well known mud larks & white elephants

Weathermen,

After the best part of five inches of rain had fallen across the Emerald City in the week previous, weekend football was always going to be an interesting prospect on uncovered grounds.
On the first of only two trips this season to the Western Paddock where the turf is traditionally cut long, the Tigers tried the traditional wet weather techniques on a mud pile but found there was no forward momentum on the toe-poke and the grubber through the tall grass, then tried the bomb, but the Bulldogs' backs proved surprisingly solid in the air under the high ball.
Oh well, nothing for it then but some good ol' fashioned grunt in the forwards to establish field position, and then take your rare chances to score when they come.
With a narrow second half lead a 71st minute field goal was a dead set certainty to put on the one point break, but it came from a highly unlikely source via the young Lui kiddie, who has never kicked a football in his life, with the Best Leb in The Game again laying the decoy, just as he did the week previous in similar conditions.
Brilliant.
It was just the cleverer wet weather football of the two on show
Heard the ABC Radio sideline eye saying that when he was asking some Balmain official what the coach did at half time, Bryce Gibbs ran past him in the race on his way back onto the ground and called out "Sheens said - anyone who makes a run, take his head off".
Little wonder then that Gareth "That Pom" Ellis was named as a unanimous man-of the-match in made-to-measure conditions.
The bloke has no shortage of experience playing on the various quagmires scattered among the dark satanic mills of northern England.
SC Sheens again effusive in his praise on interview: ''In my time here, dollar-for-dollar, he's been the best buy this club has had.''
Ellis flew back to the UK on Monday so he can play for the Poms in a 'test' match against France this weekend at the brand new bleak stadium in Leigh.
Asked how he thought the French forwards would go up against "That Pom", SC Sheens simply replied "he'll kill them".
Did note mid-week that the NSW selectors named an unprecedented 21 man squad for State of Origin II, due to looming suspensions and niggling injury, while QLD named a regulation 13 man team, a four man bench, plus one standby, and yet, no where among them is there a Tigers player.
Admittedly, Balmain does field a few South Sea Islanders, some Poms, and a Kiwi, but if both sets of selectors are to be believed, the Mighty Tiges do not boast a player in Australia's top 39.
How does that work?
This for a team that after this weekend's bye, no matter what happens, will still be just two wins out of top place on the Premiership table.
The faceless men in charge of these state selection matters are obviously drunken court jesters who would not know a good player if one fell on them from a great height.
Doesn't matter.
Winners are grinners, and losers can just go please themselves.

CANTERBURY-BANKSTOWN BULLDOGS 12. Tries: Ryan, Morris. Goals: Goodwin (2).
WESTS TIGERS 19. Tries: Farah, Marshall, Dwyer. Goals: Marshall (3). Field Goals: Lui (1).
At Olympic Stadium, Homebush.
Crowd: 11,837.

Had to reach for the bottle of heart pills and a large snifter with the scores all tied up at half time and three quarter time and there being 17 lead changes throughout with the nine point margin at the finish being the biggest, after getting a feeling in my water that the Swans were about to be on the recieving end of another small-margin loss.
Very fortunate they eventually claimed the Marn Grook Trophy by the skin of their teeth.
The boggy track wasn't helped as it began to bucket down mid-way through the Championship Quarter.
Good thing they kicked more behinds than Essendon early in the game.
Symptomatic of Sydney's problems at the moment was Haneberry, brilliant one week, then completely missing in action the next.
Obviously likes the going to be on top of the ground.
Consistent week in week out performances by the best players is simply not there.
Back in football's olden days stretching well in the late 60's, they used to scratch certain footballers on dead tracks on badly maintained suburban grounds, going with the horses for courses principal, and playing well-known mud larks in their stead.
But that was back in the day when the drop kick for goal was still king.
The Swans should have opened up a match-winning lead when some buffoon playing for the Bombers going by the name of Courtenay Dempsey [what was his mother thinking and why didn't his father put a stop to it?] was slugged with a 100m penalty [the ground is only 152m long!], the first fifty for being a fool, then the second fifty for back-chatting the Bamford, but Marty Mattner wound up kicking himself when he blindly missed the gift from straight in front.
The Goodes Train, after struggling all day having lost [you would hope, only temporarily] his trade mark ball-on-a-string, and [more worryingly] a yard or two of pace, managed to somehow conjour up the match winning goal.
Who would have thought?
6-5 at the mid way point in the season after two close run things against similarly credentialed sides probably says the Swans are not good enough to do any better than the bottom half of the top eight, if that, unless they can pull the finger out of the dyke in the run home.
Not to worry, luck's a fortune, and they continue to do sensationally well at fudging the gate receipts.
A seasoned observer at the ground has told me off the record that he was astonished when the official crowd figure was announced at three-quarter time.
He got out the handy theodolite he had in his picnic hamper and did a rudimentary survey of the ground and concluded that if there were almost 30,000 in on the day, then the capacity of the SCG must be close to 65,000.
Last time I looked, even after they built the New Doug Walters Stand, the officially listed capacity of the SCG is now 46,000.
Mind you, it had begun to rain and some punters had left the ground by the last break, but it was by no means a steady stream, as the closeness of the match had kept most in, you would think.
In any case, you do the maths.
They must have all been in the bars...
Speaking of rorts...
Did note mid week, as an aside, that this week's state budget papers make a provision for the hapless put-upon NSW taxpayer to fork out no less than $35 million on the redevelopment of the old Olympic baseball venue at the Sydney Showground at Homebush to expand its capacity from 12,000 to 25,000 to serve as the home ground for Team GWS.
Exactly how many more white elephants do we need at Homebush?
When Uncle Kev Sheeds floated the idea with the former Premier, Nathan Rees, a year ago, Greasy Reesy publicly said on the record that the whole concept was quite ridiculous would be a "monumental waste of time and money".
My, oh my; the more things change, the more they stay the same.

