Crazy Craves private posts this season go public for the first time!

MAKE THE EFFORT: POSTED 21 MAY 2007


Wrecking-ballers,

The Swans are back in town – although it was very hard to get a grip on that – given the simply appalling Channel Seven coverage.
Telecast delayed by almost two hours, and the first quarter was dealt with in six minutes of “highlights” [i.e. the goals] followed by six minutes of ads!
The entire first half was summed up in half an hour of television chock full of thirty seconders.
To given them thems due, they did deign to replay the third and fourth quarters more or less in full, but once again, Swans fans ripped off blind.
Seen it all before – a television network pays far too much for football rights and then uses the game as the flimsiest of excuses to launch a truly awesome amount of commercial content on the unsuspecting public to try to claw back some of the cash.
If I see one more kiddie kick a goal for the National Australia Bank in that “gimee dat thing” commercial, swear to god I’m going to launch myself off the lounge and start molesting the rabbit’s ears on top of the set, with unknown consequences.
The heart-to-heart between SC Roos and the senior players at last weekend’s smoko obviously did the trick.
Great to see Magic back in touch with three first quarter goals to give the Sydneysiders the jump.
His last goal of the game deep in the final stanza was reminiscent of that famous photograph [attached] of him giving some lip to some Weagles fan up close and personal after he had kicked a goal from point blank range.
Did the same thing yesterday, except this time he was talking to a piece of earthmoving equipment at the construction site end of the ground.
Malceski put in another blinder across the back.
He even managed to kick a monster goal from what looked like somewhere near the cricket pitch on the unblinking eye.
The value of Kennelly was plain for all to see after two games on the sidelines – and to think that SC Roos had to talk him out of giving the game away this season and going back home to Ireland!
The Bolton kiddies, Buchanan, Ablett, Captain Kirk, Along Came A Schneider…what can you say…they can only play the game one way…hard.
Port spent all day trying to wriggle out of tough tackles, while Sydney played the peculiar confines of the ground to perfection.
Isn’t it remarkable how South Melbourne tend to win games when they are not carrying too many passengers.
Old folk will tell you it’s always been that way, apparently.
The Bamfords were once again working from the Rule Book from Mars, with some insane free kicks awarded, including one of holding the ball against a Port player who had actually tackled a Swans player in possession of the ball in a one-on-one contest as they wrestled on the ground for the pill? I’m not even sure if the alleged offender had the ball in his hands. Shaking of heads all round. Go figure?!

SYDNEY: 6.4 10.9 13.14 17.16 (118). Goals: O'Loughlin 4, Hall 2, McVeigh 2, Ablett 2, Schneider, Everitt, Davis, Goodes, Malceski, Jolly, Buchanan
PORT ADELAIDE: 3.1 6.3 8.6 13.9 (87). Goals: Ebert 4, Salopek 2, Bentley, K Cornes, Motlop, Pearce, Thomas, S Burgoyne, White
At Sydney Cricket Ground.
Crowd: 25,423.

Didn’t manage to see a frame of the Tigers game as I was otherwise engaged in quaffing a cheeky Shiraz at the opening of a mate’s art exhibition.
[Little known fact: 67% of people who attend football matches, also attend art galleries. Source: Art Gallery of NSW survey.]
But going by what the fishwraps are saying it was an absolute corker of a win in that most difficult of venues – inside an old volcano in Auckland – in front of ten thousand baying Maori, who are, as they say over there, on the “lunatic soup” & “angry pulls”
Tigers even won the penalty count, by all accounts!
And managed to get a Worriers player sent to the sin bin for “repeated indiscretions” late in the first half.
The Great Hoddo obviously had the kicking boot on, including four penalty goals that in the end made all the difference on the scoreboard.
Call me old fashioned, but how often do you see a side kick four penalty goals in a modern game of rugby league?
Lovely to have the refs on side at an away game.
And there he is again on the scoresheet; the young Lawrence kiddie must have scored a try in every game he’s played so far.
Obviously SC Sheens has the juggernaut chugging along nicely for five wins on the trot.
Better off paying Benji very good money to stay in the hydrotherapy pool and down the pub having a punt.
As 2005 proved; you only really need one good purple patch in a season and you are well placed to be right in among the pointy end action.

NZ WARRIORS: 26 Tries: Vatuvei, Ropati, Mannering, Ah Van, Hohaia. Goals: Martin (3).
WESTS TIGERS: 30 Tries: Fulton, Te'o, Morris, Lawrence. Goals: Hodgson (7).
At Mt Smart Stadium, Auckland.
Crowd: 10, 282.

Always good to see both football teams win on the same weekend – tended to happen quite a bit during the dual premiership year – and we have learned something.
If you want to have an inkling of what actually goes on in a Swans Sunday afternoon home game, then you have to make the effort to go to the ground.
Manuka Oval, anyone?

THE GRAND SCHEME OF THINGS: POSTED 14 MAY 2007.

