumping all the injured front row forwards, then lose the half backs, and they’ll need to find someone very good to replace The Great Hoddo at full back.
Out of a playing roster of 26, they’d only pay good money to keep a couple of centres and a couple for wingers, for mine.
Let’s just hope the talent scouts have been fanning out across the country, and deep into the South Pacific Islands [surely we can get some big boofy brown brothers on the cheap on the guest workers scheme?].
After the Night of the Long Knives, it’s going to be a very busy off season for the Football & Player Development departments.
At least die-hard supporters can take some succour in the fact that the man in charge is speaking the truth!


WESTS TIGERS 16. Tries: Laurie (2), Ryan. Goals: Hodgson (2).
MANLY SEA EAGLES 48. Tries Hall (2), Menzies (2), S.Stewart (2) Bell, Robertson, G.Stewart. Goals: Orford (5), Matai.
At Olympic Stadium, Homebush.
Crowd: 27,564 (Double Header).




Meantime, over at the Rules club.
The Glory Days are officially gorn.
To drop from a solid fourth after the mid-season purple patch to find yourself miserably clinging onto eighth is more than just highly unsatisfactory.
It seems SC Roos has taken some notice of my rant last week, suggesting that this mob of players has been found out and won’t trouble anyone in September, [1st v 8th at Kardinia Park in week one is likely to be a bloody massacreeee!].
“You would have to say from a neutral point of view that this group has run out … it's hard to go back to the well all the time. There's guys there that have just given everything over the last five-and-a-half years and at the moment other teams are lifting, and obviously we're playing some young kids as well, but our group as we know it, that's been so good, is just not capable of producing the performances they once were”.
Afraid that that’s just Roos stating the bleedin’ obvious, as there’s nothing in those words to suggest, unlike SC Sheens, what they are going to do about it.
Club stalwarts deserve better.
Is there a grand plan?
Everyone should be acutely aware of how notoriously fickle Sydney fans are, they will desert a loser in their droves; club membership numbers will die if nothing is done, everyone will stay home quaffing chardonnay in front of their trendy combustion heaters, and if the boffins down at AFL HQ aren’t seriously re-considering the ludicrous idea of a second Sydney team, then they should be.
The only financial advice that my dear departed father ever offered me was “never throw good money after bad, son”.


COLLINGWOOD: 8.3 11.6 15.8 18.10 (118) Goals: Cloke 5, Davis 2, Anthony 2, O'Bree, Medhurst, McCarthy, Pendlebury, Cox, Goldsack, Lockyer, Swan, Clarke.
SYDNEY: 2.3 4.3 6.7 10.13 (73) Goals: Hall 3, Moore 3, Jolly, Veszpremi, Jack, Goodes.
At Docklands Stadium.

Crowd: 45,570.