a purple patch and losing yr marbles

 

 

Eternal optimists,

There's no better time to get a Purple Patch than at the pointy end of the season. And hardly a better time to do it than in the annual North v South grudge match in Melbourne. It means nothing in Sydney, but down Mexico way the match sees all kinds of South Melbourne supporters crawl out of the woodwork, including those who'd go to no other game all year. But you don't see the previously ubiquitous "Keep South at South" banner much in the stands these days. After all, it has been a very long time now since the Swans played at Lakeside Oval in Albert Park. A long long time, but the rivers run deep, and unlike many other re-located clubs, South never lost its fan base. There were probably more of them than North's fans in the meagre Docklands crowd. And as it happens, this weekend sees the Swans 'celebrate 40 years' since their move north of the border. 40 fookin' years in Sydney, eh? That's half a life time, if yr lucky. Crikey, that must surely class me among the very rusted on of followers, the die hards, the long suffering loyalists; having arrived in the Emerald City just a couple of years later.  It seems like only yesterday (it was 1985) that every other week, this cub sports reporter for Radio 2GB found himself at Wednesday lunch at the Bourbon'n'Beefsteak Bar up the Cross, courtesy of the new owner & club saviour Dr Geoffrey Edelsten. A most hospitable man. He generously put on a full bar and smorgasbord for the press, so we could interview Swans coach "T-shirt" Tommy Hafey and the coach of the week's opposition, who the Good Doctor would fly up from Melbourne for the occasion before each home game. Stories were filed on an old bakelite telephone - even if there was no news to report - but it was rare of anyone to make it back to the office on those afternoons. The Press Corps was as drunk as skunks, as a rule, by the time they turned off the taps. Them's were the days, as they say in the classics. But that was the 80's, and this is now. It was a very different world back then. But enough of this nostalgic digression on things that happened in ancient history.

It's also a good time of year to boot yr best score of the season with some goal kicking practice against the bottom placed team. SC Horse's genius masterstroke of creating the McCartin Sandwich sees the Bros. taking care of business down back supported by their willing aiders and abetters. The mid-field is on fire and you only have to look at the goal scorer's list to see where the forwards are going, led by The Great Budwah who can still kick all kinds of goals from anywhere - even with his hitherto unused right foot - with his rover The Pearl Papley in career best form pouncing on the crumbs like the ball is a chip to a seagull. Buddy pondering his future in the game is neither here nor there at the minute - and he knows it - when he's well in with his very last chance of another Premiership. Looks like the team's real match day coach, Deano Cox, might have settled on the Hickman and Reidy sharing the ruck, which is a top idea. The work load is too much for just one man in the fast modern game. Speaking of coaches, former Adelaide boss cocky, Lil' Donny Pyke, is doing some excellent work on the portable whiteboards that they carry out at the short breaks, but that's really cover for his grand strategy work - a plottin' and a schemin' for that One Day in September. Don excels at the abacus, has the attention span of a elephant, and has the same philosophy as Brains from Thunderbirds Are Go!

Having bagged the Purple Patch with five wins in a row, the Stats Guru helpfully pointed out if Sydney do a Collingwood, and win their next five...well, that's the flag, the grand final, the Premiership all done and dusted. However, if you were to wander down to front bar at The Local and found the Philosopher propped up in his corner nursing his favoured tipple, you can be sure he'd be muttering something about about chickens and hatching.Two matches before September and there's little doubt the Swans will finish in the top four - crikey, they could have actually won The Curse of Minor Premiership if they'd kicked straight in a few games - guaranteeing the priceless double bite at the cherry. Nobody in modern football has won the flag from outside the top four, so that's where it sits. But this weekend's looming match up against Collingwood will sort the men from the boys, and it won't be for the faint hearted. A win for either side means they could even sandbag the last game of the minor round and pick their opposition in the finals pipeopener.  But, the Stats Guru has warned me off going down that infernal rabbit hole known as the AFL Ladder Predictor™; there are just too many combinations, too much confusion. And don't whatever you do bet on anything.