Barrackers,

Robbed – just one word for it.
Haven’t had a look at the free kick count, but it was plain for all to see that the Swans were caned by the umpires throughout.
BBB Hall had two players on him all night and was constantly pinged for simply laying a hand on any one of them.
At least one of the outrageous free kicks awarded against him should have been awarded to him!
How he kicked as many goals as he did I’ll never know.
It’s a joke.
I’m not a big fan of the Bamfords at the best of times, as you might know, but I can’t stand Bamfords who appear to have little or no knowledge of the rules of Australian Rules Football.
It aint called “rules” for nothing.
Super Coach Roos hasn’t been fined $1500 for calling a spade a spade for nothing.
C’mon Hally, why don’t you stop pussyfooting around and just start giving the opposition a few squirrel grips getting a good fistful of anus and testicles in the process – now that would be worth a free kick.
Malceski was simply majestic in defence; don’t know how many touches he had, but he seemed to take on the workload of at least two blokes who aren’t there, aka the Ugliest Man in Football and the Irishman.
For a bloke who habitually struggled for a start in the seniors, Malceski has really grown up over the past couple of seasons, and must be at or near the top of the list of “most improved” players
Jolly is having a great season in the ruck and he’s doing all the better by having a spell or two, and handing over the tap out duties to Spida.
Rhino, Buchanan, Captain Kirk, Schneider, Bolton etc just continue to put in top efforts week in week out, and Nick Davis Come To Save Us is at last showing some maturity for the ratbag he is.
However, The Goodes Train was patchy at best [still to have a great, let alone good game this season], while Magic was almost entirely missing in action.
Far too many turn overs across the centre and half back line for mine, allowing the Saints to get the Reiwoldt/Gehrig show going.
You can’t bag young Jack for trying too hard in his second game in top company, but boy does his inexperience show.
SC Roos at the Sunday morning smoko at the magic waters at the Bronte Sea Pool would have been scratching himself under his chin and looking out to sea.
No doubt he would have gathered the “leadership group” in a huddle on towels on the rocks and had a heart-to-heart about the best way to approach the rest of the season, given that it is now almost a third of the way through at 3 & 4. .
I’m sure the fact that the importance of winning away games can never be underestimated in the grand scheme of things would have been among the subjects under discussion.

ST KILDA 4.4 7.4 12.6 15.7 [97]. Goals: Gehrig 4, Clarke 2, Milne 2, Riewoldt, Dal Santo, Fiora, Koschitzke, Birss, Montagna, Voss.
SYDNEY 4.1 6.4 8.5 11.5 [71]. Goals: Hall 3, O’Keefe 2, Davis 2, Goodes, Everitt, Bolton, Scheider.
At Docklands Stadium.
Crowd: 37,816.



Splendid to see Super Coach Sheens coaching from the sidelines a la American football, with the head-set on, dressed in a pink shirt [Mothers Day?] teamed with a charcoal and white pin strip suit, immaculate shoes, no tie.
It’s a good look, and I’m thinking Sheens is thinking there is no better place to assess how players [both your own and the opposition] are traveling physically and mentally than being right next to the action.
It’s difficult to tell if a player is really blowing hard when you are up in the gods in the coach’s box.
Also allows him to make instant decisions about the interchange bench.
And this game was a classic example of cunning coaching.
He knew the Dragons were going to run out of puff at some stage, so instructed his players to slow the game right down in the second half while delivering some smashing tackles in defence, and then when the opposition starts to wilt, get the backline set plays working, and just sit back and watch the floodgates open.
Fulton played out of his skin in virtually his first game at five eighth, while Farah and Morris put in some excellent work at dummy half and around the play the ball.
The Lawrence kiddie [at 18 years of age has an enormous future for mine] and the big boofy Tuiaki have been revelations on the wings over the past couple of weeks.
The forward pack was solid solid solid, and appear to have been putting even more work in on the defensive pattern on the training track, with Heighington among the stand outs this week.
As the Good Lady Wife said at full time “they’re better without Benji” and then some mutterings about “showpony” or some such.
You really can’t be much better placed than four wins on the trot [against quality opposition] for fifth on the ladder at this stage of the season.

WESTS TIGERS 27 Tries: Fulton (2), Galea, Lawrence, Fitzhenry. Goals Hodgson (3). Field Goals: Morris (1).
ST GEORGE ILLAWARRA 8 Tries: Stanley. Goals: Head (2).
At Stadium Australia, Homebush.
Crowd 13,625.


TOO FRAGILE TO PLAY THE GAME: POSTED 08 MAY 2007

Orthopedic Surgeons,

Flicked over to the Tigers game after the Swans abysmal first quarter, only to find that I had missed most of the Tigers avalanche of first half points, and had missed seeing Benji Marshall trudge off, after again dislocating his already reconstructed right shoulder, after five just minutes.
And the Great Hoddo was declared a late non-starter as well.
To beat a team like the previously undefeated Storm with those two not on the paddock was a huge get.
Only this week did I notice TAB Sportbet offering 250/1 about the Storm remaining undefeated throughout the season, and already they have pocketed any foolish punters’ cash.
So crucial is Marshall to the team, that SC Sheens said on interview after the game that he played the entire match essentially without a five eighth – there was no plan B - just had three going on the left and three on the right, while Robbie Farah was playing hooker, dummy half, first receiver, five eighth, and any other position you’d care to name down the middle, all rolled into one.
Thought Collis had another fine game, and for Balmain’s third-string goal kicker, not a bad effort to slot seven over the black dot!
I fear that poor Benji will become one of those players talked about in years hence:
“Jeez, he had the chance to become one of the all time greats -- but he was just too fragile to play the game”
There’s been talk of shifting him out of harms way to full back – but what good would that do?
What’s the use of hiding your marquee player in the [probably vain] hope that he doesn’t hurt himself?
In any case, it would be a sheer tragedy if the shoulder forces him into premature retirement [the kiddie is not even 22].
I’m sure its always got to be in the back of his mind whenever he plays, and there are probably warnings about spending the rest of his life like John McCain – unable to lift his arms above his shoulders – or worse, in a wheelchair paralysed down the right side.
It’s only a game, and it’s not worth that.

