loose men everywhere

Ecstatics,

It's ironic that one of the better memoirs of the Geelong Football Club goes by the title of "Loose Men Everywhere".
Well, not on a Thursday night in Sydney in late May.
Precisely the opposite, as it turns out.
The book, of course, is now out of date, on account of it wouldn't include Geelong's biggest losing margin against the Swans - ever - even if you go back in the mists of time to the South Melbourne glory days, you won't find a bigger one.
A 17 goal football lesson in anyone's language.
The Stats Guru's head was spinning like a top as the records tumbled like nine pins in a blood bath.
Couldn't get the abacus going fast enough.
A little Bird was singing SC Horse has continued the tradition of SC Roos on how to handle bye week.
Have all the players over to the coach's place for a Saturday afternoon BBQ & a keg on the weekend when they're not playing, talk some shit, tell a few lies, relax and have a good time, and then at the end of the day the coach goes around to each player individually and says "Now, piss off. I don't want to see you for three days. Go home. Here's your ticket. Go and see your Mother".
A clever man, is Mr Ed.
They don't talk about it, let alone make a song and dance about it, it's just done.
The Tipsy-Buddy Show continues to roll on like a caravan of colourful [adopted] Sydney identites, who are reminded constantly that the wheels could fall off at any moment, without warning, if they're not careful - but do they care?
It's taken a while for the Swans big investment in tall timber to pay off, but boy when it does, they are like huge mobile Kauri trees brushing off opponents as if they were some kind of pesky insects or loose leaves.
Can play, can kick goals.
Pity that Franklin is utterly hopeless at the set shot, but there are few better exponents of the snap goal - haven't seen an inside-out banana kicked from ten yards out in quite a while.
Tipsy makes up for it with long bombs and strong punts for goal from the mark.
Everyone is talkin' about how the Swans mid-field is on fire, but the backs hardly get mentioned.
Why?
To keep a class opposition to zip at the first break. a single goal to half time, and just two six-pointers by the end of The Champo takes some doing.
Full as an Esky, Rick Shaw, and Teddy Richards and their cohorts are a bit like The Men Who Stare At Goats.
They build a brick wall across the backline and invite the other team to try to run through it, only to watch them bounce off it in a flailing heap, every time.
Up front, the goal kickers list in the scorebox was more than impressive, even Big Ted and The Train got a mention.
The offical crowd on paper looks pretty good, also.
Sydney will always turn out for grinning winners, but Thursday night could work with a 7pm start time, giving people enough time to knock off work in town, have a drink and a bite to eat before proceeding to the ground and getting home at a half-way reasonable time.
It's all about location, and with the public transport sorted, the SCG has that in spades, but the jury is still out, for mine.
Obviously, the Marketing Dept is clearly targeting the different kind of people who live in the Eastern Suburbs, who are too busy sipping lattes and guzzling Chardonnay while weaving the odd basket or two on the weekends to go to the football.
Gold Coast away and Port at home to come will sort the men from the boys and that'll be through the half way mark in the season, and then it's "easy" street for a while.
Still the Swans find themselves at 3rd on for-and-against in what is the complete log jam that is the AFL top eight at the minute.
There's more work to do, but luckily, they've been told, and they know it.
Don't spend hours on end trawling other people's football blogs, but did note on the AFL's official blog page that some Geelong supporter had posted the comment "well done AFL for gifting Kurt Tippet and Lance Franklin to a 'struggling' out-of-town team, who only won the Premiership two years ago".
Well, sucko, pal, that's just the way it is.
Mustn't gloat, but remember years ago being accosted out the back of the Olympic Stadium at half time during a Geelong game with Sydney leading by a fair margin by some wild eyed clearly insane Cats fan who botted a smoke off me.
He was entertaining enough.
My parting words to him were "well, you've come a long way to lose", left him perplexed, then slipped into the crowd and disappeared.

SYDNEY: 4.4, 8.9, 14.11, 22.16 (148). Tippett 5, Franklin 4, Goodes 3, Hannebery 2, K.Jack, Derickx, Bird, Lloyd, McGlynn, Jetta.
GEELONG: 0.3, 1.3, 2.4, 5.8 (38). Goals: Hawkins 3, Simpson, Johnson.
At Sydney Cricket Ground.
Crowd: 37,355.

Pleasing to see the two Balmain boys have good games for a winning NSW side in one of the very best matches of rugby league seen in long while in State-of-Origin I: one for the ages, world-class.
WESTS TIGERS: Mid-season bye.

