wracked with disease

Between Seasoners,

On the Saturday of the third test match, happened to find myself in the Lord Howe Island Bowling Club for the traditional Saturday night fish fry.
You know the sort of thing; a chilled foaming frostier as you look out over Hairy’s greens, then a bottle of crisp Chablis to follow, as you chow down on great chunks of Lord Howe Island “Greenback” Kingfish in tempura batter deep fried in rice bran oil, with a wedge of juicy lemon and salt, and a token salad.
You know it makes sense.
Good with chips.
As we walked in, couldn’t help but notice that the cricket was playing on the lone television screen in the joint.
As we dined, remarked to The Good Lady Wife, “we’ll look at that, will you, it looks as if my bloke is well on his way to a ton!”
and sure enough, MJ Clarke made it to triple figures to save the game, shutting the gate long after the horse had bolted clean across the plains of Rajasthan after the Debacle at Mohali.
The Chairman and the panel of Selectors have the most to answer for for mine for sending away the wrong team, and then continued with muddle headed decisions to try to justify their original ridiculousness, only to see it all fall in a screaming heap.
When Pup was on 97 the barmaid started fiddling with the remote control to try to tune in the Bledisloe Cup match from Hong Kong from across the Tasman, on account of there were a few rugby people in the club.
The Lord Howe Island Woodhens have provided just the one Wallaby – in the shape of Skeggsy.
Persuaded her to change it back just for a minute or two, and lo, the cover drive and the kissing of the helmet.
Now we can go to pigs rooting in mud, union style, love.
One of the very few highlights of the past few weeks of grisly test cricket, save the Krejza kiddie’s incredible fluke ten fa on debut!
Like scoring a double ton, and then finding yourself never picked again!
No surprise here that Cap’n’ Cockhead decided to save his own bacon in the last.
Why wouldn’t you?
No use being hoisted on your own petard, is there?
If you were The Captain of Australia, you certainly wouldn’t want to surrender the title to the likes of Clarke in a hurry, even if it was for only one match, and even if you knew Pup would do a perfectly good job scattering the chooks at the Gabba, for no good reason at all, would you?
Never mind that it’s further evidence at the disposal of the Royal Commissioner.
Never mind that the Vice Captain came back from India wracked with disease, after feigning general unwellness to get a runner on the last day of the final dénouement.
Never mind that Ponting knows well within himself that he’s now an old man in the game, who has always suffered mightily from niggling injuries.
...and so to the Wooloongabba Ground...
A little birdie is singing that there might not be room for a regulation spinner in Brisbane.
Sorry Jase. Sorry Cam.
All seam attack; play two quicks, a seamer, Roy can bowl anything you want, play Fig Jam too if you like, both handy with the bat as well, with Pup’s very odd left arm dibbly dobblers as a last resort.
Why not?
Cricket Australia sent Symonds a brand new tackle box full of barramundi lures, with a note of apology attached, personally signed by James Sutherland with a “welcome back!” PS, but he wasn’t happy, demanding “where’s me new rods?”

Bless.

Dragging the dead horse over some hot coals

Fellow Aghastees,

No doubt the Royal Commissioner will arrive in Delhi to conduct The Inquiry into the Debacle at Mohali before the touring party does.
Perhaps he should begin by dragging the dead horse over some hot coals to see if any life can be sparked into it.
The Captain, of course, should be the first called to the witness box, and compelled to answer the close questioning of Counsel Assisting.
Followed by every player, including those who didn’t make the XI, followed by tour management and selectors, who of course will be made to answer for their ineptitude.
Everything Punter did on field could be called into question, and Counsel could well start with his decision to put Bing Lee’s nose out of joint by not bowling him in the opening session of day four, just as an example.
MJ Clarke would be one of the few to come out of it relatively unscathed; just as he was in danger of becoming the getting out to the last ball of the day specialist, he fights an honest second innings rearguard action in a hopelessly lost cause for what turned out to be a well made 69, although his left arm dibbly dobblers proved utterly ineffectual [8 overs for the match, 0/34]
The transcript of proceedings will make interesting reading.
As always, the bulk of the blame can, and should be, sheeted home to the Captain, and the inquiry could well find fault with the batmen’s complete failure to come to terms with Indian conditions and Indian blokes who have had those sort of decks for breakfast every day of their lives.
Next will come the selectors for sending away the worst Australian bowling attack in at least a decade.
Pop gun doesn’t even come close as a description.
The fitness of the CA Board should also come under scrutiny for sanctioning the whole shooting match.
The recommendations would no doubt start with putting The Skipper on notice that two more sub-standard, nay poor, displays of leadership could invite the prospect of being relieved of command.
The Commissioner could also recommend wholesale sweeping changes, e.g. Hayden out/Jaques in, White out/Krezja in, Siddle out/Clark [subject to fitness] otherwise Bollinger in, Watson out/Symonds [recalled] in.
Probably wouldn’t make a great deal of difference, but seven days should be plenty long enough to come up with a suitable set of recriminations.

