crazed Whirling Dervish on powerful drugs

Spectators,

Happy to find myself among the thirty five thousand odd punters who bothered to turn out at the Western Paddock on Sundee arvo.
A pretty poor crowd by Homebush standards on a sparkling, if a little chilly, afternoon in the Emerald City.
You can always tell when there is no-one in the ground when there is no pressure at all on the bars and food outlets.
It was a simple matter to buy a [$5.80, at least it was cold] beer, and steal a half-time pie.
Perhaps it’s just that Sydney fans are so used to their Rules out west on a Satdee night, that Sundee arvo upsets the apple cart that is their weekend in their Eastern Suburbs and North Shore homes.
Not helped either by the fact that Essendon fans don’t travel, and their support base in Sydney is minuscule.
But the meagre turn out did at least supply some more unusual Bombers fans, including a dwarf with a huge posterior, and a woman down below us in the front row of seats who spent the entire afternoon on her feet carrying on like some kind of crazed Whirling Dervish on powerful drugs.
Who knows what she would have got up to if the Bombers had been winning!
My gals were also goosed by the rare occasion of afternoon football, and they all, to a girl, neglected to bring hats.
The cheap seats are by definition in the piercing sun for the first half of the game [bullfighting fans call the cheap seats the “hot seats”], so the Football Record was fashioned into makeshift head gear.
And what a curious game of football it was.
The Swans played like genuine Premiership contenders in the first quarter, slotting a few quality goals, and keeping the opposition goalless.
The Swans then played like Melbourne in the second quarter, as the Bombers made something of a fight back, and it was by no means in the dilly bag at half-time.
Then there was the pitiful sight of the Great Irishman on the sideline after dislocating his good knee.
Curled up on the ground in the foetal position, weeping like a baby.
He must have thought the injury was a “season ender”.
They gave him a small towel to cover his face and preserve some dignity.
Towards the end of the second quarter the “flood” from both sides reached ludicrous proportions.
Dead set, it was like watching an under-sevens game, played by grown men.
Surely there must be a more elegant way to play the modern game.
And the ridiculous number of interchanges these days makes it all but impossible to keep track of who’s on the ground at any one time.
Those two factors alone are going to make it very tough to bring new fans to the game, and if there isn’t a fear in the top football echelons that the only bums left in seats will eventually belong exclusively to rusted-on die-hards – there should be.
Whatever smelling salts they were giving the Bombers blokes at half time, don’t try it again, it didn’t work
How many clichés can be squeezed into a sentence; perhaps the Essendon wheels fell off as the floodgates opened will suffice?
If the Bombers didn’t know they were in trouble, they did when they were trying to work the ball out of their backline with some hand passes across the teeth of the Swans goal, when the Playfair kiddie just made a simple intercept, banged it onto the boot, and put it straight through the big sticks from 15 yards out.
With the interchange rule the way it is, no one seems to spend any length of time on the ground anymore, so it’s hard to pick a best- on-ground; SC Roos couldn’t; “all played well”
Although you can’t argue with Magic’s six goals in the Marn Grook game [surprisingly he’s never kicked more than six in a match]
It seemed like the great man kicked match winning goals just about near the end of every quarter [missed two – at the bar], and one was booted so high and mighty it collected the metal work at the top of the stand [no mean feat at Homebush] and it took them some time to find the pill!
The Dalai Lama’s Football Representative in Australia kept up his reputation of never having played a bad game, The Ugliest Man in Football was poleaxed in the first quarter, as if he needed a good whack just to wake him up, and then played well, McVeigh was everywhere, and the youngsters Jack, Moore and Playfair went above and beyond.
Swans kicked the last 13 goals of the game as the Bombers fell from the sky like shot birds
Giving opposition sides a ten goal football lesson at the Western Paddock now seems to be a regular occurrence, and the 91 point margin in this one was a record.
Collingwood and Geelong must be quaking in their boots as the ground is rapidly developing hoodoo status as a graveyard for visiting teams.
Alice certainly thinks so.
She called it “game over” at three-quarter time, donned the gold lame, and promptly left the ground for the better option of dinner with her boyfriend.

SYDNEY: 4.5, 6.11, 13.15, 21.17 (143). Goals: O'Loughlin 6, Playfair 3, Jolly 3, O'Keefe 2, Moore 2, Kirk, Buchanan, Barry, Richards, Jack.
ESSENDON: 0.2, 4.7, 7.9, 7.10 (52). Goals: Hille 2, Welsh 2, Lloyd, Neagle, Jetta.
At Olympic Stadium, Homebush.
Crowd: 35, 904.

Haven’t seen a frame of the Tigers game as it was played in Newcastle simultaneously as the Swans game.
But seasoned observers at the ground suggest The Great Hoddo was man of the match for the third week running, and ran in two tries himself to boot.
All reports suggest the Knights never looked like winning in front of their formidable home crowd.
The Marshall Kiddie also earned his pay for a change with two tries, but that didn’t impress SC Sheens in the least.
Heard his post match comments on the radio sports wrap and he was talking like the Tigers had lost – badly.
Suggested that they needed to harden up all over the paddock, and gave young Benji a gigantic tusk up the runter, saying he has a “bad attitude” in defence, and intimated not too subtly that there wasn’t much room anymore for one dimensional players in this caper.
The Kiddie only made half a dozen tackles in a full 80 minutes, and missed just as many they say, so you can forgive the super coach for being filthy as Marshall continues to reinforce his reputation as an immense backline talent, but also a brittle pretty boy.
Still it looked like a good win for mine, on paper.
The proof of course will be in the pudding in this Sunday’s match against the top-of-the-table Titans at the spiritual home of Balmain rugby league.
You will find me on the hill.

NEWCASTLE KNIGHTS 26. Tries: Bailey (3], Dureau, Vuna. Goals: Naiqama (3).
WESTS TIGERS 38. Tries: Hodgson (2), Marshall (2), Fulton, McDonnell, Te'o. Goals: Hodgson (5).
At International Sports Centre, Newcastle
Crowd: 20,154.


Craven.