robbed blind

Fellow Agahstees,

Robbed blind.
Pure and simple.
The Bamfords had a total shocker.
It's been a while since three penalty goals have been kicked in a rugby league match; the players had the umps worked out from the off with no shortage of diving and waving the arms around complaining about the penalty count.
In the denoument, it ceased being a game and descended into farce.
Ironic that both the Bamfords went by the first name Gavin.
Really? Gavin?
With the scores all locked up at 14-14 with four minutes left on the clock, the Bamford known as Gavin "Fooking" Badger penalised Pat Richards on an imaginary trumped up charge of tackling the Bronco's playmaker without the ball, that would never stand up in a court of law.
In was right in front of the posts, so Brisbane just dropped it over the black dot to win the match.
No trubs, thanks very much, Gav.
Post match, Coach Potter was reportedly accosted by The Press hounding him about what he thought about it.
It was clear Harry was incandescent with rage, but he kept his implaccable calm exterior and said "I've got no idea. Didn't see it. And I haven't had a chance to have a chat to Pat about it just yet, and he was the bloke there".
No doubt, under interrogation by the coach, Pat would say "it wasn't me, guvna, i never done it" and he be believed, given that the video tape showed that while he did attempt to tackle the ball carrier, who was barelling headlong towards him at a rate of knots mind you, Richards was a bit late in his timing, and made slight contact about a millisecond after the ball had left the ball-carrier's hands.
But, in any case the tackle was completely ineffective and would have made absolutely no difference at all to the course of play.
Little wonder the back pages of the next morning's fishwraps screamed "TIGERS FUMING OVER MATCH WINNING PENALTY".
Whatever happened to the advantage rule? Where the refs call is "advantage! play on!".
It seems to be dying out in favour of a highly technical reading of the rule book.
The Umpire's whistle is nobody's friend, least of all the miserable spectators who've gone to the time and trouble to go have a look at it.
The irony is that Pat Richards was Man of the Match for mine; strong defence and a fine running game, with a couple of spectular breaks down the wing that created some really good looking broken play - no finer sight in world sport than running Rugby League - and the bloke can kick the ball, he's like Dead Eye Dick used to be when it comes to kicking goals, and as the radio commentator said as Pat took a goal line drop out "Oh! Richards has really put his boot into that! Look at that for a kick! He's kicked it all the way to Camden!".
The bloke is the stand out bargain buy of the year for any club.
And all he wants out of the game after 14 seasons in the caper - eight of those most recently in England playing for Wigan when they won everything - is just to retire with a tidy pension.
After his exploits in The Miracle Year '05 he's already in the Balmain pantheon, and he aint greedy, just setting himself up for a comfortable retirement.
My Spy at The Ground noted that the crowd was about double the size they'd usually get at Campbelltown Sports Ground.
He offered no reason; surely they wouldn't all have come out of the Western Suburbs Magpies woodwork just for the 15th anniversary of the first match played at the ground after the merger between Balmain and Wests to create the joint venture club?
Nobody celebrates that.
It should be a day of mourning.
They must have been giving away free hot pies.
That'd bring the crowds in.
Only to end up bitterly disappointed at full time, and left with a bad taste in the mouth due soley to incompetant judges.
Could go on about it, but won't.
At the end of the section, neither side played very well, which is reflected in the scorebox, and as usual, when there's no Robbie Farah there's no Cuban Cigar, with the Best Leb in the Game out of town on other business, i.e. duties for NSW in the opening State-of-Origin game v QLD mid-week.
Robbie would be first picked at hooker and chief wizard at the play-the-ball by any team on the planet, so if NSW can have him, they'll take him, and they don't even have to ask for Balmain's permission.
The upcoming bye didn't fall the right way, too bad.
The Stats Guru was pained to point out that in the seven games played against Brisbane in those fifteen years at Campbelltown, the Bronco's have never lost, with six wins and a draw there.
It's a spooky hoo-doo ground.
All the more reason to abandon the gawdforsaken place forever, put the wrecking ball through the joint, plough up the field and plant it to beans.
Balmain beans.
Popped my head around the door of the Front Bar at The Local on Monday morning, and The Philosopher quickly fixed me with his beady eye - spotted - so had no choice but to go in.
He didn't look his usual self.
The barmaid said "he's a bit more agitated than normal, and he can't decide what he wants to drink - not a good sign".
So, cocked my head and turned towards The Philosopher and said "what's up, Prof?"
He replied: "Joisus Christ, Craves! Petty officialdom gives me the complete and utter shits".

WESTS TIGERS 14. Tries: Brooks, Thompson. Goals: Richards (3).
BRISBANE BRONCOS 16. Tries: Oates (2). Goals: Hunt (4).
At Campbelltown Sports Ground.
Crowd: 16,511.

SYDNEY: Mid-season bye.