WESTS TIGERS 30. Tries: Lawrence (2), Farah, Galea. Goals: Collis 7.
MELBOURNE STORM 12. Tries: King, Johnson . Goals: C Smith 2.
At The ‘Tongue, Gosford.
Crowd: 19,111.

No sooner than I had sat down to watch the Swans get belted in the first quarter, than I realised I was at the wrong game.
If I had a gold lame suit, I would have put it on, then and there.
In the modern game where 12-15 goals are generally required to win a game, that’s a helluva lot of points to concede first up off the bat. Backline was dead set asleep – not that it’s a long flight to Melbourne or anything - but even so, they looked like they could have done with a bit of methamphetamine to wake them up.
With the likes of Kennelly joining the sick list along with Roberts-Thompson, the starch appears to go out of the defence.
Still, Swans know how to play the Championship Quarter, and it was a good little fightback that the coach probably took no comfort in, however, they were always going to spend the night playing catch up football.
The usual suspects such as Captain Kirk, Rhino Keefe, Fosdike, Along Came A Schneider etc all had solid games, but once again the Swans were carrying too many passengers for mine, who shall remain nameless, to protect the guilty.
An injury list can cruel any side’s chances, and the Swans have made the last two grand finals largely on the strength that they haven’t had one to speak of.
If SC Roos is forced to catapult the likes of Kieran Jack off the Rookies List onto the Senior’s Roster, then something must be going on.

KANGAROOS: 7.3, 8.7, 12.13, 16.15 (111). Goals: Grant 4, Jones 3, Campbell 3, Petrie 2, Edwards, Harris, Brown, Grima.
SYDNEY: 1.5, 3.7, 8.7, 14.11 (95). Goals: Hall 4, O'Loughlin 2, Mathews 2, Ablett, Crouch, Schneider, Malceski, Everitt, Jolly.
At Docklands Stadium
Crowd: 27,045.

A GIGANTIC TUSK UP THE RUNTER: POSTED 02 MAT 2007.

Ivory Merchants,

No sooner than I had posed the question as to whether there was something wrong with the great Benji Marshall, than the kiddie comes out and has a blinder!
Finally got the mojo working with half back Johnny Morris, worked beautifully off Farah at dummy half, and had the kicking game down to pin point accuracy; not to mention the trade mark jink and step.
On interview after the game, Super Coach Sheens admitted that he had rather enjoyed having the bye early in the season as it allowed him to do some essential work on the attacking department, and as we all know, he is an adherent of the theory that that’s where the points reside, and as a general rule, the side with the most number of points on the scoreboard, usually wins.
Benji himself admitted that SC Sheens had used the bye to give him a gigantic tusk up the runter re his poor form and how he was letting his team mates, fans, and the club down etc etc.
Pretty clear that there was no other option but atonement.
The Farrah kiddie is having a wow of a season for mine, while Dean Collis is developing into a fine centre three quarter, to go with his solid rugby league brain.
Looks like the wheels may have been reattached to the Tigers juggernaut, as the Bulldogs are a very good get.
Even though I happen to live deep in the heart of Bulldogs territory [when they used to play at Belmore Sports Ground, you could hear the cheering at my place], I hate the Bulldogs almost as much as Manly.
So an excellent result all round.

WESTS TIGERS 34 Tries: Collis (2), Morris, Marshall, Fitzhenry, Farah. Goals: Marshall (5).
CANTERBURY-BANKSTOWN BULLDOGS 18 Tries: Mason, Williams, El Masri.Goals: El Masri (3).
At Stadium Australia.
Crowd: 18,066

