"lard-arsed homo's"

Out-of-Towners,

Found myself in Newcastle on Saturday night, where, in a rabid rugby league one-team town to it's bootstraps, the care factor about AFL is just about approaching zero, so never saw a single frame of this game, not even in the newsreels - it went down the wormhole.
Still there was some good footy to be had if you knew where to look; even in the working man's game's heartland, news filtered through on Sunday morning that Newcastle City had beaten Maitland at home to the tune of 16.20 (116) to 0.0 [00] in an Under 13's Australian Rules match.
The goal umpire at one end was fairly busy as a five goal southerly buster ripped in off the Barrington Tops.
My spy at the ground telegraphed through that it was "a bit blowy".
In the meatime, the Swans were in Brisvegas, where the trumpets sounded and the fat lady sang at half time as "the mid-field ran riot", by all reports.
That'll do me.
The fishwraps by and large acclaimed Oddhead as man-of-the-match in their "best" lists , and why not with thirty-five touches in the game?
The Swans goal-kickers list is as long as your arm, as it should be.
The Stats Guru delighted in pointing out that Rick Shaw, in his 200th game [94 for Collingwood, 106 for Sydney] kicked his third goal since 2011.
Goal kicking is obviously not his long suit, but give me a better half-back over the course of his long and illustrious career.
The bloke can play - otherwise he wouldn't be picked week in, week out - and few others can run it out of the backline and punt it into the middle of the park with a pin-point kick like Rick can, with a view to helping someone else boot a goal somewhere just over the horizon.
A scholar and a gentleman, and a dead set champion, for mine, and there are not many of those left.
Despite the slow start to the year - Sydney sneak into the top eight for the first time this season after seven games, which is as good a place as any to be, with more or less a third of the season done.
SC Horse would be tugging his forelock trying to find the way and the means to a purple patch, which they will most definitely need if they want to threaten the top four.
The optimists will say "but it's only May!"
However, given the Hawks gave the Saints a 23 goal football lesson mind you, yep, that's right, 23 goals to the good, on the weekend, anything could happen at Cathy Freeman Stadium this Friday night.

BRISBANE: 2.0, 3.5, 5.6, 6.8 (44). Goals: Paparone 2, Lester, Rockliff, Green, Cutler.
SYDNEY: 3.6, 8.8, 14.11, 18.15 (115). Goals: Goodes 3, K Jack 2, Kennedy 2, Parker 2, B Jack 2, Derickx, Cunningham, Reid, McVeigh, Shaw, Lloyd, Jetta.
At The Gabba.
Crowd: 17,957.

In an unremarkable weekend of of representative football [apart from the New Zealand rugby league team's haka - which is an absolute corker] my attention was bought to the Under 20's State-of-Origin game, in which some junior Balmain players were involved, by all accounts.
Apparently the match had it all; spectacular running rugby league, clothes-line tackles, squirrel grips, Christmas holds, punch-ups, all-in brawls, sin-bins galore, and even some choice verbals when some weak poof called Mitchell Moses, of Balmain, playing for New South Wales, called some annoying Queensland player a "farkin' gay c*unt".
Looks like the current crop of teenagers have been told and shown how it's done by the old fellas.
That's what the crowds come to see, despite what the authorities will try to tell you.
And as a bonus, the Blues won.
Appears they got the the miscreants in a room together after the game, banged their heads together, and asked them "which one of you bastards called this bastard a bastard?", Moses put his hand up and was promptly rubbed out for two weeks for homophobic vilification, and ordered to undergo a couple of heavy sessions in the Room Full of Mirrors down on the Balmain Rd for his trouble and indiscretions.
In this day and age, they'll tell him, you just can't go 'round calling random blokes "lard-arsed homo's"
Sorry, but it's not on, anymore.
Fair enough, but in his defence, he would no doubt have said it was all about state pride, your Honour, no personal spite in it, honest.
Popped my head into the Front Bar at The Local on Monday morning and found The Philosopher in his usual corner enjoying this week's favoured tipple, a straight Screwdriver, no garnishes, no ice, thanks.
Banter among the patrons turned to the general issue of sledging, moral and mental disintergration, and after the argument went around in circles for a while, all eyes looked upon The Philospher to settle the question.
He just nodded, gave his shoulders a slight shrug, adjusted his glasses, and said "same as it ever was".

WESTS TIGERS: Bye {representative weekend}.