If he didn't say it, who did?

Gibberers,

MJ Clarke, on current form, may be more useful as a bowler rather than a bat, early in the tour!
Fancies himself on Indian decks, and who would after his famous six fa nxt to nothing last time around?
Was fairly economical when Harbhajan “Serial Pest” Singh was giving the bowling a right pasting.
And the nut he got the Dohni kiddie with was a pearler
In the meantime, as the first test looks like meandering to a draw, some fascinating stuff here from Ging Gang Gooly Gooly Gooly Gooly.
Some choice quotes anyone would be proud to own.
But if he didn’t say it, who did?
It would have taken a more creative than usual journalist to make it up.
And the line “hopefully also in the future” just adds to the mystery:

Crik: Ganguly denies tirade against teammates
Cricket India Ganguly
BANGALORE, India, Oct 11 AAP - Indian batsman Sourav Ganguly today denied giving an interview in which he gave his teammates a spray.
In a report published by a Bengali daily, Ajkal, Ganguly was quoted as saying that his omission from the Rest of India team to
contest the Irani Trophy last month was the final straw, but also stated that he was sick of being "humiliated" while lesser players
were given opportunities.
"If there is a gun to your head all the time, how long can you bear this? After all, I have played 400 matches for India. I have
played badly in only one series. Yet every Tom, Dick and Harry is playing in the team," Ganguly was reported to have said.
"There are players who haven't scored in the last three series for India, even for the last one year.
"There are some who have changed their hairstyle more than they have scored for India."
However Ganguly issued a strenuous denial of the comments.
"Reports of an interview in a Bengali daily, published in various newspapers, are false," he said in a statement.
"I have not given an interview of that sort to anyone and hopefully also in the future.
"I will request to you to clarify with me before publishing quotes from other sources."
AAP dfb/tdw

old bad habits

Fellow selectors,

Not what you’d call a very auspicious start to the tour of India.
There were some dark mutterings in some circles mid week that if Punter fails to fire with the bat on the subcontinent and/or messes up in the field and contrives to lose a couple of test matches, the Board might be inclined to think about the tap of the shoulder pensioning him off, and handing the captaincy to Pup.
Guessing a messy transition like that won’t happen in a hurry, especially if MJ Clarke falls into old bad habits.
At Hyderabad it appears that he shuffled back and across, played completely down the wrong line and missed the thing, and found himself plumb in front of middle stump – for the majestic total of 18.
More work required in the nets to get better suited to Indian decks.
The selectors have got the bowling line-up all wrong, given that mystery spinner Bryce “Old Man” McGain is on the first flight back home with a dodgy shoulder, and the Jason Krezja kiddie put in a shocking performance in the tour match, getting belted all over the park by second string batsmen on a six lane highway.
You have to remember Krezja couldn’t get a game for NSW and had to move to Tasmania to get another crack at the first class game.
And he’s also admitted to testing positive to cocaine a couple of years back [although he did call into play the ‘I never done it with a fish, yr Honour’ defence, claiming that some evil doer had put a heaping teaspoon full of the gear into his beer!].
Beau Casson can’t even make the NSW one day-side, but looks like going to India as the third choice test spinner.
Perhaps the selectors should just bite the bullet and send a box of brand new fishing tackle around to Roy’s place, with a note saying it would be OK if he packed it in his bags and took the barramundi lures with him to Bangalore.

You be the judge

Gongmeisters,

Amid all the frightening frocks…Adam Who wins the thing…
while The Goodes Train does next to nothing all year, and clocks a few blokes, and still manages to garner an incredible 21 votes in the Brownlow !!
Go figure ??
Talk about being the Bamford’s pet.
Must be the distinctive mouthguard or something.
To make it more astonishing, the next best Swan, Cap’n’ “ never played a bad game” Kirk scored 12 votes, and Rhino Keefe just 10.
Have the grubs in bile yellow got any concept?
You be the judge.
In the meantime…BBB “Slugger” Hall puts his Sydney home and girlfriend on the market, and gets a nibble from the Western Bulldogs.
But, have they got any players, draft picks, that Sydney would want in a trade?
Drive a hard bargain, Roosy.