Watched the Swans game in the front bar of the Imperial Hotel in Singleton.
[Explanation: I was on something of a Sideways weekend with me old mate Trev, through the Hunter Valley wine country. We took digs in the Royal Hotel, but they didn’t have a spare screen for AFL, so we wandered over to “The Impey”, as it’s known locally]
Good to see that the Swans are at least partly adaptable and don’t need to play ugly football all the time when they are on an attacking roll, they still get the licence from SC Roos to kick long and get in among the front lines.
BB Hall looked his destructive best early, but it appears he copped a nasty cork late in the game, so no doubt has spent a few evenings “icing up all night”. Captain Kirk had another blinder for mine. There’s not much the bloke can’t do, while some of the youngsters in the forwards put on a fine show, Schmidt and Schneider among them.
Trev called “game over” at half time, and it was always going to be tough for the Demons to come back from having six goals kicked against them in the opening stanza. Australian Rules is all about taking advantage, and the Swans, unlike previous weeks, capitalized on a few crucial mistakes, to take the pressure off, and keep the pressure on the opposition. Nothing in that performance that would have disappointed SC Roos
Good to see that The Goodes Trian copped a reprimand from the tribunal tonight – a trumped up charge for mine, anyway. A pity that he’s now out of the running for the Brownlow, but he’s got two already, and any more might be seen to be greedy. In any case, I doubt very much whether Goodesy would have scored a Brownlow vote yet this season. At least he’s available for next week.
After the footy, we staggered around the corner, and stumbled into a wild party out the back of the Club House Hotel, which was fun for a while. Eventually we took a ride on the hilarious gold coin donation courtesy bus; that took us on a magical mystery tour of Singleton, first dropping off the loudest and the drunkest passengers at their front doors, before depositing us back at The Royal. It was raining in Barbados.
SYDNEY 6.2 10.5 12.7 17.7 (109) Goals: Hall 4, Davis 2, Schneider 2, Malceski, Bolton, O'Keefe, Goodes, Jolly, McVeigh, Schmidt, Moore, Kirk.
MELBOURNE 1.2 4.4 6.9 8.12 (60) Goals: Davey 3, Dunn, Miller, Bate, Bruce, Petterd.
At Sydney Cricket Ground
Crowd 23,354.

SWANS HOODOO GROUND: POSTED 26 APRIL 2007.

Satirists,

Can’t say that I saw much of last Saturday night’s footy, as I was otherwise detained having dinner at some curry joint in The Thinking Man’s Suburb with no less than seven women [all related to me in one way or another I might add].
I berated them roundly for their lack of boyfriends, and their apparent disdain for male company.
Only two or three are interested in football.
Did get home just after half time and was understandably dismayed by the scoreline, with a solitary BBB Hall goal on the board!
As some commentator said “the Crows have out-swanned the Swans”
As my spy at the ground said “it’s called winning ugly” – and he’s a rabid Adelaide fan.
The inability of Sydney to beat Adelaide at home, and Adelaide’s ability to beat Sydney at their own game, and yet fail to make grand finals, must be an imponderable conundrum for both coaches.
A good Championship Quarter from the Swans was never going to be enough to get back in the hunt, and the 14 behinds on the final score sheet at the end of proceedings really told what went on.
You are not going to win too many football matches by kicking five goals.
Swans still missing the harassing defence of the likes of the Ugliest Man in Football, and Spida will have to do more on those ageing legs of his to justify his reputation as a marquee player.
Rhino Keefe and J Bolton again among the best for mine, on my limited television viewing of the game, but if you are going to go with ugly football brand of play, you certainly can’t afford to carry too many passengers.
Unfortunately, Swans just had too many non fare payers on the night.
Football Park, on the evidence, can now be counted as the Swans hoodoo ground.


ADELAIDE: 3.2, 6.5, 8.6, 9.7 (61). Goals: Burton 3, Welsh 2, Bock, Porplyzia, Edwards, Perrie
SYDNEY: 0.4, 1.6, 5.10, 5.14 (44) Goals: Jolly 2, O'Loughlin 2, Hall
At Football Park, Adelaide.
Crowd: 43,752.

Super Coach Sheens was happy to take the two points from the Tigers one and only bye of the rugby league season, as it was guessed by the powers that be, that they might supply a few players to the New Zealand team for the Anzac test match.
Disturbing to report that Benji Marshal, after having done nothing for Balmain for the past five weeks, also failed to produce for his country.
What’s wrong with the kiddie?
Not eating right? Trouble at home?
Or maybe he’s just got an Ian Baker-Finch style case of The Yips?
Sincerely hope it’s temporary.

Craven.


REACH FOR THE HEART PILLS: POSTED 17 APRIL 2007

Cardiologists,

Was it just last week that I complained that no one would listen to my call to rid the game of Rugby League of the scrum and the field goal?
Well you can add to that list -- the penalty try!
Granted, they are awarded rarely, but they are another blight on the game, for mine.
Especially when the professional foul comes off an inderminate play.
In the case of the one awarded against the Tigers, there is no way in the world it could have been given on a real time replay, in fact it was only given on one man’s opinion based on slow motion, or even stop frame!
Bloody television!
How can you determine a penalty try, when there might have been a hint of a knock-on in a super fast play that resulted in a opportunistic kick forward, with no iron clad guarantee that the chaser would have reached, controlled, and touched down the football before it flipped over the dead ball line
Crucially, did the Bamford call “play on”?
And in any case, the officials got the decision all arse about.
What did we get?
A penalty try being awarded and the Tigers kiddie who committed the professional foul getting off scott free - stays on the field!
What should have happened, is that the Tigers transgressor should have been sent off for 10 minutes in the sin-bin, no penalty try awarded, and a tap restart from the 20.
Give the aggrieved team the best possible opportunity to score a genuine try!
Make what you will of the rules of Rugby League – but that one’s got me beat.
If Tiges had been beaten in a close game on the strength of that, I would have really come out swinging.
After all that, it was good of the Bamford to give us one back in extra time -- for the Sharks blatant two-man strip of the ball in the tackle -- to produce the simple match winning penalty goal.
The Tigers will take the two premiership points – SC Sheens said as much – as he scratched the fixture into the “we’ll take our wins” side of the Coaches Leger.
Never been much of a stats man, but it’s Balmain’s first game in nine matches that involved winning margins of six points or less, that they’ve actually won!
That is enough to do a coaches head in, surely.
Not much originality to be had in the Channel Nine call, but this one did make me laugh out loud:
“Dead set. Tim Sheens will be wanting to look for a retirement village somewhere on the north coast” after the Tigers murdered yet another try.
Solid all round performance in attack and defence from the forwards, Fulton, Galea, The Refrigerator again prominent.
While Captain Courageous again copped a fearful bashing at full back, he never lost his nerve, while the side was let down by the rest of the backs – again – Goode Wifey says “too many show ponies, for mine”
Benji’s set plays are just not coming off.
He’s either thinking players are in on the set-play, when they are clearly thinking otherwise, getting caught by some nimble opposition forwards while on the jink, or even passing the ball clean into touch with the try line wide open.
He did that a couple of times.
Keep working on it son, and the results have got to come good sometime soon, you’d hope.
It would have been a catastrophe to have a 0-5 start to the season, but even at 1-4, its pretty much catch up football from here on in.
Phew.

