class will win out in the end

Futurists,

A nine goal football lesson [albiet handed out to a team that knew its season was over a long time ago and ended up finishing third last by a slim margin] is as good as any way to finish a season.
The hapless Bears were brained by half time, with the Swans eight goal second quarter probably their best all season.
Competant against a rabble of a side
That turd Ray "Artform" Chamberlain actually had a reasonable game with the whistle for a complete change, but crikey, doesn't he yabber, yabber, yabber on incessantly?
The players must be sorely tempted to say "for Chrissake, Ray, won't you just SHUT THE FUCK UP!?".
The Stats Guru pointed out the surprising fact that The Hanneberry Kiddie was playing in his 50th game in the seniors.
Fancy that.
It seems like only yesterday that he was drafted and made his debut.
Given that he never gets injured, he's a 300 gamer if he puts is mind to it.
The Goodes Train no doubt added to his tally of Brownlow votes once again [and firmed into the second line of betting to pick up his third Chas], and will line up in the finals in ripe form, even if he has lost a yard of pace.
So it comes down to St Kilda - didn't the Swans play them just a few weeks ago and got away with the win?
They could get lucky again in week one of September, and make week two, but in the final paralysis, surely, sheer class will win out in the end?
Its a good thing that they didn't get a home final, as the crowd could have been an embarrassment, given that the latte drinkers don't appear to be interested, not to mention the prices the AFL charges for finals tickets.
They've played at Docklands three times this year for a 1-2 result, so the ground doesn't hold any particular demons for them, unlike the damnable MCG.
But really, something must be done about the iniquitous AFL fixture list, as the prestige Melbourne clubs [think Collingwood, Carlton, St Kilda] hardly ever have to play outside Melbourne, whereas the Swans were asked to travel to Perth, Adelaide, Brisbane, Gold Coast and Canberra this year.
Something must be done, but the old money boys behind the closed doors down at the Melbourne Club will see to it that that never happens.
Mr Ed has done well to bring this mob this far and make the finals in his first year as senior coach in 7th.
Especially as he's been standing in the long shadow of SC Roos, he had to tinker week in week out with almost everything except the mid-field, and the fact that the team scored more behinds during the season than they did goals [267.295!].
It'll be interesting to see how he approaches it, and gets on from here, as he'll find that September is a different kettle of fish altogther.

SYDNEY 3.3, 11.7, 14.9, 18.11 (119). Goals: Goodes 4, Bolton 4, Rohan 3, Spangher 3, Parker 2, Hannebery, Malceski.
BRISBANE 4.3, 6.6, 9.9, 9.13 (67). Goals: McGrath 3, Karnezis 2, Cornelius, Rich, Hawksley, Redden.
At Sydney Cricket Ground.
Crowd: 27,721.


Balmain are masters of strangling a game to death when they find themselves with a match winning lead deep into the second half.
They snap the lid shut on all that expansive flambouyant attacking play and just sit on the football; they set up and maintain neutral field position and defend it grimly, so there is just no possibility of the opposition getting into a points scoring position.
Wily coaching, as ever.
Tigers went down to the The Shire and did just enough to win, in the knowledge victory by any margin was all that was required to clinch 4th spot on the final ladder.
The Best Leb in the Game had a freak match; its not everyday the hooker scores three tries from the front row.
No one doubts his skill at dummy half, but that was something else.
[In another omen flashback to the Miracle Year '05, that was the last time Farah also scored three tries in a match].
And it was book-ended with a nice try from Moltzen from out the very back.
The argument about whether to play the Tigers "home" final at the Sydney Football Stadium or the Olympic Standium didn't last long.
Balmain had every right to put their foot down and insist on it being played at the SFS, but the bean counters down in the bunker at NRL HQ reckoned with two very well supported Sydney clubs playing each other they could bank on pulling a crowd of 50K+, which is about 10K more than the SFS can hold.
Money talks, so its off to Homebush we go.
Never mind that among the Tigers three home grounds, the Olympic Stadium is not one of them, and they've only played there twice this year in away games and lost both of them, or that its now being touted as some silly thing called a "Sydney region home final".
So much for that elusive thing called "home ground advantage".
SC Sheens is certainly cranky about the decision not to play at the SFS, saying he feels the team has been "shafted", adding "we had better draw 50,000, if we don't, then I will certainly have something to say".
The downside is that the Western Paddock is by no means as good as the SFS in terms of spectator viewing or playing surface, but the upside is that with the added capacity, the tickets are dirt cheap.
Snaffled myself two tickets to the reserved cheap seats right on the north eastern corner post in the Club Members pre-sale for just $20 each.
For a final?!
That's cheaper than a walk up general admission ticket to the home and away matches.
They are working on the theory that they might as well fill up the ground and trouser the not inconsiderable gate takings, rather than charge exorbitant prices like the AFL does and find that nobody turns up.
No doubt the Club Secretary would have told the coach "Sorry Tim, but money talks".
So it comes down to St George - didn't the Tigers play them just a few weeks ago and came up with 14-12 win?
No reason why they can't do it again with a more or less fully fit roster; the Try Scoring Freak returns from injury along with Be My Beau Ryan, a forward pack on fire, the backs playing out of their minds and a hundred set plays committed to memory.
Under the vagaries of the McIntyre system, a saloon passage through to the Grand Final qualifier is highly unlikely with a win, but a loss would most likely still be enough to get through to week two.
The Great Benji Marshall, after being robbed of the Dally Messenger Medal [rugby league's equivalent of the Chas Brownlow], with his typical modesty, said he is playing the best he ever has in his career, but adds there's room to lift even further in the pressure cooker that is September.
But, despite the wheels falling off the St George juggernaut late in the season, Benji still rates the Saints the No.1 contenders for the premiership.
On that thinking, by deduction then, if the Saints can be beaten in week one, then it follows that Balmain must be the No.2 chance.
We shall be there to see.

