an artform in his own right

Fellow disgustees,

Tumbled out of the turnstiles at half time, after being given a "smoke pass" by some Indian gentleman at the gate to go to the SCG's salubrious smoking lounge [aka the footpath on Driver Ave in the rain with no cover], when a woman who would have been well into her sixties stormed out of the ground.
She was absolutely livid.
She tightly gripped her packet of cigarettes and lit one up with a shaky hand and then announced loudly to anyone within earshot who cared to listen.
"Ray FAARKING Chamberlain! He's an artform in his own right. Oh, how I HATE that turd".
At half time!
That was before the most senior Bamford of the field did his best work.
Me mate who gave me the free ticket [thanks, Trev] picked it even before a ball had been bounced.
The first thing he did when he got a copy of The Record was open it up to see who was umpiring.
"Joisus", he said, "we've got Razor Ray Chamberlain. Bloody hell. Watch out".
And so the most disgraceful display of umpiring seen in living memory came to pass.
No less than seven of the Dockers 15 goals were a direct result of free kicks; a few from 50m penalties, the rest given right in front, for what could be at best described as minor infringements or no infringement at all.
Chamberlain was chiefly responsible, and might as well have kicked half of Fremantle's goals himself.
He took a dislike to Teddy Richards early on.
In the first quarter, Richards had copped a 50m penalty for giving Chamberlain a bit of well justified back chat, but he stood his ground, didn't move, as his opposite number went up into the goal square to boot the major.
Richards knew if he ran the 50m back to mark his man, Chamberlain would give him a lecture all the way about language and how one should appropriately address a Bamford.
Teddy decided he wasn't remotely interested in copping that from the buffoon and wouldn't have a bar of it.
He just stood there like a pillar of salt, and Chamberlain was less than impressed, and took it upon himself to punish the bloke every time he touched the ball.
Swans could do nothing right in his eyes, and he was well aided and abetted by his other partners in crime.
It is very very hard to stomach officialdom making an exhibition of themselves.
Good Bamfords should not be noticed, let alone drawing attention to their daft antics, but this troika of fools were intent on running about pointing at themselves as if to say "Look at me! FIGJAM! See how important I am!?"
Could carry on like a pork chop about it, but won't.
Suffice to say shoving a fistful of fingers down the back of throat and bringing up a gutful of execrable SCG beer would have been a dignified and approriate response.
Soon after half time the crowd had had enough and went ballistic.
Every time a Bamford, any Bamford; boundary umpire, goal umpire, field umpire had the ball in his hands, there would be a resounding round of boos from all around the ground.
The people on the bleachers had obviously not got the message from "Be Kind To Umpires Week" earlier in the season.
The ground authorities hurriedly closed all the bars at three-quarter time, obviously fearing an alcohol-fuelled riot.
By then the assembled mob was apoplectic, and still worse was yet to come.
With the Swans closing in in the last quarter it looked like they could win despite all the odds being stacked against them, but the rookie Bamford on the ground [who was umpiring in his 7th game for gawd's sake] gave the Dockers yet another 50m for Sydney back chat and then gave them another free right in front to gift Fremantle the match winning two goal lead.
We threw our hats to the ground, stomped on them, offered the idiot a few choice words, and then joined the exodus of Swans loyalists who had well and truly had enough.
Seen it all now in 25 years following Sydney.
Lord, save me.
Coach Horse on interview after the game said he was giving some thought to ringing up the umpires "coaching director" Jeff Gieschen [whoever the hell he is] and giving him a piece of his mind along the lines of "if you ever give us that goose Chamberlain again this season, I'll kill ya, ya bastard. Understand?"
Mr Ed thought better of it after Gieschen told the fishwraps that words had already been had in Chamberlain's shell-like.
"Our instruction to Ray is 'just umpire the game' and let your decision making do the talking".
Lord, help me.

PS. Can't let the retirement of The Great BBB Hall pass unremarked.
The youngest daughter just the other day found a Sydney Swans Barry Hall badge that you pin to your lapel, in a clean out.
It shows Big Bad grinning like some kind of idiot savant.
When she heard that the premiership winning full forward hadb announced he was giving the game away, she said "jeez, that could be worth some money now on Ebay".
Hall was a brilliant sideshow at the Swans; loved being a serial pest, throwing his weight around and kicking goals, hated, really hated Bamfords with a passion, and didn't mind clocking blokes - although he never hit an honest man - and went about his game with a healthy disregard for the rules.
So, he got into trouble with the umpires, and the tribunal for that matter, from time to time.
Who can blame him?
His only regret after no less than 16 seasons in the caper is that he never did make it to playing 300 games through suspension [lost about a season and a half in total by being rubbed out down at the Tribunal through no fault of his own] and injury [another season and a half], to qualify for AFL life membership - not that they'd have him, anyway.
Baz was thinking he would never be picked for the Hall of Fame, that was until Wayne Carey was admitted.
Now it's only a matter of time.
Vale Barry, go well.

SYDNEY: 3.2, 6.3, 8.5, 13.9 (87). Goals: Roberts-Thomson 3, Hannebery 2, Parker 2, Goodes 2, McVeigh, Jack, Reid, Grundy.
FREMANTLE: 3.2, 7.4, 14.7, 15.8 (98). Goals: Ballantyne 3, Mayne 2, Johnson 2, Fyfe, Palmer, Grover, Pavlich, Clarke, Hill, Lower, de Boer.
At Sydney Cricket Ground.
Crowd: 23,415.


Found myself pottering about in Dad's Shed on Saturday night attending to a couple of a long neglected jobs, gearing up for spring, and so got on the ladder and rigged up the the long range AM radio aeriel on the roof to get the call beaming in live from ABC Brisvegas, as no one else was carrying it live.
Lucky it wasn't a close match as the signal wavered in and out - could have missed the match winning try.
Only goes to prove once again how important the Farah/Marshall show is.
When those two are on fire, Balmain can beat any side in the comp.
The hooker, who plays just about every play at dummy half and the five-eighth brilliantly combine to put on the set plays drilled into them at training - there is no way of the opposition coaching against that - not to mention the individual spontaneity that can turn a game on its head.
They had a hand or two in just about every try.
And Marshall, for the first time this season, had a perfect game with the goal kicking boot [he obviously didn't forget to ask his Mum to polish them this week], potting no less than six conversions and a penalty goal.
Goes without saying that that always has a positive impact on the scoreboard.
Did like SC Sheens' cheek picking Timmy Moltzen, in his first game after signing om with St George, at full back and dropping McKinnon altogether.
It was as if the Super Coach said to the bloke "Right then. You reckon you can play full back? OK. I'm picking you at full-back for the rest of the season and we'll see how you go. If I have to ring up St George at the end of the year to tell them that they paid too much for you, whose fault would that be, then? Yours."
With four inches of rain having fallen in the Emerald City in the past 48 hours [and it's still pissing down], word out of Lilyfield suggests Leichhardt Oval is underwater and the ground staff will struggle to pull a firm surface together for this Saturday night's game against Easts.
Just adds to the fun.

NORTH QUEENSLAND COWBOYS 18. Tries: Paterson (2), Tonga (2). Goals: Bowen (1).
WESTS TIGERS 38. Tries: Ayshford (2), Ellis, Fulton, Marshall, Moltzen. Goals: Marshall (7).
At Townsville Stadium.
Crowd: 12,829.