purple patches and chicken wings

Loyalista,

There is simply no coming back from having seven goals kicked on you in the first quarter, sorry Essendon.
The Fat Lady was already starting to warm-up the vocal chords within the first half hour after the opening bounce.
That's all she wrote, what's more to say?
The Goodes Train really only made a cameo appearance, but it doesn't matter if you carry a passenger or two, when the mid-field is playing that well, and the tall timber are doing an admirable job up front.
The Strayan of the Year is worth his weight in marketing gold, and that will do, just quietly.
It doesn't matter what you think of Buddy - the man's a freak.
There's no one with his height and strength who can throw his weight around quite like he can.
And there's no arguing with five goals and having a blinder, short and simple.
No idea what the club is paying Franklin this year [although a little birdie was singing when they hired him that most of the cash is backloaded onto the final years of his contract as an incentive and reward for longevity], but whatever the dollar amount is, it's becoming more and more apparent that it may well be worth it, and that Buddy's a keeper.
Bird continues to fly under the radar, while JP Kennedy has set some sort of record for the most number of consecutive 25+ possession games.
Hawthorn must have been completely out of their minds when they let JP go for a couple of lowly draft picks.
Fools. And plenty of Hawks supporters thought and said so at the time.
Parker continues to be the find of the season, after feeling his way into senior footy last year.
He's now very confident that he can match it week in week out at the top level; tough no-holds-barred consistency is what you aim for when you are a nuggety-type six-footer.
No doubt the highlight of the Championship Quarter was an unsual one.
A Bamford collides with Nick "Full as an Esky" Malceski - that's like being run over by a small truck without warning - and ends up on the Medicab
Umpire Pannell will cop the concussion rule and have a week off you'd expect.
Funny thing, the Stats Guru points out that the only time Malceski has ever been suspended was for "contact with an umpire", but not this time, as it was all the Bamford's fault - he was too close to the ball instead of standing way back and watching the thing, and he wasn't aware of what was going on around him - wrong place, wrong time to be weilding a whistle.
Essendon do have some class fans, don't they?
It's all very well having a quiet chuckle at an umpire's misfortune, but apparently they booed the gurney as it was coming off the ground as they reckoned it delayed the game for too long.
Then it emerged mid-week that some fool of a Bomber's supporter had been thrown out of the ground for calling The Goodes Train a "black bastard", or worse.
And that in the Marn Grook game, of all games.
They are almost as classy as Collingwood fans.
So there you go....an official mid-season Purple Patch - five in a row - and now firmly entrenched in the top four, after just sneaking into the top eight a couple if weeks ago.
SC Horse must be thinking that's a nice place to be with the bye coming up, and then a Thursday night game at home against a faltering Geelong.
Time for the first cigar of the season.

ESSENDON: 1.1, 5.3, 6.6, 9.10 (64). Goals: Ryder 2, Carlisle 2, Goddard, Zaharakis, Hocking, Daniher, Bellchambers.
SYDNEY: 7.1, 12.4, 15.4, 18.6 (114). Goals: Franklin 5, McVeigh 3, Tippett 3, Parker 2, Kennedy, Derickx, Goodes, Rampe, Bird.
At Docklands Stadium.
Crowd: 41,098.

The Mighty Tiges took the get-out-of-jail free card + the two free points, while it was on offer.
Clever football smarts.
Found myself pottering about in the kitchen whipping up something or another on Saturday night, so only caught snatches of the radio call, all the way from The Shire.
Don't know that Shark Park, in its current incarnation, has ever been graced with my presence, and can't see any call to go in there in the near, let alone mid-to-long term future.
At the end of the match the radio commentators were doing the call of the card and summing up the scorebox and naming their top three players and finished their remarks with "well, the referee's have certainly made a spectacle of themselves tonight".
Forward passes that were "a few kilometres forward", "even Blind Freddy standing at the back of the hill could see that", run-around-second-man plays that amost always involved a blatant shepherd, offsides galore, snaky business in scrums - crikey, there was allegation of biting for gawd's sake [that in the end stayed on field] - there was even a "chicken wing" tackle - all of which went unpunished while the Bamford's constantly blew the whistle calling penalties for the most marginal technical infractions.
The players could see that the umps were all at sea, rules are there to be broken if you can get away with it - both sides were as guilty as each other - and they both took full advantage of it.
After a tough hard fought even first half, Cronulla scored two dodgy tries in two minutes soon after half time, and five minutes later, Balmain scored two dodgy tries in two minutes to go two points ahead.
At that point, The Best Leb In The Game, back from injury to resume his crucial role as Master of Proceedings decided that that was enough of that nonsense, and no more points were needed.
So he made sure they never conceded a free yard in defence - just sat on the football and shut the game down in the second half of the second half - with the option of working a drop goal for a three point lead always a live option.
But in the denoument even that wasn't necessary.
Coach Harry is one of the few very good strategic thinkers in the game - rugby league is not very complicated, it's a plain and simple game - Mr Potter eschews yelling down the telephone, throwing the headphones about or any of those kinds of histrionics, in favour of leaning back in the box seeing the thing in the big picture - which is the current 80 minutes at hand - with his strange far-away eyes.
On that showing, if Balmain can start to empty Sick Bay a bit and get back to having the the luxury of picking the first-picked side week in, week out, they are definitely top eight material, but the rugby league table is a strange thing; where the wheels can fall off at any moment at the drop of a hat, if you aren't careful.

CRONULLA-SUTHERLAND SHARKS 20. Tries: Tagataese, Gallen, Gordon. Goals: Gordon (4).
WESTS TIGERS 22. Tries: Nofoaluma, Richards, Paterson, Lawrence. Goals: Richards (3).
At Shark Park.
Crowd: 15,869.