CRONULLA-SUTHERLAND SHARKS 22: Tries: Williams (2), Mills, Smith. Goals: Williams (3).
WESTS TIGERS 30: Tries: Farah (3), Brown, Moltzen, Tuqiri. Goals: Marshall (3).
At Shark Park, Cronulla.
Crowd: 16,879.

ducks & drakes

Emotionalists,

Well, how about that then?
Just as predicted, they really did it for the McVeigh's!
Nice one.
The Geelong record aka longest winning streak at home at 29 games stomped on, not to mention Sydney's first win at the House of Pain in 12 years.
Without doubt a landmark victory that was worth much more than the mere premiership points.
The Goodes Train busted them wide open in the mid-field, with Rhino and Bolton, J. on assist as the rovers working off Mummy as he smashed them to bits in the hit outs, while In Like McGlynn did some strong work in front of goal as did Rick Shaw, with the youngsters Parker and Reid to finish off, along with The Rohan Kiddie.
A case of the "Best" in the scorebox in the Sunday morning fishwraps could have easily read "All Played Well".
It was touching to see The Train cry as he came off the field; he would have really felt for his mate Oddhead, but would have also been overcome by the fact that he'd been to Kardinia Park year in year out for so many years and never got any satisfaction from it, and now, at long last, there was something worthwhile in the trip.
Swans took the opportunity on offer, and went for it.
You could of course take the cynical view that there was a whiff of tanking going on with regards to the Geelong performance.
Unlikely given that maintaining the ridiculous winning run at home would have held some importance for them, but the fact of the matter is that they have known for a very long time that they will comfortably finish in the top four, probably second or third, will almost certainly play their favoured opponent Hawthorn in the first week of the finals in the knowledge that a win gives them a saloon passage through to a grand final qualifier without having to play again, and therefore they didn't need to bust a gut to improve their finishing position.
For the Cats it really was a nothing game.
What's the point of playing flat out and risking injury when there's nothing in it for you?
It probably didn't happen, they "just didn't turn up to play" is the usual excuse, but there is a bit of wondering going on about it in the blogosphere.
Then there's the super-cynical view that suggests if the outcome of the game was known before it began, then the $9 on offer at the books about the Swans to win straight out would of been irresistable.
Surely not?
Well, there have been no reports of irregularities and the stewards haven't called for the betting sheets, so that one can be pretty well ruled out.
But still, there is certainly some late season ducks & drakes going on in the AFL, much more so than in the rugby league.
Perhaps it's best to call it what they describe in 10-pin bowling as "sandbagging" - doing just enough to protect your position.
Who knows?
What is known is that the Hare-Clarke Duckworth-Lewis System used in the AFL finals massively favours the top four.
It's also known that the Swans will play the Saints in the first week of the finals with the venue the only question, but whether it's here or there hardly matters, as it's almost impossible to win the flag from the bottom half of the eight.
Oddhead probably won't ask to be picked this week, and who can blame him, but watch out for the bloke on a mission in the finals.
After that performance and a pretty much on-song season, what chance The Train in a tie with Mr Judd for their third Brownlow each??
Bamfords like consistency, a level playing field, that sort of thing.
The news filtered through mid week that Tadhg "The Great Irishman" Kennelly has given the game away.
The writing was on the wall really when you can no longer be guaranteed a game in the firsts
Probably played on a year too long, but you'd happily give him that.
An ornament to the game who had a glittering career, and a fiercely loyal clubman who will long be remembered.
After all, there's not many who can retire with both an AFL Premiership and an All Ireland Championship to their credit.

GEELONG: 2.5, 5.7, 8.10, 12.14 (86). Goals: Ling 3, Bartel 2, Menzel, Wojcinski, Stokes, Byrnes, Johnson, Varcoe, West.
SYDNEY: 3.1, 7.5, 10.9, 15.9 (99). Goals: Rohan 2, J Bolton 2, Parker 2, Reid 2, Goodes, McGlynn, Meredith, J. Kennedy, White, Spangher, Mumford.
At Kardinia Park.
Crowd: 25,900.

