art v footy

Loyalists,

Eschewed the footy on Sundee arvo for a bit of your modern art.
Spent the day doing the MCA after its squillion dollar rebuild.
It's not really finished, but some nice work there, and the view from the roof top sculpture garden is possibly the best of all in Sydney Cove; Bridge and Hoos in interesting prospect to the left and front and central.
A billion bucks for that look.
Couldn't help thinking the people who used to work in the Martime Services Dept HQ, as it was back in the day, knew what they were looking at.
As is always the case with any art museum; some startling, surprising and spectacular efforts, surrounded by a lot of mediocre and a fair bit of utter rubbish.
Pretty much like a game of football, really.
And it seems to me that most artists, much like many footballers, have too much time on their hands during the week and then find themseleves short of their best.
The Youngest daughter deputised for me and was my spy at the ground after buying first class tickets twelve or so rows back from the fence adacent to the wing with a fine view of the centre bounce for $30 on the student concession.
She suggested "All Played Well" would have been a good entry in the "Best" line in the score box in the Monday morning fishwraps.
Pressed, she found it hard to single out BOG, but said the Child Parker would have gone close to the three Brownlow points, liked the efforts of The White Boy and Spida Jnr just for instance, and said Malceski kept putting his bearded chin out and Oddhead McVeigh was valuable in the scrimmage for the ball on the ground.
JP Kennedy, once again, got a mention.
Best of all, The Jetta Kiddie kicked three miraculous goals that all turned on a sixpence, by all acounts.
Mr Ed was well pleased, they say.
And, there were no passengers
And, no-one missed The Train.
If they did North in by seven goals, they would have really murdered them if Goodesy was playing.
There was some puzzlement about the 3.15pm start time.
What's the use of playing the first half in fading daylight and the second half at effectively at night under lights?
Can't see the point.
Maybe, as has been suggested, it gave the basket weavers from the Eastern Suburbs the time to have a good Sunday lunch with some bottles of Chardonnay before going to the ground.
It works well for the telly, but can't see any other reason for it.
The Swans know where their Members live, and they wouldn't go as far as Blacktown on their holidays.
The Stats Guru has come up with this one.
It's the first time in 14 years years since the Swans went four and zero at the start of a season, and in 1998 they finished 3rd at the end of the regular season.
Not a bad portent.
And lets face it, they are only one win away from a very early, early season purple patch.
And that in a rather tricky away game against Hawthorn in Launceston.
Tune up the banjo.

SYDNEY: 5.5, 9.7, 14.9, 17.11 (113). Goals: Everitt 3, McGlynn 3, Jetta 3, Bolton 2, Malceski, Kennedy, O'Keefe, White, Armstrong, Rohan.
NORTH MELBOURNE: 1.3, 6.7, 7.11, 10.17 (77). Goals: Macmillan 2, Thomas 2, Campbell 2, Wells, Cunnington, Harvey, Petrie.
At Sydney Cricket Ground.
Crowd: 21,049.

[Aside: Didn't see a frame of it, but the Pygmies reportedly improved somewhat on previous showings.
In the meantime, got to thinking, that as a point of difference and to appeal to a large sector of the district's population, the Pygs Marketing Dept should declare the club 100% halal.
Baby lambs to the ritual slaughter, week in, week out.
Tasty, tasy murder].

WESTS TIGERS: Respresentative weekend. No club games.

the train's ticket clipped

Match Winners,

Mr Ed would of course be well aware of the importance SC Roos used to attach to away wins.
It's as if they are twice the value of home wins, if not on the premiership table, then all in the mind.
The match was never in doubt.
Even though it was a close run thing throughout, the Swans weren't headed at any stage if memory serves me right, and the margin was nothing in the denoument for Sydney fans who don't want to remember how many times they reached for the heart pills last season as they watched the Cardiac Kids go round.
That'll do.
After singing the praises of the Reid Kiddie last week, he did virtually nothing this week, while the Child Parker had a blinder, second week back from a broken jaw.
Go figure?
Not what you'd call the model of consistency, but on the other hand, they don't appear to be carrying any real passengers.
Worrying that they were caned again in The Champo -- but encouraging that they survived, again - that's one thing they need to tidy up when they come up against the really good sides, or they'll be done like a dinner.
JP Kennedy was probably BOG for the 2nd week running, but Beer'Esky Malceski could have headed him.
Steady as she goes.
Interesting to see on the crystal bucket every second bank of seats in the pockets at Footy Park covered in huge advertising tarpaulins, on account of they never expect too many in for a Port game, given that Port supporters are considered to be pariahs, if not lepers, in polite Adelaide society.
Still, they did a lot better than the GWS Pygmies, who on a fine and sunny afternoon at the Blacktown International Sports Park [which in reality is nothing more than a glorified suburban oval in the armpit of Western Sydney - during the cricket season, in a Sri Lanka v NSW tour match there, play was briefly halted as the ground staff shooed a black snake off the playing arena] couldn't attract more than 6,867 paying punters through the turnstiles.
The Stats Guru says he can only remember one worse AFL crowd in Sydney.
Oh dear.
It was was in the dark days; 1994-R16 when Brisbane 135 beat Sydney 110 at the SCG.
The official crowd was posted at 5,728.
The Guru was at the ground that day and says even that figure was inflated.
It was a disaster for the caterers, and came at a time when top level AFL in the Emerald City almost disappeared up its own arse.
Everything could well have ended in tears, and it's a miracle the thing came back from the very brink.
Found myself in the kitchen preparing a cheeky Long Island Iced Tea when the Goodes Train slid into a tackle knees first and cleaned up some hapless Port player who was on the ground defenceless.
My spy at the ground pushed a cable through on the bush telegraph suggesting there was nothing malicious in it, but rules is rules, and the Bamford had no choice but to book the Umpire's Pet.
Goodesy tried his best, but couldn't beat the rap down at The Tribunal and was rubbed out for a week.
Had his ticket clipped.
He'll be happy enough to rest those ageing legs for a bit and then spend the rest of season accumulating entirely useless Brownlow votes.
No gong this year to cap off the illustrious career, but he can still have the cigar.
Nothing stopping him.