Footnote:
Did note that The Great Benji Marshall made his debut for St George on the weekend (in a 0-36 loss!).
His performance was variously described in the fish wraps as "unimpresssive", "lack lustre", and even "embarrassing".
Here's a bloke who made the mistake-of-his-life by walking out on Balmain after a stellar career over a simple contract dispute which should have been easily solved, went on to make a fool of himself in Auckland playing rugby union at which he was a self-admitted "utter failure", to return in short order to the only game he knows - rugby league - well aware that his heart will never be in it if he isn't playing for the Tigers, who don't want him back for good reason - you can do all the humble pie eating, son.
Despite the full-blown narcissism, inflated sense of entitlement, plain greed, and sheer bastardry - you have to forgive him all that and feel for the poor guy.
Look for a mid-season retirement from all codes of football; about a million dollars short of where he could and should have been.
Sad.

pricked the balloon

Triumphalists,

Definitely one for the ages.
Sydney pricked the balloon that is Hawthorn's over-inflated sense of superiority and entitlement.
They reckon after hoisting the flag last year, they are unstoppable, but Sydney and a few other teams have other ideas.
The Hawks will do anything to go there again, but it's always good to inflict pain on them from time to time just to remind then that they are not omnipresent at the centre of the football universe.
Buddy oh Buddy oh Bloody Buddy Franklin - kicking seven straight behinds before turning on the two late goals that sealed the deal, inclduing a complete speculator off the toe of the boot as he was being flung to the ground.
Nice to see Buddy's new buddy, The Hannebery Kiddie easily earn Best on Ground, after not having the best of pre-seasons what with crashing Buddy's girlfriend's car, and finding a fondness for the drink.
No doubt he would have been told good and proper to pull his head in if he wants the stellar career he's so obviously capable of.
SC Horse still has a lot of a lot of work to do around the ground, but he can't help but be happy that a few of the young blokes coming on, Parker in particular - he's a tough relentless young bastard.
In contrast, while the Goodes Train remains his brilliant best running in a straight line, even though he's lost of a couple of yards in pace, the trademark jink and weave are well on the way out with age.
No more swizzle stick action and picking the ball up off a sixpence.
The rude truth is that Adam is probably only being picked on account of who he is - The Australian of the Year - the Marketing Dept would insist upon it.
And it's really sad that Rhino Keefe can't get a first grade game anymore.
Here's a bloke who's been more or less cast on the scrap heap after 286 games for the same club and winning the Norm Smith medal but two years ago for being too old and too tired at age 33.
Look for a couple of mid-season retirements.
The Stats Guru mentioned in passing that suddenly that's four wins in a row and Sydney find themselves temporarily fourth on the ladder with other better placed teams on the bye; so only one win away from an early-to-mid season purple patch, which is just what the doctor ordered.
Pity that the Swans and Tigers games were played simultaneously, but with the ridiculous length of a game of Strayan Rules, the rugby league match was all done and dusted by the time they got half time in the AFL.
To emphasis the point, on a late start Friday night game, My Spy at The Ground - who's never very happy at the football, worries too much - had the stop watch on the start times of each quarter:
1st 7:50pm, 2nd 8:28pm, 3rd 9:17pm, 4th 9:57pm, end of game 10:38pm.
Country members who'd come down to the game from Newcastle complained bitterly that with the trains not running that efficiently, they didn't get home until well after 2am!
Utter madness.
He also noted that the crowd was down about ten thousand on what it would have been if it had been played on a Saturday night for Sunday afternoon...surely they should have learned years ago that Sydney has a distinct dislkike for Friday night games.
And gawd help us, they have a Thursday night match coming up shortly at the SCG.
The Bluds will have a mighty time trying to roll Essendon in the official Marn Grook game this weekend, again on a Friday night, to do a Patterson's Curse.
Called into the Front Bar at The Local on Monday morning, as is my want.
The Brown Bros were in high spirits after The NZ Worriers had won by a cricket score.
[Saw them just last week actually laying a small section of footpath just down the street from my gaff, and went to say hello; they greeted me warmly, as always, particularly after the compliments they got from me on their impeccable formwork - they know their caper and what they are doing in concreting that you can actually walk on without tripping up].
Found the Philosopher in his usual corner, enjoying this week's favoured tipple...a Tom Collins with a twist.
The barmaid told me that he somehow managed to convince the bar manager that limes are cheap at the minute, and he should get a couple of bags in, fit for purpose.
For the record, it's a double gin with the juice of one lime and ice in a highball topped with club soda.
He forgoes the sugar cube on the top for his health.
The Philospher seemed perplexed by the last fortnight's goings on, looked up, cocked his glasses on his snoot, and said while poking his paper with his bony hand "what's this I read about them taking away Buddy's car keys and hiring him a full time chaffuer on top of his already bloated stipend? He could always take a taxi like the rest of us, couldn't he?".