Ducked into the Front Bar at The Local just in time to catch up with the Good Lady Wife as she walked home from the train from the office.
Noticed that the Brown Brothers were entirely absent on a quiet Monday night, but The Philospher was in, nursing a glass of this week's House Red special, a cheeky Barossa Valley shiraz.
Strangely, the biggest screen in the pub is in the Bistro, so we moved to a front row table and they were kind enough to serve us plates and bowls of noodles as we happily watched the Mighty Tiges whipsaw the hapless Titans.
How long has it been now since the Farah/Marshall Show caught fire?
The purple patch has now extended out to seven undefeated weeks, so it's got to be a couple of weeks longer than that.
In his best ever season, Benji on the burst is right out of the box.
It's not much of a stretch of the imagination to suggest that he just might be the most spectacular player in any football code world wide.
It's a big call, but the trade marked jink, the step, the weave are of course, plain genius.
But he also showed in this game his tremendous speed over 10-15 metres from an almost standing start, not to mention his well known ability and agility to throw the dummy in a way in which most players think he wouldn't throw the dummy.
It makes him one of the most lethal finishers in the caper; doesn't matter whether he passes, kicks, or palms it off, or scores himself, the bloke is undoubtedly at the height of his career.
It also helps that his paradoxically poor goal kicking has improved out of sight in recent weeks
As The Stats Guru pointed out: after one try, two try assists, four line breaks, eight tackle busts, four goals and 187 run metres in attack, it was little wonder that SC Sheens benched Benji for a well deservered rest with 12 minutes left in the match and didn't use him again with the result already well beyond doubt.
"thanks mate. that'll do for tonight".
Deserves the pinnacle of another premiership, if anyone does, if only for his loyal service.
The Best Leb In The Game is also having a landmark season, and relishes being Marshall's partner in crime.
Robbie can read Benji like a book, and visa versa.
Forwards are playing as well as any pack in the league.
Steely in defence and making plenty of yards in attack while laying the platform for the backs to do their thing.
Although most people don't see it, Balmain's third marquee player is That Pom Ellis - and his wage is now comparable to the other two, after signing his new contract - a genuine old school hardman who stamps his authority on the game and dominates the tough stuff all around the park.
Said it before, say it again, Gareth...worth his weight in gold.
As we left the pub through the Front Bar after the on field full-time interviews, The Philospher fixed me with his beady eye and said "The publican has mucked around with the abacus out the back. He says that's enough for top four. In the bag".
And so it came to pass.
The McIntyre Finals System is rather more convoluted than the system used in the AFL - but it's very good in that it tends to favour teams coming into the finals with good recent form and therefore ladder position.
Sandbagging is not rewarded.
In the Mcintyre, the scheduling of the first week of the finals is crucial so no one knows that they really have to win, or can cop a loss, to get through to the next week.
It must be played in the exact order of 4 vs 5, 3 vs 6, 2 vs 7, 1 vs 8.
So, after they easily put away the Sharks in the final round of home and away this week, the Tiges will meet the Cowboys in Week 1 of the finals, most likely at home [with three home grounds to choose from, they'll no doubt take the SFS and put in 30,000+].
It's oh so freakingly similar to the Miracle of '05, when they also had a late season purple patch, and then just kept on winning all the way to the flag.
However, as SC Sheens would no doubt be quick to point out, optimism is a good thing, but counting your chickens is not

WESTS TIGERS 39. Tries: Ayshford, Heighington, Marshall, Moltzen, Ryan, Tuqiri, Utai. Goals: Marshall (4), Brown (1). Field Goals: Farah (1)
GOLD COAST TITANS 10. Tries: Mead, M.Minichiello. Goals: Campbell (1).
At Campbelltown Sports Ground.
Crowd: 14,378.

did it standing on their ear

One win at a timers,

From 16-0 up at half time, this one was never in doubt, really.
Forwards were just too strong, the backs too clever, and the "Kings of The Set Play" as they were described in the television call can't be coached against, because no one, except themselves, has the faintest idea about what they might be up to next.
The Moltzen Kiddie is telling SC Sheens, that yes, he really is a full back, not some utility bench player, with an oustanding Man of the Match performance.
How they lost to Parra away in the early part of the season remains an unsolvable puzzle.
The Parramatta Eels have been a curious kettle of fish this year.
A team with a few out and out stars in the form of Hayne, Hindmarsh, Moi Moi at a pinch, and yet they are set to finish with the wooden spoon.
Who would have thought of it on paper?
They now find themselves in a hard fought battle with Gold Coast and Canberra to avoid finishing at the bottom of the heap.
Parra reminds me very much of Belfield, the team that the youngest daughter plays for in the Canterbury Women's Hockey Association comp.
She is a big burly forward - there are not too many girls who stand at 6'1" in that league - who is renowned for taking no prisoners in a violent game, and is more than a half way decent striker to boot.
Never mind that she scored a goal with 3 minutes left on the clock last week to level it up at 1-1 with the already crowned Minor Premiers; Belfield ran stone motherless last by a long way on the premiership table.
Still, she gets to play in the curtain raiser on Grand Final Day in the Pennant Cup.
It's a match between last and second last on the ladder; the winner of which proudly lifts the Pennant Cup.
It's taken very seriously.
If there is no result at full time it goes to extra time and if neccessary a penalty goal shoot out.
Is there any other sporting competition in the world that awards a handsome trophy for coming second last??
Gawd - there's a digression for you.
Back to the football.
They are still winning without their left edge with What'd I Do Guv and the Try Scoring Freak both out [but expected back for the finals], and That Pom Ellis didn't play either, after doing himself a mischief in training.
Bearing that in mind, they did it standing on their ear.
Top four is not out of the question, but they have to win the last two, and win them well, and have some other results fall their way, however the prize is well worth getting - the double bite at the cherry is priceless come September
As an aside, it's always pleasing to see justice being done mid-week, with some Magistrate acquitting the Great Benji of a trumped-up assault charge, after hearing a glowing character reference from no less than Our Dawnie Fraser.
Never mind that Marshall was outside the George St McDonalds at 3.30am of a Sunday when the incident took place [who knows what he was thinking?], in her judgement, Her Worship on throwing the charge out of court did say to Benj from the bench something along the lines of "Who can blame you? People can't go around calling other people "black c--nts" and get away with it. It's just not on. You should have clocked the idiot harder, just to teach him a lesson".
Marshall, to his credit, thanked the Magistrate for her infinite wisdom and bustled past the waiting media scrum outside court saying only "That's over. That's good. Now, let's play some rugby league".

WESTS TIGERS 31. Tries: Ayshford (2), Utai, Marshall, Ryan. Goals: Marshall (5). Field Goals: Farah (1).
PARRAMATTA EELS 12. Tries: Smith, Hicks. Goals: Burt (2).
At Sydney Football Stadium.
Crowd: 18,626.