SYDNEY: 3.3, 7.5, 10.12, 12.17 (89). Goals: White 3, Rohan 3, Bevan 2, Goodes 2, Smith, J. McVeigh.
ESSENDON: 2.2, 7.5, 11.6, 12.8 (80). Goals: Leroy Jetta 3, Gumbleton 2, Davey 2, Lonergan, Welsh, Howlett, M.McVeigh, Zaharakis.
At Sydney Cricket Ground.
Crowd: 29,321.

pup's new lie down

Rooting Kings,

MJ Clarke hasn't been up to much since the sad demise of his engagement, apart from being widely criticised for playing a Mike Brearly role in losing the T20 World Cup to the Evil Poms, so its encouraging to see Pup has a potential new lie down, even though they haven't done it yet.
All class, Michael.
"Only a matter or time", according to sources close to Clarke's management:
[[http://www.financialexpress.com/news/Alexandra-smitten-by-Michael-Clarke/630532/]]
Check out the sensational CSL's.
Best seen in decades.
MJ must be thinking "I could really see myself putting my pee-pee in there".

"a good little buy"

Supreme athletes,

Always subscribed to the assertion that there is no finer sight in world sport than running rugby league.
The explosive pace over the 20-30 metres, the jink, the step, the sets of hands, the wrong footed tacklers missing the mark by a wide margin, the fend, the don't argue, and then the full back beaten with the opposing backs flat out on the ground flailing like a mass of quivering nerve endings.
Give me more spectacular football, will you?
And this game was an almost perfect exposition of it, and certainly the best seen all season, by any side, to the point where the forwards really didn't have to do much, except stand around with their hands in their pockets, while locking in the defence when required.
Excellent to see Geoff Daniela awarded a brand new hat.
A young man of modest talents; he must have thought his first grade career was all washed up when he was cut by Penrith, but then as if by some kind of miracle was saved when he was picked up at a bus stop on the Balmain Road at Rozelle by SC Sheens who asked him "you can play football, can't you son?", and then offered him a week by week cut lunch & beers contract.
Still not a first choice in the Tigers backline behind Ayshford of course, but hey, a very handy try-scoring centre to have in the second string arsenal nonetheless to cover for injury.
Asked to comment on Geoff's performance after the game, SC Sheens replied on interview, "oh, he's been a good little buy for us".
Didn't need to say anymore, and didn't.
Just happy to have Geoff, who will probably play out his days as a highly respected journeyman.
Speaking of astute buys, noted mid-week that Balmain has also purchased another full-back in the form of Wade McKinnon [now there's a name to conjour with] who found himself unloved and unwanted at the NZ Warriors, who cut him just in time for the June 30 sacking/recruitment deadline.
SC Sheens has no doubt offered him a weekly fush&chups contract, after it looked like Wade might not be overly busy for the rest of his career.
Another good little buy, given the first choice in the last line of defence, The Moltzen Kiddie, is making a very slow recovery, with the medico's who examine him regularly down in the Sick Bay shaking their heads and saying "oh dear. could be a season ender".
And "That Other Pom" Flanagan is now getting used to the pace of the Australian game and the muscle involved - also as a good second stringer on a pintofale&porkpie contract.
You'd think the captain would be the highest paid player in the club, and The Best Leb in The Game probably is.
Who knows what Marshall is on, now that he's signed a new contract, but after doing a couple of shoulders in the early career, there's little doubt that he took a sharp haircut a season or two back, which he's now probably clawed back in lurks and perks.
On the basis of all that, Balmain would be one of the very few clubs not over the cap.
At least they didn't have to front end load the best part of $3M for their marquee player.
6&5+a bye is not a bad, although not terrific, place to be approaching the half way point in the season.
As any Club Secretary will tell you, there are only two columns in the Coach's Ledger.
"well take our wins"&"we'll learn from our losses".

