a cheeky shiraz from the Scoreboard Bar

Canine fanciers,

The kiddie can do no wrong…
In his first game as captain of a senior Strayan team what does he do?
Wins the toss and sensibly elects to bat, opens the batting himself with his Vice-Captain, clubs a boundary off his first scoring shot, then bangs away perhaps the best six of the match, decides to get out to allow Roy to get on with the job, like he’d told him he should, then spends the rest of innings on the sideline benches clapping and cheering with the crowd, as the boys do the business for him in the middle.
Then presides over some very useful first up fast bowling, sees the opposition top order back in the sheds in quick smart time due to some fine catching including an absolute dead set screamer by his V-C behind the stumps, and finishes off the night with an easy as you like victory next to his name in the column headed “wins as Captain”.
He must be thinking there’s nothing to this Twenty20 caper!

Thought the advent of the dunking machine at the WACA was an excellent innovation.
Few things better than Kiwi fans copping it in the drink.
What else was going on?
Did they have Wolf Blass Wenches to fetch you a cheeky shiraz from the Scoreboard Bar?
Would have gone down a treat with the “gourmet” hot dog
Did notice on the crystal bucket; various clowns, wandering minstrels, a fire stick juggler, and a brass band!

Right up into the 1930’s at the Sydney Cricket Ground, there used to be brass bands at either end of the ground playing during the test matches.
And they didn’t just do some polite oom-pa-pa work during the intervals, on no siree, they thundered on all day; the competition was fierce as they tried to out do the opposing band for repertoire and stamina.
Stitch that sound into the cacophony of a large, well lubricated partisan crowd watching a hard fought game – now that’s my idea of fun!

“make no mistake, Ricky Ponting is still the Captain of Australia”

Fellow boosterists,

At long last, the Chairman and the Three Wise men appear to have come to their senses and seen the light when it comes to one MJ Clarke.
For two full seasons there they studiously ignored my repeated calls to pick the kiddie in the test team [in the end they got so sick of it, the selectors wouldn’t even pick up the phone] and when they finally did pick him he scores a century on debut.
Then relatively soon after they give the bloke a major league fright by dropping him, and then only reluctantly recall him only on account of injury to the extraordinarily brittle Shane “figjam” Watson, and then he goes on to pretty much win the Ashes off his own bat.
Now, if you believe the musings coming from influential mouths in Strayan cricket circles, Pup is by every account being groomed for the captaincy.
Der.
That was pretty obvious from the moment he stepped up to the plate, and he didn’t skipper the under 19’s, or Australia “A” on occasions, for nothing.
He’d better play better than he did in the 20/Twenty World Cup, and it’ll be interesting to see how he goes as skipper, as it’s by no means an easy format to captain.
There’s more tactical goings on and more thinking on your feet than is generally assumed by most spectators.
Interesting to note during his “humbled but honoured” acceptance speech, Pup was at pains to point out “make no mistake, Ricky Ponting is still the Captain of Australia”.
What?
Does that mean he won’t be the first to inflict multiple knife wounds to the back as soon as the bloke falls over?
Or will he just let others do it for him on his behalf?
I, for one, needless to say, will be in his corner.

PS Noted a quote from Our Lara midweek “before I became Michael’s boyfriend, I knew nothing about cricket”
It’s probably best left that way.