Mr Ed must be as mystified as everyone else.
He certainly hasn't come up with a solution to the significant problem of the Behind Blowout.
Here's a mob of blokes who must kick a thousand goals in practice every week, and yet can't find the tall timber to save themselves when it come to match day.
Certainly, a quality full forward would help, but really, what the?
Just the ten goals, all kicked by different players
As a seasoned observer who was at the ground said to me "23.10 would have been a much prettier score".
12 behinds to half-time was a worry, and then they only won the Championship Quarter on the back of more behinds scored.
Won't be winning many finals matches on that showing.
While it looked for all the world that they could have been robbed blind by that turd Ray "Artform" Chamberlain in the opening stanza, after he gifted St Kilda two easy goals from questionable free kicks, then there was the 50m march, lawd strike me, in the end, the Swans were always in danger of having only themselves to blame in yet another horrible behindathon.
Just as perplexing is how players can have absolute shockers one week, and then feature in the "best" list in the fishwraps the next week.
A prime example being Teddy Richards; after playing the worst game of his life last week, had a very good game this week, and was close to Best on Ground for closing down Riewoldt the Elder nice and tight after he'd kicked two early goals.
Odd Head was on song, Rick Shaw was handy, The Hannebery Kiddie did some nice work, while Mummy also had a claim to Best on Ground, with his phenomenal number of hit outs in the ruck.
Would have got the three Brownlow points.
Bamfords like that sort of thing.
No wonder Seaby can't get a game.
With the paradox of the team still not being guaranteed a place in the top 8, but the prospect of a home final still in play, the Club Secretary must be shitting himself about the miserable crowd figure.
Everyone knows that Sydney sports fans are very fickle, but the 25,025 allegedly in attendance was the smallest ever crowd - by a long shot - for a Swans game at the Western Paddock [they were averaging 60,000+ in the years after the Premiership win.]
The club must be kicking themselves that they are locked into a contract to play three games there until 2016; while patrons facilities are unsurpassed and public transport is free for ticket holders, the surface is worse than a field full of cow pats, and the skinny latte sipping, chardonnay slurping, croissant munching basket weavers from the Eastern Suburbs hate going there, much preferring their own backyard at the G.
Can't be doing anything at all for club revenue.
A very sad note to finish.
The bush telegraph in the corner of the loungeroom chattered into life last night with the terrible news that Jarrad McVeigh's first born had died at just one month old.
Joisus wept.
Poor thing.
Vale Luella McVeigh.
That will knock him, and the club, around, for sure, and only goes to remind you of your own mortality.
Of course, no one blames him for not playing this week; in fact he's been brave to play in the last two.
The rest of the team will no doubt be motivated to Do It For Jarrad this weekend, and break Geelong's 29 match winning streak at home.
Let's go to Kardinia Park and see what can be done.
As the Stats Guru has pointed out, never mind that the Swans haven't won there for 12 years.

SYDNEY: 1.5, 3.12, 6.17, 10.23 (83). Goals: Shaw, McVeigh, Hannebery, O'Keefe, White, Reid, J.Bolton, Spangher, Goodes, Mumford.
ST KILDA: 3.3, 6.4, 9.6, 10.8 (68). Goals: Riewoldt 2, Armitage 2, Goddard, Gilbert, Ray, Lynch, Milne, Polo.
At Olympic Stadium, Homebush.
Crowd: 25,025.

