The Night of the Long Knives

Disappointees,
It’s always something to look forward to, isn’t it?
The weekend where both your football teams simultaneously flush their seasons down the toilet.
It was very ominous when SC Sheens, a man who knows football and men perhaps better than anyone else, said that he “could see it in the players eyes” at half time; the belief that they could rally and win the match had simply gone missing.
Sheens has told the Club Secretary to throw out the abacus, even though there is still a mathematical chance of making the eight, he’s past caring.
He’d been sitting on his post match comments for weeks you would have thought, given their frank and blunt nature.
Ever mindful of the fans – it’s been three full years now since the famous 2005 Premiership Year and the club continues to go backwards -- Sheens has suggested a wholesale clean out from top to bottom, saying, quote unquote,
“Some people will be tapped on the shoulder”.
They will be quaking in their boots, knowing full well that if you are cut by Sheens, then it’s a very black mark on your record, and you can expect your fabulously bloated stipend to be at least halved elsewhere – that’s if you can find a club elsewhere – and you don’t wind up playing suburban leagues for a couple of hundred in a brown envelope in the sheds after the game and a free sausage sandwich.
"I said at the start of the season this is a watershed year for the club. We can't finish this year waiting for potential to happen and waiting for players, even our own juniors, who we thought might go another level, who haven't. It's time to bite the bullet and go look for some players to improve the club.”They can start by dumping all the injured front row forwards, then lose the half backs, and they’ll need to find someone very good to replace The Great Hoddo at full back.
Out of a playing roster of 26, they’d only pay good money to keep a couple of centres and a couple for wingers, for mine.
Let’s just hope the talent scouts have been fanning out across the country, and deep into the South Pacific Islands [surely we can get some big boofy brown brothers on the cheap on the guest workers scheme?].
After the Night of the Long Knives, it’s going to be a very busy off season for the Football & Player Development departments.
At least die-hard supporters can take some succour in the fact that the man in charge is speaking the truth!


WESTS TIGERS 16. Tries: Laurie (2), Ryan. Goals: Hodgson (2).
MANLY SEA EAGLES 48. Tries Hall (2), Menzies (2), S.Stewart (2) Bell, Robertson, G.Stewart. Goals: Orford (5), Matai.
At Olympic Stadium, Homebush.
Crowd: 27,564 (Double Header).




Meantime, over at the Rules club.
The Glory Days are officially gorn.
To drop from a solid fourth after the mid-season purple patch to find yourself miserably clinging onto eighth is more than just highly unsatisfactory.
It seems SC Roos has taken some notice of my rant last week, suggesting that this mob of players has been found out and won’t trouble anyone in September, [1st v 8th at Kardinia Park in week one is likely to be a bloody massacreeee!].
“You would have to say from a neutral point of view that this group has run out … it's hard to go back to the well all the time. There's guys there that have just given everything over the last five-and-a-half years and at the moment other teams are lifting, and obviously we're playing some young kids as well, but our group as we know it, that's been so good, is just not capable of producing the performances they once were”.
Afraid that that’s just Roos stating the bleedin’ obvious, as there’s nothing in those words to suggest, unlike SC Sheens, what they are going to do about it.
Club stalwarts deserve better.
Is there a grand plan?
Everyone should be acutely aware of how notoriously fickle Sydney fans are, they will desert a loser in their droves; club membership numbers will die if nothing is done, everyone will stay home quaffing chardonnay in front of their trendy combustion heaters, and if the boffins down at AFL HQ aren’t seriously re-considering the ludicrous idea of a second Sydney team, then they should be.
The only financial advice that my dear departed father ever offered me was “never throw good money after bad, son”.


COLLINGWOOD: 8.3 11.6 15.8 18.10 (118) Goals: Cloke 5, Davis 2, Anthony 2, O'Bree, Medhurst, McCarthy, Pendlebury, Cox, Goldsack, Lockyer, Swan, Clarke.
SYDNEY: 2.3 4.3 6.7 10.13 (73) Goals: Hall 3, Moore 3, Jolly, Veszpremi, Jack, Goodes.
At Docklands Stadium.

