blow torch to the belly

Mystics,

Who'd try and tip the AFL, let alone even consider having a bet on it?
The exposed form is completely unfathomnable.
If you were a punter from outer space that came across the caper fresh, you'd be forgiven for thinking the entire schemozzle was massively rigged.
After SC Roos publicy admitted last week that no-one was listening to him, not least the young kiddies playing in the reserves, who reputedly had all sorts of excuses, it was pretty clear Horse Longmire had taken the senior players, the so-called "leadership group" by the scruff of the neck and told them in no uncertain terms that they should just get on with playing their own game and not fall into the awful "zone" theory nonsense that other teams put on them, and just force their opposite number to play mark-up, one-on-one football.
As a result, Hawthorn found themselves befuddled.
Goodes revels in that sort of game plan, and The Train really is, after all these years, unstoppable when he puts his mind to it.
Rhino Keefe came back to form, and Odd Head McVeigh had his first good game in a while.
And the young blokes did well too, Dennis-Lane showing he might be something with three goals, while The Hannebery Kiddie already is something, Reg Grundy proving valuable, and the Son of Gary Jack will no doubt get the "most improved junior player" at the end of season awards dinner.
Also pleasing to see young Jetta get his first goal after kicking 19 behinds straight since debut; that hopefully, as he says, "will get the monkey off me back", and it will kickstart his AFL career.
The lad has undeniable talent and would out-run anyone in the game over 30 metres, but remains very much a greenhorn.
Cap'n'Kirk, really, although he battles on bravely, is having a sad shuffle out to the spelling paddock for good; he should confine himself to chanting mantra's in the dressing room, and then going and joining the monks in the stands, rather than play the game, otherwise his middle name of "Never Played A Bad Game" could be called into question right at the very arse end of an illustious career.
Why do it to youself when you having nothing left to prove?
On the back of being seven goals up at the long break, the Swans found themslves whip-sawed to the tune of 6-3 goals in the Championship Quarter, and still won the game.
That had the Horse written all over it
Stick to the game plan, don't tear it up and don't start chucking it at people seems to be a perfectly reasonable way to go
10-9 is good enough three games from the finish, but Freo at Subi this weekend is another bottle of mussels altogether.
PS. At the risk of sounding like a broken record; yet another completely outrageous fiction from the Swans Marketing Dept in concocting the plain-silly crowd figure.

SYDNEY: 5.4, 10.10, 13.12, 19.15 (129). Goals: O'Keefe 4, Goodes 3, McGlynn 3, Dennis-Lane 3, Moore, McVeigh, Jack, Kennedy, Jetta, White.
HAWTHORN: 1.1, 3.5, 9.6, 13.7 (85). Goals: Franklin 4, Lewis 2, Roughead 2, Stratton, Ladson, Bateman, Moss, Burgoyne.
At Sydney Cricket Ground.
Crowd: 29,431.

Well, it was only a matter of time before the Mighty Tiges were not given a get-out-of-jail card free.
And the most remarkable game of rugby league this season, by any measure, to boot.
At 28-12 deep into the second half, Balmain were home and hosed, with the slippers on and the port & pipe in hand, and yet still managed to hand the opposition two Premiership points on a silver platter.
Really, they did almost everything right on the night, but fell for the trap that they thought they found themselves on a leisurely walk in the park against a team that was missing no less than eleven regular first graders through suspension and injury, when in reality, they weren't, and then got the timing all wrong, missing several opportunities, some would says gifts at field goal in extra-time, all the while underestimating the Rabbitoh's will to win.
Retired for the night on Saturday humming to myself..."to lose the unloseable game" to the tune of "to dream the impossible dream".
The Best Leb In The Game, as usual, was running the show, the pack put in from beginning to end with the front row in particular doing in some excellent work all round, while Keefy "Bludnut" Galloway had a blinder off the second row.
Benji, as usual, was doing the jink, the step, the faint, the cut out pass and the other ballet moves, after coming to the game with his goal kicking boots well polished, for a change.
All the wingers Lote "Wot I'd Do, Guv?" Tuqiri and That Try Scoring Freak Lawrence scored tries, and lets face it, that's the only reason that they are on the paddock - points on the board - while Ayshford got himself over the line after he found himself playing on the wing by mistake.
What's not to like about any of that?
All of the above is mere hearsay, of course.
Didn't see a frame of the match as there was some potterring to do in Dad's Shed, so only caught the radio call and later reports on the bush telegraph from spies who were there.
Only saw some highlight reel vision of the quite eerie final try, scored as it was at the end of the second period of extra time at 90 minutes just as the AFL style hooter was hooting at the Western Paddock to bring the proceedings to a halt.
But there was a pass in it that appeared to have a hint of a forward pass about it, although to some seasoned observers at the ground close to the action, it was a mile forward, and yet the Bamford decided not to send the thing upstairs for adjudication.
What the?
Home side favouritism, probably.
People, days afterwards, are still stratching their heads saying "how on earth did South Sydney win that one?"
The Balmain coaching staff haven't got a clue, so what hope the ordinary punter?
Thought SC Sheens restrained himself admirably at the dénouement, while the Club Secretary, no doubt, in a back office somewhere, would have been leaping about like some kind of wild-eyed crazed ape at the prospect of the possibility of not getting the gate reciepts from a home final.
A golden opportunity for Balmain to go to outright second on the ladder and even challenge for the glorious JJ Giltinan Shield [now awarded to the minor premiers] gone begging, and now they find themselves bumped back to fifth on the table.
Barry Crocker.
And Penrith, Parramatta, Melbourne and Gold Coast to come will represent a keenly-felt blow torch to the belly viz a viz September prospects.

SOUTH SYDNEY RABBITOHS 34. Tries: Farrell (3), Wesser, Sutton, Talanoa. Goals: Sandow (5).
WESTS TIGERS 30. Tries: Farah, Galloway, Lawrence, Ayshford, Tuqiri. Goals: Marshall (5).
[After extra-fucking-time, full-time 30-30].
At Olympic Stadium, Homebush.
Crowd: 23,298.