"the opposition would die of shock"

Arborists,

Nothing quite like soundly beating the team that beat you to deny you a place in last year's Grand Final, after a miserable mid-season draw, that, as always predicted, proved to be the fly in the ointment in '13.
Don't get mad, get even.
SC Horse would be entitled to be well pleased.
Did like the moment that Jake Lloyd came on as the sub in the Final Stanza in his debut game in senior footy, and they told him to just stand on the wing and watch the ball; his first touch in top grade was a solid chest mark and then he kicked the thing straight into Buddy's arms and the goal was never in doubt.
Could be corrected here, but the first half was probably the best footy seen all season; a genuine dog-fight for that ball, neat passing, and strong marking from long bombs.
Holding the Dockers to just two goals at the long break was a very good effort, given their firepower.
On the face of it, the half time lead looked enough, and they were never going to be beaten after a hard fought Champo.
Let's look at the team, for once.
Always pleasing to see the children go well.
The Rampe Kiddie was probably Best on Ground, for mine, while his chief partner in crime, Teddy Richards might have been also, if not for a couple of blunders against The Pav in the Champo.
Much to like about the games of the Child Laidler, Rick Shaw, and the two bald bearded wonders in Malsceski and Jetta [you'd want to book in well in advance to see the same hairdressers that those two blokes frequent, looks like they are popular], Parker & the Hannebery Kiddie, also, and there is nothing like it when you go "in like McGlynn".
The Ugliest Man in Football has also been on song in the past couple of weeks.
Franklin just did precisely what he is paid to do.
Throw his weight about and kick a few goals; the bloke is someone you def wouldn't want to come across in a dark alley late at night, and he can kick bananas and boomerangs.
To their credit, the Bamfords put their whistle away and just let them get on with it.
Seems that Tipsy copped a broken rib in his comeback game in the reserves, but even if he scrubs up eventually, where would you play him?
Kurt, even when fit, will find it hard to find any wriggle-room back into the seniors.
And how much are the Swans paying, exactly, for him not to play?
There's also a plan afoot according to unconfirmed reports to tip someone off the bench, and put The Goodes Train on there as the sub for this weekend's game at The G.
No need to play him if you don't have to against the Demons.
Toot! Toot!
You need a settled side to put a purple patch together.

SYDNEY: 2.1, 5.7, 11.10, 13.13 (92). Goals: Franklin 4, McGlynn 2, Malceski, Kennedy, McVeigh, Roberts-Thomson, Parker, B.Jack, Jetta
FREMANTLE: 2.2, 2.4, 8.6, 11.9 (75). Goals: Pavlich 4, Johnson 2, Ballantyne 2, Mzungu, Mundy.
At Sydney Cricket Ground.
Crowd: 25,376.