Crowd: 45,570.

a good old fashioned pogrom

Philosophers,

There are now three certainties in life.
Death, taxes, and Geelong winning the 2008 AFL Premiership Flag.
Other teams in the finals mix can pretty much suit themselves, and live in hope of the extremely unlikely event that the Cats will have a bad day at the office on their way to that One Day in September.
The Pontiff’s seed is just far too strong.
It’s no use having seven goals kicked on you in the first quarter.
It’s no use putting on “brave”, but ultimately fruitless fightbacks.
There is no way you can win a game of football against this mob if they kick seven goals on you in the Championship quarter.
It’s no use reducing the losing margin to a ‘respectable score’ at the dénouement.
It’s no use BBB ‘Slugger’ Hall finding some form after spending far too much time in the Sanitorium.
And they got it all wrong from the off if Cap’n’Kirk and My Mate Marty end up with their names on the scoresheet.
SC Roos is trying hard not to appear to be at the end of his tether.
The Swans fielded at least half a dozen players over the age of 30 in this match by my reckoning.
Supercoach Thompson would have told his young turks…”half these blokes should be playing in the veterans league on some suburban oval in the Hills District; just go out there and give them a smack and then run rings around them.”
Whoever signed Spida must have been suffering from a brain aneurism at the time, and to think that until his self inflicted season ending injury, Nick Davis Come To Save Us had been continuing to collect his generous contract money for not trying in the seconds.
Perhaps it’s time for the Swans match committee to make a booking for the Room Full of Mirrors, then have a word or two in a few shell-likes re going forward, and then give the football department some serious cash to attract bright young things with genuine futures to the club, and at last make use of the favourable draft picks available to Sydney.
Maybe it’s just time for a good old fashioned pogrom as far as the aged players are concerned.
“Veterans” be gone; there is absolutely no room for sentimentality in this caper.
They should take a tip from the Eskimo’s, who just push their old folks out of the igloo and onto the ice when they reach their use by dates.

SYDNEY: 4.1, 6.4, 8.5, 14.10 (94). Goals: Hall 5, Moore 2, McVeigh 2, Goodes 2, Kirk, Mattner, Bird.
GEELONG: 7.4. 9.8, 16.10, 20.13 (133). Goals: Byrnes 3, Ablett 3, Lonergan 3, Johnson 2, Mooney 2, Varcoe 2, Stokes, Prismall, Bartell, Gamble, Ottens.
At Olympic Stadium, Homebush.
Crowd: 49, 955.


Once again, otherwise engaged, and missed the entirety of the Monday night Tigers game.
Surely must make the effort to struggle up the hill to Leichhardt Oval for the Sharks match, the last home game of the season, Friday week.
Surely?
Otherwise could be cast as a fool to myself, and a burden on the community.
Seasoned observers at the now tumble down Parramatta Stadium suggest that the Tigers simply didn’t turn up to play and lost the one game they should have won in the win at least two out of the last four to make the finals scenario, badly.
No one played well.
There were even dark mutterings mid week that some players who shall remain nameless for the time being, had had a metal snap, and were thinking of Mad Monday and the team’s end of season trip to Waikiki Beach, too early
All reports suggest it was the Tigers eighth straight loss to the Slippery Eels in a losing streak that dates back to 2003.
Balmain players were probably running around the dressing sheds afterwards with their thumbs in their ears flapping their fingers about and making low hooting noises along the lines of “ooh noo! not another hoodoo!”
SC Sheens is in two minds about how to approach the week ahead, but will probably in the end reach for the large cane basket full of cat o’ nine tails’, and flog them on the training track.
But there is always the associated danger of over-training a team who find themselves on struggle street on the road home.
Nah, bugger it, get out the whips.

PARRAMATTA EELS 40. Tries: Tautai (2), Hayne (2), Moimoi, Hindmarsh, Mateo. Goals: Inu (6).
WESTS TIGERS 12. Tries: Marshall, Heighington. Goals: Hodgson (2).
At Parramatta Stadium.
Crowd: 13,065.