an all-round fiasco

Bleachermen,

Left my hat in Melbourne.
Don't know where, otherwise it would still be on my head, but probably in some small bar on the crawl back to the hotel after the G.
Could have been on the first floor terrace of a former brothel at the top of Bourke St with a marvellous view of the Parliament building.
It was a nice hat.
A Robert Trimboli style straw fedora, that had just started to get that look of lived-in tattered elegance.
Just one of a few things that went wrong.
Never did check the Swans recent record at the MCG before booking flights, accomodation and tickets.
Should have.
Turns out that the G, where the Swans rarely play, probably for good reason, is the quintessential hoodoo ground for them.
Sydney have now lost 12 of the last 13 games they've played there.
If, and the operative word is "if", they get back there in September, they will be odds-on to lose again.
It wasn't exactly a bumper crowd that flocked to the game.
No expert on estimating crowds, of course, but be buggered if the joint was more than a quarter full.
After brunching in the finest French cake shop in all of Melbun, ducked into Young & Jackson's for a couple of sneaky snifters, and then got on an almost empty express football tram on Flinders St -- and in a town renowned for turning out to watch two flies crawl up a wall -- they weren't exactly thronging the turnstiles.
Would have had plenty of time to go to the Richmond face painting tent and ask them to black me up; "make me look like Goodesy, will ya?"
At least there was a Richmond clown dressed in all the funny gear from head to toe who was getting a lot of photographs taken of him.
Hard to know if he was just some random wild-eyed lunatic supporter or a club employee.
If it's the latter, all clubs should follow suit - every team needs a certified clown.
It appears that Richmond are not very popular, and who can blame their few loyalists, coming into the match off the back of six straight losses?
If fact, there were almost as many South Melbourne fans there as Tigers followers.
Among them were ancient diehards who are still wearing the by now threadbare pre-re-location to Sydney scarves
Vintage hand knitted red and white jumpers also made an appearance on some of the more distinguished old ladies.
The G is certainly the most spectacular stadium in the country.
The sightlines are magnificent.
Haven't been there since standing in standing room for the 1987 VFL Grand Final; the day that David Rhys-Jones won the Norm Smith Medal for closing down Dermott Brereton and keeping him from playing any significant role in the game.
The year that Lil' Johnny Platten -- who also played on the day along with Robert Dipierdomenico and Bruce "The Flying Dormat" Doull -- won the Brownlow in a tie with Plugger.
The joint has been pretty much transformed since then, but not sure if it's any better than the old ground for the ordinary patron.
Sure, the Great Southern Stand is an imposing edifice and the view from the new Members Bar in the new Members Stand would be pretty much heaven on earth for any footy/cricket fan; however, to fit close to 100,000 seats into the place, the raking is quite shallow and there's next to no leg room.
The back office hasn't been organised very well either.
Spent a long time looking for toilets, and in fact never found them, given that we are now both on walking sticks in public venues, just used the cripple bogs that were the only ones available on the same level as the concourse in front of the Olympic Stand where we were.
Hello?
Tried to put a bet on the Goodes Train kicking the first goal of the match [which he did at $9] but never got close to finding a TAB outlet despite asking for directions from clueless attendants; saw a couple of prominent signs that pointed to the alleged "Gate 3 Sportsbar", but the signs just led into an outdoor dead end with nothing in it.
What the?
Not a patch on the brilliant simple efficiency of the Olympic Stadium at Homebush, where each pair of bays has its own bar, fast food outlet, toilet block and smoking lounge all the way around the ground.
It would be very easy to get lost at the MCG.
Swans were never in it from the get go.
It was apparent very early on.
Just didn't turn up to play.
No mojo working.
Won the ruck marginally, but had nothing going on in the midfield and the forwards were as flaky as ever, while the backs appeared to be asleep on the job.
Mummy tried hard, but found himself outclassed.
Poor Teddy Richards would have had his worst game ever, allowing Reiwoldt the Younger to crawl all over him and set up goal kicks at will.
The Hanneberry Kiddie battled on bravely all day, but had next to no support in the midfield; Rhino, Son of Gary, and co were all missing in action and once again the Goodes Train was asked to do far too much, and ended up doing not much, as his old legs were shown up to be a yard or two short by some of the Richmond youngsters, who don't have even a fraction of his skills.
The Train, did tho, take an absolute screamer just inside the 50 that would without doubt be in the top ten candidates for Mark Of The Year.
At least that was worth the price of admission alone.
The Great Irishman was clearly playing on one leg, and Oddhead and Jack both looked a bit proppy for mine.
Kicking a total of seven goals in a game that goes on for far too long is never going to win you football matches on the wide open spaces of the G on a perfect day.
Beaten 3-2 in the Champo Quarter, but still in with a chance at three-quarter time, only to be blown out of the water in the first ten minutes of the last; game over.
The Good Lady Wife has a finely attuned football brain, and so reduced her analysis of the match to just one word: "rubbish".
It was nice of her to find it in the goodness of her heart not to round on me for taking her to the Athens of the South on false pretences.
The long and the short of it was that it doesn't matter if they make the finals or not, there was no pleasure or enjoyment to be had in watching another season crash and burn with your very own eyes.
Oh no.
On interview, Coach Horse described the whole affair as "inexcusable", but stopped short of issuing a blanket apology to the fans.
Why?
He should have gone the whole hog and told anyone who wants to listen that he'd sent the entire team for a couple of sessions this week in the Room Full Of Mirrors down on the Balmain Rd and told a select group of players that they have to write out one hundred lines saying "can do better" to be presented to the Club Secretary by Tuesday afternoon.
Late in the evening, we came upon a busker in some laneway who saw the scarf around my neck and started singing some ditty that mentioned Paul Roos and John Longmire and some witty line with a play on the words "Roos" and "Lose" - we didn't stop to listen, or drop a coin in his hat [although toyed with the idea of giving him a 5c bit], and just stumbled on by, having had it up to our necks by then.
The reason for my weekend abscence from the Front Bar at The Local had been noted, so when my head was sheepishly ducked in mid-week, the Brown Brothers just sniggered behind the sleeves of their work overalls before laughing out loud amongst themselves.
Without saying a word, approached the Philospher, who seems to have gone back to the brandy, lime & soda's this week.
He just said to me, without prompting, "Oh, shit. Sorry to hear about that, mate. An all-round fiasco, then?"
Had an idea of his general meaning, but fiasco is not a word that you hear in everday conversation, so went home and looked it up.
fiasco, n, [fee-as-koh]. A complete and ignominious, absolute, abject or utterly humiliating failure.

RICHMOND: 1.4, 5.8, 8.12, 14.15 (99). Goals: Nahas 3, Riewoldt 2, Martin 2, Vickery, Houli, Deledio, Miller, King, Morton, Cotchin.
SYDNEY: 2.6, 3.9, 5.11, 7.14 (56). Goals: Kennedy 2, O'Keefe 2, Goodes, Meredith, Bird.
At Melbourne Cricket Ground.
Crowd: 34,337.


The regulation win they had to have.
And there's yr purple patch for ya - five wins on the trot deep into the season - nothing better.
Never in doubt at the foot of the mountains against the Chocolate Soldiers.
A match they were expected to win and did comfortably.
Penrith have a half way decent pack, but their backs are not really competitive, especially with Jennings suspended; rubbed out by the club board for a week, for turning up to training last week, still pissed.
Now, there's a bloke for whom Mad Monday can't come soon enough.
The Farah/Masrshall show on fire for the third week running put the thing to bed before half time, really.
It should be easy to coach against, but SC Sheens has made sure it's not; his set plays get more clever week by week, thinking that there's nothing like rugby league players thinking about what they are doing exactly, and then thinking about executing a plan for points.
For the most part, in the 13 man caper, it works...every time.
As a coach, you just have to have a feel for each man's football brain and intelligence; you know what skills and stamina he has.
If That Pom Ellis hasn't been man of the match for four games out of the last five in the purple patch, hat-eating would be in order.
Scored two tries as if he wasn't really trying - extraordinary - just steam rollered over would be tacklers, clocked the really big blokes with a stiff arm, muscled his way through a brick wall as if it wasn't there, and burrowed the ball into the try line like some kind of blind mole with no inches to spare.
Looks like SC Sheens' novel idea of taking the team down to the south coast to get away from the "distractions of Sydney" and putting them in "camp" for a few days at Kiama last week in order to concentrate their minds, appeared to be a good idea.
Moving the boys around at short notice makes it harder to pry for the football spies from clubs you might play in the finals, who tend to come out of the woodwork at this time of year.
Don't want yr strategy known to the enemy, let alone broadcast in the press.