Toyed for a minute with the idea of doing a walk up to the ground without a ticket, but then thought better of it, given it was Easter Monday afternoon.
Turned out to be a champion idea not to go there, when word filtered through that fifty thousand people had decided to turn up to Cathy Freeman Stadium, with that many again, and then some, at the Royal Easter Show right next door.
Even with the event buses and trains running full pelt to the 2000 Olympics timetable, it would still have been a crush, and while you would have been able to buy a ticket at the gate, trying to find any sort of decent seat in general admission would have been a nightmare in that stupendous crowd - surely the biggest turn out for a club come in quite some time.
Fancy the Tigers going from playing in front of six and a half thousand to fifty thousand in the space of a week?
That'd tell the boys in the back office something they already know - the abysmal nature of Campbelltown Sport Ground, and the genius of the Olympic Stadium.
Only goes to prove that if you put on the right game, at the right time, at the right venue, and offer cheap family tickets that include all the kids, the people will come.
The Club Secretary would be rubbing his hands in glee.
Undoubtedly the best win of the season.
Did like the disallowed Parramatta try right near the finish that would have clinched the game for them, being rubbed out by the video ref on some kind of technical obscure obstruction rule, that left the score 18-18 with a couple of minutes left.
Then the Balmain forwards just ran it toward the goal posts and the 19 year old half back calmly potted an easy field goal to take a one point lead.
No idea how the mysterious penalty came about in the shadows of full time, but that allowed Pat Richards to have a shot at penalty goal, which he duly put way for the fruit on the sideboard, a three point lead with 43 seconds left on the now accurate clock.
The Fat Lady strangled a cat.
Was startled by the breaking news at half time, that The Great Benji Marshall took the get out clause with Auckland...given that he's been a complete failure in rugby union by his own admission...only managing to notch up 122 minutes on the field in eight games.
They don't want him...and let's face it...who'd want a petulant turn-coat who's just had a massive fail?
Did not Balmain offer him millions for a three year contract extension, yet he wanted four years, they told him to take it or leave it, and he gave them the bird?
Such a disappointment, brought on by his own stubborness and sense of entitlement.
Now, according to his agent, he's hawking himself to anyone who'll have him back in the rugby league at $60K for the rest of the season.
Talk about pulling the wrong rein, and the rooster becoming the feather duster, to mix a metaphor.
Benji won't get a job at Leichhardt, having burnt all his bridges to Balmain, Rozelle and Lilyfield.
All very sad really, given that Marshall will be a Balmain legend - he's in The Pantheon down on the Balmain Road - no matter what he does for the rest of his life.
Good luck to him, but really -- as everyone said at the time -- what was he thinking?
Speaking of old blokes and has-beens, a lovely quote on the radio commentary from The Wok, aka Warren Ryan, ex-Balmain coach of some renown, re Braith Anasta: "Hey Braith, why don't you try running the ball and busting the advantage line, instead of constantly passing it to other people and kicking the thing? The opposition would die of shock".
Gold.
Seems The Wok likes his style of play just as much as me.
Still, if Balmain can get their act together enough to win against pretty good, in-form, sides over the next few weeks without the Best Leb in The Game sorting out the order of battle, then an early season purple patch isn't out of the question, against all odds.
Who would have thought at the start of this year's Winter Game that The Mighty Tiges would be second on the ladder and in effect equal top, bar for a small margin in the for and against?
Folks will be up in the Port Jackson fig trees trying to get a view at this Sunday afternoon's game at Leichhardt.

PARRAMATTA EELS 18: Tries: Hayne (2), Sio, Radradra. Goals: Sandow (1).
WESTS TIGERS 21: Tries: Austin, Brooks, Richards. Goals: Richards (4). Field Goals: Brooks (1).
At Olympic Stadium, Homebush.
Crowd: 50,668.

as deaf as a post

Long Game Traditionalists,

21 goals to nine is a 12 goal football lesson in anyone's language, isn't it?
All singing now "What's it like? What's it like? What's it like to lose at home?"
You have to feel slightly sorry for the Crows, however fleetingly, getting dead-set whip-sawed by that much in their first home game at a brand new stadium they spent a poultice on.
"Squillions" was the final entry in the quantity surveyor's accountant's cook book for the stadium build at last report, and yet Adelaide Oval is far far away from becoming their spiritual home.
That only comes with time, a long long time, especially after playing at West Lakes for the best part of 22 gawdforsaken years!
The Stats Guru came up with the most relevant fact of the match, despite it being a very good game of toughly fought football, until the Swans brought out the heavy artillery in the denoument.
By his reckoning, the Championship Quarter went for 34 minutes and 50 seconds, no more, no less.
Little wonder every player on the ground was completely and utterly rooted after that, this early in the season, with next to no match fitness.
No one has ever listened to my long held argument that Australian Rules Football matches go on for far too long.
As you'd know, it's been my position for some time now that five minutes should be knocked off every quarter, and the ridiculously long half-time break should be shortened by at least five minutes, thereby taking a full half-hour out of the match.
It'd be no detriment to the game, perhaps even enhance the spectacle, given the players wouldn't have to worry so much about "saving their legs" in the second half.
By the final stanza, the Swans could barely raise a canter, but kicked a bagful of goals nonetheless against a team that could hardly walk with their reserves bench almosty entirely denuded by injured players.
Who is kidding who here?
It's not as if we are back in the days of the Colosseum.
Speaking of kiddies, it was pleasing to see the young fellas step up to the plate; the likes of the Rampe, Parker, Rohan, Mitchell, Laidler et al.
The strange thing about the Swans is they know how to handle generational change very well, while trying tired old blokes on their books for a year or two simply to add the deep experience.
It was only a matter of time until Buddy came good, given there is a clause in his contract that requires him to "throw his weight around and kick a few goals", which he did in a grand fashion this week.
There's also something in there about doing it on a week-to-week basis, which could be more problematical, but as they say in the classics "we shall see".
My spy at the ground - who just happens to be a wild-eyed one-eyed Crows supporter - had nothing constructive to say.
Most of his telegraph messages were made up entirely of expletives.
And who can blame him?
While either side will be hard to follow this season, you'd suspect, in Adelaide terms, it was humiliation writ large.