PORT ADELAIDE: 3.2, 5.6, 9.9, 12.11 (83). Goals: Stewart 3, Schulz 2, Ebert 2, Westhof 2, Surjan, Broadbent, Thomas.
SYDNEY: 5.2, 8.4, 10.6, 16.9 (105). Goals: Jetta 3, Bird 2, White 2, Goodes 2, O'Keefe 2, Bolton, McGlynn, McVeigh Reid, Mumford.
At Football Park, Adelaide.
Crowd: 19,032.


Let's face it, if you can't beat the Chocolate Soldiers then you should just take off your jockstrap, pack up your kitbag, and give the game away.
A clinical win.
Use the Traditional Softening Up Period in the first 20 minutes to good effect, put on a few tries in the back half of the first half, and then realising that you are not looking even remotely like being beaten, shut up shop and play very dour conservative football in the second half.
Pretty bloody boring to watch, to be frank, but premiership points is premierships points, and Lord Crikey they need a few.
At last, the set plays have started working - all the first half tries were from set plays - rugby league players must be rather thick if it takes them seven weeks before they learn the coach's instructions.
Pleasing to see the epitome of the journeyman, Ray Cashmere, play.
He's apparently on loan from the Illawarra Cutters, of all teams.
Since The Goatman last appeared on the Tigers' bench in 2005, Ray's played 50+ games for North Queensland even though he struggled to cut the mustard in first grade, worked in the Wollongong mines for a while, and then turned out for a few seasons in the English league with Salford, before returning at the start of the year to play for a couple of schooners and a cut lunch contract at the Cutters, before SC Sheens found he had no fit forwards to put on the bench, remembered Cashmere in his dreams one night, and got the Club Secretary to give him a call and ask him to play for half a dozen schooners and a roast pork roll with gravy.
The bloke is massive.
Looks about 6'3" and about 115kg to go with it.
A genuine dead-set Astronomical Unit.
And funnily enough, in the limited game time that he had, he can play...and even went so far as to score a try!
While the reserve depth is starting to look a bit thin its pleasing to see blokes like Junior Moors among others stepping up to cover injury.
Another journeyman, Joel Reddy, can play anywhere, while Aaron "Woodsy" Woods has the potential to turn himself into a complete running forward if he works hard.
The Stats Guru came up with a very curious one.
According to the records, ever since Balmain and Western Suburbs merged in 2000, the joint venture has never, not once, put a team out on the park who have kept the opposition scoreless.
Who can doubt him, but surely he's missed one or two??
From the soundtrack on the television telecast, it appears that there is a brass band in residence at Penrith's home ground.
A welcome move, and something that should be encouraged.
Imagine a brass band at every surburban ground that plays throughout the match, resting only for half time.
A good repetoire of marching music would add immeasurably to the atmosphere during dull games.
Most Balmain Boys would've been looking forward to having the week off over the upcoming representative weekend with no club football to be played.
Then the Monday morning team sheets came out.
Of course, Marshall and Blair would have been the first Brown Bros picked to play for New Zealand against Straya in the "Anzac Test Match" in Brisbane.
Then Larwrence, Farah, Woods, and Fulton all get picked in the City side to play Country in Mudgee of all places.
And Groat and Miller are selected to play for the NSW U20's against the QLD U20's.
All but one of those are regular first graders at the Tigers, so that's half the team going around in matches that really aren't of very much consequence.
The games probably don't even attract a match fee, with the players being told the step up to the representative level is a strictly amateur caper, and being picked for such honours is something you don't seek, but it gives you enough kudos that you are expected to play for free.
They'd been lucky if there was a luke-warm pie at full-time in it for them.