a gloaming misty sea fog

Bleachermen,

Wandered aimlessly into the cricket ground yesterday morning just in time to see a couple of overs before they went off for a brief shower of rain, and then took an early lunch.
You could have cut the humidity with a knife
After the covers were lifted, NSW quickly mopped up the TAS tail, with without doubt the ball of the day coming from Doug “Champers” Bollinger.
Krejza decided not to offer a shot to a vicious inswinger that cut back a mile in the air, which not only made an ugly mess of his off stump, but his middle stump as well!
With TAS in deep doggy do on the first innings, Katich had no other option but go for the jugular and enforce the follow on.
And then a most extraordinary thing happened.
Champers very first ball of the 2nd innings did some weird and crazy stuff, both off the pitch and in the air at pace, and Dighton had absolutely no idea – the ball just pegged him, neatly removing the leg stump!
TAS 1/0
Matthew “one test wonder” Nicholson then bowled a maiden.
Third ball of Champers second over he had Di Venuto offered a simple chance to the keeper, next ball trapped Marsh in front, missed the hat trick, and then with the last ball of the over, Bailey hit it straight to gully!
Three wickets in four balls – I’m pretty sure that that feat has its own section in the record books -- being the next best thing after the hat trick.
TAS 4/11.
Just a pity there were only 23 punters in the lower deck of the MA Noble Stand [yes, I counted them] to witness such a thing.
The man and his dog were out the back having a smoke at the time.
Never rated Bollinger as much more than a perfectly serviceable first class bowler in the past, but he appears to have found a yard of extra pace this season, and crikey! always been a fan of good, straight, fast bowling.
No one can argue with ten wickets in the match, and the number of scalps he’s already taken this season
Darren Goodger made his first class umpiring debut in this match, and I am here to tell you, the bloke rivals Porky Parker in his absolute hugeness!
If you lined up Porky and Gazza’s beer guts next to each other, there’d be nothing in it!
Left after tea, as the light began to fade considerably, when a sort of gloaming misty sea fog came in over the ground, pretty much from the direction of Kirribilli House.

PS the new Hill Stand is in a sorry state. The concrete for the concourse in front is finished, and they were putting in the seats. They will probably try to sell those for Jan 2. But as for the rest of it, I counted 16 steel fixers crawling all over one third of the first deck, the foundations appeared to have just been poured for the middle third, while the other third – well there‘s just nothing there! They will be very lucky to have the thing finished for the start to the new Sydney Swans season; more like in time for the last game.

no pumpkin sitting on his shoulders

Big hitters,

You have to feel sorry for the inform bats who are going around in first class cricket at the moment, given that none of them have a snowflakes chance in hell of breaking into the first XI this season, the way the top and middle order is traveling [admittedly, against a pop gun attack].
For blokes like Simon Katich [currently averaging 178], who is driven by fear and loathing, it must be particularly galling to know that you can go around the country and score big runs at will on all types of pitches against all types of bowling, and still your name won’t even get past the Blue Coat guarding the door at the meetings of the Chairman and the Three Wise Men.
Pomersbach [2nd in the averages] has managed to rule himself out, after finding himself “suspended indefinitely”, for some kind of mysterious encounter with the demon drink.

MJ Clarke’s 71 in Hobart was almost a cameo appearance.
Apart from smacking a bit of rubbish and a couple of cracking cut shots that sizzled through point, no one really noticed that he was even there until one bloke in the crowd turned to the bloke next to him and said ‘did you see that? Pup’s about to make a half ton”, and then the kiddie sheepishly raises his bat to the dressing room as he duly knocks up the 50.
But it does go to show that that’s no pumpkin sitting on his shoulders; he’s got a mature cricket brain for one of his tender age.
The whole purpose of the exercise was to push and nudge the ball around for singles square of the wicket on both sides in order to constantly turn over the strike to let the great MEK get on with the Serious Business of making a Big Test Match Hundred.
They did exactly what they did in Brisbane – carefully and methodically, not to mention ruthlessly, bat the opposition clean out the game, and for Pup the only self interest was pretty much just keeping the average tidy.
But he must have been disappointed with the way he got out; putting a glove on an absolute nothing ball, only to turn around in time to see the keeper take a screamer.
You have to admire Jacques stellar start to the resumption of his international career.
Just reward for all those endless days in all those endless seasons that is English County Cricket.
They are very hard yards to hoe indeed, and his colleagues don’t call him “Pro” for nothing.