ADELAIDE: 2.2, 5.7, 9.10, 9.17 (71). Goals: Grigg 2, Mackay, Dangerfield, Betts, Jaensch, Douglas, Sloane, Podsiadly.
SYDNEY: 6.2, 9.2, 14.5, 21.7 (133). Goals: Franklin 4, Parker 4, Cunningham 3, Hannebery 2, Jack 2, Rohan, Mitchell, McGlynn, Laidler, McVeigh, Roberts-Thomson.
At Adelaide Oval.
Crowd: 47,426.

It takes a very hardy fan to stand in the heavy rain all afternoon on the hill at Leichhardt Oval, holding a shiveringly cold can of beer.
There is no cover anywhere for the hoi polloi, you just get used to getting soaked from head to toe and end up getting a very wet arse.
Been there, done that, but not too disappointed that those days have gone away - the only advantage of my crippledom as far as can be seen.
They must have cooked the books at the turnstiles yet again, as everyone who was there doubts that there were sixteen thousand of them.
Good thing that they've always said that playing at the Spritual Home gives Balmain a ten point start before they even blow the first whistle.
The pivotal point in the game came when, according to the Bamfords, the the half time hooter at Leichhardt Oval was not loud enough.
The clock on the famous old scoreboard had counted down to 40:00, as had the counter on the television, and yet with Manly in a choice attacking position, they were allowed to play on, make two plays and score a try, after the hooter hooted.
In the Grand Scheme of Things, WTF?
Found myself off lounge, screaming at the unblinking eye, "what about the farkin' hooter!".
Would anyone listen to me?
The ref claimed he couldn't hear the hooter above the deafening sound of the driving rain and the screaming of the crowd in a tight situation.
The bloke is as deaf as a post, as it turns out.
Loved the television audio man switching on the ref's microphone to go with the pictures of Robbie Farah, as is his right as Balmain Captain, complaining bitterly face to face with the fool in charge.
The umpire said "well I didn't hear it, and that's all had I had to on, and that's it, OK?", to which Robbie, almost poking the ref in the chest with an accusing finger replied "WELL, THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH".
The Best Leb in the Game loves nothing more than giving officialdom a right serve, and why not?
No doubt HQ will send the offending official up to North Shore Hearing mid week to get his new age hearing aids tuned in more acutely to the sound of a hooter.
The decision stood, could not be overturned, time played is time played, and it's the referee's whistle that counts in the end.
Joisus.
But Balmain still went to the sheds at half time 20-6 to the good, [of course it should have been 20-0 by rights] but by then, in the weather, it was game over.
Farah had a fine match; played strong, marshalled the troops from the front to deservedly be the TV Man-of-the-Match.
After years of searching for a genuine half back, the Tigers have finally found one in their own back yard in the form of Luke Brooks, who, at just 19 years of age, has a mighty fine career ahead of him by the looks.
You'd love to have Aaron Woods over for dinner and a few beers sometime, given the idiot smile he has on his face when he does something good or scores a try, disallowed, or not.
On the face of that, he looks like he has a wicked sense of humour...a huge 6'4" monster who plays like a mad dog let loose in an abbatoir...but he'd highly likely be as gentle as a kitten off the field, and is by all accounts a nice bloke, a scholar and a gentleman.
The Tedesco Kiddie, just as he starts to show his unlimited potential is taken out yet again by injury; after copping a head knock last week, he does himself an ankle mischief this week that by most accounts will put him in Sick Bay "indefinitely".
But with his ruthless, relentless, yet erratic and unusual running style -- he reminds me a little of The Great Garry Jack [who was never injured in his entire career apart from multiple broken noses] -- the way he can bust the advantage line at will and put himself into the thick of things -- he is always going to be prone to injury in the modern game, and has been rated from the off by the Football Dept as "fragile".
Such a shame; he could be one of those supremely unfortunate players who had superstar written all over them before their careers were cruelly cut short.
Just ask Taniela Tuiaki, he'll tell you.
Coach Harry would still be worried about the "win big, lose big syndrome", but hey, he'll take the win, alright.