PENRITH PANTHERS 0.
WESTS TIGERS 30. Tries: Moltzen (2), Blair, Cashmere, Humble. Goals: Marshall (5).
At Penrith Football Stadium.
Crowd: 15,759.

crisis? what crisis? just ask Ray Cashmere

Optimists,

Picked up the Saturday paper on Saturday morning, as you do.
The headline on the back of the fishwrap screamed at me...OFFICIAL: WESTS TIGERS IN CRISIS.
Tucked the rag under my arm, and wandered across the street from the newsagent to the Front Bar at The Local, to duck my head in on the pretence of finding out who liked what in The Slipper.
The usual suspects were in.
The Lurkers, the Spivs, the Cannabis Merchants, the Touts and various other Shadies all have an opinion - mainly about themselves - but never mind that, they were all going about their usual business.
After last week, the Brown Bros, sensibly, didn't say a word, and just smirked behind their jugs of draught, while whispering in each others ears behind covered mouths.
They're good at that.
The Philosopher was in his usual corner nursing this week's favoured breakfast tipple, a Harvey Wallbanger.
[The barmaid says he insists that they are healthier and more nutritious than a simple voddie & orange].
He saw me coming as he looked up from the form guide, fixed me with his bead as he pushed his glasses back up onto the bridge of his nose, then flung the rest of the sports pages on the floor, shaking his head, saying: "Crisis? What crisis, Craves?"
And this, from a bloke who doesn't mind a drink in a crisis.
When pressed, he had nothing more to add.
Balmain were simply outmuscled by a young, strong, down-to-earth professional football team.
Nothing very clever about it.
It's devilishly difficult in this caper to score points when you have next to no possession throughout.
Tigers were forced to make eight or nine goal line drop outs, so time and time again found themselves putting the ball back into the teeth of the opposition who had good field position.
Never mind the two late consolation tries, when everyone on the field was well buggered.
They didn't play badly, but never looked like winning, which always presents a conundrum.
In a bid to divert attention from the current situation, SC Sheens banged on royally about the injustice of Matty Groat being taken out in a ferocious illegal shirt front with a hint of a leading elbow/forearm.
The offender was penalised and put on report to the faceless Men down at the Match Review Committee, but remained on the ground, while The Groat Kiddie was in La La Land, was assisted from the field by two trainers, played no further part in the game and could miss this week.
The super coach suggested that this was akin to punishing the victim, saying he should be allowed to play a fresh 18th man off the bench in compensation for the foul play, but isn't allowed to under the current rules.
Fair enough, and you'd have to have sympathy with the idea, but frankly, you are either sent off or you aren't, so why further complicate a game already riddled with useless rules.
The Tigers singular problem is that they have been unable to play the same forward pack in all six games to date.
Not once has there been the same personnel up front week in week out.
Dont tell me it's going to be yet another season cruelled by injury?
Ray Cashmere has the answer.
According to the team announcement news sent out to Members mid-week, Cashmere has been named on the Balmain first grade bench -- for the the first time since 2005!
Which begs the question...Ray! Mate! Where have you been and what have you been doing for all these years?
SC Sheens on interview after the game didn't express much concern at all about the current losing streak saying there were quite a few positives to come out of the match.
What they were eludes me just at the present.
The Club Secretary would have no doubt taken a different view and put the abacus out on the desk to calculate the potential losses.
He'd be happy enough with the string of away games coming up, as he doesn't have to sell tickets, and two points guaranteed in the bye, but if they continue to do no good, there's nothing more certain than the crowds and the gate receipts dropping right away, and sponsors questioning value for money.
No one likes a loser, especially in Sydney, and the Super Coach may well find that even he is not immune for calls for his head on a plate if it carries on in this fashion.
As St Tim likes to say - we might be getting ahead of ourselves here - but in the history of the NSWRL dating back to 1908, no team, ever, has been able to win the premiership from a one & five start.
Joisus.
And the last time Balmain beat Brisvegas in Sydney was in the MIracle Year 05.
Another poor portent.
Lets just hope that H.Ford was right and "history is bunk".
Must try harder.

WESTS TIGERS 14. Tries: Fulton, Ayshford, Humble. Goals: Marshall (1).
BRISBANE BRONCOS 18. Tries: Reed (2), Copley. Goals: Parker (2), Wallace (1).
At Sydney Football Stadium
Crowd: 17,556.