Can’t let the moment pass without some comment on the disgracefully shabby hounding out of first class cricket of the great Boof.
The fools and jokers who purport to run the South Australian Cricket Association should hang their ugly heads in shame.
It’s them that should be run out town, not DS Lehmann.
Did not the SACA CEO comment that it was an “excellent time” for Boof to retire?
Talk about sinking the slipper, and then twisting the knife.
Boof will remember the name Deare.
And as for that chairman of SA selectors Nobes; if me and me mad Redbacks supporting mate had anything to do with it, he would be one of the first lined up against the wall and shot at dawn when the revolution comes.
The least of his many outrages was to install as captain a bloke who no one had ever heard of [the immensely talented Adcock] who averages about 20 in first class cricket batting at number five.
Crikey!
Boof retires with an outstanding first class average of 57.59.
Only god knows how many runs Boof scored for Yorkshire, but it must have been plenty, has he is one of the very very few non-natives to have been installed in the Yorkshire Hall of Fame.
One wonders if he will be accorded the same accolade by the utterly appalling administrators in Adelaide?
Surely now we can forgive Boof for his only major sin -- being Hookesy’s best mate.
Found his retirement media conference quite moving, with the old fella in tears for much of it.
It was all classically understated, but the oblique reference to Rod Marsh was in reality a good shot from the rocket propelled grenade launcher fired from the shoulder.
Let’s just hope it found its target.
At least the just reward for the SACA will be to preside over their team coming stone motherless last this season.
One of the most tawdry affairs witnessed in many a summer without doubt.
At least Boof can now take himself on a long fishing trip and start enjoying life again, but mark my words – he’ll be back – as the Chairman of the National Selection Panel in a couple of years time, where he can continue to be an ornament to the game.
Vale DS Lehmann.
Phew.
Glad to have that one off my chest.

not been idle on the workbench

Canine fanciers,

It’s fairly clear that MJ Clarke can’t get enough of batting at the ‘Gabba!
And what a way to kick off a season with nothing less than a classic test match hundred if ever there was one.
The whole purpose of a big test match hundred is to bat the opposition clean out of the game, and that, along with The Great MEK, is exactly what he did.
Spend all the time in the world getting your eye in at five, scratch around for a 50 while seeing to it that you see off the second new ball, and then get on with the job.
Only took a close interest in the first session on day two as I was otherwise engaged for the rest of the day [isn’t it always the way when your bloke’s batting?!!], but it was enough to reveal that the kiddie has certainly not been idle on the workbench over the off season.
Defence is much more compact than it used to – up, back, and cover all the stumps like he hasn’t done before, dramatically reducing the risk of getting out leg before, which has been his major problem in the past.
None of this swishing and wishing, or probing for rubbish outside off stump.
The footwork is as sweet as ever, with a classic example being the lofted off drive off Murali that hit that fence on the full – working left and right sets of toes like a stage dancer on point.
All the shots of course, with some Bradmanesque cover driving; the sort of collision of bat and ball that induces a collective short intake of breath in the crowd, then smiles and the ripple of applause, as they slowly realize they are in the presence of greatness.
The speed of the ball off the blade will always beat anyone forward of square on the off side as it sizzles its way to the boundary.
And no one in the modern game off cuts the ball, more often than not just backward of square, with such surety and ferocity.
Seems to have shed a few pounds too, but admitted that he was “completely buggered” after the day’s play, and after a good feed, ended up in bed, alone, and fast asleep at 8.30pm.
The laddie does like his sleep.
While 550 was obviously enough, you would have thought that Punter, with the time equation heavily in his favour, would have waited a few extra minutes - despite the worries about the light - to allow the bloke to get his 150 – don’t they still count for something a little extra in the record books these days?
And what’s this I read in the Daily Telegraph mid week of his love life being nothing short of sheer domestic bliss despite the recent slobbering incident in South Africa?
And that there’s even “off the record” talk of the pitter patter of tiny feet.
Joisus!
And I also hear a little birdie singing that MJ Clarke has been recently smeared with the holy ointments in a secret ceremony in the temple at Jolimont, on account of being the “natural successor” as the next Strayan captain.
Let’s just hope it doesn’t all go to his head.
Pup professed on the radio this morning that his sole purpose this season is to “cement my place in the side”, so surely, even at his tender age, he would be acutely aware of the distinct possibility of it all going pear shaped, or even ending up as a smouldering train wreck as it did two seasons ago, in what can be the cruelest of games.

