treated like offal

My Fellow Bewilderee's,

It's very distressing when you hear a little birdie singing that MJ Clarke and The Board have fallen out.
You might as well make a serrano ham out of it.
It just begs the question, doesn't it?
Why?
It's difficult to believe, as some would have it, that Pup has gone out of his way to piss off everyone that matters in the last month or so.
Difficult.
Why is the Australian Captain being hounded out of the game?
Please, please, does anyone have a credible explanation?
Here's a bloke, who after a slow and sloppy start to his career on and off the field all those years ago, went on to Captain his country most admirably in how many goddam test matches, scored a stack of tons that will go down in fookin' history and will be remembered long after he's gone, averages 50+ and made a million runs to boot.
The Stats Guru has twisted his hair into dreadlocks while pondering the conundrum and then pulled them all out in the ensuing imbroglio.
Sure, Smiffy is the next Captain, he knows it, everbody knows...
SPD Smith is the skipper with "the form guide in his back pocket" while Pup does tend to ride his high horse, to which he is entitled, surely?
What's the diff?
Just ask that consumate arsehole, Bradman, he'll tell you.
Is Michael's private life still being held against him?
Has anyone got any pictures of him lately?
By all accounts he's a happily married man who should get out more.
Or, and here's the rub, are they telling him "yr old, yr crippled, yr tired, and you really should retire gracefully at age 33. Crikey. You made a hundred in yr last test match. Isn't that a good enough farewell for you?"
It's got me beat.
Apart from being injury prone, what has MJ Clarke done wrong in the last little while?
Didn't Clarkey display an uncommon diginity around the Phillip Hughes saga, behaving in an absolutely impeccable manner throughout?
And, it seems, he gets no credit for it, even as they try to push him out the back door with not so much as a sausage.
If you were being treated like offal, you'd be upset, as well.
All for a pissy one-day tournament, for gawd's sake.
The Board made the fatal mistake of putting a date - Feb 21 - in the diary.
Certainly hope they've got the full face masks and eye protectors in the office.
They'll need them for when the merde hits the windmill that day; nothing surer.
Light the blue touch paper and stand well clear.