WESTS TIGERS 14 Tries: Fitzhenry, Marshall. Goals: Marshall (3).
CRONULLA SUTHERLAND SHARKS 12 Tries: Simmons, Bird. Goals: Covell (2)
At Campbelltown Stadium.
Crowd: 17,855.


It looked like the Swans were done like a Sunday dinner at three quarter time.
It’s rare for a team to come back after being outplayed in the Championship Quarter, but in this instance it was more a case of Lethal pulling the wrong reign.
One of those games Brisvegas lost, rather than the Swans won.
Lions should have just tried to close the game down, and protect their ten point lead.
Instead they got five goals kicked on them for what turned out to be a comfortable win for the Swans – largely to due superior fitness in the unseasonable temperatures, and the Herculean efforts of one man.
Lucky that Magic took it upon himself in the last quarter to take the game by the scruff of its neck, and win the thing almost single handedly.
Brilliant stuff – there are few finer sights in football than Magic on song.
One of the few benefits of television was the close up of Magic just after the full time hooter – hands on knees, head bowed, sweating from head to toe, and blowing really hard.
The bloke was completely buggered for his trouble.
Thought Jude Bolton had a cracker of game, bobbing up all over the park and doing the right thing almost every time.
The back line looked very solid, especially in keeping the opposition to a single behind in the last quarter.
Kennelly among the best, but they are still missing the talents of The Ugliest Man in Football.
Spida still looks old and slow to me, but I guess if he can win the odd tap or two in the ruck, and then start kicking a couple of goals per game, he’s probably worth hiding in the forward pocket.
After being a “knee – one week” injury concern on Monday, BBB Hall looked strong as he simply out muscled anyone they put on him.
He claims it was due to the alchemy of “icing up all night” [on the knee and ankle that is!] after last weekend’s game.
The mystical powers of frozen h2o is only known to a chosen few.
The ground is looking exceptionally tawdry with the Doug Walters Stand now in a state of ruin [who did souvenir the sign, I’m wondering?].
And it was a relatively poor crowd, even with the limited seating capacity.
You have to wonder why the Swans didn’t move every home game to the Western Paddock this year -- contractual obligations, I’d guess.
The road trip to Adelaide this weekend will be another test, but at least we don’t have to go to Western Australia, where the Weagles and Dockers appear to have gone completely stark raving bonkers, given the extraordinary carry-on that was witnessed at Subiaco Oval over the weekend.

SYDNEY SWANS: 5-3 [33] 7-6 [48] 8.10 [58] 13.18 [96]. Goals: Hall 4, O’Loughlin 2, Schmidt 2, Schneider, Mathews, O’Keefe, Barry.
BRISBANE LIONS: 4-3 [27] 7-4 [46] 10-8 [68] 10-9 [69]. Goals: Brown 3, McGrath 3, Patfull, Begley, Fixter, Harding.
At Sydney Cricket Ground.
Crowd: 24,854.

Even though I had to reach for the heart pills on a couple of occasions, it’s still a sweet weekend when both your football teams win!

Aside:
A nice Saturday moment came at another sport, spending 20 minutes or so over an ice cold schooner with the Goode Wifey in the Cattlemen’s Bar at the Royal Easter Show, which as the name suggests, is attached to the beef cattle pavilion.
They were all there.
The strapping looking young shed hands of both sexes up to the tops of their gumboots in dung.
The owners and the breeders, in their ten gallon hats, RM Williams boots, fashion shirts, western belts and the classic moleskins.
The odd RAS member was also in, in the tweed jacket and the old school tie teamed with cream slacks, with the various badges and tickets hanging off the lapels to indicate that yes, I am a member.
They all appeared to be drinking, smoking, and talking cattle.
[Was taken with the marketing slogan for the producers who are pushing the “square meaters” breed of cattle – a sub-breed of Murray Greys. Their brochure proudly announces “more meat on four feet”]
And then there were a couple of very pretty city girls on their own, louchely lounging about on the small lawn in front of the bar, casually sucking on a pre-mix.
I did wonder what they were up to?

