six seconds left

 

 Long sufferers,

It's not every weekend that both yr football teams win, let alone a long long weekend over Easter. And only at the last gasp. In a truly terrible start to the season, the Mighty Balmain Tigers had gone 0-5 - the "reverse purple patch" - five consecutive losses to kick off another long, cold, bitter winter of discontent. It's rapidly turning out to be a season where they fail yet again to get their mojo working, as they have for the past decade. At least they have been consistently poor performers. Christ, since 2012 they have finished the season at 10th, 15th, 13th, 15th, 9th, 14th, 9th, 9th, 11th & 13th and already look to be in a death fight with the Canterbury-Bankstown Bulldogs for the Wooden Spoon. Lord, save us. Poor old coach Mr Magoo was on the verge of being shown the back door out through which you go without so much as a sausage, when one man - who's career had been saved by the said coach - lets the traditional boogie man hang on for another week at least with a well-timed field goal. It always warms the cockles of the heart of a long-time rusted-on supporter to see a bolter save the day. With minutes left in what turned out to be a nip-and-tuck affair against the highly fancied Parramatta Eels, and the scores all locked away at 20-20, extra time was looming large. But with six seconds left on the clock, Jackson Hastings pots a drop-goal over the black dot from 40 metres out for on of those now few and far between famous victories. You bewdy! Much leaping about and hooting.

Hastings really is the antipathy of the Tigers story this past decade, where they've lost good players through silly arguments over money and bought "marquee" players at considerable cost who have universally failed to fire. Not one of them ended up enhancing their reputations at the Tiges, let alone putting some fruit on the sideboard. Hastings is the reverse, run out of town by the Silvertails over at Manly for having the temerity to question club politics and biffing the club captain and subsequently lumped with a bad reputation, nobody wanted him. Hastings was forced to play in the original rugby league comp up there amid the dark satanic mils of Northern England to make ends meet; he was looking well washed up after three years in the Old Dart. However, Mr Magoo somehow managed to see some untapped potential in the bloke and invited him to Balmain on a cut lunch and a couple of beers after the game contract with the win bonus money tucked into in a brown envelope. It's taken six rounds, but now the bloke's a hero - well, for 15 minutes at least. It's the old Moneyball theory that's been employed over at the Swans (who've had more luck with marquee players!) for yonks - buy cheap seasoned journeymen and turn them into dangerous niche players. You know it makes sense.

That said, the lack of success is also a function of the fact that Balmain spent unwisely for far too long and have no money anyway. Western Suburbs stopped tipping cash in by the bucket load years ago and they haven't had a leagues club or rip roarin' poker machine revenue for 12 years. The Board has seen seven coaches come and go and have been beyond dysfunctional for 22 years! Joisus. With the frigid weather on the way it makes the die-hard loyalist shudder to think that the Glory Days are long gone, and there's never actually been a Plan B, C or Z. Forgive me for sounding like a broken record, but jeez, they're a hard team to follow.

PARRAMATTA EELS 20. Tries:  Gutherson, Papali'i, Mahoney, Niukore. Goals: Moses (2).

WESTS TIGERS 21. Tries: Nofoaluma (2), Leilua, Maumalo. Goals: Brooks (1), Hastings (1). Field Goals: Hastings (1).

At Parramatta Stadium.

Crowd: 28,336.

Of course there was always going to be a hangover after Buddy booted his 1000th. A lot of water would have been passed that night, after the pitch invasion of the century. As it was, the dear ol' Swannies should have been thrashed by the Bulldogs six days later but ended up losing by 11 pts, then should have accounted for Norths easily, but struggled to win by 11 pts. All over the shop like a mad dog's breakfast, but not too much damage on the ladder. And of course, the Budwah just can't keep himself out of the news and came off against the 'Roos with a "hand injury" that turned out be a busted finger (although no one has asked which one in fear it might be the social finger) that's required the attention of an orthopedic surgeon so Franklin'll be down in Sick Bay champing at the bit. At his age, Lance would've been happy enough that he didn't have to make the arduous trip to the Golden West. As the Weagles found out to their cost, it's very difficult to come back from having five goals kicked on you in the first quarter; yr pretty much doomed to play catch up football for the rest of the day. And so it came to pass, with the faint strains of the Fat Lady singing by quarter time. The Ghost of Ben Cousins is always there every time you go to Perth; people remember, oh, they remember...the enmity runs deep over Stolen Premierships with snaky substances. So, few things give the ardent follower of The Red & The White greater pleasure than watching the team giving West Coast a gigantic tusk up the runter to the tune of a ten goal football lesson. Supercoach Horse noted on interview after the match that there'd been 11 individual goal scorers. Goal kickers all over the park, just like back in the SC Roos days. And one of the best goalsneaks in the game, pretty boy Tommy "Pearl" Papley, is on a very short rein in rehab having not played yet this year. It really was one of those matches where the score box might as well say "Best: All Played Well". Can't remember any passengers. No idea how the Navy got themselves mixed up in this game, it wasn't Anzac Day or anything, and what the sinking of a ship called Sydney with the loss of all 645 hands off the WA coast back in '41 has got to do with a football match is way beyond me. WTF? Is this some kind of psych war? Be that as it may, with distant family ties to the West, Callum "Saw" Mills looked chuffed with what the Good Lady Wife christened the Horatio Hornblower Bomb Trophy for Best on Ground. Handle with care.

WEST COAST: 0.0,  2.0,  4.3,  9.4 (58). Goals: Ryan 3, J.Kennedy 2, Redden, B.Williams,
Darling, Cripps.
SYDNEY: 5.4,  10.10,  11.12, 18.13 (121). Goals: Heeney 3, McLean 2, McDonald 2,
Hayward 2, Parker 2, Warner 2, Ronke, Bell, Ladhams, McInerney, Blakey. 
At Perth Stadium.
Crowd: 42,888.