The first triple century at the Sydney Cricket Ground since Bradman, and other stories...

Hedonists,

During Saturday afternoon’s massive day on the punt with my best mate Trev down from Newcastle [won early, won often, then backed the Cox Plate winner at 11/2 until our noses bled] the bush telegraph in the corner of the lounge room chattered into life and announced that Clarke [yep that’s right, Clarke, with an “e”] had taken three wickets late in the Queensland innings!
Intending to get along to the ground for day three, the late news came in that MJ Clarke has been “senselessly run out” for 23, with Simon Katich involved at the other end and Ryan Broad apparently throwing down the stumps from flat on his back…oh dear…Pup’s out…and we’re going to the game the next day.

Cricket and racing have one thing in common – no one can ever know what will happen from one minute to the next.
Certainly nothing presaged what would transpire on the day.
Simon Katich started the day on 70 odd, and then, with avoiding the follow-on on his mind, proceeded to spend something like 70 minutes in his 90’s, as Dom Thornley at the other end launched some heavy artillery, hitting two enormous sixes off the first two balls from the innocuous spinner Simpson [who the crowd quickly dubbed “Homer”].
For good measure he then finished off the over with a shot that sailed over the top of the sightboard at straight hit, and finished 30 rows back.
Katich finally got his 100 before lunch.
When we returned 20 minutes late from lunch at the Olympic Hotel, and were contemplating popping in to have a look at the A-league match next door at the SFS, it was clear something was going on.
Kat was really getting in amongst it and before anyone knew it he was approaching his 200.
When he got the double ton [with two sixes mind you], he had a mid-pitch conference with the Queensland skipper Jimmy Maher who appeared to all but concede the first innings points and ask ”when are you bloody well going to declare?’
Kat would have nothing of it.
The superbly well organised left hander clinically took apart the by now ragged Queensland bowling, again hitting two sixes [off another innocuous spinner, Sullivan, who was quickly dubbed by the crowd “Ed”], including a corker well back into the Ladies stand, to take what at the start of the day had been a highly unlikely first innings lead.
The crowd, which by then had swelled to about five thousand, just went completely bananas when he got the triple!
It was an almost faultless innings, his lofted drives on the on and the off in complete safety were imperious, while some lovely off cutting and driving beating point and cover all ends up, as the ball raced away to the boundary was a joy to watch.
Kat’s defence was impeccable, he never played the pull or the hook shot, but very rarely did he miss a chance to smack the rubbish, of which there was plenty on the four lane highway that the curator had rolled out.
Old hand’s described it as the best early season belter seen in Sydney in years.
Even Bing Lee got hit for a hundred in the Queensland innings, while TSC MacGill went for more than 200, and said afterwards that he “felt the ball was coming out the hand pretty well”.
Still, 300 is 300 is 300. Big numbers.
Kat offered his only chance in about his 180’s, when he put a very thick edge onto one from Mitchell Johnson [who couldn’t disquise his disappointment in the end] that flew; Queensland keeper Hartley performed a spectacular dive to the leg side, appeared to glove the ball cleanly, but then in the cloud of dust, arms, and legs that followed, managed to spill the pill, never having quite got the ball under control.
Problem was, the umpire at the bowlers end already had his finger up!
Hartley was good enough to approach the square leg umpire and say he didn’t catch it, the digit was withdrawn, and Kat was recalled to the wicket.
While all this was going on, Brad Haddin hit a gem of a ton.
Haven’t seen anyone for while who can stand and deliver off the back foot like he does – punching the ball like a boxer – the thing rolling away to the boundary more often than not.
Haddin’s also an excellent noodler; a consummate nudger of the ball for the typical well-run one-day-type single.
Hit his fair share of sixes too - a couple of square drives to the leg sailed into the empty Brewongle Stand concourse and took quite a while for the fieldsmen to find among the seats.
With the bats blazing away, Queensland got quite cranky in the field.
At one point, Haddin pushed a ball from Symonds to about deep cover, and then found himself struggling for his ground.
Symonds was backing up at the stumps, but the throw from the field collected Haddin on the neck and shoulder as it went through, to dribble to a stop at Symonds feet, as Haddin’s bat slid over the crease.
Roy, in a fit of pique, put in a genuine appeal for “obstructing the field” and by the looks of the thing, made sure the umpires knew what he was appealing for.
The square leg umpire turned him down.
The day was made even more enjoyable by about a dozen lunatic spectators obviously on a weekend bender.
They rolled in about 11 am, after what would have been an all nighter, in fancy dress.
They were fitted out in old sports blazers, teamed with Hawaiian shirts and long baggy shorts, topped with a variety “jazz hats”, ranging from the ten gallon, to the Sicilian fisherman’s cap, to things with propellers on the top of them.
One bloke even had the stick-on Elvis Presley style sideburns.
They were quite subdued in the first session, but once they got drinking again, became quite raucous, but good natured, witty barrackers.