WESTS TIGERS 50. Tries: Daniela (3), Tuqiri (2), Farah, Flanagan, Lawrence, Ryan. Goals: Marshall (7).
NZ WARRIORS 6. Tries: Moon. Goals: Seymour (1).
At Campbelltown Sports Ground.
Crowd: 10,861.


While it's most unfortunate to lose by two bloody points, the fact of the matter is that Sydney never looked like winning
That they never led at any stage in the match might tell you something.
Playing catch up football throughout, even after levelling the score with a few minutes to go, is not the ideal position to find yourselves in.
And it's never a good look to actually kick more goals than the opposition, and still get beat.
There is an argument that could be mounted that the Swans were robbed after the Hawks were gifted three goals off the back of dodgy free kicks from the Bamford in the early stages, but that said, The Goodes Train managing to kick five behinds before getting things straight when he should have potted a few, sort of balances things out.
Swings and roundabouts.
Pretty Boy Hannebery -- a simply remarkable performance for a young kiddie, best on ground by the length of a street in a losing side, effortlessly trousering the three Brownlow points.
He must have been playing rover for much of the match [and he had plenty of game time], as he bobbed up everywhere, front and back, outran, outkicked and outhandballed everyone else of the field in either side.
The talent scouts did say "can play".
Smiffy and RickShaw put in very serviceable games, but the Jetta youngster is still a bit lost in the top grade for mine, despite his undeniable skills, he finds himself beaten to the ball by more experienced players, and when he does get the pill, he still seems to be in two minds about what to do with it.
The veterans were generally slow off the mark and were all tuckered out on the way to the final siren...Rhino Keefe a good example of being tightly marked and easily held to a very quiet game.
Just a pity the result was wholly unsatisfactory.
SC Roos is quite muddle-headed at present and isn't making much sense at all.
He had excuses even before the first bounce.
Heard him on the 1200 ABC radio news an hour before the game saying "yeah, they've got all their good players coming back and we are losing ours".
That would inspire confidence in those taking the field?
And then on interview after the game, said something along the lines of...we lost, but it's all still good..."the boys should take some confidence out of that"
Really?
Small margin-losses are always the most miserable of defeats; you only have to go back to any number of seasons past that were ruined after being littered with small-margin losses that hurt them bad, real bad, on the Premiership table.
In spite of the early season purple patch, Sydney is now in mortal danger of slipping out of the eight as Marn Grook approaches, with talk abroad that they are mere Premiership pretenders, who would face the prospect of a gigantic tusk up the runter in the first week of September, if they get there.
Even the very highly regarded and completely objective Footystats Diary was moved to comment thus:
"Hawthorn just got home by two points with Sydney nipping at their heels all the way to the final siren – both are still in contention for the finals but there's little doubt if either make it, it will only be as a consolation."
Could be trying to say something there.
They did point out it was the Swans 6th straight loss at the MCG; not a good look on the wide open spaces at Headquaters, which is after all, the hallowed turf on which the Grand Final is always played.
Mmm...
Then again, funnier things have happened in football, with the Miracle of '05 being prominent among them.

HAWTHORN: 3.6, 4.12, 7.13, 10.19 (79). Goals: Franklin 3, Mitchell, Birchall, Hodge, Hooper, Rioli, Peterson, Osborne.
SYDNEY: 2.3, 4.7, 6.9, 11.11 (77). Goals: Hannebery 3, White 3, Playfair 2, McVeigh, O'Keefe, Goodes.
At Melbourne Cricket Ground.
Crowd: 36,003.