A PHYSIOTHERAPIST IN HIS GARDEN SHED: POSTED 10 APRIL 2007-05-29

Holidaymakers,

Can’t say that I paid too much attention to the football over the Easter weekend as I was stuck for much of it in the office, and was frankly more concerned with the arduous task of successfully backing the Derby winner!

Swans appeared to get away with one of those grinding encounters we’ve seen plenty of in the past, and will see plenty more of this year.
Super Coach Roos has for some unknown reason been unable to resolve the problem of the Swans getting off to slow starts [they still looked muddled in the first quarter despite kicking four goals to one].
It’s a mystery that’s got the finest football brains beat – the Swans should be able to put away teams like Richmond a lot earlier than they do, and last year slowness out of the blocks turned what should have been a few comfortable wins, into narrow losses.
That can hurt you on the ladder at the pointy end of the season.
Richmond just ran out of legs in the end and Sydney’s superior match fitness and exclusive use of the magic waters at the Bronte Sea Pool will begin to tell against less credentialed sides as the season wears on.
Didn’t look closely enough to venture any comment on individual performances.
Such assessments can only really be made by those at the ground.
And in any case, as everyone knows, television lies.
Of all the games, the crystal bucket fails completely to capture the tactics of Australian rules, much of the skill required to play the game, and does next to nothing to reveal the humanity of the players.
Any number of slomo’s will never show you the leads all over the paddock, the true nature of the joy of pulling off a big play, the agony of a shocker, the bloke out of his head, or out on his feet, the body language, the niggle, the backchat, the weirdness of the Bamfords etc etc etc.
It’s a game that just does not fit into a John Logie Baird, never has, never will, even on a 16:9 screen.
The injury to BBB Hall [knee – one week] must be of concern.
Am I right in thinking the great man has not missed a game through injury for at least the past two seasons?
The coaching staff would no doubt have installed a full time physiotherapist to live in the bloke’s garden shed so he can have the very best of treatment, 24/7.

RICHMOND 1.1 5.2 10.3 11.6 (72) Goals : Richardson 2, Schulz 2, Hyde 2, Tambling 2, Bowden, Tivendale, Foley.
SYDNEY 4.0 6.6 10.7 13.10 (88) Goals: O'Loughlin 2, Everitt 2, Malceski 2, Hall, O'Keefe, Buchanan, Bolton, Kennelly, Schmidt, Jolly.
At Melbourne Cricket Ground.
Crowd: 37,985.


Not “a bloody” point again!?
I thought I wasn’t going to mention it this season?
Whatever hair Super Coach Sheens had left, has surely gone by now, with the remaining tufts left on the floor of the coaches box in Townsville.
Tiges appeared to be working well in all departments – Benji was beginning to produce his “A game” as he promised he would all week before the match, the forwards were doing some solid work, particularly in the traditional softening up period, and they were on song tactically – but in the end they were done in by the sheer brilliance of just one man – Matty Bowen.
On interview after the game, Benji described him as “a freak”.
The Bowen kiddie will be pulling on the green and gold in a couple of weeks to take on the Kiwi’s, mark my words
He was drawing defenders all over the park in the second half, when he wasn’t scoring a try himself -- and the way he set up the winning field goal was close to perfect
For mine, field goals and the scrum should be done away with in the game of Rugby League.
I’ve been saying it since 1989, but no one will listen.
Good to see that SC Sheens didn’t bat an eyelid when Bryce Gibbs was thrown out of Rosehill Racecourse on Golden Slipper day for being drunk and disorderly, and subsequently charged with assault ground staff, assault police.
Looked all right at training on Tuesday, so he had no hesitation in picking him in the team.
[By the way how drunk do you have to be to be ejected on Slipper day, given that it’s marketed by the Sydney Turf Club as an open ended invitation to a very big drink up?]
In any case, the coach’s confidence was not rewarded.
Gibbs had a shocker – did nothing all night – obviously his mind was elsewhere.
His next court appearance, perhaps?

NORTH QUEENSLAND 25 Tries: Graham (2), Sweeney, Bowen. Goals: Thurston (4). Field Goal: Bowen.
WESTS TIGERS 24 Tries: Fitzhenry, Farah, Collis, Whatuira. Goals: Marshall (4).
At Dairy Farmers Stadium, Townsville.
Crowd: 21,879.

Craven.


COLOMBIAN MARCHING POWDER: POSTED 03 APRIL 2007.