The Great Lewis Roberts-Thompson, seven years on from the Miracle Year, was quoted before the match as saying that he was "astonished" when he was told that he would be playing in his 150th game.
The solid workhorse, toughnut, and through and through loyalist never imagined he'd have a very long career in the caper, perpetually plauged by niggling injury as he is.
Also could have something to do with his looks, and the inevitable discrimination that he would no doubt have to suffer on and off the field.
So he's had a mighty time getting as far as he has, and all power to his oars.
Just a pity about the face that not even a mother could love.
The Ugliest Man in Football's parents are probably very attractive people to look at, but somehow some genetic code just went horribly wrong somewhere on the way through to the keeper.
And he had a very good 150th, to boot, neatly setting up what looked like the winning goal early in the final quarter.
This team looks capable of flying under the radar and going places this season, for mine.
The "re-building" of recent years appears to have been completed.
A fine mix of yoof and experience is always a handy thing to have.
Witness The Jetta Kiddie.
He has grown into being a man; he's acquired a lot more bulk and football smarts since last season, so it seems the singular individual brilliance was well worth persisting with.
The New Train?
Reid's marking skills will be worth the price of admission alone all season long, with little birdie's close to the club twittering that he could be The New Plugger.
Both of them could become superstars.
JP Kennedy was best on ground by a long shot, followed by BeerintheEsky Malceski.
The Goodes Train played well enough to pick up another inevitable Brownlow point from the Bamfords.
He is, after all, an Umpires pet.
However, it's not often that a side gets badly caned in the Championship Quarter and still goes on to win.
My spy at the ground telegraphed during The Champo "Oh no. Yet another Swans sleepy session".
But, after the exhibition game against the GWS Pygmies a fortnight ago, it was for the most part, as if it was down to business with intent.
Did like the reports that Mummy was forced to ring up Coach Horse on the morning of the match to say that he had woken up with a bad case of Shagger's Back.
He was told to be more careful, and it opened the door for The Great Seabs, who's not a bad emergency to have in the ruck.
All good.
It must have been an impressive crowd given the weird sight of the MA Noble, Bradman and Dally Messenger Stands being entirely empty as they await the wrecking ball, or perhaps it's a new opportunity for yet more fudging of the numbers at the turnstiles.
You'd be thinking the Pygs would have to be even more creative in that department after the shellacking in Hobart, especially as they go to play at that hellish windswept dustbowl known as Bankstown Sports Park this weekend.
They'll be lucky if a few hundred turn up.

SYDNEY: 4.4, 9.7, 11.9, 14.10 (94). Goals: Reid 3, Jetta 3, Goodes 2, McVeigh, O'Keefe, Rohan, Malceski, Roberts-Thomson, McGlynn.
FREMANTLE: 2.2, 3.3, 9.4, 12.9 (81). Goals: Mayne 4, Crowley 2, Anthony, Sandilands, Pearce, Mzungu, Bradley, Johnson.
At Sydney Cricket Ground.
Crowd: 22,242.

