wise men and fools

Ruminators,

There’s been a fair amount of hue & cry down at my local from wise men and fools about how Simon Katich was so cruelly robbed of the man-of-the-match award in the first test by Mitchell Johnson.
Lots of blithering about how on earth a good first class bowler, but not much more than that, could be rated as best-on-ground, on a pitch that bowlers would like to take around with them everywhere they go, bleating about how easily century’s scored the day before are forgotten, whining about how match winners don’t even get so much as a pat on the back, that sort of thing.
Well, forget all that.
The Motm Crystal Vase should have been placed firmly at the feet of MJ Clarke, for mine.
He was called upon to save a test match yet again, this time very early on in the piece, and answered the call in spades with his first innings 98 - doubtless one of best ever9 knocks - without which New Zealand would have taken the priceless first innings lead and probably gone on to win the match.
Not that it was in anyway an exhibition of craft and style, what with edges through the slips, leg glances gone wrong, balls over the top of short stop, miscued drives that could have easily gone to hand, streaky boundaries aplenty, and what look like half-chances all over the shop.
But he does love the Woolloongabba Ground.
You can disregard the lack of art and grace, there were still a couple of breathtaking shots and given how pale and gaunt the kiddie looked after battling the “mystery virus’ that he picked up on the sub continent; it said plenty about moral fortitude.
Knew exactly what was required from the perils of 3/23 and was prepared, like no one else, to dig deep at the crease for three minutes short of five hours.
In the final paralysis, it has to be rated at least on a par with The Kat carrying his bat, a bit further down the track.
While Pup expressed disappointment on interview after the knock at not reaching the triple figures on account of a complete brain snap brought about by obvious fatigue, that produced such an awfully lazy shot, to see him bowled through the gate, he was very mindful of the match situation, saying first up…
“if you told me at the start of the day that I would get 98, I would have been stoked”.
Not sure that his Captain fully appreciated the magnitude of the contribution, knowing that he had the attack to better the opposition, even though Straya appeared to be a bowler short, and only a couple of bats would have to turn up in the second innings and the featherbed they found themselves bowling on would turn out to be a bed of roses.
Note in passing Bing Lee’s 300th test wicket; a champion effort by anyone’s standards, and his recent apparent attempts to reinvent himself in his old age to try and prolong his career by spearing off the short run for much of the time.
At least, that way, he won’t be chucking his really quick one any more.
In the hose down after the game, you’d have to be left shaking yr head in disbelief, saying why oh why oh why?
Did Roy allow himself to be out on the drink in public, and end up going around clocking blokes.
The Great Siddle must be counting his lucky stars, now that he’ll probably get a run in Adelaide.

the baby baby Blues

Bleacherists,

Me and me mate Trev shambled into the Sydney Cricket Ground on Sunday morning fully expecting New South Wales to complete a regulation win against the hapless New Zealanders.
And so it came to pass.
But did it have to take all day?
Impressed by the 17 yo Josh Hazlewood kiddie, classical upright action, generates some good pace off a relatively short run, has a tip top yorker, and can do a nice inswinger now and then off the seam.
Was at the latrine when he clean bowled Vettori with one, but apparently the nut was an absolute pearler.
Was trying to think who he reminded me of, then thought, ah yes…a young DK Lillee.
The yearling has got a future.
A few of his school mates came into the ground about midday and proceeded to give him a right royal razz from the garden seats in front of the Ladies Stand, which must have embarrassed the poor child no end.
However they were well aware that he was playing first class cricket, and they weren’t!
When he wrapped up the NZ innings in the shadows of lunch to come in with a very creditable 2/23 there was polite applause all round, before his mates went off!
Took all morning to take the five wickets to get the Kiwi’s out, but it was only a matter of time.
19 yo Smiffy also bowled well and turned a few at right angles.
He used to have a most unusual run up that stalled and stuttered mid way through where he almost came to a stop before bowling the ball, but some coach has been onto him and straightened out his run up over the winter.
After lunch, a few crates of booze must have appeared at the back of the NSW dressing room courtesy of the visitors Members Bar tab, with a request to provide a bit of bowling practice for the rest of the day.
As it was, NSW were 2/15 after a full hours play after lunch, chasing 162 to win.
The lone barman in Monty’s Bar took a stake in the ground staff sweep on the time of the winning ball, but began to look nervous when he realized he had taken 4.37pm
New Zealand proceeded to bowl just full of a length on middle and leg and crowd the off side with field, thereby completely strangling most run scoring opportunities, a tactic that they may well employ in the test match, if they have the luck to win the toss and put on a few.
Apart from Vettori, the Kiwi attack looked fairly pop gun to me; the other 19 yo in the pack, Hughes, punched a couple of good shots, before holing out to point, and The Young Muzzie, Usman Khawaja, laboured manfully trying to run singles, but being thwarted by the field, with the Portuguese kiddie Moises “Joisus” Henriques holding up the other end.
There was some talk among stats gurus mid week that NSW had picked its youngest side ever on aggregate age, but it turned out it was the second youngest side ever, after some team NSW had fielded in the summer of 1918/19, when there were simply no adult men around.
NSW certainly looked like a bunch of kids in the field, in stark contrast to the grown men of the visitor’s side who came out field after lunch!
In the end, Smiffy and the wicketkeeper Dan “Fat Boy Slim” Smith combined to put on 83 for the sixth wicket to see out the famous victory just as the shadows began to lengthen ever the ground.
Vettori described the loss as “annoying”, but for the baby baby Blues, they must have been stoked to win a first class game.
Not that it does their Sheffield Shield hopes any good.
There was an extraordinary scene at the end of the match, when you’d expect to see tractors appear on the ground with the covers to lay out over the wicket block, but no, a lone groundsman came marching through the gate with a standard Victa lawnmower going at full pelt. He wheeled it out onto the ground and proceeded to mow the pitch up and down no less than three times, raising huge clouds of dust, in which the lawnmower operator was completely enveloped from time to time.
Never seen such an eerie thing in fading light.
The Man and His Dog were transfixed, as they still sat in the Bradman Stand.