not since the glory days of the Under 15's

Goalsneaks,

Word around the campfire has been that apparently, in reaction to the Swans appalling accuracy in front of goal, SC Roos took The Goodes Train aside at last week’s smoko and told him something along the lines of “now look Goodsey, for the rest of the home and away season, bugger how fit you are, I want you to range around and across the half forward line, go deeper if you want, don’t worry about who the opposition put on you, and kick five goals a game”.
A masterstroke as it turned out with The Train going above and beyond and booting eight!
Adam probably hasn’t kicked that many goals in a game since the glory days of the under 15’s.
More than even Plugger ever kicked against the Dockers.
But you can imagine what would have happened without those eight -- a gigantic tusk up the runter in terms of the top four.
The midfield looked a little feeble for mine with not much go forward as Rhino Keefe had an uncharacteristically quiet night, while Odd Head McVeigh, the most unlikely of footballers, after having a blinder last week and playing in his 100th was not much to be seen.
Freo would have also won easily if it wasn’t for the starch that Mattner and Kennelly bring to the defence, while J.Bolton probably picked up the Brownlow votes that The Train didn’t get
Also pleasing to see the recovering mental patient BBB “Slugger” Hall back to his best – booting the winning goal on the run after out muscling three opponents without the need for the use of the fist or elbow!
See, it can be done, Barry, all you need to do is throw your weight around.
The hardy 15,000 or so fans in the ground on one of the coldest nights in Sydney this winter [took me much longer that usual to find the published crowd figure – perhaps the official book cookers were in the bar watching The Games?] would have been reaching for the heart pills, but in the final analysis, were well rewarded.
Freo supporters are used to weeping into their beers this season.
A crucial escape with the Cats, Pies and Bears to come, and who knows snapping at their heels.
mmmm…will need to beat them all to be any chance of progressing very far in September.
SC Roos must be wondering how do you train a side that’s about to have the blowtorch applied to the belly?

SYDNEY: 2.4, 7.6, 13.8, 17.10 (112). Goals: Goodes 8, Hall 4, J.Bolton 2, Veszpremi 2, O'Keefe.
FREMANTLE: 3.5, 8.8, 10.13, 15.18 (108). Bradley 3, Tarrant 2, Campbell 2, Duffield 2, Palmer, Mayne, Michael Johnson, Crowley, Pavlich, Peake.
At Sydney Cricket Ground.
Crowd: 20,846,

Due to shocking scheduling and being required at the office at some ungodly hour, in bed, fast asleep during the entirety of the Tigers match.
However, seasoned observers at the ground suggest the forwards laid down a solid platform to allow Benji Marshall to put in by far and away his best game of the season, scoring a well-worked try in the corner late in the piece to seal the result.
The kiddie’s been stringing a few good games together now, no longer does his dodgy surgically repaired shoulders weigh on his subconscious, getting back to working more through the centres and trying to hide less on the wing.
And its got the point where SC Sheens has enough confidence n the bloke’s kicking boot that he’s told him to have a shot at penalty goal; from anywhere up to thirty yards out, instead of getting yourself bashed up trying to plough your way through a set defence to the tryline.
A rarity now in the modern game.
But points are points, son.
Thought that it was unlikely this season, but at last Benji appears to be earning his considerably reduced contract money, Lord knows, he might be putting his hand out for more if they get to the finals.
And lo, the Tigers are miraculously back in the top eight!
In the rugby league caper, you generally need 12 wins and 12 losses at a minimum to make the finals, 13/11 would get you there for sure, so need to win at least two of the last four.
Should be able to roll the Eels next week, the Silvertails will be a different bottle of mussels altogether, then the advantage of starting against Sharks ten points up at Leichhardt, before the Titans away.
While there’s hope…
Abacus remains where the club secretary left it last time.

ST GEORGE ILLAWARRA DRAGONS 10. Tries: Morris. Goals: Soward (3).
WESTS TIGERS 18. Tries: Ryan, Marshall. Goals: Marshall (5).
At Wollongong Stadium.
Crowd: 14,207.