no one to blame but themselves

Those who have also been rendered speechless,

A rather large, short woman fully fitted out in genuine Western Suburbs gear from the eighties when Victa Mowers still had their major sponsorship splashed across the back of the jersey, got on the train home from Central after the game.
She plonked herself down into two seats with a hurrumph, and a couple of tears dropped out of both eyes and rolled down her cheeks.
She didn't bother to wipe them away, and then promptly fell asleep.
Had had enough.
There is nothing worse than having a long way to go home after losing by a bloody point.
Everyone's been there, and it aint no fun.
It was a very puzzling game in a baffling week.
Don't get me started on the decision to purchase the Easts captain, Braith Anasta, on a two-year contract starting 2013.
The bloke is by all accounts a scholar and a gentleman, but with looks only a mother could love...however, why on earth would you buy a 30-year-old five-eighth who's looking for some superannuation to get into rugby league's Sunset Home, when you have a perfectly good, nay superstar, five-eighth already on the books on a long term contract?
So, Anasta might be able to play second row, and might be strong enough to finish his career there, but really?
Beats me.
Lets just hope they haven't paid too much for him.
No idea what possessed me to buy tickets to the game, but the Marketing Dept clearly sucked me in as they offered really cheap tickets to the cheap seats for Members who didn't have one to hand.
Remind me to never again go to a South Sydney game, ever.
How could anyone forget that Rabbitohs fans come from the lower breeds?
You just have to take one look at Russell Crowe.
They are inevitably foul-mouthed on the barrack, when there is really no call to descend into the gutter at the football.
Don't they know that women and children are present?
Then again, the screaming banshee women and their children are just as bad.
They also steadfastly refuse to behave in a quiet and sociable way in the bars.
They are sore losers, and vindictive winners, but to be fair, on the way out of the ground a woman wearing rabbit's ears pushed her pram over the toes on my bad foot - which was only protected by a flimsy sandal - which produced a surprisingly effusive apology.
That's another thing Souths' supporters do, they take babes-in-arms to the football, no doubt to inculcate the yob ethos into them from birth.
The banner hanging from "The Burrow", where the lowest of the low hang out, was plainly offensive.
It was the so-called Heritage Round, so the Tigers wore a replica of the jersey worn by Western Suburbs in their last Grand Final win 60 years ago this year.
The banner read:
"Heritage. We've got ours. You sold yours"
Enough said.
Meantime, back on the field...
The Moltzen Kiddie scoring a try in the first two minutes auguered well.
After Benji almost didn't play after reportedly being plauged with chronic headaches after being all but knocked out in classic clothesline tackle for two weeks running, Souths decided to leave him alone on humanitarian grounds, and instead clearly targeted Moltzen, who was cleaned up heavily in a very late, very high tackle by that well known Souths hooligan Michael Crocker running at full pelt, as the Balmain full-back was completely defenceless as he'd just landed back on his feet after defusing a difficult bomb.
You could hear the sickening thud from where we were sitting in the stands.
It had malicious foul play written all over it and would have been a send off offence back in the day, but attracted no more than a penalty and a report, and the Faceless Men down at the Match Review Committee raised one eyebrow on the Monday morning telling the thug: you can escape a week's rubbing out if you plead guilty and we smack you over the wrist with a wet lettuce leaf.
Lord save us...
The traditional softening up period over the first twenty minutes was a bit like hand-to-hand combat on the Somme, with only a few inches gained here and there by either side.
Don't know that Souths made a single break over the advantage line in the first stanza - the 6-0 half time score tells the story.
The Bamfords also had a fair bit to answer for; constantly blowing really annoying penalties for trivial or technical infringements, when the fundamental off-side rule in the game went completely un-policed.
The players aren't stupid, and both sides took full advantage of being allowed to creep inside the regulation ten metres at every play the ball, as the referees were gazing off to the horizon looking to penalise some obscure infraction of the rules.
The end result was that much of the game just ground into a brutal stalemate.
Where's the spectacle in that?
After getting caned yet again in the penalty count, SC Sheens said on interview that he woud have his "usual head-butting" with the Bamford's boss about it, but you know it won't do you no good Tim, so why bother?
What's done is done.
Second half and all went very very well for a while, but then, why didn't Marshall go for two clear chances at the field goal at two converted tries up, that's 12 points in front, with ten minutes to go, just to put the fruit on the sideboard?
The Super Coach could be seen pulling out what little hair he has left on his bonce, given his mantra about field goals - "it's easier to ge 'em early, than to get 'em late".
Then they winded up, in the denoument, finding that they had no one to blame but themselves when they let in two lame, soft, opposition tries which should have easily been defended, to allow Souths to push the game into extra time.
A dead set coach killer.
Could barely bare to watch the scheduled ten minutes added on.
When the winning Rabbitoh's field goal wobbled its erratic way off the boot towards the goal, brushed both the cross-bar and an upright on it's way through, before falling over for the one point advantage, the chin went into the chest and the hands went to the top of the shaking head.
What should have been a rolled gold opportunity at victory turned into complete disaster in the blink of an eye.
Joisus.
It could well be time for a session in the Room Full of Mirrors down on the Balmain Road after that showing.
One more loss and they'll need a purple patch just to get back on an even keel, and then another one, to have a chance of a shot at the finals.
That's the best part of half a season, with almost a quarter already gorn.
The 24 year old Sydney Football Stadium now has a very lived-in look, and is showing her age [unlike the Olympic Stadium which looks and feels like it was built yesterday].
Never mind that don't do any maintenance on it.
My seat was broken.
It had been unhinged at the back, so whenever you sat too close to the edge of the seat with your hands in your mouth, you risked tipping forward and head butting the bloke in the row in front of you from behind, by accident.
Just leapt to my feet when there was a risk of that happening.
Still, the design means the circulation of people around the joint still works pretty seamlessly, and the latrines and catering were not overly overcrowded.
The beers were mercifully cold, if a touch over-priced, but it was VB, while the pies were thermo-nuclear.
What more do you want?
The smoking lounge out the back of Bay 30 at half-time was quite spectacular.
There were thousands and thousands of chuggers out there creating the tremendous sight of a huge cloud of tobacco smoke that heaved and pulsated in the sea breeze and then ironically drifted up and back into the top deck of the stands, as all the ciggies had been concentrated into the one area.
Chuckled, as the gasping social lepers got the last laugh
They'd even had the decency and sense to install a pop-up bar in the smoking lounge, outside the ground, to keep the addicts happy.
Bless.
There were some interesting scenes down at the Front Bar in The Local on Monday morning, but that can wait...
In the meantime...need a new plan.

WESTS TIGERS 16. Tries: Ayshford, Moltzen, Tuqiri. Goals: Marshall (2).
SOUTH SYDNEY RABBITOHS 17. Tries: Luke (2), Everingham. Goals: Reynolds (2). Field Goals: Inglis (1).
At Sydney Football Stadium.
Crowd: 25,608.