WESTS TIGERS 34. Tries: Nofoaluma (2), Farah, Lawrence, Woods. Goals: Richards (7).
MANLY-WARRINGAH SEA EAGLES 18. Tries: Matai (2), Lyon. Goals: Lyon (3).
At Leichhardt Oval
Crowd: 16,311.

leaving on a jet plane

Aviators,

Found myself at 35,000 feet leaving on a jet plane from Adelaide on Saturday afternoon.
As the Boeing 737-800 touched down on the tarmac at KSA, a kiddie a few rows back from me - you'd put the lad at 8-9 years old - loudly exclaimed "WE MADE IT! WE'RE ALIVE!"
There were a few chuckles and a ripple of applause around about, as if to say, "yup, we are the lucky ones, son".
In the row across the aisle from me, there was another boy, also aged 8-9, who quietly wept for a minute or so as we were preparing to land, dabbed his eyes with his hanky, and then smartened up for landing.
Don't think anybody else noticed, but his father, a heavily tattooted cabinet maker from the Eyre Peninuslar, saw me notice and leaned across the aisle and whispered to me "It's alright. He's a bit upset. He had really really hoped that he would see the Sydney Harbour Bridge, as he's never seen it before, but obviously he's buckled up, and we are on the wrong side of the plane, and we're not stopping here, we're going straight through to Coolangatta on holiday. He's over it now, just another life experience for the boy."
Shrugged my shoulders and said nothing, but at that moment, couldn't imagine the concept of disappointment more poignantly.
Walked in through the front door at Camp Campsie and switched on the trusty transistor radio set on the back deck [it took a while for the thing to work properly as the electricity through battery terminals slowly dried them out after a couple of days of heavy rain in the Emerald City, apparently], only to find that the Tigers, playing the NZ Worriers, in Wellington of all places [their usual home ground is in Auckland] had already been robbed blind by the Bamfords, with two tries disallowed after just ten minutes of play.
Joisus.
Soon after, Balmain hit back with two legal tries to go 12-0 up, then the Worriers hit back with two tries of their own in quick smart time, before "scoring, without doubt, the most bizzare try of the year", which went for a full hundred yards from end to end, bounced off all and sundry, involved two kicks in play and at least eight sets of hands as far as anyone could tell...running Rugby League at its finest, by all accounts.
If that wasn't mad enough, the game turned into one of those wild and crazy games of football in the second half; after the Tedesco kidde went off with a head knock, the Tigers clearly completely lost the plot and the Worriers ran in no less than five tries without reply in the last 18 minutes of the match to notch up a right walloping.
Talk about the flood gates opening out-of-control style, and New Zealander's know all about floodgates, they'll tell you, you don't need to ask.
Coach Harry Potter must be tearing out what's left of the hair on his head wondering how to arrest the inconsistency syndrome that has plauged Balmain in recent seasons; win big one week, lose big the next - the inability to string together a purple patch - and you need at least a couple of those a season to threaten the top four.
The Club Secretary would be fair shitting himself about the gate reciepts [or lack thereof] for this coming weekend's match against the Silvertails at the spiritual home, Leichhardt Oval.
He'd be thinking that the vista out over the Parammatta River from the Swimming Pool End would be fairly bleak right now.
He'd be hating the fact that the fishwraps are full of news that he doesn't have a penny to rub together, and Balmain are way worse than stoney broke.
How he pays the players is anyone's guess.
No doubt the uphill battle this year will be worse than the climb up Heartbreak Hill to the Mary St Entrance.
Still, always thought there could be money in some sort of match-day chair-lift/flying fox arrangement up to there, or perhaps a fleet of sedan chairs manned by illegal immigrants.
Maybe just pop a note in the suggestion box suggesting that with a well priced exorbitant fare, it would be a most valuable public service, and could turn a much needed buck for the club.
There's some thinking to do this year both in and outside the box that is the Football Dept, but by lordy, the prospect of a knight in shining armour is looking slim.

NEW ZEALAND WARRIORS 42. Tries: Fisiiahi (4), Johnson, Vatuvei, Bukuya, Tomkins. Goals: Johnson (5).
WESTS TIGERS 18. Tries: Anasta, Tedesco, Farah. Goals: Richards (3).
At Wellington Regional Stadium.
Crowd: 22,512.