SYDNEY: 4.8, 6.12, 9.16, 15.17 (107). Tippett 4, Franklin 2, Malceski 2, Parker 2, K.Jack, Bird, McVeigh, Hannebery, Jetta.
HAWTHORN: 2.2, 6.5, 11.7, 13.10 (88). Goals: Breust 3, Roughead 3, Simpkin 2, Birchall, Puopolo, Hale, Suckling, Duryea.
At Olympic Stadium, Homebush.
Crowd: 34,506

It's plain for all to see that Balmain are very seriously understaffed.
There's no senior management left on field, and young blokes who are struggling to match it in the top grade are being asked to do all the heavy lifting, and the ask is plainly too much.
Doesn't matter what you think of Braith Anasta, but when the Best Leb in The Game went down with a dislocated elbow a fews ago, at least Braith stepped into the breech as acting captain and the marshall of kicks-in-play.
But with him gone this week with some kind of niggle, no one seemed to have any idea who the new acting Captain actually was, and the poor Balmain backs spent most of their time standing around and asking each other "well, who's going to kick the ball, then?" - a question that was never really decided.
But, it is "football" after all, and when they sink the slipper in rugby league, all sorts of opportunities open up in broken play.
You are sunk without the principal paymakers.
And the Tigers forwards couldn't get any go forward going against the mob of monsterously huge South Sea Islanders Easts have in their side.
The Balmain Football Dept decided from the off that they didn't have a snowflakes trying to match that, and they were right.
A little birdie was singing that Farah could've played - wanted to play - but Coach Potter said "nah, you can keep".
Harry had already written the game off as a dead loss before the opening whistle, so no point in bringing the marquee player back early for no useful purpose.
He'd decided that at this stage a loss wasn't going to do them a huge amount of much damage on the ladder - they'd still be in the top eight - so you might as well just try to get out of it without sending anyone else down to Sick Bay, which is already full in any case, no beds available.
Is there such a thing as a "calculated loss"?
S'pose you'd have to ask a few bookies about that - the Waterhouse family in particular - they'd know.
Don't know about the pink away strip Balmain played in; with the pink replacing the white in the Western Suburbs Magpies jersey.
Puce
Pink has never been incorporated in any footballers playing jersey, ever, even though quite a few wide lapelled lary pink shirts might have made an appearance on the back of some up The Cross back in the 60's and 70's.
So, what was that was that all about?
A good cause no doubt, but it just didn't look right, for mine.
Certainly bought them no luck, no luck at all.

SYDNEY ROOSTERS 30. Tries: Tupou (2), Jennings (2), Cordner, Pearce. Goals: Maloney (3).
WESTS TIGERS 6. Tries: Lawrence. Goals: Austin (1).
At Sydney Football Stadium.
Crowd: 16,024.

"lard-arsed homo's"

Out-of-Towners,

Found myself in Newcastle on Saturday night, where, in a rabid rugby league one-team town to it's bootstraps, the care factor about AFL is just about approaching zero, so never saw a single frame of this game, not even in the newsreels - it went down the wormhole.
Still there was some good footy to be had if you knew where to look; even in the working man's game's heartland, news filtered through on Sunday morning that Newcastle City had beaten Maitland at home to the tune of 16.20 (116) to 0.0 [00] in an Under 13's Australian Rules match.
The goal umpire at one end was fairly busy as a five goal southerly buster ripped in off the Barrington Tops.
My spy at the ground telegraphed through that it was "a bit blowy".
In the meatime, the Swans were in Brisvegas, where the trumpets sounded and the fat lady sang at half time as "the mid-field ran riot", by all reports.
That'll do me.
The fishwraps by and large acclaimed Oddhead as man-of-the-match in their "best" lists , and why not with thirty-five touches in the game?
The Swans goal-kickers list is as long as your arm, as it should be.
The Stats Guru delighted in pointing out that Rick Shaw, in his 200th game [94 for Collingwood, 106 for Sydney] kicked his third goal since 2011.
Goal kicking is obviously not his long suit, but give me a better half-back over the course of his long and illustrious career.
The bloke can play - otherwise he wouldn't be picked week in, week out - and few others can run it out of the backline and punt it into the middle of the park with a pin-point kick like Rick can, with a view to helping someone else boot a goal somewhere just over the horizon.
A scholar and a gentleman, and a dead set champion, for mine, and there are not many of those left.
Despite the slow start to the year - Sydney sneak into the top eight for the first time this season after seven games, which is as good a place as any to be, with more or less a third of the season done.
SC Horse would be tugging his forelock trying to find the way and the means to a purple patch, which they will most definitely need if they want to threaten the top four.
The optimists will say "but it's only May!"
However, given the Hawks gave the Saints a 23 goal football lesson mind you, yep, that's right, 23 goals to the good, on the weekend, anything could happen at Cathy Freeman Stadium this Friday night.

BRISBANE: 2.0, 3.5, 5.6, 6.8 (44). Goals: Paparone 2, Lester, Rockliff, Green, Cutler.
SYDNEY: 3.6, 8.8, 14.11, 18.15 (115). Goals: Goodes 3, K Jack 2, Kennedy 2, Parker 2, B Jack 2, Derickx, Cunningham, Reid, McVeigh, Shaw, Lloyd, Jetta.
At The Gabba.
Crowd: 17,957.