another Battle of Wounded Knee

Puzzle solvers,

Football is a funny thing.
How is it exactly that your team can get shellacked to the tune of 50-10 one week, then come out and score a very solid win over an in-form side, while the mob that shellacked you the week previous, in turn, gets a good shellacking, and the whole shemozzle turns full circle so the Tigers find themselves playing the NZ Worriers at Leichhardt Oval this Friday night?
As the rain bucketed down and the thunderbolts & lightning enveloped the Newcastle ISC, the Balmain forwards stood up in the storm.
Heighington and "That Pom" Ellis were the best for mine, so no surpise to see TPE pick up the MOTM award.
Which got me to thinking about the value of the Pom, in general.
Many Poms have tried but most have failed in the attempt at transition to the top grade rugby league in Straya.
Morely of Eastern Suburbs is probably the most recent one to make a good fist of it, but he was filthy as.
Ellis continues a fine tradition of the northern English hardman, a front row enforcer, who doesn't ask for any quarter, and doesn't give any.
Men of his ilk have long held the view, quite rightly for mine, that rugby league is a thug's game played by gentlemen, as opposed to rugby union, which is a gentleman's game played by thugs.
Their is a certain amount of honour to be had in stoving another bloke's nose in, in a fair and honest way.
Chin music in its purest form.
Then of course you can go back to The Great Ellery "The Black Pearl" Hanley.
A genuine crowd pleaser and a promoter's dream, unfairly criticized during his time for his manner of play; in particular his general disdain and disregard for defence, but in the benefit of hindsight was probably one of the best three-quarter wingers to appear in the caper in living memory.
The fans loved The Pearl.
Old Balmain hands who had the good fortune to see him play at Leichhardt for a couple of seasons in the glory years of the late 80's will not hear a bad word spoken about him, which is something to say, given that he was a Pom, after all.
But back to the match...just when everyone was looking for the field goal from the Best Leb in the Game, Farar ran right through the tackle, pushed one out, one back, and Benji potted the pig's bladder over the black dot.
Not very pretty, but very effective.
It was clever wet weather football in the final paralysis, which is something SC Sheens looked to have adpated to very well by the seat of his pants with not much notice.
The Knights decided to play a backline that was made up entirely of South Sea Islanders, which might be an indication of the way of the future of the game, going forward - but as anyone will tell you they are more comfortable in hot and steamy conditions.
So, the Mighty Tiges avoid losing five games on the trot - whatever the reverse mirror image of the traditional purple patch is called.
Still well short of premiership material at this stage, which might be why the Tigers don't have any players in representative football at the moment.
Farar for some unknown reason, is still hopelessly out of favour with the NSW selectors, but don't be surprised if Lote "What'd I do, Guv?" Tuquiri or even That Try Scoring Freak Lawrence gets a call up if the Blues manage to conjour up a loss to QLD in the opening match of the State of Origin series, which as flooding rains continue fall in Sydney as this is being written, will no doubt be a bloodbath in a mudbath.

NEWCASTLE KNIGHTS 6. Tries: Rogers. Goals: Naiqama (1).
WESTS TIGERS 23. Tries: Ellis, Lawrence, Marshall, Daniela. Goals: Marshall (3). Field Goals: Marshall (1).
At International Sports Centre, Newcastle.
Crowd: 14,458.

The Swans' season is now alarmingly taking on all the hallmarks of another Battle of Wounded Knee.
As soon as Kennelly hobbled off the ground, with a knee, barely two minutes into the match, things were not auguring well.
As soon as they strapped the ice pack onto the knee, everyone knew it was pretty much curtains for the Great Tadhg for the rest of the game.
After trying hard throughout but struggling on a proppy knee, Bradshaw shuffled off late in the Championship Quarter, with a knee, and it was clear that the Fat Lady was giving the vocal chords a good warm up.
Both players would be headed for the sidelines for a couple of weeks at least you would have thought and their names will appear on the sick bay list alongside the annotation of their ailment, in their case (knee).
You'll recall Mark "Sebaceous" Seaby looks for all the world that he's out for the year with a season-ending ankle, although there is also plenty of knee involved; that one would have come back in the triage report as "whole leg rooted".
And the young first gamer, Campbell "Heefy" Heath, [the 61st draft pick in 2008], was prevented from making his senior team debut for no less than a full season, by a knee.
Great names like Kristin Thornton and Brett Meredith are also currently unable to walk without the aid of crutches due to, a knee.
And there are couple of old decrepit blokes who play on, week in week out, despite the constant niggle from, a knee.
That's more than half the side ruled out with, troubled by, or potentially troubled by, a knee.
Before the game there was a general consensus of opinion on this side of the island that as soon as Fremantle were relieved by Customs of all their cocaine on landing at Kingsford-Smith, and didn't have their run-fast-all-day gear on hand in the sheds, the Swans were dead-set specials.
Not to be.
Sadly mistaken.
Too bad.
The only encouraging thing was to see a few kiddies stand up and be counted in a losing side; Son of Gary Jack and Pretty Boy Hannebery aquitted themselves well, as they are doing on a consistent regular basis now, while Wranger Rohan had his best game ever.
Among the old crocks, SC Roos tried the Goodes Train in every position on the ground and he did nothing all day, and then finally decided to put him in the ruck after the Fat Lady had already got through the main aria, as if it was some kind of punishment, and he still did nothing.
Got the Championship Quarter all wrong-headed for mine -- what's the point of trying to stop the other side scoring goals when you are four goals down and couldn't kick a straight one to save yourself with the weather closing in?
When the Bamford gave the Dockers a free kick against a Swans runner - someone who wasn't even playing the game - it was time to make a piece of toast, have a cup of tea, a Bex, and a good lie down.
And then it rained.
Thought SC Roos comments on post match interview were quite out of order.
It's all very well and good to blame the team for not putting in "the effort".
Even Blind Freddie could see that.
But at no stage did he pose the question "why?"
Surely St Paul would have to seriously consider the idea, that is now abroad, that he no longer has the ability to inspire the players to put in "the effort", which is, after all, what coaches are principally there to do.
If not, then he should just hand the reigns over to Longmire forthwith, and be done with it.
Trash talkin' does no-one any good.