By the appearance of the television pictures, there seemed to be plenty of empty seats at Cathy Freeman Stadium after the first round disgrace against the Pygmies.
Sydneysiders must be the most fickle sports fans in the world when their team is losing.
Suppose they'd think that given that, at the minute, it's no Goodes Train, no cigar, with Coach Horse clutching at straws.
Spent most of the second quarter asleep on the lounge, and finding myself bereft of any cocaine or methampethamines, opted for other stimulants on hand to get through the Championship Quarter, but by the end of that every player on the ground was utterly rooted - total lack of genuine match fitness on the part of both sides - me also - so was forced to put a couple of matchsticks under my eyelids to keep them open for the final stanza.
Just as Collingwood kicked the last two goals of the game and The Fat Lady sang, the matcheads spontaneously combusted and set my not insubstantial eyebrows on fire.
As the final hooter sounded, a message chattered in on the bush telegraph in the corner of the loungeroom.
Got up and ripped the ticker tape off the machine and deciphered the Morse code.
It was my spy at the ground.
"Crowd figure about right Stop Emerald City citizens have already lost interest Stop Pies fans too poor to travel after losing their jobs building cars Stop Forward line a shambles Stop Buddy playing on one leg Stop Even the Swans fan who won $1000 in the Citibank raffle was shattered Stop Sad Stop".
Enough said.
Then again, the Stats Guru insists that the last time the Swans found themselves down 0-2 at that start of the season was back in the Miracle Year 2005, and we all know what happened then.
Still, yet again, as my brother said at the wake, "You can't win the Premiership in the first couple of weeks, but you can lose it".
Take your pick.

SYDNEY: 3.1, 7.1, 9.7,10.9 (69). Goals: Franklin 2, Rampe, Malceski, Pyke, McGlynn, Hannebery, Reid, Cunningham, Jetta.
COLLINGWOOD: 1.2, 5.5, 9.10, 12.17 (89). Goals: Elliott 3, Goldsack 2, Cloke 2, Pendlebury, Sinclair, Swan, Beams, Young.
At Oympic Stadium, Homebush.
Crowd: 32,347.

for the sake of completeness

A death in the family will preclude comment on the blog thing this week, but the scorebox is included for your consideration and for the sake of completeness.

WESTS TIGERS 25. Tries: Simona (2), Thompson, Richards, Tedesco. Goals: Richards (2), Anasta (1). Field Goals: Anasta (1).
SOUTH SYDNEY RABBITOHS 16. Tries: Reddy (2), Lowe. Goals: Reynolds (2).
At Olympic Stadium, Homebush.
Crowd: 20,066.

SYDNEY: [First round split-round, second week bye].

a fabulous start to the season

My fellow appallee's,

Well, fark my brown dog, Harold.
The Pygmies beat the Swans by six goals in the season pipe-opener.
Crikey!
Only the vey best football spies would have seen that coming.
Funny thing is, apart from Fremantle, Sydney - on paper at least - seem to be the pea for the 2014 premiership.
Seems some other people have some other ideas.
And if you cared to read the fine print, you'd find the Giants have no less than 21 first round draft picks on their books, and they have purchased very judiciously in the off season trade week.
Get some old, sensible heads into the club, with miles in their legs, to bolster the babies.
Someone once said something about the value of the mix of "yoof and experience".
Mummy could certainly sense the way the breeze was shifting.
So that's all going to come good in the fullness of time, you'd expect, otherwise why would the AFL be sinking tens of millions dollars into what at the outset looked like a hopeless, forlorn excersise?
And who did the Swans buy?
Lance Franklin - on a King's Ransom for a hundred years.
Buddy didn't expect for a minute that he'd be pushed and shoved around by a mob of young uptarts; he was expecting that'd he's be shown the respect he deserves for the superstar he reckons he is.
That's where he was sadly mistaken.
Sure there was some footage at some stage of a Pygmie slapping Buddy clean across his ugly-bearded dial in some minor head-to-head, toe-to-toe after the ball had crossed the boundary line, in the Giants back pocket.
Franky seemed plainly shocked that he could be treated like that by some kid he'd never even heard of.
Seems he didn't know exactly where to play either, and on the face of it, didn't get much direction in that department from Coach Horse, who will have a lot of thinking to do over the next fortnight or so until they play again, against Collingwood, of all mobs, at Cathy Freeman Stadium.
Soundly whipped with the tail between the legs is always a good lesson for anyone, anytime, and no better occasion than in the first game of the year.
Did note that Tippett didn't play.
Was he in a huff, or maybe in a funk?
The Goodes Train was deemed unfit; didn't go all that well on the pre-season training runs by most accounts, and might be considering retiring mid-season, if he ever comes back, even though the Marketing Dept would be drooling at the mouth at the prospect of having The Australian of The Year play in every game.
And then, Rhino Keefe found himself dropped - was told straight out "you are not quick enough anymore" [at age 33], and only got to put on the bench vest when Captain Jack was unexpectedly ruled out at the last minute.
That tells you something's going on, and from my casual reading of it, it's not good.
Thinking that The Train and Rhino won't last the year before they get the tap on the shoulder and announce the finish of their magnificent careers as one-club men, who will then be admitted forthwith to the Swans' Pantheon.
Seems the changing of the guard and the byzantine world of football politics could derail the season before anyone realises, or expects it.
Who knows?
Swans just didn't turn up to play, simple as that.
On that showing, The Football Dept still has a helluva lot of work to do.
A good place to start would be correcting kicking just two goals after half time against a team of still largely green-horn yoofs.
The lengthy quarter time thunderstorm break is no excuse.
Joisus.
Even though it's probably his fault, Longmire, by all accounts, is most unhappy, and the players will no doubt be thrashed senseless, without mercy, on the training track this week, for their trouble.
On the evidence of on what clearly should have been a leisurely Saturday afternoon stroll in the park, losing away is OK over the course of a year, but they bloody well should win consistently at home over the coming weeks and months if they are to be any chance to challenge for the flag again.
A fabulous start to the season.
Say no more.