PENRITH PANTHERS 18. Tries: Waterhouse, Purtell, Walker. Goals: Walsh (3).
WESTS TIGERS 32. Tries: Ellis (2), Farah, Heighington, Ryan, Moltzen. Goals: Marshall (4).
At Penrith Football Stadium.
Crowd: 15,152.

never in doubt

Heart patients,

Ooh.
There's something going on here.
There's premature talk in fandom that this could be the start of another '05 miracle, as the circumstances at this stage of the season are remarkably similar.
Quite rightly, SC Sheens attempted to put the firehose on unreasonable expectation, telling the scribblers from the fishwraps on interview after the game:
"You can hype us up all you like. I don't care. A few weeks ago you were bagging us. No one tipped us this weekend, no one tipped us last weekend. We have to wear that."
It was as well a constructed win of any this year.
For any opposition it's always very difficult to deal with the Farah/Marshall Show when its on fire, with another try by the Great Benji that he scored himself that was by all reports worth the price of admission alone, for the second week running.
But what most impressed everyone was the rugged pre-emptive pro-active defence - always on the advantage line, not waiting for the opposition attackers to come to them - go up to them and bash the crap out of them being the simple raison d'etre.
The Great Skando would have had a lot to do with the new style of forward play that's been finely tuned over the past month or so.
John Skandalis can't decide whether he's the Strength & Conditioning Coach or the Forwards Coach [perhaps they are the same - he doesn't pretend to know].
In the 249 games that he played for Western Suburbs and Balmain he certainly learnt the value of getting right up into your opponent's face before giving him one.
It annoys the shit out of most opposition forward packs, and its all legal and above board.
Down 0-8 at half time was never going to be a problem, the result was never in doubt, with the Dragons belted from pillar to post in the first 40.
The last two weeks, as it has been for most the year, has been a very clever all round coaching effort.
SC Sheens dreams up the set plays, specifically designed for each different game and meticulously drills them into the players on the training track.
St Tim has form when it comes to coaching a champion team, rather than a team of champions, and in fact, goes out to lunch and trades on that record.
It appears Peter Gentle has slipped easily into the Assistant Coach role left vacant by SC Simmons; all he has to do is be around to put out spot fires both on and off the field.
Does a lot of leg work around the practice paddock, and can spot a critical moment in a game and have a short word in SC Sheens shell like in case the main man hadn't picked it up.
In the players' down time, he acts, as Royce did, like the Club Welfare Officer and Team Chaplain.
Everyone, except the fans of course, is trying to play down the fact that on the back of four consecutive wins, the Tigers last four games are against teams that are already gorn for the year, and they appear on paper to now be bidding for a top four finish if they manage to put together an end of season mega purple patch of eight wins in a row.
But, with lowly ranked teams looking to prove that they aren't as bad as they look by upsetting the applecart and beating good sides who are challenging for the finals, there's always the chance of the wheels falling off the bandwagon.
So it's probably best to leave it at the that, with a top eight finish all but assured, and the argument about the order of the final table yet to come.

WESTS TIGERS 16. Tries: Fulton, Marshall, Ryan. Goals: Marshall (2).
ST GEORGE ILLAWARRA DRAGONS 14. Tries: Boyd, Morris. Goals: Soward (2), Hornby (1).
At Sydney Football Stadium.
Crowd: 27,687.


A bloody point, eh?
Never did see a single frame of this game live, on account of being otherwised engaged at a social function of football non-believers, and it was a very good thing too.
Of course, had no desire to have a look at the newsreels the next day.
A bloody point.
Pour me another drink, Fawlty.
A fierce loyalist gave me a ring after the game and told me that he was forced to reach for the heart pills on more than one occaision, and by three quarter time was on the verge of ringing the local hospital to get an ambo parked out the front of his place on stand-by.
Beaten 5-3 goals in the Championship Quarter didn't bode well by all first hand accounts.
Coach Horse waxed lyrical post-match about "missed opportunities", but really the Swans record in front of goal this year has been nothing short of deplorable with more than a couple of blowouts in the behinds department.
Playing the Ugliest Man in Football Lewis Roberts-Thompson at full-forward in recent weeks after having played his entire career at full-back only goes to show how desperate they are for a genuine, quality full forward.
Where's BBB Hall when you need him? [er, at the Bulldogs kicking goals like there's no tomorrow].
They need someone like Buddy Franklin up front.
The Goodes Train can be relied upon to snap the miracle goal, but has always been flaky from the set shot; In Like McGlynn should be kicking more goals like it says that he should do in his contract, while x y and z have no obvious target to kick to from just outside the 50.
The Reid Kiddie looks the goods when he's in the forward pocket, the Jetta Kiddie can kick 'em from anywhere when he puts his mind to it, as can the Birdy and Rhino, but it's so very obvious they are in acute need of a bit of marquee tall timber in the goal square.
Hard to see them going places in September on that basis, even if the mid-field led by Son of Gary is very strong, the ruck is as serviceable as any other in the game, and the backs do their job.
Seasoned observers at the ground suggest that The Train easily picked up the three Brownlow Points in a class display, reminiscient of old, and yet failed at the denoument to boot the clincher.
The look on his face in the photographs in the instant after that clearly shows the Ol' Fella is human after all.
Tickets in hand for the MCG this Sunday afternoon.
Can't be accused of being anything less than loyal, as it's our second away game of the season after Manuka.
And keen to have a looky at the renovations at the ground, since it was last graced with my presence way way back at the 1987 VFL Grand Final!
The heart pills are safely stashed in the carry on luggage.