As Trev pointed out, in normal circumstances, Kat would have played himself into the Australian middle order; open with MEK Hussey, and sorry about that Phil.
But it won’t happen.
The team was already picked before the weekend.
If Tait is fit, Johnson will be 12th man on his SCG showing, where he became visibly frustrated and began bowling some rank full tosses and rude long hops, as he completely lost his line and length in the face of the onslaught.
Suggest some of the crack Sri Lankan bats would similarly find him out.
Didn’t impress me much.

All in all one of the best day’s first class cricket witnessed in many a season, and at least The Kat, by his own admission, atoned for the cardinal sin of running out Pup!

The SCG Trust has apparently guaranteed Cricket Australia that the New Hill Stand will be ready for the test match.
On the look of construction proceedings yesterday, they have a snowflakes chance in hell.
Two huge cranes are in place, but less than half the foundations have gone in, and that’s it.
Unless most of it is being pre-fabed off site, getting to lock up stage by January would appear well nigh impossible.

The most obscure tournament ever played

Idle spectators,

What is it about MJ Clarke and India?
He returns to Bangalore where he made his test debut and tonked a ton, only to score 130 in a one-day game!
Only saw the newsreel highlights, but the kiddie was playing all the shots, pushing the field around and finding the gaps, not to mention the ten fours and the three over the top; never mind that he offered a few chances.
This after he’d spent the night before on the hurl due to a dodgy curry – he found the doctor at 1am – and told him he was “going both ends”.
On interview post game admitted that he was after no more than “time in the middle” after a “shocking twenty20 world cup”
Managed to keep the run rate at more than five an over throughout the partnership with Haddin.
Always rated Haddin as a bat after seeing plenty of him in first class cricket, and Gilly agrees he should get more gigs as a specialist bat in the one day game.
Good thing that Our Lara cashed in her ticket to India for one for the States, after seeing a photo of Pup on the slobber in South Africa.
One less distraction.
Noted also that Philip Anthony Jaques scored a couple of centuries for Australia A in the two four-day games against Pakistan A [which you’d have to doubt would have been granted first class status, even if they were] and come home from the most obscure tournament ever played, with an average of 123.33
The selectors would have taken notice on account of the tour was staged for their sole benefit.
And you can guess on that form, who will fill the vacant opener’s spot, given that the chairman and the three wise men have always been reluctant to mint a new baggy green on account of the dread fear of making a mistake, and Pro already has one.