some kind of misguided fool

Fellow Mad Monday Revellers,

It’s always gratifying when yr team goes out in the second week of the finals with not so much as a whimper.
As a mate of mine reflected, all we have got to look forward to now is the two page pictorial in tomorrow’s Daily Terror of Mad Monday, heavily featuring snaps of BBB “Slugger” Hall in a frock and a funny hat.
They were the boys who were psychologically damaged.
Keenly aware that that would be even more severely taken apart by Geelong if they miraculously managed to progress; meekly surrendered to Foo-ters-craay.
The ageing list and the seriously inexperienced youngsters found out once and for all.
Never heard SC Roos comment further on his suggestion a few weeks back “that you can only go to the well so many times”.
At the end of the match he just shrugged his shoulders and said of the future “midfielders are probably more important in this day and age than forwards, we’ll have to take a look at that”.
Nice to see Spida eschew the last year of his two year contract, and have the decency and sense to just retire – without any farewell or fanfare.
Undoubtedly realised that he would struggle to make anyone’s 22 if he tried to battle on next year.
Shame that he had to give it away just before getting the Life Membership quota of 300 games, only fell a few short, so some luminary should make an executive AFL decision, and grant Spida an ex-officio Life Membership anyway, on account of just being a champion.
The telegram should read …”you’ve done enough, son”.
If John “Datefinger” Hopoate can be the current heavyweight champion of Australia in the boxing caper, then BBB “Slugger” Hall would have to fancy himself with the knock out punch.
The big fella is made for a mid-life crisis career - just go and clock blokes for a living, Barry.
No one will tell a two time Brownlow medalist when his time is up, the Goodes Train will decide for himself when he stops running, but given the state of his knees and loss of a yard, he’d have to be seriously considering resting on his not inconsiderable laurels and at the top of his game, just quietly; and as for Micky O, oh, oh, what an ornament to the game.
How do you tell your best ever goal kicker that he’d make a sad exhibition of himself if and when he could get back up on two legs and go around again?
Everyone knows that it’s hard, but in the end, there is no room for sentimentality
All year the blokes over 30, mainly the white boys, never got much attention in this blog, on account of they did nothing.
Crouch, Barry, The Bolton boys etc, since when did they ever get a mention?
Tadgh was only playing this year as a favour to SC Roos, who talked him out of retirement last year, so he’ll surely repatriate himself as promised, back to Dublin.
Sensibly, Ben Mathews gave the game away a few weeks before the finals, figuring there wasn’t much future at 29, no point going on when youngsters are snapping at your heels.
Nick Davis Come To Save Us, at 28, has been living in la la land for quite some time now.
Even the Ugliest Man in Football, at the ripe old age of 25, might no longer be able to cut it in the top grade.
It might be sad, but it might also be true.
But it doesn’t really matter that their best wasn’t good enough in the final paralysis, you can count yourself lucky as a fan if you get to thoroughly enjoy more than a handful of games where coach can honestly say “all played well”.
Rhino Keefe for club best, closely followed by Marty Mattner, with the Jolly Giant and Cap’n’ Kirk in the mix.
With another half a dozen retirements looming, how does SC Roos go about reshuffling the deckchairs?
Could be years before the Swans get themselves back into the shape needed to seriously challenge for the Championship.
So we might have to cheerily put up with yet another Winter of Discontent for a few more years yet.
Ah yes…but that’s a long way off…


WESTERN BULLDOGS: 2.3, 6.5, 11.9, 16.10 (106). Goals: Murphy 3, Welsh 2, Hill 2, Eagleton 2, Hahn, Higgins, Lake, Griffen, Minson, Johnson, Akermanis.
SYDNEY: 2.4, 5.7, 5.13, 9.15 (69). Goals: Hall 4, Jolly, Roberts-Thomson, Goodes, Crouch, Bevan
At Melbourne Cricket Ground.
Crowd: 42,731.


PS> Well…….
That just about does it for the winter game circuit in 2008.
Won’t bore you further.
Thanks very much for the comments, vitriolic abuse, kind words, argumentative tosh, and suggestions that I might be some kind of misguided fool.
The footy’s been fun.
Of course, the summer game wire might get sparking up again once they start playing some first class cricket.