wracked with disease

Between Seasoners,

On the Saturday of the third test match, happened to find myself in the Lord Howe Island Bowling Club for the traditional Saturday night fish fry.
You know the sort of thing; a chilled foaming frostier as you look out over Hairy’s greens, then a bottle of crisp Chablis to follow, as you chow down on great chunks of Lord Howe Island “Greenback” Kingfish in tempura batter deep fried in rice bran oil, with a wedge of juicy lemon and salt, and a token salad.
You know it makes sense.
Good with chips.
As we walked in, couldn’t help but notice that the cricket was playing on the lone television screen in the joint.
As we dined, remarked to The Good Lady Wife, “we’ll look at that, will you, it looks as if my bloke is well on his way to a ton!”
and sure enough, MJ Clarke made it to triple figures to save the game, shutting the gate long after the horse had bolted clean across the plains of Rajasthan after the Debacle at Mohali.
The Chairman and the panel of Selectors have the most to answer for for mine for sending away the wrong team, and then continued with muddle headed decisions to try to justify their original ridiculousness, only to see it all fall in a screaming heap.
When Pup was on 97 the barmaid started fiddling with the remote control to try to tune in the Bledisloe Cup match from Hong Kong from across the Tasman, on account of there were a few rugby people in the club.
The Lord Howe Island Woodhens have provided just the one Wallaby – in the shape of Skeggsy.
Persuaded her to change it back just for a minute or two, and lo, the cover drive and the kissing of the helmet.
Now we can go to pigs rooting in mud, union style, love.
One of the very few highlights of the past few weeks of grisly test cricket, save the Krejza kiddie’s incredible fluke ten fa on debut!
Like scoring a double ton, and then finding yourself never picked again!
No surprise here that Cap’n’ Cockhead decided to save his own bacon in the last.
Why wouldn’t you?
No use being hoisted on your own petard, is there?
If you were The Captain of Australia, you certainly wouldn’t want to surrender the title to the likes of Clarke in a hurry, even if it was for only one match, and even if you knew Pup would do a perfectly good job scattering the chooks at the Gabba, for no good reason at all, would you?
Never mind that it’s further evidence at the disposal of the Royal Commissioner.
Never mind that the Vice Captain came back from India wracked with disease, after feigning general unwellness to get a runner on the last day of the final dénouement.
Never mind that Ponting knows well within himself that he’s now an old man in the game, who has always suffered mightily from niggling injuries.
...and so to the Wooloongabba Ground...
A little birdie is singing that there might not be room for a regulation spinner in Brisbane.
Sorry Jase. Sorry Cam.
All seam attack; play two quicks, a seamer, Roy can bowl anything you want, play Fig Jam too if you like, both handy with the bat as well, with Pup’s very odd left arm dibbly dobblers as a last resort.
Why not?
Cricket Australia sent Symonds a brand new tackle box full of barramundi lures, with a note of apology attached, personally signed by James Sutherland with a “welcome back!” PS, but he wasn’t happy, demanding “where’s me new rods?”

Bless.

Dragging the dead horse over some hot coals

Fellow Aghastees,

No doubt the Royal Commissioner will arrive in Delhi to conduct The Inquiry into the Debacle at Mohali before the touring party does.
Perhaps he should begin by dragging the dead horse over some hot coals to see if any life can be sparked into it.
The Captain, of course, should be the first called to the witness box, and compelled to answer the close questioning of Counsel Assisting.
Followed by every player, including those who didn’t make the XI, followed by tour management and selectors, who of course will be made to answer for their ineptitude.
Everything Punter did on field could be called into question, and Counsel could well start with his decision to put Bing Lee’s nose out of joint by not bowling him in the opening session of day four, just as an example.
MJ Clarke would be one of the few to come out of it relatively unscathed; just as he was in danger of becoming the getting out to the last ball of the day specialist, he fights an honest second innings rearguard action in a hopelessly lost cause for what turned out to be a well made 69, although his left arm dibbly dobblers proved utterly ineffectual [8 overs for the match, 0/34]
The transcript of proceedings will make interesting reading.
As always, the bulk of the blame can, and should be, sheeted home to the Captain, and the inquiry could well find fault with the batmen’s complete failure to come to terms with Indian conditions and Indian blokes who have had those sort of decks for breakfast every day of their lives.
Next will come the selectors for sending away the worst Australian bowling attack in at least a decade.
Pop gun doesn’t even come close as a description.
The fitness of the CA Board should also come under scrutiny for sanctioning the whole shooting match.
The recommendations would no doubt start with putting The Skipper on notice that two more sub-standard, nay poor, displays of leadership could invite the prospect of being relieved of command.
The Commissioner could also recommend wholesale sweeping changes, e.g. Hayden out/Jaques in, White out/Krezja in, Siddle out/Clark [subject to fitness] otherwise Bollinger in, Watson out/Symonds [recalled] in.
Probably wouldn’t make a great deal of difference, but seven days should be plenty long enough to come up with a suitable set of recriminations.