Punters,

As soon as I purchased my first [$5.40!!] shockingly poured Toohey’s New, and found that this years cheap seats are not nearly as good as last years cheap seats [which, curiously, cost quite a bit more this year – but are still the best entertainment value in all Sydney], I knew we were in for one of those nights at the Western Paddock
Got a few early shots away, as we picked on Daniel Chick, who happened to be tagging Magic in the forward pocket right in front of us.
“Got a postcard from Arizona yet, Chick?”
“Magic’s got you skating on thin ice there, Chick!”
“Hey Chick! Can I buy you a coke, looks like you need one?”
The usual nonsense.
Great to hear my girls chiming in with their own bon mots throughout.
They favour targetting the Bamfords, while cheering on their own favourites.
“Nick Davis! He’s come to save us!”
The art of football barracking has never really taken off in Sydney, and people are still quite surprised when you get going.
The jibes ran out pretty quickly, tho’, towards the end of the first quarter, when I started thinking it would be pretty tough coming back from having six goals straight kicked on you in the first half hour, in a match that would probably take twelve goals to win.
Among the marquee players, Spida looked old and slow to me.
Sure he’s a massive unit, but any yards he might have had as a youngster he appears to have lost some time ago, so he’s probably best hidden in a pocket somewhere for all concerned.
Magic showed some strokes of genius, but is obviously lacking match fitness, while The Goodes Train tried hard all night but struggled to find his feet.
The backs scrabbled as best they could, but were missing the dogged harassing abilities of the injured Lewis ‘the ugliest man in football” Roberts-Thompson.
BBB Hall on several occasions in the Championship Quarter looked like he was herding cattle from across the centre line as the entire team flooded into the Weagles forward line.
To keep the opposition down to a single goal in the second half was a valiant effort, and make no mistake, SC Roos has not changed his coaching style.
We can expect to see plenty of ugly, but hopefully effective, football again from the Swans this year.
It’s won’t be pretty to watch.
Any number of the 13 missed opportunities listed in the behinds column could have been enough to win the game.
I said at the start of the season that I would not refer to a “bloody point” again.
I lied.
As my mate Trev said on the way to the ground, if the Ben Cousins scandal had broken in the NRL, Gallop would have made sure that the Weagles were stripped of the premiership by now, for playing a player who was patently on performance enhancing drugs since at least July last year.
If you are on the Colombian Marching Powder, its fantastic how nobody else in the league can catch you, and yr Brownlow votes go through the roof!
How Weagles fans can live with themselves has got me beat.

SYDNEY 3.4, 3.8, 6.11, 10.13 [73]. Goals: Davis 2, Hall, McLoughlin, Vogels. Kirk, Goodes, Dempster, Phillips,
WEST COAST 6.0, 10.2, 10.6, 11.8 [74]. Goals: Hunter 2, Seaby 2, Judd 2, Lynch, Braun, Hurn, Staker, Chick.
At Stadium Australia.
Crowd: 62,586.


Found myself at the office on Friday night so only saw the Tigers game out of the corner of my eye on a little crystal bucket.
But from what I saw – we wuz robbed.
The Bamford had a deadset shocker.
Now I’ll admit Balmain was sailing pretty close to the wind in the first half in the holding-the-man-in-the-tackle-department, but blow me down, to sin bin a Tigers kiddie when he found himself failing about on top of a slithering Eel with his feet flapping around in the air, and one of his team mates stuck hard underneath – how do you actually stand up on two feet from that and mark the play-the-ball, ref?
Very harsh.
Sure, it didn’t look that good, but it should have been perhaps a stern talking to and a penalty at best.
Intentional professional foul?
I think not.
And then with nine minutes played in extra time, to give a penalty 41 metres out from your own goal for not making up straight in a quick, desperate, play-the-ball with a minute to go was just plain ridiculous, for what amounted to a technical infringement for mine.
Ball sails over black dot, game over.
In the olden days, when betting and reputations were involved, it used to be called the “referee handing the match to the home team on a platter”
Losing your opening three games of the season by narrow margins is a coaches nightmare, but SC Sheens would have to have been happier with this one than last week’s awful shocker in the rain at Leichhardt.
He seemed to be rotating the forwards more thoughtfully through the bench giving Galloway and Peyton an opportunity to shine, Benji and Johnny Morris have obviously been working on a few set plays at training, and the Great Hoddo was back to his best -- doing what he does – inserting himself into a sort of dummy five eighth position and making surprise yards, or creating the extra man to give his wingers some room to work in.
Got some fearsome hits for his trouble, but that’s never worried a Balmain full-back before.
Give’ em some more work on the track, SC Sheens, and see if they don’t come good.

Parramatta Eels 22: Tries: Reddy, T.Smith, Mateo. Goals: Burt (5)
Wests Tigers 20: Tries: Galloway, Harrison, Marshall. Goals: Marshall (4)
At Parramatta Stadium.
Crowd 18,482.

Craven.