SYDNEY: 3.2, 5.4, 8.5, 9.9 (63). Goals: Playfair 2, Bradshaw, Hannebery, Kirk, Smith, Jack, Malceski, Rohan.
FREMANTLE: 3.6, 9.12, 11.14, 14.16 (100). Goals: Pavlich 3, Hasleby 2, McPhee 2, Bradley 2, Crowley 2, Sandilands, Mayne, Morabito.
At Sydney Cricket Ground.
Crowd: 24,819.

nothing more than an Indian summer

Fellow Aghastees,

Knew we were in deep trouble from the outset.
Had that feeling in my water, even before getting into the ground.
Had the misfortune to find myself with the Good Lady Wife in the walk up crowd to buy tickets to the outer at the SCG on Sunday arvo.
Then saw some kind of lunatic dressed in the full South Sydney kit from head to toe, but covered in hundreds of buttons as if it was a Suit of Lights, topped off with a large red, white and green jesters hat perched on his head covering a thatch of wild wiry grey hair.
He was pedalling in a dervish kind of way up and down Driver Ave outside the main turnstiles on a three-wheeled contraption constructed entirely of chrome in the way of a Bangkok tuk-tuk; which was festooned in all kinds of South Sydney paraphenalia, constantly sounding the bank of small hand operated horns and trumpets that had been attached to the handle bars.
He didn't need to say anything, which he didn't -- he'd already made his statement.
And this at a Tigers home game? [bringing to four the number of 'home' grounds to be utilised this season].
Also noticed something peculiar about the ticket.
There was no doubting it was an official Ticketek ticket to the unreserved seating with a specific number on it, but in the little box in the lower right hand corner marked "price" of admission was printed $0.00.
Got me thinking does that mean it went into the official bookeeping as a complimentary ticket, while the $23.00 that was forked at the box office went to the unofficial under-the-counter over-the-cap fund to provide a few extra lollies for the players?
Mmm.
Not being familiar with the cheap seats set up for rugby league at the SCG, given that it was the one and only match in the caper to be scheduled there this year, picked up the obligatory pie & beer and found what appeared to be a good spot right in front of the Doug Walters Bar.
Soon realised that it was right next to the bay that is known, as we later discovered, as "the Burrow", reserved specifically for South's maniacs and psychopaths.
As soon as they started singing, knew it was time to move on.
Shifted to the Paddington end of the ground and found a nice perch underneath the awning of the Dally Messenger Stand, right next to the [now seriously ageing and rusting Bradman Stand] and was somewhat suprised to find that a full brass section had set up right behind us.
Things did not augur well from the off, as Balmain messed up the very first play of the game, knocking the Souths kick off back into the in-goal, when they should have allowed it to roll into touch, and from there it just went from bad to worse, with the Tigers forwards getting mercilessly walloped up the middle by the the big brown brothers in the Rabbitoh's pack, and when they did manage to get the ball, the Tigers backs couldn't do a single thing right; dropped ball and knock-ons all over the shop, every pass went wrong, every kick went awry.
After a while, someone in a black beanie called out "there's no grunt in the engine room!"
The GLW, who, despite being a keen student of the game, is not generally prone to barracking, barked in reply "yeah! and the backs aren't playing very well either!"
When Lui scored for Balmain to level the terms at 6-6 there was a very faint glimer of hope, and everyone was startled when the brass section opened up with a couple of riffs to celebrate.
It became clear that the band had been paid to only play when the Tigers scored -- they had very little to do for the rest of the afternoon.
At 18-6 at the break it seemed only a matter of time before the floodgates opened, and so it came to pass
As if to purposely add to the surreal nature of the scene, five minutes before half time, upwards of a thousand young dancing girls dressed in black leotards with gold ribbons in their hair began filing onto the ground along the eastern touch line - which was a little disconcerting with the game still in progress - to get ready for the half time entertainment.
Things went from bad to worse to appalling after that.
When the Rabbitiohs put on their first try of the second half, the GLW whispered in my ear "bloody poop. we are getting absolutely murdered here".
Souths scored willy nilly on the back on unforced Balmain errors, mainly from one B.Marshall, and it was soon clear that a cricket score was in the offing at the cricket ground
There was widespread speculation among seasoned observers at the ground that it was the worst exhibition of rugby league put on by the Tigers against the Rabbitohs in living memory.
Having blindly followed the club for nigh on 25 years, struggling to think of a worse one.
Old hands of the likes of Backdoor Benny and Blocker Roach have even been hauled out in the fishwraps saying "worst ever", "pitiful display", "should hand over their match payments to charity" etc.
It certainly was for the yoof of today if the faces on a couple of young kiddies sitting just a few seats along was anything to go by.
They were maybe nine or ten year old boys who looked completely crestfallen as they had wrapped their Tigers flags tightly around the stick of dowel, to which they were holding on grimly.
Touching to see them take their disappointment hard.
When the Rabbitoh's scored their ninth try of the match with seven minutes left on the clock, thought it prudent that we should follow the lead of the highly vocal, disgruntled Tigers fans a couple of rows in front who simply screamed "enough is enough", and begin to make a break for the turnstiles.
So we entirely missed the wild scenes at the end of the match.
As the GLW was taking a leak underneath the Bill O'Reilly Stand on the way out, that Try Scoring Freak Lawrence apparently scored a very late 'consolation try' for Balmain.
By all accounts, as Marshall was lining up to have the kick at goal for the conversion, hundreds of people started spilling over the fence onto the ground; making off with the corner posts, drink bottles on the sidelines, eskies, spare footballs, advertising hoardings, you name it; anything they could lay their hands on that wasn't nailed down flat.
The Bamford then had no alternative but to blow the full-time whistle, which was the cue for a full scale pitch invasion as thousands of South Sydneyites ran onto the ground to mob their heroes, as the Balmain players fled in terror back to the safety of the dressing room, with the cops and security powerless to do anything about it.
Heard sometime later that some Souths fan had been spotted on the ground stripping her top off to reveal her not inconsiderable breasts while she posed with her favourite Rabbitoh, as her girlfriend took photographs on her mobile phone.
Have always thought that Souths fans were all class.
It was a good thing to miss, for mine.
Got home just in time to switch on the early sports news on the crystal bucket and cover our eyes and ears for the highlights package, but did see footage of SC Sheens saying on interview after the game "We should apologise to our fans for that. I've just had a long talk to the players about it...we haven't played that badly in a very, very long time..."
At least he didn't make any excuses, like the curse of the bye or some such nonsense, and fully accepted that the buck stops here.
After witholding over-the-cap payments for the forseeable future, The Club Secretary has booked the boys in for a couple of sessions this week in The Room Full of Mirrors down on the Balmain Road, so they can spend some time having a good look at themselves as they hang their heads in shame.
As for SC Sheens, it's back to Ashley & Martin for more urgent hair loss treatment.
Would be well served to live out my born days without having to witness and endure in person such a miserable gawdforsaken shocker again.