Craves.

not quite a ten goal football lesson

Gladiators,

In any other kind of sport this sort of thing would be banned outright in this day and age.
Men versus Boys.
But oh no, not in this caper, where it's comprehensively encouraged and sanctioned.
Something about the need to blood the children into the game.
Most of the Pygmies team are weedy teenagers playing against big boofy grown men in the Swans side.
Tell me how that works and what it proves?
At the finish, there were quite a few of them cramping up due to a lack of match fitness; there was one bloke right on the final siren who was doubled up with it, on his knees, on the boundary line in front of the bunker with his head in his hands, and he appeared to be weeping.
As if to say "you never told me it would be this hard, Guv."
It's a very tough game, no doubt about it, especially as it goes on for far too long.
Hours and hours in fact; when one of the clear attractions of rugby league is that it done and dusted strictly within 80 minutes.
There has been a half-hearted push on to shorten the quarters by five minutes and reduce the time allowance for half time, which could only be a good thing...less injuries, you'd think, less all round buggeredness, less drunkeness in the crowd, and the punters could head for home half an hour earlier than usual.
But of course no one at HQ is listening, on the grounds of if it's not broke, why fix it?
The issue is that the attention span in greater Sydney - the whole whopping great joint that it is - is attuned at birth to a short and explosive game.
Therein lies the AFL's problem on this side of the island.
It just takes too long.
Perhaps they should introduce NSW rules for Sydney, Brisbane and Canberra games?
Didn't quite catch the name of the small piece of silverware that The Train picked up after the match.
It appeared to be some kind of tin cup, the sort of thing you'd win for the U14's hundred metres footrace if you came first.
Nothing like having a shiny trophy in the cabinet this early in the season.
The Brett Kirk Medal was also apparently awarded to JP Kennedy for Best on Ground.
Hard to argue with that.
The Swans forwards, rucks and rovers look to be the goods, and lets face it, the backs just stood around all day looking at the clouds as they weren't overly busy.
Not quite a ten goal lesson, but still more than 60 points, which would have satisfied the mad punters who had put sheep stations on it at a $1.14 at the books.
Forever the optimist, my spy at the ground reckons that the Swans could slip in under the radar with the draw they've got - banking on a couple of good purple patches to easily make September.
The bloke suggests the list is quite settled this year, the youngsters have a debut year under their belts, and the journeymen are just about coming into their prime.
You only have to take a look at the Son of Gary, Les Kennedy, In Like McGlynn, the Flying Jetta, Little Birdie, the Ugliest Man in Football et al to get the picture, not to mention old stagers like Bolton, J., Odd Head and the Goodes Train.
Mr Ed, the Talking Horse of course, was just happy to put the premiership points in the dilly bag and move on to next week, or fortnight, or whatever it might be.
The Pygs have some promise in terms of nascent talent no doubt, grant them that, but it will take years, and millions, to make them competitive, and it could very well end in tears.
Just ask Geoffrey Edelsten, he'll tell ya.
SC Sheeds is likely to lose all his hair.
The GLW slipped her glasses onto the end of her snout when she heard the three quarter time siren on the telly, and had a look at the score.
She remarked "well, there's obviously too many AFL teams in Sydney" and then went back to reading the Saturday paper.
Enough said.

GREATER WESTERN SYDNEY: 1.2, 3.3, 3.4, 5.7 (37). Goals: Ward, Giles, McDonald, Wilson, Hoskin-Elliott.
SYDNEY: 4.1, 8.4, 13.8, 14.16 (100). Goals: Bird 2, Kennedy 2, Jetta 2, Everitt, McGlynn, Rohan, Bolton, McVeigh, Jack, Roberts-Thomson, Mumford.
At Olympic Stadium, Homebush.
Crowd: 38,203.

Robbed blind for the second week in the row with a shocking penalty count against them, 8-3 in the denoument.
Never mind that the forwards were crunched by a Canberra pack dead set full of monsterous gorillas.
You can accept that the side generally didn't play very well.
As the GLW put it over dinner at half time "jeez, it's not very nice to rob the poor".
But how are you expected to score points when you are constantly deprived of the football and have next to no possession wholly and solely because of the bastard petty officialdom.
As you are no doubt aware, it just gets on my goat and it's simply unacceptable.
If there's one thing that really pisses me off about the game, it's Bamfords who think they know more than what's in the rule book.
You don't have to mention the 40, yes 40 tackles, that the Tigers missed - they were out there for all to see - and it was just very poor rugby league.
SC Sheens would have undoubtedly been volcanic at the final siren, in an explosive pyrocrastic sort of way.
From the live call, it appears the coach waited at the entrance to the race for the referee's to run off the field, and gave them the death stare without saying a word as they ran into the tunnel, under police escort, with the crowd hooting and booing, only just restraining themselevs from throwing things.
When the steam finally stopped coming out of his ears, SC Sheens ventured the observation on interview "You need to defend in this game. We didn't".
You can put that down to an unsettled pack, for mine
Don't think they've fielded the same forwards in any game so far; crying out for thye Bludnut, That Pom Ellis out for a week then back in, The Best Leb in the Game outrageously rubbed out for a fortnight for the accidental spear tackle.
It makes it difficult if there are constant personnel changes in the forwards, the depth in the reserves doesn't appear to be that deep.
It's alos no good when the marquee player is deliberately targeted
Still, not to worry at one and three; as they say in the classics, it's never as good as it seems, and it's never as bad as it looks.
Aside: With the welcome advent of digital radio, no longer have to go down to Dad's Shed and rig up the short wave ariel to recieve the comedy call on the MMM signal... you just put the new unit into auto tune and it comes to you crystal clear, as if out of thin air.
Marconi would have been impressed.