A PASSING PALM BEACH BUS: POSTED 25 APRIL 2007-05-29

Hillites,

Had the pleasure of finding myself Saturday afternoon/evening in a corporate box in the Norm “Latchem” Robinson stand at Leichhardt Oval, courtesy of the good folks down at True Blue Chemicals [thanks “Butchy”! thanks Kerrie-Anne!] for what turned out to be a pretty awful display from the Mighty Tiges.
Good night to be boxed up.
About ten minutes before kick off, just as the dancing girls were about to launch into their routine and the under-sevens little leaguers were doing their thing, a sub-tropical downpour swept across the ground, with flashes of lightning up over Balmain Road and away back to the City.
My first thought was “uh,oh, they haven’t trained for this”
The Hill didn’t flee for cover -- largely because there is none -- but instead put on their plastic poncho’s and well worn rain mats to keep the arse dry.
It rained on and off for most of the game.
Manly were kicking with the northerly in the first half, and then, as if on cue, as soon as the half time hooter went, a southerly buster blew in.
So the visitors were playing with a substantial breeze in their favour in both halves.
Do the Sea Eagles employ a meteorologist?
Tigers were very lucky they weren’t severely punished on the scoreboard for the myriad of first half mistakes, dropping the greasy ball cold, knock-ons, passing the ball clean into touch etc.
Absolutely nothing was going right in attack.
Johnny Morris has a few good set moves from half back, but there’s little point in opening up holes in the defensive line, only to send a winger through the gap sailing for the tryline, without the ball in his hands.
The Bamford was working from a fairly arcane edition of the Rules of Rugby League, not to mention letting a few typical Manly high shots go through to the keeper, and all but ignoring the offence of offside in the play-the-ball, making it very difficult for anyone to get value field position.
Thinking that the Tigers made only one serious line break in the second half as the errors continued to mount up.
Never looked like winning in a match they only had themselves to blame for losing.
Robbie Farah tried hard, but the centres had a tough time of it all day.
As it was, the wife remarked of the Balmain full back “Hoddo’s not having a very good game, is he?”
There’s still plenty to come from this outfit, but with 20 minutes left in the game, it was bleeding obvious that half the team lacked the necessary match fitness…hands on hips, walking up in defence, the gnashing of teeth after a stinging tackle, is not a good look.
That’s why the forwards were recycled through the bench far too often.
The blud nut Galloway had an excellent match, but just didn’t get enough game time.
The Manly field goal with just seconds left on the clock was nothing more than a typical nasty gesture, for mine.
They love nothing more than rubbing salt into any wound they might come across.
As you might have guessed --- don’t like Manly; the hatred stretching back to 1990 when your good correspondent was roughly handled, and spat on at Brookvale Oval on the day Steve Roach was sent off, and then indignantly found himself being thrown out of the leagues club for being loud, drunk and disorderly, and narrowly escaped a pursuing mob of Manly thugs, by flagging down a passing Palm Beach bus…but that’s another story ,
A little early in the season for a session or two in the Room Full of Mirrors, but you’d be sure SC Sheens would have threatened them with that at half-time.

WESTS TIGERS 8 Try: Farah. Goals: Marshall {2}.
MANLY SEA EAGLES 19 Tries: Watmough, Robertson, Ballin. Goals: Lyon {3}. Field Goal: Monaghan.
At Leichhardt Oval.
Crowd: 15,185.

ANOTHER STROKE OF GENIUS: POSTED 18 APRIL 2007.

Bleacherists,

Mark my words, there will be a lot to like about the Mighty Tiges this season, if Friday night’s showing is anything to go on.
While the Olympic Park hoodoo continues, there is no shame in being beaten by two points by last year’s minor premiers, especially when the Melbourne tries came from a stock standard set play, and two cross field bombs.
Super Coach Sheens has had yet another stroke genius in coaxing Jason Moodie out of the wilderness of two years in retirement to go round again.
A very good buy.
While Johnny Morris is as solid a half back as they come, he is no Scotty Prince.
He’s probably still suffering from the emotional damage undoubtedly caused by four years at Parramatta , and will need to time to gel some backline moves.
Benji Marshall, if anything, was just too generous with the ball - he should utilize his straight line speed and individual brilliance, the famous jink and step, some more.
Robbie Farah did some clever work around the play-the-ball and looks set for a hall mark season.
Thought that that man mountain Todd “The Fridge” Payton had an outstanding game up front, with some good hit up work, while leading a rock solid defence, that few teams will stroll through easily this season.
Noted that SC Sheens said on interview after the game, that a few of the boys are way short of match fitness, while more than a few are underdone.
If he can get that starting 17 up to scratch, and keep most them of healthy through the rest of the year, the season could be full of promise

Bring on the hapless South Sydney at Leichhardt!!


Melbourne Storm 18 Tries: J.Smith, Hoffman, Folau. Goals: C.Smith (3)
Wests Tigers (16): Tries: Moodie, Harrison, Whatuira. Goals: Marshall (2)
Olympic Park, Melbourne.
Crowd: 13,535.

Craven.


CAN’T GO WRONG: POSTED 14 APRIL 2007
Fellow footballers,

It’s been a while since I’ve activated the winter game blog.
But with the balloon going up on Friday night, it’s time
You will largely get my weekly diatribe re the Sydney Swans and the Wests [Balmain] Tigers, after they have played on the weekend.
Have got tickets to three Swans games, including the grand final replay, and intend to attend the three Tigers games at Leichhardt Oval, then a few matches in between.
There’s nothing like being at the ground.
It’s easy to unsubscribe, just email me and tell me to bugger off.
Feel free to forward to anyone who may, or may not be interested, or just send me their emails to add to the list, and forget about it.
Back here at the ranch we are dreaming of 2005.
There will be no mention of “a bloody point” or the Prince defection to the Gold Coast Titans.
Good to see that both clubs have hired marquee players in the Swans Peter “Spida” Everett, and the Mighty Tiges, Benji “benji” Marshall.
Can’t go wrong.

Craven.