In an unremarkable weekend of of representative football [apart from the New Zealand rugby league team's haka - which is an absolute corker] my attention was bought to the Under 20's State-of-Origin game, in which some junior Balmain players were involved, by all accounts.
Apparently the match had it all; spectacular running rugby league, clothes-line tackles, squirrel grips, Christmas holds, punch-ups, all-in brawls, sin-bins galore, and even some choice verbals when some weak poof called Mitchell Moses, of Balmain, playing for New South Wales, called some annoying Queensland player a "farkin' gay c*unt".
Looks like the current crop of teenagers have been told and shown how it's done by the old fellas.
That's what the crowds come to see, despite what the authorities will try to tell you.
And as a bonus, the Blues won.
Appears they got the the miscreants in a room together after the game, banged their heads together, and asked them "which one of you bastards called this bastard a bastard?", Moses put his hand up and was promptly rubbed out for two weeks for homophobic vilification, and ordered to undergo a couple of heavy sessions in the Room Full of Mirrors down on the Balmain Rd for his trouble and indiscretions.
In this day and age, they'll tell him, you just can't go 'round calling random blokes "lard-arsed homo's"
Sorry, but it's not on, anymore.
Fair enough, but in his defence, he would no doubt have said it was all about state pride, your Honour, no personal spite in it, honest.
Popped my head into the Front Bar at The Local on Monday morning and found The Philosopher in his usual corner enjoying this week's favoured tipple, a straight Screwdriver, no garnishes, no ice, thanks.
Banter among the patrons turned to the general issue of sledging, moral and mental disintergration, and after the argument went around in circles for a while, all eyes looked upon The Philospher to settle the question.
He just nodded, gave his shoulders a slight shrug, adjusted his glasses, and said "same as it ever was".

WESTS TIGERS: Bye {representative weekend}.

"the opposition would die of shock"

Arborists,

Nothing quite like soundly beating the team that beat you to deny you a place in last year's Grand Final, after a miserable mid-season draw, that, as always predicted, proved to be the fly in the ointment in '13.
Don't get mad, get even.
SC Horse would be entitled to be well pleased.
Did like the moment that Jake Lloyd came on as the sub in the Final Stanza in his debut game in senior footy, and they told him to just stand on the wing and watch the ball; his first touch in top grade was a solid chest mark and then he kicked the thing straight into Buddy's arms and the goal was never in doubt.
Could be corrected here, but the first half was probably the best footy seen all season; a genuine dog-fight for that ball, neat passing, and strong marking from long bombs.
Holding the Dockers to just two goals at the long break was a very good effort, given their firepower.
On the face of it, the half time lead looked enough, and they were never going to be beaten after a hard fought Champo.
Let's look at the team, for once.
Always pleasing to see the children go well.
The Rampe Kiddie was probably Best on Ground, for mine, while his chief partner in crime, Teddy Richards might have been also, if not for a couple of blunders against The Pav in the Champo.
Much to like about the games of the Child Laidler, Rick Shaw, and the two bald bearded wonders in Malsceski and Jetta [you'd want to book in well in advance to see the same hairdressers that those two blokes frequent, looks like they are popular], Parker & the Hannebery Kiddie, also, and there is nothing like it when you go "in like McGlynn".
The Ugliest Man in Football has also been on song in the past couple of weeks.
Franklin just did precisely what he is paid to do.
Throw his weight about and kick a few goals; the bloke is someone you def wouldn't want to come across in a dark alley late at night, and he can kick bananas and boomerangs.
To their credit, the Bamfords put their whistle away and just let them get on with it.
Seems that Tipsy copped a broken rib in his comeback game in the reserves, but even if he scrubs up eventually, where would you play him?
Kurt, even when fit, will find it hard to find any wriggle-room back into the seniors.
And how much are the Swans paying, exactly, for him not to play?
There's also a plan afoot according to unconfirmed reports to tip someone off the bench, and put The Goodes Train on there as the sub for this weekend's game at The G.
No need to play him if you don't have to against the Demons.
Toot! Toot!
You need a settled side to put a purple patch together.

SYDNEY: 2.1, 5.7, 11.10, 13.13 (92). Goals: Franklin 4, McGlynn 2, Malceski, Kennedy, McVeigh, Roberts-Thomson, Parker, B.Jack, Jetta
FREMANTLE: 2.2, 2.4, 8.6, 11.9 (75). Goals: Pavlich 4, Johnson 2, Ballantyne 2, Mzungu, Mundy.
At Sydney Cricket Ground.
Crowd: 25,376.