WESTS TIGERS 16. Tries: Ellis, Miller, Moltzen. Goals: Marshall (2).
CANBERRA RAIDERS 30. Tries: Croker (2), McCrone, Mataora, Campese. Goals: Croker (5).
At Campbelltown Sports Ground.
Crowd: 14,388.

a very tawdry affair

Football Judges,

Should've stayed out on the back deck with the glass of cheeky Barossa Valley Shiraz and continued to view the spectacular distant lightning show as it swept across the south-western horizon without a sound, rather than step inside and watch a very tawdry affair on the unbliking eye.
If you thought Manly played dirty last week, you didn't reckon on the Saints.
Filth, filth & more filth.
Squirrel grips, Xmas holds, rabbit punches, not to mention the two blatant swinging forearms to the head of completely defenceless blokes going down in the tackle, both of which were just not seen by the muddle-headed half-blind wrong-footed Bamfords.
After being illegally attacked, Benji only just managed to get up on jelly legs, wobbled about for quite awhile, and played no useful part for the rest of the second half even though he stayed on the field.
The Moltzen Kiddie got a nasty one - as he was clearly getting special treatment on account of last year's off field unpleasantness - and was in la la land; so out of his tree he was in the next orchard.
And yet he also played on.
A clever plan on the part of the Dragons - lay out the opposition half-back and five-eighth on the sly, and try to get away with it, which they comprehensively did.
As the bloke on the TV commentary said "it's difficult to fathom so much foul play going un-noticed".
The on-field powers-that-be said not a word about it, of course, but you would have thought the Faceless Men on the Match Review Committee would have taken an interest in those two tackles, but, no.
Instead they throw the book at The Great Robbie Farah.
Absolutely fookin' gobsmacked.
Outrageous to think that one of the cleanest players in the caper, and certainly The Best Leb in the Game, could be threatened with a three week ban for a completely innocent unintentional accidental spear tackle with no harm done.
Beyond belief.
The first thing Farah did afterwards was apologise to the bloke for making the mistake, which he accepted, and that's where it should have ended.
But, no.
Fair enough about enforcing the rules re protecting the head and neck of the player carrying the ball, but really, if you go by that criteria, why did the pair of Saints goons get off scott free, without so much as a slap on the wrist?
It doesn't matter how much it costs, Robbie should just march on down to the league judiciary, trailing closely behind the best available QC on the night to argue his case, and then flip 'em the bird regardless of the outcome.
Joisus.
Seen everything in this game now.
Never been known as someone who goes on about it ad nauseum - who, me? - so let's go back to the game - where the rule-bound Bamfords constantly penalised the Tigers for inconsequential nit-picking technicalities - like not standing straight in the play the ball - what the??
SC Sheens on interview after the match admitted that he was "perplexed" by the refereeing, but added that "I've never known where I stand with the judiciary or the referees from day one", so obviously, he aint about to start trying now.
Let's face it, day one was a long time ago.
He's got bigger fish to fry.
The real problem, though, was Balmain were un-nerved by the tactics - and who can blame them after being so rudely roughed up like that - and they then sought unecessary revenge, and in the process took their minds off the game, stopped paying attention to the matter at hand, and in the meantime were outplayed by some old fashioned attacking rugby league producing regulation rugby leauge tries.
Outfoxed, simple as that.
Not nearly enough smarts, for mine.
Maybe the coach should give them some books to read.
SC Sheens would've paid the customary visit to the Football Office on Monday morning to see the Club Secretary in a quiet & sociable way, and have a chat over a cup of tea and a cream bun.
He would've opened the Coach's Ledger - which contains 26 rows in two columns, one headed "we'll take our wins" and the other "we'll learn from our losses" - scratched his mark in the loss column, then closed the book, and put it back on the Secretary's desk, where it belongs.
St Tim then would have announced his intention to thrash the team relentlessly on the training paddock this week while teaching them a few lessons, as the Secretary approvingly nodded his head while licking the crumbs from his lips.
There is no other way, oh, except for the Room Full Of Mirrors down on the Balmain Road, but it's too early in the season for that.
In the final paralysis, the late withdrawl of That Pom Ellis didn't help matters, no one could really say with any honesty that they played well, if the team had a game plan no-one could remember it, and they deserved to lose, which they did.
Not to worry.
The Super Coach is as aware as anyone that premiership winning teams don't play their best football in the first few weeks of a new season, and you'd be very worried if they did, and abruptly ended his post-match press conference by stating the bleeding obvious: "we've got a lot of work to do."