the smokey for the Brownlow

Match officials,

Maybe there is a bit of bite left in the old dog yet.
SC Roos put in a sterling performance in the dugout, a clinical display really, relying heavily on the “How to Coach Australian Rules Football” manual with particular reference to chapter seven “Wet Weather Football” and the appendix “Why coaching finals football is a different bottle of mussels altogether”
Just make sure you kill them in the hit outs, are first to the breakdown every time, team work the clearances, maintain structure in the forward line, and get your act together in the accuracy of kicks in play.
It’s not a very difficult game.
Interesting that SC Roos kept The Goodes Train, Rhino Keefe and BBB “Slugger” Hall inside the 50 for most of the night – eight goals between your best three forwards will always win you football matches.
Cap’n’ Kirk was clearly best on the ground by a long shot.
The Dalai Lama’s Football representative in Australia probably played the best championship quarter of any player in any team all season.
The bloke just went mad.
It was no mistake that eight goals were added to the tally for the quarter on the back of his effort, and the Swans did what you have to do in finals football, close out and put away the opposition.
Vespremi the Emergency was never overawed by the tremendous finals atmosphere at the ground and put in another good showing after squeezing into the 22 with the Birdman picking up Rhino’s mystery virus.
Rhino Keefe has missed just one game all season, and he’s the smokey for the Brownlow for mine.
Mind you, he won’t take the damnable little gong off the Pontiff’s Seed, but he’ll be up there in the count.
The sort of player who gets noticed by the Bamfords.
Speaking of Bamfords, the comical goal umpiring would have been funny if it wasn’t so laughable.
Awarding behinds as goals, and giving goals as behinds
You’d have to wonder if they weren’t in the pay of the bookies, or perhaps they had a few points margin spreadsheets going and were just fine tuning the result.
Don’t expect that the Bullies will be a push over in week two on the wide open spaces at Headquarters, but South owe Footscray a couple, and the opposition could well be mentally damaged after the right spanking they got last week at the hands of the Hawks.
There is nothing like winning form, all the more so in finals.
Much has been said of the appalling crowd figure, but it’s simple really, Sydneysiders will not under any circumstances pay outrageous ticket prices just to get a wet arse watching a team widely regarded as a spent force.
The marketing boffins at the AFL must be tearing their hair out, given that some fool decided it would be a good idea to have a second Sydney team.
Launceston will just be going…”see, told you so…”

SYDNEY: 1.5, 4.6, 12.7, 17.8 (110). Goals: Hall 3, Jack 3, Goodes 3, O'Keefe 2, Moore 2, McVeigh, Veszpremi, Malceski, Richards,
NORTH MELBOURNE: 4.1, 6.4, 10.5, 11.9 (75). Goals: Harvey 2, Grant 2, Lower 2, Hale 2, Petrie, Thompson, Sinclair,
Crowd:19,127.
[Worst for VFL/AFL finals football since 1924 or 1917?]


Otherwise engaged at the Opera Hoos for the Fathers Day matinee of the Strayan Chamber Orchestra doing Vivaldi’s The Four Seasons, or some such trifle, so yet again missed the entirety of the Tiger’s television coverage from the Gold Coast for the final match up of the home and away season.
By all accounts, Hoddo was given a proper send-off with a very solid win on the back of a last gasp team performance, on account of it hadn’t got into their thick heads last week that they were all playing for contracts with just one shot left in the bolt.
Benji reportedly had another good game against his old nemesis and former team mate That Bastard Scotty Prince, but on Mad Monday he was wrapped up in cotton wool by the Club Secretary, who thrust a schooner of Drambuie into his hand, and told him to have a good hard think about yet again re-inventing himself in the off–season.
Hoddo had a few light beers and a puff on an old pipe, confident in the knowledge that he can now go and pick up his fat pension at Huddersfield without anyone noticing very much.
SC Sheens lurked around on the sidelines, with no shortage of blokes to pour him a beer out of the jug, thinking “let ‘em go and get on it, most of them have tried their best”.
The problem was, their best was not good enough.
A season once again essentially cruelled by injury.
All the name props had had season enders by mid season, and Fulton was gone early, accounting for the entire first pick front row, and the forward pack never recovered from the disarray after that.
The club would have been lucky to play anyone in every home and away game.
Can’t name any off the top of my head.
Lawrence perhaps?
Hoddo, Benji, Farah, Blud Nut, Tuiaki, Johnny Morris, Collis, etc etc all had time out for niggles.
Whoever was running the Wests Tigers web site had the decency and sense to maintain a section called the “Holler for a Marshall [Batteries] Injury Report”, which carefully documented the state of the sick bay under Player, Injury Date, Expected Return, Injury Details.
There were just too many names listed under the Expected Return column with the single word “season”.
It did not help that the team also found themselves carrying a couple of passengers in almost every game, neither did the progression of local juniors who apparently did nothing that warranted them even being considered, let alone picked, for the first grade team.
The Football Development Department would have surely worked out that there’s a paucity of exciting youngsters in the Balmain District and they will have to look further afield.
Apart from the total rebuild required in the forwards, they’ll have to pay good money for a name half back and a talented full back if there is to be any chance in ’09.
But that’s a long way off, like tomorrow always seems to be.
Tenth must be a very disappointing result for SC Sheens, after spending the early part of the season in the top four, and the latter half clinging on for dear life to the top eight.
It just didn’t work out.
Oh well, as we always say in our household when things go wrong, TB Too Bad.


GOLD COAST TITANS 12. Tries: Prince, Delaney. Goals: Prince (2).
WESTS TIGERS 28. Tries: Moltzen (2), Lawrence, Tuiaki, Ryan. Goals: Hodgson (4).
At Robina Stadium, Gold Coast.
Crowd: 20,723.