WESTS TIGERS 10. Tries: Lui, Lawrence. Goals: Marshall (1).
SOUTH SYDNEY RABBITOHS 50. Tries: Merritt (3), Champion (2), Taylor, Sandow, Best, Talanoa. Goals: Luke (7).
At Sydney Cricket Ground.
Crowd: 30,685.


Obviously the boys in the back room down at the Swans Club in Kings Cross didn't do enough work sticking the pins into the Big Bad Barry Hall voodoo doll.
Five maximums, and His Badness should really have kicked ten off his own boot.
Knew we were in deep trouble from the outset.
Had that feeling in my water as soon as news filtered through on the bush telegraph in the corner of the loungeroom that Bradshaw had been ruled out just before the opening bounce as he was still feeling the ill-effects of being sat on like a pumpkin at Kardinia Park the week previous.
And all they could come up with was Paul Bevan as a last minute replacement.
Says something about the depth of the Sydney roster.
No ruckmen, no full forward, no cigar.
But they really only had themselves to blame, in the final paralysis.
You don't generally win games by failing to kick ten goals on the wide open spaces at Manuka Oval.
Embarrassing when the opposition pulls up stumps at the end of the Championship Quarter, finding that there's no real need to kick a goal in final quarter - seven behinds will do - with the game already well and truly in the dilly bag.
SC Roos would have had plenty to think about as he scratched his chin and gazed out to sea at the Sunday morning smoko by the Magic Waters.
The early season purple patch turns out to be nothing more than an Indian summer.
Swans go from top of the table to sixth on the ladder in the space of a fortnight.
The less said the better.
And it doesn't get any easier for a while.
Did note that the bloke who gave a Swans jumper to that inveterate collector of football guernseys, The Dalai Lama, announced his retirement from the caper mid-week, at age 33, effective at the end of the season.
Will be forever known among the faithful as Brett "Never Played A Bad Game" Kirk.
What he lacked in natural ability, he made up for in internal fortitude, read guts and determination.
Dead set champion.
Couldn't have pulled off the Miracle of '05 without him.
Vale Cap'n Kirk.