Toyed for a minute with the idea of doing a walk up to the ground without a ticket, but then thought better of it, given it was Easter Monday afternoon.
Turned out to be a champion idea not to go there, when word filtered through that fifty thousand people had decided to turn up to Cathy Freeman Stadium, with that many again, and then some, at the Royal Easter Show right next door.
Even with the event buses and trains running full pelt to the 2000 Olympics timetable, it would still have been a crush, and while you would have been able to buy a ticket at the gate, trying to find any sort of decent seat in general admission would have been a nightmare in that stupendous crowd - surely the biggest turn out for a club come in quite some time.
Fancy the Tigers going from playing in front of six and a half thousand to fifty thousand in the space of a week?
That'd tell the boys in the back office something they already know - the abysmal nature of Campbelltown Sport Ground, and the genius of the Olympic Stadium.
Only goes to prove that if you put on the right game, at the right time, at the right venue, and offer cheap family tickets that include all the kids, the people will come.
The Club Secretary would be rubbing his hands in glee.
Undoubtedly the best win of the season.
Did like the disallowed Parramatta try right near the finish that would have clinched the game for them, being rubbed out by the video ref on some kind of technical obscure obstruction rule, that left the score 18-18 with a couple of minutes left.
Then the Balmain forwards just ran it toward the goal posts and the 19 year old half back calmly potted an easy field goal to take a one point lead.
No idea how the mysterious penalty came about in the shadows of full time, but that allowed Pat Richards to have a shot at penalty goal, which he duly put way for the fruit on the sideboard, a three point lead with 43 seconds left on the now accurate clock.
The Fat Lady strangled a cat.
Was startled by the breaking news at half time, that The Great Benji Marshall took the get out clause with Auckland...given that he's been a complete failure in rugby union by his own admission...only managing to notch up 122 minutes on the field in eight games.
They don't want him...and let's face it...who'd want a petulant turn-coat who's just had a massive fail?
Did not Balmain offer him millions for a three year contract extension, yet he wanted four years, they told him to take it or leave it, and he gave them the bird?
Such a disappointment, brought on by his own stubborness and sense of entitlement.
Now, according to his agent, he's hawking himself to anyone who'll have him back in the rugby league at $60K for the rest of the season.
Talk about pulling the wrong rein, and the rooster becoming the feather duster, to mix a metaphor.
Benji won't get a job at Leichhardt, having burnt all his bridges to Balmain, Rozelle and Lilyfield.
All very sad really, given that Marshall will be a Balmain legend - he's in The Pantheon down on the Balmain Road - no matter what he does for the rest of his life.
Good luck to him, but really -- as everyone said at the time -- what was he thinking?
Speaking of old blokes and has-beens, a lovely quote on the radio commentary from The Wok, aka Warren Ryan, ex-Balmain coach of some renown, re Braith Anasta: "Hey Braith, why don't you try running the ball and busting the advantage line, instead of constantly passing it to other people and kicking the thing? The opposition would die of shock".
Gold.
Seems The Wok likes his style of play just as much as me.
Still, if Balmain can get their act together enough to win against pretty good, in-form, sides over the next few weeks without the Best Leb in The Game sorting out the order of battle, then an early season purple patch isn't out of the question, against all odds.
Who would have thought at the start of this year's Winter Game that The Mighty Tiges would be second on the ladder and in effect equal top, bar for a small margin in the for and against?
Folks will be up in the Port Jackson fig trees trying to get a view at this Sunday afternoon's game at Leichhardt.

PARRAMATTA EELS 18: Tries: Hayne (2), Sio, Radradra. Goals: Sandow (1).
WESTS TIGERS 21: Tries: Austin, Brooks, Richards. Goals: Richards (4). Field Goals: Brooks (1).
At Olympic Stadium, Homebush.
Crowd: 50,668.

as deaf as a post

Long Game Traditionalists,

21 goals to nine is a 12 goal football lesson in anyone's language, isn't it?
All singing now "What's it like? What's it like? What's it like to lose at home?"
You have to feel slightly sorry for the Crows, however fleetingly, getting dead-set whip-sawed by that much in their first home game at a brand new stadium they spent a poultice on.
"Squillions" was the final entry in the quantity surveyor's accountant's cook book for the stadium build at last report, and yet Adelaide Oval is far far away from becoming their spiritual home.
That only comes with time, a long long time, especially after playing at West Lakes for the best part of 22 gawdforsaken years!
The Stats Guru came up with the most relevant fact of the match, despite it being a very good game of toughly fought football, until the Swans brought out the heavy artillery in the denoument.
By his reckoning, the Championship Quarter went for 34 minutes and 50 seconds, no more, no less.
Little wonder every player on the ground was completely and utterly rooted after that, this early in the season, with next to no match fitness.
No one has ever listened to my long held argument that Australian Rules Football matches go on for far too long.
As you'd know, it's been my position for some time now that five minutes should be knocked off every quarter, and the ridiculously long half-time break should be shortened by at least five minutes, thereby taking a full half-hour out of the match.
It'd be no detriment to the game, perhaps even enhance the spectacle, given the players wouldn't have to worry so much about "saving their legs" in the second half.
By the final stanza, the Swans could barely raise a canter, but kicked a bagful of goals nonetheless against a team that could hardly walk with their reserves bench almosty entirely denuded by injured players.
Who is kidding who here?
It's not as if we are back in the days of the Colosseum.
Speaking of kiddies, it was pleasing to see the young fellas step up to the plate; the likes of the Rampe, Parker, Rohan, Mitchell, Laidler et al.
The strange thing about the Swans is they know how to handle generational change very well, while trying tired old blokes on their books for a year or two simply to add the deep experience.
It was only a matter of time until Buddy came good, given there is a clause in his contract that requires him to "throw his weight around and kick a few goals", which he did in a grand fashion this week.
There's also something in there about doing it on a week-to-week basis, which could be more problematical, but as they say in the classics "we shall see".
My spy at the ground - who just happens to be a wild-eyed one-eyed Crows supporter - had nothing constructive to say.
Most of his telegraph messages were made up entirely of expletives.
And who can blame him?
While either side will be hard to follow this season, you'd suspect, in Adelaide terms, it was humiliation writ large.