ESSENDON: 1.2, 8.5, 13.7, 15.10 (100). Goals: Reimers 4, Hille 3, Leroy Jetta 2, Zaharakis 2, Hurley, Melksham, Stanton, Davey.
SYDNEY: 3.3, 9.4, 12.6, 14.15 (99). Goals: Reid 3, Goodes 3, Lewis Jetta 2, Dennis-Lane, Kennedy, Bird, Mumford, McGlynn, O'Keeffe.
At Docklands Stadium.
Crowd: 38,700.

Craves.

"big trouble if they're there in September"

Eternal optimists,

It was as if it was the game that they had been waiting to play all year.
And it only took them until round 21.
Only.
But who can blame them?
With the Sick Bay full of casualties in the first third of the season, they're now back to more or less full strength [minus Tuqiri and Daniela, who've been disregarded in the game plan for weeks now anyway].
The mid-season ructions, what with forced transfers and others taking the tap on the shoulder and being told a better option would be elsewhere appears to have settled down.
Apart from That Pom Ellis [Man of the Match for the second week in a row] and the Farah/Marshall Show, the best players were those who will be at other clubs next year.
No doubt SC Sheens reminded them that their cheques are still being signed by the Balmain club secretary, and there's a job at hand to be gotten on with.
If the they play poorly in the pointy end, they'll arrive at their new club with the powers that be whingeing and whining about paying too much for them and they will never hear the end of it.
Money as motivation tends to work, generally.
SC Sheens was not much worried about being down to nil at half-time, saying on interview after the game "I thought we would roll over them in the second half and we'd have points in us "; what he didn't say was that the other half of the equation was to keep Manly scoreless in the second-half with granite-like defence.
Although, to win the match with three tries in six minutes - even though Benji had left his kicking boots at his Mum's place - was a bit cheeky.
It was then a simple case of hanging onto possession for dear life and strangling the game to death from a territorial point of view; even with just a two point margin, a field goal wasn't required, nor attempted.
Spies at the ground suggest the try put on by That Try Scoring Freak Lawrence was well worth the price of admission alone.
The Great Benji on the burst, the trademark jink, the weave; looks over his shoulder and sees that Lawrence is with him at full pace on the blindside, gives him a wink and a nod; another jink and another weave the other way, busts a couple of tackles, chucks an outlandish gimmee dummy, and then throws the miracle "no-look" pass.
Of course Lawrence - who knew precisely what was going - accepts the ball neatly on his chest as he goes like the clappers, and runs 35 metres to the try line and plants it underneath the black dot without so much as a finger being laid on him.
Said it before, says it again...running rugby league...no finer sight in world sport, for mine.
High fives all round, indeed.
And it's all the sweeter to beat the Evil Silvertails - a team that's even more universally hated than Collingwood is down Mexico way.
That's one litmus test passed, with another one this weekend against a St George side that's paradoxically lost its last two against lowly ranked opposition after having a season that was up to that point surrounded by an aura of invincibility.
SC Bennett has whipped the Dragons on the training track after telling them they'd "lost their hunger".
Oops, they'll be a tough ask for the Tigers after that.
Wandered into the Front Bar at The Local on Monday morning and found The Philosopher, as usual, in his place, nursing this week's favoured tipple, a Harvey Wallbanger, no less for gawd's sake.
He was more talkative than usual.
Mumbled something about it being the horses birthday and that he'd had a reasonably good day on the punt on Saturday, although he did dismiss the quality of winter racing as "rubbish".
Asked his opinion on the Tigers win, he just said that "Manly were due to be shown up. Frauds."
A couple of Brown Brothers at the other end of the bar who were enjoying some sneaky schooners of Toohey's Old on a quick break from their jobs on the local roads and were waxing lyrical about the recent form of the NZ Worriers, piped up and asked The Philospher how he rated Balmain's chances of making the top eight.
"Well, that's up to the abacus, of course", he said, looking at them quizzically, before vehmently venturing "but by Jesus, Joseph, and bloody Mother Mary, they will cause some big trouble if they're there in September".


MANLY-WARRINGAH SEA EAGLES 12. Tries: Ballin, B.Stewart. Goals: Lyon (2).
WESTS TIGERS 14. Tries: Ayshford, Lawrence, Lui. Goals: Marshall (1).
At Central Coast Stadium, Gosford.
Crowd: 20,059.

SYDNEY: Bye.