GREATER WESTERN SYDNEY: 4.1, 7.1, 9.5, 15.9 (99). Goals: Cameron 4, Patton 3, Smith, Greene, Scully, Ward, Coniglio, Frost, Kennedy, Whitfield
SYDNEY: 6.2, 7.8, 9.8, 9.13 (67). Goals: McGlynn 2, Reid, Franklin, Cunningham, Rohan, Bird, Jetta, Mitchell.
At Sydney Showground, Homebush.
Crowd: 17,102.

That's a bit better.
Funny how the Winter Game becomes anything but when it's moved to sub-tropical climes.
The temperature was nudging the low-to-mid 30's throughout, which under the rules called for a drinks break after 20 minutes in each half and an extended half time.
Still, did the Tigers no harm.
A complete turnaround from the opening week, murdering the opposition by 30 points.
And that on the back of several players being ruled out mid week due to various ailments, and some pulling out just before the game due to a "virus".
Boils, viruses, ailments - thought these blokes were the fittest men going around? - or perhaps it's just that they've been forced to come off the allegedly illegal "supplements", and find themselves sickly as a result?
Not even the snake oil merchants would know for sure.
Forward pack got their act together with the Best Leb in the Game leading the way.
Didn't really notice it last week, but it looks like Farah's been on the goat burgers and large chips and gravy during the summer; has a bit of a paunch and looks a bit pudgy, but he'll no doubt come down to his fighting weight with a few games under his belt.
No matter, played well, and captained the troops admirably.
And wasn't afraid to talkback to the Bamfords "you lot have looked at that fifteen times on the TV replay and called it a no try, when I was right there and for mine it looked like a try for all the world with the naked eye in real time. So? Who's right then, you or me?"
All the referree could come back with was "Sorry, Robbie, but that's all we had to go on and that's the way we called it. There's nothing we can do about it now."
The Best Leb in the Game just threw his hands in the air, shrugged his shoulders, and walked away - confident in the fact that he'd just been robbed blind.
The Tedesco Kiddie had a fine game at full back, the lad is the genuine goods for sure.
Pat Richards may well have been the Man of the Match.
And to think, at age 32, Richards [who can ever forget his galactico game in the 2005 Grand Final for the Tigers, offloading the miracle pass for the match winning try that lifted the Premiership!] has been brought back into the Balmain fold after 224 games for Wigan in the Dark Satanic Mills Competition over the past eight years!
What on earth has he been up to?
Obviously, he's been on a very good wicket in the Ol' Dart.
So why come back after all this time?
Surely he wasn't homesick?
And, yet, he's still good enough in the top flight to be described in some circles as a "mercurial winger", even in his twighlight years in the caper.
It'll be a topsy-turvy season, without doubt.
The coaches from both the Tigers and the Swans could do well to emulate SC Sheens famous Coach's Ledger...neatly ruled into two columns, one marked "well take our wins", which had nothing but a few hieroglyphs in it, and the other "we'll learn from our losses", which was full of indecipherable scribblings.