WESTERN BULLDOGS: 4.4, 9.6, 14.10, 14.17 (101). Goals: Hall 5, Stack 3, Lake 2, Hahn, Higgins, Eagleton, Hill.
SYDNEY: 3.2, 4.7, 6.9, 9.9 (63). Goals: Goodes 4, Hannebury 2, Bolton, Rohan, Kirk.
Crowd: 14,308.
At Manuka Oval, Canberra.

loose men everywhere

Cat Hatters,

The Pontiff's Seed is very strong indeed.
There's little doubting that Gary Ablett Jnr is the best player in the caper...on a week in, week out basis.
SC Roos says so, so it must be right.
37 touches, all of them effectual.
Swans were pretty well smashed in the forwards as the lack of multiple goal kickers in the score box in a ten goal football lesson will tell anyone, with Bradshaw for instance, sat on like a pumpkin.
As always, Geelong had loose men everywhere in the opposition's backline; the Swan's backs appeared to be paralysed by the fear of having goals kicked on them, and look what happened.
Except The Great Irishman, who tried his heart out and did some good work, but he'll be the first to tell you you can't do it all on your own, unless you are The Son Of God.
The Goodes Train might have even pinched a Brownlow point in a badly beaten side, given that he's the umpire's pet, but probably not.
Don't know that any particular structural problems were exposed, just a simple case of class will always win out in the end.
An absolute disgrace that Shane "Mummy" Mumford was rubbed out for two weeks by the court jesters and fools down at the Tribunal for putting a decent innocent tackle on Ablett, who must by now have been added to the list of protected species.
And a guiltless man gets his marching orders with no priors and no intent.
What a travesty of 'justice'.
The Three Wise Men obviously rejected Mumford's defence of "I was always taught, yr honour, yr worship, that the whole purpose of a good tackle was to grind the other bloke's face into the dirt".
Mumford, the former Cat, wasn't even reported, but there's an assumption by the powers that be that he had some kind of vendetta going in revenge for omission by Geelong from their 2009 Grand Final line-up.
Errant nonsense.
Mummy said before the game "I've moved on, they've moved on..." and what's to say anyone doesn't believe him, apart from conspiracy theorists?
The bloke would have to be very disappointed to be on the receiving end of special treatment and the resultant bad taste in the mouth.
The Tribunal members, Wayne Henwood, David Pittman and Wayne Schimmelbusch, are just about due for a session in the Room Full Of Mirrors down on the Balmain Road, for mine.
As a result, Sydney have no ruckmen, apart from Mike Pyke, who is still missing the lineout from his rugby union days.
SC Roos took his yardstick to Kardina Park and found it to be about a foot short.
Purple patch aside, will have to do better than that to loom as any kind of threat in September.
The question was raised in the Front Bar down at The Local mid-week as to who SC Roos might put on Big Bad Barry Hall on the wastelands of Manuka Oval this weekend.
It was mentioned over drinks that someone had heard that Tagh Kennelly was quoted on interview saying that it will be "rather weird" playing against BBB, but then pointed out that Barry is in reality just a big soft fluffy puppy.
So, the imbibers speculated, SC Roos would be thinking about putting a hard man on a hard man.
In that case, The Great Irishman springs to mind as the pea.
Although, it was agreed, you could get Lewis "The Ugliest Man In Football" Roberts-Thompson to put in a merciless close tagging job, climb all over Hall like a cheap suit, give him the complete shits, discreetly knee him in the balls in backplay, and provoke the round arm haymaker.
Then it would be Goodbye Mr Chips, once and for all.

GEELONG: 4.0, 7.4, 12.8, 19.12 (126). Goals: Podsiadly 5, Varcoe 3, Chapman 3, Ablett 2, Johnson 2, Blake, Hogan, Kelly, Byrnes
SYDNEY: 3.0, 5.2, 7.3, 9.5 (59). Goals: Jack 2, Goodes, White, McVeigh, Barlow, Bradshaw, O'Keefe, Rohan.
At Kardinia Park.
Crowd: 25,970.

For the Mighty Tiges, the easiest two premiership points they'll get all season - except for the other bye.
More than the Storm will get.
After having a bushman's holiday coaching Straya to a predictable win over the Kiwis while nervously watching his marquee player turn out for the opposition, SC Sheens is now resting comfortably after undergoing the first round of hair loss restoration prescription treatment down at Ashley & Martin.
Happy to leave the team up to Folkesy, Roycey & Skando for a fortnight.

WEST TIGERS: Bye.