the sweet aroma of cooking chooks

Tenants of the Terraces,

We were rather chuffed at the finish.
The Good Lady Wife remarked, "now that was very satisfactory all 'round".
She was right.
An excellent exhibition of rugby league; probably the best game of the season in terms of competitiveness in either code all year - never mind that it became a bit scrappy as they got tired in the end.
Always good to see two big, rangy, mobile packs go hammer and tongs, intent only on bashing the crapola out of each other for the full 80 minutes.
And both sides had some half-way decent backs to play off the back of that.
And the Bamfords were inconspicuous; glanced at the scoreboard clock when the ref first blew his whistle and it read 23 minutes gone.
The game was a very good case for leaving the players to get on with it without interference from the umpires, and these Bamfords to their credit, understood that.
The powers that be actively discouraged people from going to the ground after the best part of 200mm of rain [call that eight inches in the old money] had fallen in the Emerald City in the four days prior due to a weather phenomenon know as a mob of "complex East Coast Lows".
It was widely advertised that sections of the hill would be cordoned off as dangerous and uninhabitable [three areas, as it turned out; if people sat on them on plastic sheets they'd just slide down the hill and take half of it with them in a landslide, and no one couldn't possibly stand on the shifting ground], and that the reserve grade game had been cancelled along with the pre-match and half-time entertainment.
Even the dancing girls had been warned off, for chrissake.
You get one game of football, and that's it.
They didn't tell us that the back gate was closed, due to the approaches being ankle deep in mud, so walking in from Leichhardt we were diverted down the lane-way along the side of the ground to go in with everyone else through the Mary Street front gate.
There was almost no one in standing room on the terrace at the 20m line at the Swimming Pool End.
Lucky for the ground managers that they were playing Easts, who are as good as an out of town team, given that Easts fans don't travel.
They wouldn't go as far as Rozelle on their holidays as they have a mental block about anything west of Railway Square, not to mention the fact that one more loss for the Roosters would see them all but cactus for the season.
So it proved to be very comfortable, even though the beer cans were too cold to hold [forgot the gloves, again]; a big crowd under the conditions would have been intolerable.
Ironically, not a drop of rain fell during the game, but remarkably the ground only really got chopped up in the in-goal and along the touch lines.
Still, it was a night for the forwards.
It's very easy to forget just how good a player Gareth "That Pom" Ellis is, until you see him in the flesh.
One of the very last old school hard men from the dark satanic mills and one of the very few Poms who have made a name for themselves in first grade.
Can't think of any other prop forward in the caper who hits harder in the tackle -- putting in some nice, legal, work up and down the torso of the tacklee as they go down in a screaming heap.
Doesn't mind a bit of violence when it's sanctioned by the rules, and can cop it too, reckoning it comes with the territory.
Not sure that there's anyone else in the game at present who's better over 10 metres, running the ball up through the middle of the ruck in heavily defended territory, bumping bigger boofier blokes out of the way and leaving would be tacklers groaning, sprawled on the ground in his wake.
Doesn't bust the advantage line often, but routinely makes crucial yards.
There's nothing fancy about the way he goes about his work, but boy, he just quietly puts the fear up opposition forwards, who universally hate playing against him.
Little wonder they extended his contract by three years on a bloated stipend.
Said it before, say it again: worth his weight in gold.
Give him Man of the Match for the night, for mine.
In stark contrast, Lote "What'd I Do Guv?" Tuqiri was in his first game back after a knee that kept him out for month or so, and you could see that SC Sheens had wrapped him up tight in cotton wool.
There was nothing going on on the left edge all night.
Lote hardly saw the ball, never took a hit, trotted about on his own or just stood there like a shag on a rock and really didn't do anything at all, by design.
Good coaching.
And yet Tuqiri still managed to do a mischief to a pec, and will miss yet more games.
If anyone's been cruelled by injury this season, it's him.
It came down to a crude game of chess in the end with the Great Benji fishing for a field goal at least ten minutes out from full time, working on the Wok Ryan principle that "it's easier to get one early, than it is to get one late".
Sprayed two drop kicks well wide of the uprights, Farah had a pot shot that didn't even clear the black dot, before Marshall sent the ball, oscillating wildly, over the cross bar with six minutes left on the clock for the match winning seven point lead.
Game over.
The sweet aroma of cooking chooks.
What with having to skirt around the ground on the way back, wander up through the metal hospital, drop in for a rest at the Orange Grove Hotel, to the motor, we calculated the walk at well over a mile, up hill and down dale.
Hard work for old, but happy, fans, who wished they still lived in Rozelle.
No doubt the Manly Silvertails and the Wollongong Dragons will apply the blow torch to the belly over the next couple of weeks.
It's what's called in coaching circles a "challenging draw", and it's exactly what Balmain needs.
If the Mighty Tiges can win at least one of them, you'd have to be thinking a top eight finish is all but a certainty, even though top four may well be out of reach without a purple patch.

WESTS TIGERS 19. Tries: Ryan, Fulton, Ayshford. Goals: Marshall (3). Field Goals: Marshall (1).
SYDNEY ROOSTERS 12. Tries: Leilua, Guerra. Goals: Carney (2).
At Leichhardt Oval.
Crowd: 10,187.


After Big Bad Barry Hall - on one leg on the the first leg of his farewell tour - booted the first two goals for the Dogs the feeling in my water took a turn for the worse.
In the end it was good of BBB to bag a fiver without spoiling the Sydney party.
At last the Swans learnt how to play wet weather football, and someone in the dressing room wised up after the slipoverathon of the week previous, and managed to screw the right spriggs into the boots this week.
Just poke the ball forward as much as you can and get it into a spot where you might have some sort of chance of kicking a goal.
Playing on wet tracks is not rocket science.
And still they managed to kick more behinds.
Keiren 'Son of Gary' Jack would have undoubtedly picked up the 3 Brownlow points on offer for best on ground.
Popped up everywhere and did everything right; a brilliant game.
At last, club management couldn't pretend that more than twenty thousand people go to Sydney home games week in week out.
They don't.
The Swans marketing department lives in morbid fear of an official crowd figure of less than 20K, but this time the turnstiles could be over-wound or fudged no further.
True, the weather hadn't been that good and the Swans had lost in it last week, but as the stats guru points out, it was the lowest official attendence at the SCG in nine years.
Mmm.
And the Greater Western Sydney Pygmies think they might get a crowd?
Mmm.
Sixth on the ladder aint a bad place to be with six rounds to go, and Coach Horse would no doubt welcome this week's bye, as there are more than a few of the lads playing with niggles that could use a rest.
Just go away for a week.

SYDNEY: 2.4, 7.10, 11.14, 16.18 (114). Goals: Bird 4, McGlynn 2, McVeigh 2, Reid 2, Goodes 2, Roberts-Thomson 2, Bolton, Malceski.
WESTERN BULLDOGS: 2.1, 7.3, 8.5, 11.9 (75). Goals: Hall 5, Hooper 2, Grant, Jones, Liberatore.
At Sydney Cricket Ground.
Crowd: 19,449.