GOLD COAST TITANS 12. Tries: Sezer, Kelly. Goals: Sezer (2).
WESTS TIGERS 42. Tries: Richards (2), Tedesco, Thompson, Nofoaluma, Taupau, Brooks. Goals: Richards (7).
At Gold Coast Football Stadium.
Crowd: 12,038.

an "attack of infected boils".

Diehards,

Into it's 8th year now in a formal format; the Winter Game wire returns to haunt you once again over the colder months.
The Mighty Wests Tigers' start to the new National Rugby League season did not begin all that auspiciously when news filtered through that the Best Leb in the Game, aka Robbie Farah, aka the Balmain Captain, Scholar & Gentleman to boot, had been hospitalised, not just confined to his bed, but hospitalised, mid week with an "attack of infected boils".
You'd think that if you picked up something like that during the week before the first match of the season, that you'd bench yourself, but no.
The mental image of great festering pustules flying hither and thither and splattering eveywhere as the big blokes crashed into each other was way beyond even thinking about.
The Good Lady Wife suggested he play under the name Captain Carbuncle for one week only, which he did, and he didn't have a bad game, but was let down by his fellow forwards, who displayed little go forward and were as soft as rice puddings in all reality.
After a promising start, running in a couple of well worked tries, the Tiges got themselves lost in what turned out to be a ridiculously high scoring game; started to dig themselves into a deeper and deeper hole letting the Dragons in to score soft tries willy-nilly, on the back of being caned mericlessly by the Bamford's 8-2 in the penalty count in the first half.
Who knows what the referee's were thinking?
The Balmain players were well within their rights to say to the authorities "what did I do wrong, Guv?"
Outrageous.
You'll struggle to see another game this year in which more than 68 points are scored.
Defence is not anyone's long suit in the first week of the season, but still.
The team is obviously 4-6 weeks away from true match fitness, which is probably more important in this caper than any other, but seasons can be won and lost in that space of time.
Balmain seems to have bought reasonably well in the off-season player meat market; but why they persist with the likes of Adam Blair [28yo] and Braith Anasta [aged 32 for gawd's sake] is beyond me.
Two players who've found a nice retirement home in Leichhardt, after stellar careers elsewhere, and the club is still hoping they might do something resembling what they did back in the glory days?
They're dreaming aren't they?
There's plenty of raw talent there, no question.
The new young half back Luke Brooks [aged 19] has been rated as the best thing since bottled scotch in some circles in the junior grades - he's very good, but first grade is a completely different bottle of mussels altogether, son - he needs to acquire a lot more footy smarts against others who have been going around in the top grade for years.
Also, take for example, "A Boy Named Sue".
His name is Sauaso Sue [aged 21], he's an enormous Māori unit, the size of a small bus, so will cause problems for any opposing pack, but he has a lot to learn, oh, yes siree, a lot to learn.
The Tedesco Kiddie [aged 21] at full back shows a lot of promise, and any side could do with having two "try-scoring freaks" in their team in the form of Chris Lawrence and Marika Koroibete.
Even though the starting 13 is sound enough, and there is genuine, although as yet unproved, quality sitting on the bench and the back bench - on paper - Coach Harry Potter has some work to do in bringing it all together to make a proper team out of them.
He's only got about half a season to do it in, at best, otherwise he'll find himself in peril of losing his job, the way it is these days.
There is no shortage of potential there, but even at this entirely early stage of the season, there are some long time club loyalists who are already starting to mumble in low tones that the road could be long, and the way could be hard, over the next 26 weeks.
Bugger that.
Get beat by 20 points and wind up second last on the ladder after Round One?
The only way for Wests to go from there is north.
No shortage of crytsal ball gazing to be had.


ST GEORGE ILLAWARRA DRAGONS 44. Tries: Frizell (2), Beale, Creagh, Quinlan, Rein, Witt. Goals: Widdop (8).
WESTS TIGERS 24. Tries: Farah, Richards, Taupau, Tedesco. Goals: Richards (4).
At Olympic Stadium, Homebush.
Crowd: 19,860.

FYI: The new look team, as per program:
1. James Tedesco 2. Marika Koroibete 3. Keith Lulia 4. Chris Lawrence 5. Pat Richards 6. Braith Anasta 7. Luke Brooks 8. Aaron Woods 9. Robbie Farah 10. Martin Taupau 11. Liam Fulton 12. Bodene Thompson 13. Adam Blair. Reserves:
14. Cory Paterson 15. Ava Seumanufagai 16. Sauaso Sue 17. James Gavet.