A glowing tribute to the glittering career of The Great JPK (aka Joshua P Kennedy) - who retired mid-week after popping his good hammy at the age of 34 - will have to wait for the season ending year in review...but suffice to say for the moment, he was admitted to the Swans Pantheon a long time ago during his 14 year career as a superlative ornament to the game. But JPK finishes up on 290 first grade games, ten short of automatic AFL Life Membership, but the bloke is football royalty for fuck's sake, so surely the AFL can see their way clear to bestow honourary Life Membership on the dead-set champion. If not, a letter writing campaign to the AFL Secretary will certainly see it done.     

NORTH MELBOURNE:  2.0,  5.1,  8.5,  13.10 (88). Goals: Larkey 7, Zurhaar 2,
Coleman-Jones, Davies-Uniacke, Hall, Taylor.
SYDNEY/SOUTH:          4.5,  8.10, 14.15, 18.18 (126). Goals: Franklin 4, Papley 3,
Warner 3, Heeney 2, McDonald 2, Reid 2, Gulden, Hayward.
At Docklands Stadium.
Crowd: 19,091.

meantime, the Nightmare on the Balmain Road continues unabated. Forget the season, it's long long gone - but the thought did pass my mind while watching the Mighty Tiges on the crystal bucket go 'round against the hapless Newcastle Knights out west..."is this the worst team that Balmain has fielded in the past decade?". That'd be front bar talk around about, and the Brown Bros. will buy you beer and have their views. But the plain facts are the death fight for the Wooden Spoon is on in earnest, and the Tiges are widely tipped to plummet to rock bottom.  Mad Monday can't come quick enough. So what does the club do after sacking the coach mid season?  Come up with a typically insane "lets go back to the future" plan for next year, and bring back 71-year-old Supercoach Tim Sheens, who coached the Tige's 2005 Premiership team. Excuse me? That was 17 years ago.  2005 is something you read about in the 'lil history books now. Don't get me wrong, Sheens has legendary status for very good reason, but he hasn't coached in a long time now, and the game is a very different one to that played back then. And to make matters worse, club legends in the form of The Great Robbie "The Best Leb in the Game' Farah and The Great Benji Marshall will be bought on board as Sheens' forwards and backs coaches respectively. Only problem is, Robbie and The Benj don't seem to have any coaching experience at all, and have been resting on their not inconsiderable laurels in retirement. Clearly, someone has gone completely & utterly bonkers and convinced the stark raving hopelessly dysfunctional club Board to lose their collective marbles. As My Spy At The Ground remarked with deep irony "so, this must be the future of Rugby League". Lord, help us. Symbolism, nostalgia, legend, myth and the warm and fuzzies will help you not one jot if you can't afford to put a competitive team on the paddock week in, week out. It's visionary stuff on the part of Balmain that once again will all end in tears. For gawd's sake, if you find yrself in a hole, stop digging.

As it happens, found myself driving down the Balmain peninsular and onto the Balmain Road the other day, and spotted the site of the storied old Balmain Leagues Club out of the corner of my eye. It's a very sad image for a club die-hard with fond memories of the joint...and it can't be unseen. The place has now been almost entirely demolished after sitting vacant for 12 years. And now that it's not required as a dive site for the third Harbour crossing, an ugly high rise apartment block will arise in it's place sooner than expected. But for now, it's just desolate ruins - much like the football club is in its current state - a far far cry from the clubhouse which uproariously celebrated the 2005 Miracle Year, famously hosted by a stupendously smashed Dawn Fraser. Yes, Sheens, Farah and Marshall were all there too back then - but those days have gone away, and the way things are travelling, are never to return. As much as it pains me to say, there just aint no going back to the Good Old Days.

WESTS TIGERS 10. Tries: Naden, Kepaoa. Goals: Doueihi (1).
NEWCASTLE KNIGHTS 14. Tries: Tuala (2), Hoy.Goals: Clifford (1).
At Campbelltown Sports Ground.
Crowd: 9,621.