If he didn't say it, who did?

Gibberers,

MJ Clarke, on current form, may be more useful as a bowler rather than a bat, early in the tour!
Fancies himself on Indian decks, and who would after his famous six fa nxt to nothing last time around?
Was fairly economical when Harbhajan “Serial Pest” Singh was giving the bowling a right pasting.
And the nut he got the Dohni kiddie with was a pearler
In the meantime, as the first test looks like meandering to a draw, some fascinating stuff here from Ging Gang Gooly Gooly Gooly Gooly.
Some choice quotes anyone would be proud to own.
But if he didn’t say it, who did?
It would have taken a more creative than usual journalist to make it up.
And the line “hopefully also in the future” just adds to the mystery:

Crik: Ganguly denies tirade against teammates
Cricket India Ganguly
BANGALORE, India, Oct 11 AAP - Indian batsman Sourav Ganguly today denied giving an interview in which he gave his teammates a spray.
In a report published by a Bengali daily, Ajkal, Ganguly was quoted as saying that his omission from the Rest of India team to
contest the Irani Trophy last month was the final straw, but also stated that he was sick of being "humiliated" while lesser players
were given opportunities.
"If there is a gun to your head all the time, how long can you bear this? After all, I have played 400 matches for India. I have
played badly in only one series. Yet every Tom, Dick and Harry is playing in the team," Ganguly was reported to have said.
"There are players who haven't scored in the last three series for India, even for the last one year.
"There are some who have changed their hairstyle more than they have scored for India."
However Ganguly issued a strenuous denial of the comments.
"Reports of an interview in a Bengali daily, published in various newspapers, are false," he said in a statement.
"I have not given an interview of that sort to anyone and hopefully also in the future.
"I will request to you to clarify with me before publishing quotes from other sources."
AAP dfb/tdw

old bad habits

Fellow selectors,

Not what you’d call a very auspicious start to the tour of India.
There were some dark mutterings in some circles mid week that if Punter fails to fire with the bat on the subcontinent and/or messes up in the field and contrives to lose a couple of test matches, the Board might be inclined to think about the tap of the shoulder pensioning him off, and handing the captaincy to Pup.
Guessing a messy transition like that won’t happen in a hurry, especially if MJ Clarke falls into old bad habits.
At Hyderabad it appears that he shuffled back and across, played completely down the wrong line and missed the thing, and found himself plumb in front of middle stump – for the majestic total of 18.
More work required in the nets to get better suited to Indian decks.
The selectors have got the bowling line-up all wrong, given that mystery spinner Bryce “Old Man” McGain is on the first flight back home with a dodgy shoulder, and the Jason Krezja kiddie put in a shocking performance in the tour match, getting belted all over the park by second string batsmen on a six lane highway.
You have to remember Krezja couldn’t get a game for NSW and had to move to Tasmania to get another crack at the first class game.
And he’s also admitted to testing positive to cocaine a couple of years back [although he did call into play the ‘I never done it with a fish, yr Honour’ defence, claiming that some evil doer had put a heaping teaspoon full of the gear into his beer!].
Beau Casson can’t even make the NSW one day-side, but looks like going to India as the third choice test spinner.
Perhaps the selectors should just bite the bullet and send a box of brand new fishing tackle around to Roy’s place, with a note saying it would be OK if he packed it in his bags and took the barramundi lures with him to Bangalore.

You be the judge

Gongmeisters,

Amid all the frightening frocks…Adam Who wins the thing…
while The Goodes Train does next to nothing all year, and clocks a few blokes, and still manages to garner an incredible 21 votes in the Brownlow !!
Go figure ??
Talk about being the Bamford’s pet.
Must be the distinctive mouthguard or something.
To make it more astonishing, the next best Swan, Cap’n’ “ never played a bad game” Kirk scored 12 votes, and Rhino Keefe just 10.
Have the grubs in bile yellow got any concept?
You be the judge.
In the meantime…BBB “Slugger” Hall puts his Sydney home and girlfriend on the market, and gets a nibble from the Western Bulldogs.
But, have they got any players, draft picks, that Sydney would want in a trade?
Drive a hard bargain, Roosy.