ADELAIDE: 2.2, 5.7, 9.10, 9.17 (71). Goals: Grigg 2, Mackay, Dangerfield, Betts, Jaensch, Douglas, Sloane, Podsiadly.
SYDNEY: 6.2, 9.2, 14.5, 21.7 (133). Goals: Franklin 4, Parker 4, Cunningham 3, Hannebery 2, Jack 2, Rohan, Mitchell, McGlynn, Laidler, McVeigh, Roberts-Thomson.
At Adelaide Oval.
Crowd: 47,426.

It takes a very hardy fan to stand in the heavy rain all afternoon on the hill at Leichhardt Oval, holding a shiveringly cold can of beer.
There is no cover anywhere for the hoi polloi, you just get used to getting soaked from head to toe and end up getting a very wet arse.
Been there, done that, but not too disappointed that those days have gone away - the only advantage of my crippledom as far as can be seen.
They must have cooked the books at the turnstiles yet again, as everyone who was there doubts that there were sixteen thousand of them.
Good thing that they've always said that playing at the Spritual Home gives Balmain a ten point start before they even blow the first whistle.
The pivotal point in the game came when, according to the Bamfords, the the half time hooter at Leichhardt Oval was not loud enough.
The clock on the famous old scoreboard had counted down to 40:00, as had the counter on the television, and yet with Manly in a choice attacking position, they were allowed to play on, make two plays and score a try, after the hooter hooted.
In the Grand Scheme of Things, WTF?
Found myself off lounge, screaming at the unblinking eye, "what about the farkin' hooter!".
Would anyone listen to me?
The ref claimed he couldn't hear the hooter above the deafening sound of the driving rain and the screaming of the crowd in a tight situation.
The bloke is as deaf as a post, as it turns out.
Loved the television audio man switching on the ref's microphone to go with the pictures of Robbie Farah, as is his right as Balmain Captain, complaining bitterly face to face with the fool in charge.
The umpire said "well I didn't hear it, and that's all had I had to on, and that's it, OK?", to which Robbie, almost poking the ref in the chest with an accusing finger replied "WELL, THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH".
The Best Leb in the Game loves nothing more than giving officialdom a right serve, and why not?
No doubt HQ will send the offending official up to North Shore Hearing mid week to get his new age hearing aids tuned in more acutely to the sound of a hooter.
The decision stood, could not be overturned, time played is time played, and it's the referee's whistle that counts in the end.
Joisus.
But Balmain still went to the sheds at half time 20-6 to the good, [of course it should have been 20-0 by rights] but by then, in the weather, it was game over.
Farah had a fine match; played strong, marshalled the troops from the front to deservedly be the TV Man-of-the-Match.
After years of searching for a genuine half back, the Tigers have finally found one in their own back yard in the form of Luke Brooks, who, at just 19 years of age, has a mighty fine career ahead of him by the looks.
You'd love to have Aaron Woods over for dinner and a few beers sometime, given the idiot smile he has on his face when he does something good or scores a try, disallowed, or not.
On the face of that, he looks like he has a wicked sense of humour...a huge 6'4" monster who plays like a mad dog let loose in an abbatoir...but he'd highly likely be as gentle as a kitten off the field, and is by all accounts a nice bloke, a scholar and a gentleman.
The Tedesco Kiddie, just as he starts to show his unlimited potential is taken out yet again by injury; after copping a head knock last week, he does himself an ankle mischief this week that by most accounts will put him in Sick Bay "indefinitely".
But with his ruthless, relentless, yet erratic and unusual running style -- he reminds me a little of The Great Garry Jack [who was never injured in his entire career apart from multiple broken noses] -- the way he can bust the advantage line at will and put himself into the thick of things -- he is always going to be prone to injury in the modern game, and has been rated from the off by the Football Dept as "fragile".
Such a shame; he could be one of those supremely unfortunate players who had superstar written all over them before their careers were cruelly cut short.
Just ask Taniela Tuiaki, he'll tell you.
Coach Harry would still be worried about the "win big, lose big syndrome", but hey, he'll take the win, alright.

WESTS TIGERS 34. Tries: Nofoaluma (2), Farah, Lawrence, Woods. Goals: Richards (7).
MANLY-WARRINGAH SEA EAGLES 18. Tries: Matai (2), Lyon. Goals: Lyon (3).
At Leichhardt Oval
Crowd: 16,311.