ST GEORGE-ILLAWARRA DRAGONS 36. Tries: Creagh, Fien, Hornby, Hunt, Rein, Vidot. Goals: Soward (6).
WESTS TIGERS 12. Tries: Reddy, Ryan. Goals: Marshall (2).
At Jubilee Oval, Kogarah.
Crowd: 18,726.

deep behind enemy lines

Board Riders,

Found myself last Friday deep behind enemy lines.
Invited, by sheer coincidence, to a late afternoon wedding on Collaroy Beach, of all places, with reception following at the Harbord Diggers Club.
Diggers is about as close as you can possibly get to being front and centre in the Manly-Warringah district.
The heart of enemy territory.
My, how the Diggers has changed since my last visit nigh on 20 years ago.
It's gone from a simple two storey red-brick clubhouse, to an RSL on steroids, with millions of pokies spead out over the multi-storeyed mega-plex with an impressive amount of floor space.
Harbord Diggers used to be rightly famous for it's magnificent views of Freshwater and Curl Curl beaches, perched as it is right out on the Queenscliffe headland.
But even as the club has got significantly higher, much of the old view has been built out by rich bastards.
Par for the course in that part of the world.
In another sheer coincidence the reception was held in the Duke Kahanamoku Room, who's name was invoked the following day when Freshwater [the surf was pumping by the way - local denizens were saying in hushed tones "best in years"] was officially named as only the third World Surfing Reserve, after Malibu, California and some joint in Portugal.
Even more coincidental, the next day the 'featured picture' on the Wikepdia main page was of the very boat we had travelled on from Circular Quay, the Manly ferry MV Collaroy.
Sitting down to write this blog post, started to become convinced that some kind of conspiracy was going on.
The only strange thing that didn't fit, was that the game was being played in Gosford.
The lone Tiger's supporter in the full kit in the main bar [which sports the largest television screen known to man] stood out like tits on a bull, needless to say.
Seeing a fellow shag on a rock, showed him my 2012 Membership badge on the key ring, and instantly regretted my mistake, as his eyes lit up.
The bloke just stopped short of telling me his life story.
Claimed he was on first name terms with several of the Manly players, not to mention the entire Stewart family, that he'd lived in the Manly area for most of his life [he was about my age], always drank at the Diggers and identified himself as a local, but he'd been born a Balmain supporter, and said with finality "so, that's that, isn't it?"
There is no chance whatsoever of switching allegiances in Tribal Sydney.
You are either born to or you marry into a football team; out-of-towners who breeze in and then stay on for more than 30 years are still considered fly-by-nighters, who can suit themselves.
One of the wedding guests, Jim the Macedonian [a crazy mad St George fan who, like many if not all, hates Manly, who said on his 6th birthday he felt like a king when he was given the full Dragons supporters kit] was also with me as we watched most of the second half.
So there we we're, the three of us, rooting for a lost cause.
It wasn't pretty to look at.
Never mind the two Tigers' tries at the denoument to make it a close game, which was widely trumpeted in the fishwraps as a "tremendous Tigers comeback", when it was nothing of the sort.
You have to wonder if the newspaper articles are being written by the Balmain Public Relations Officer.
After letting go of an 8-2 half-time lead in the blink of an eye shortly after the break, they were always playing catch-up football, which in this code, is very hard to do.
They were fitter than the home side in the finish, but the scoreboard pressure proved too much.
As soon as That Pom Ellis went off early in the second half with a corked thigh, not to return, the forward structure, as Jim put it, "went to shit".
At least there was some consolation with a free drink, or three, in the Duke's room, even though drowning one's sorrows is not generally permitted and is usually frowned upon this early in the year.
SC Sheens was not much concerned with the loss, commenting that after Gareth went down the race "we made a couple of mistakes and all of a sudden we were in quicksand trying to get ourselves out" - he's much more concerned with the very early season injury toll, with his first pick full back gorn for the year, important players like Galloway and Utai out for a month each, and how That Pom goes mid-week is anyone's guess.
You'd have to hope the Balmain roster is deep in replacements for the fallen with the current attrition rate the way it is.
Next Friday night, the lads take on St George at their Spiritual Home, Jubliee Oval, Kogarah.
Jim the Macedonian will be there front and centre.
He won't be a very happy camper after his team was right thrashed over the weekend.
And so it goes.

MANLY-WARRINGAH SEA EAGLES 22. Tries: King, Cherry-Evans, Williams. Goals: Lyon (5).
WESTS TIGERS 18. Tries: Blair, Ryan, Reddy. Goals: Marshall (3)
At Central Coast Football Stadium, Gosford.
Crowd: 17,532.