dead set robbed blind in broad daylight

Straight Shooters,

Now officially into a very rare early season purple patch, as it's been about 12 years since Sydernee topped the table for two weeks running, at any stage, in any season.
You only need to look at the scorebox to see how the Swans methodically closed down the game in the final quarter not bothering to score a goal, after putting the Bears away in the Championship Quarter on the back of a handy half time lead.
Bradhsaw's miracle 60 metre torpedo right on the three quarter time hooter sealed the thing, and was rated by many at the ground as the best goal seen at the SCG in years.
A seasoned observer reports :
"...about 10 rows back in that pocket, so had a perfect view of the mark, his approach, the drop of the ball onto his foot – “Hell Yes, he’s going the TORP!”, I bellowed and then eyes-up!!!, everyone standing to see the ball spin and wobble high into the air and over the goal umpire’s hat – magnificent...the torepdo punt is the new black..."
Did the ABC TV News really say on Sunday that "the jury was still out" in Brisbane as to whether it was a very good idea to swap Bradshaw for Fevola in a complex series of trades, and who got the best value?
If the jury had any sense, the verdict would have ben pronounced a while ago now.
Bad Uncle Fev, of course, did nothing, apart from soccer a few goals off the ground after spending some time at training practicing the toe poke.
The Ugliest Man in Football, Lewis Roberts-Thompson, did what he was told by SC Roos, and simply water-skiied behind Fev all night -- the shirt tugging, the shoulder bumping off the ball, the discreet elbow to the ribs, the love taps, the constant niggle in back play, and knock over top, all the while calling Fev all kind of names.
Brilliant.
The Other Bolton, Rhino Keefe and the Goodes Train also had corkers, but really, the sports hacks on the Sunday's could have just written "all played well" in the best column in the newspaper scoreboxes, and no one would have argued.
All highly satisfactory.
[As an aside, another spy at the ground who knows a thing or two about the configuration of the SCG, past and present, has suggested that from his view in The Members Bar, the actual attendance was a good five to six thousand short of the official crowd figure.
The AFL is probably thinking they can afford to forgive the Swans for a bit of book cooking at the turnstiles when they know The Great Sheeds is looming on the horizon.]
It's also about 12 years since Sydney won at Kardinia Park, and they will need all the luck they can get there this weekend.
For away teams and fans, it's the most miserable gawd-forsaken dump of them all, if my bitter experience at the ground three years ago is anything to go by:
http://crazycraves.blogspot.com/2007/07/pontiffs-seed-is-strong.html]
It's cold and windswept, it always rains, the terraces are overcrowded, you get warm beer poured all over you, the cold pies have got liver and giblets in them, the away team always loses, and there is certainly no shortage of pyschopaths among the Geelong faithful.
SC Roos refuses to say anything about it, save "it'll be a good yardstick as to where we are at".
No kidding.

SYDNEY: 5.1, 9.5, 16.8, 16.11 (107) Goals: Bradshaw 6, Goodes 3, J.Bolton 2, Smith 2, Moore, Jack, Malceski.
BRISBANE: 2.2, 5.3, 11.4, 13.9 (87) Goals: Brown 4, Fevola 4, Banfield 3, Leuenberger, Polkinghorne.
At Sydney Cricket Ground.
Crowd: 30,975.

For some unknown reason, haven't been too hard on the Bamfords in either code so far this season.
Well, now it's time to blow up.
Tigers were dead set robbed blind in broad daylight.
After deciding that Campbelltown was too far to go, even on my holidays, and preferring instead a long Sunday lunch on a post-card picture perfect day in the Emerald City, you can imagine my surprise on arriving home to find Balmain 8-6 in front deep into the match with just ten minutes left.
You can then well imagine my disgust as the video Bamford awarded Eastern Suburbs the match winning 'try' four minutes from full-time on the very dubious "benefit of the doubt" clause, when it was perfectly clear to anyone taking even a casual interest in proceedings that Beau Ryan at full back fumbled a very high, well placed whiz-bang of a bomb; but was then completely over-run and flattened while getting a slap in the chops on trying to clean up his own mess, and the 'try' scorer came from clearly an offside position.
Anyone's guess as to what the fool Bamford was 'seeing'?
Obviously, the buffoon has never had a cursory glance at the NSWRL Rule Book, let alone made any serious study of it.
Could take him to my 1966 copy, and direct him to the chapter and verse regarding the tackling of defenders without possession of the ball, and the rule regarding offside attackers in open running play in the opposing side's half.
Nothing's changed in that department since the outset of the caper a hundred years ago.
Only two reasons why the 'try' should have been disallowed and a Tigers penalty awarded.
And what were the incompetant touch judges doing at the time, by the way?
Either looking the other way, fast asleep, drunk, or in dire need of a long consultation at the optometrist.
What an absolute shocker.
That sort of rubbish from the officials is a coach's worst nightmare as it's something he has no control over.
The only footage of the match that flashed before my eyes on the highlights reel was that of SC Sheens, who had returned to the coaches box from the sideline, on the awarding of the offending 'try', throwing his head back and rolling his eyes into to the rear of his skull, before plunging his forehead into both hands in despair, and then proceeding to pull out what little hair he has left on his scone.
He must be breathing a sigh of relief that after three losses on the trot, the Tiges will be gifted the two premierships points this weekend with the bye, and he'll have time to make an appointment at Ashley & Martin to see if they can do anything about the coiffure.

WESTS TIGERS 8. Tries: Heighington. Goals: Marshall (2).
SYDNEY ROOSTERS 12. Tries: Carney, Nuuausala. Goals: Carney (2).
At Campbelltown Sports Ground.
Crowd: 19,901.