the twilight zone

Impressionists,

Can imagine SC Roos at training on Tuesday morning, the day after the smoko, handing out ruled exercise books and blunt pencils to the players.
SC Roos: “Now I want you to write out the following lines 25 times”
It is very hard to win a game of Australian Rules Football when you have eight goals kicked on you in the second quarter before you can manage a reply”
It is very hard to win a game of Australian Rules Football when 65 minutes elapse from kicking one goal to the next
It is very hard to win a game of Australian Rules Football when you miss five set shots at goal inside 50 in the Championship Quarter”
After that task has been completed, the assistant coaches drag huge bags stuffed full of footies onto the paddock.
SC Roos, pointing: “now see those big sticks over there? They’re the ones you want, ok?”
Coach walks away in a huff, throws the coaches ledger into the mud for some minion to pick up, and then gets in his car and drives away.
Its all very well to be done over by 16 points in a game you should have won comfortably, and it was yet another case of they only have themselves to blame, but St Paul would have taken the position that even though he had washed his hands of it, it still reflected badly on the coach.
Not much more to be said about a game of football apart from the fact that Odd Head McVeigh was probably best on ground in a losing team.
Half a million kicks and hand balls and six goals kind of tells the story.
Rhino Keefe played strong throughout and had a blinder in the championship quarter, toiled manfully trying to set up his useless forwards, all to no avail.
By the time they cottoned on to kicking long or sending in the bomb to their marquee player standing at full forward, it was too late.
BB Barry ‘Slugger” Hall “came alive” after half time – are you still allowed to put things up yr nose at the long break?
After he’d pleaded to the Bamfords, and being turned down for three free kicks in a row, the television commentary suggested in a sense of urgency -- ”oh no, it looks like Barry is about to lose his banana”.
Thankfully he never did, and had it about his person at all times.
The two rookies, the ones who by definition had never played a game of senior football in their lives, acquitted themselves well enough.
But try as they might, it was all good and done to have a go at playing the ball through the mid field, but with no Goodes to give Magic a happy finish up front, they found themselves ‘lost in space’.
The ageing blackfellas might look like they have lost a yard or two when they are playing, but when they are not there, there’s precious little structure, and even less brilliance in the twinkling of an eye.
Swans football department has always favoured late season away games in Canberra, on account of it gives you practice for the finals on wide open spaces in wintry conditions, given that its taken for granted that the size and shape of the playing surface at Manuka Oval; just as it was at the old Gabba ground with the greyhound track, and just as it is with Newcastle No.1 Sports Ground, is an exact replica of the MCG.
Sure that Betfair would make sure you could get set about Sydney not winning the premiership from here on in, and if truth be known, they are now in genuine danger of dropping out of the top four into the twilight zone that is 5, 6, 7, & 8.
No one ever makes the Grand Final from there.


WESTERN BULLDOGS: 3.2, 11.4, 13.7, 17.11 (113). Goals: Welsh 5, Johnson 4, Boyd, Cooney, Giansiracusa, Gilbee, Hahn, Harbrow, Hargrave, Hill.
SYDNEY SWANS: 5.3, 6.6, 9.11, 14.13 (97). Goals: McVeigh 6, Hall 3, J. Bolton, Brennan, Jack, Richards, Veszpremi, and Anyone Called Trevor.
At Manuka Oval, Canberra.
Crowd:13,550.


Never seen a frame of the Tigers game, again, due to the fact that by some quirk of scheduling they found themselves up against the Other Bulldogs in a match again played simultaneously as the Swans game.
Pulled the wrong reign when I passed up the chance at half price tickets to see the Tigers go ‘round against what should be my local team but isn’t, given that we have lived in the heart of Bulldogs territory for the past twelve years, just two suburbs down from the streets of fear.
My children hate the Bulldogs
Seasoned observers at the ground described it as a display of vintage Champaign rugby league.
Admittedly against a side that’s been completely done in in the head by various things, not to mention the sensational departure of Money Bill Williams.
A sad season that got even sadder for the boys from Belmore.
It’s no good when you are described on the back page of the fishwraps as “shattered”, “demoralized”, & “perplexed”.
Not often that you see a once proud team meekly cop a ten try football lesson in the modern game.
It used to be called a good old fashioned thrashing back in the olden days.
SC Sheens before the match was apparently heard to exhort his players “if you do some of the work in the forwards for yourself against this mob, you might even get yourself a meat pie.”
They went out with coach’s instructions to hit them hard and hit them often in the most vulnerable part, right up the middle of the ruck, which is where everything happens in rugby league.
Some superb work out of dummy half by Farah and Fulton, by all reports, and then, as always, the backs can look after themselves.
In the end it was a very good advertisement for the “mercy rule” with less than ten minutes left in the match.
Why continue to bash each other up?
The trusty abacus is for the moment leaning up against a wall somewhere in the junior recruitment office, given that the club secretary and the coach have no use for it for the time being.


CANTERBURY-BANKSTOWN BULLDOGS 4. Tries: Nanai.
WESTS TIGERS 56. Tries: Gallant (2), Heighington (2), Te'o (2), Tagive, Fulton, Halatau, Marshall. Goals: Marshall (8).
At Olympic Stadium, Homebush.
Crowd: 16,121.

Worth noting:
The first time this season that attendance at a Balmain match exceeded that of the Swans game.
Thank The Good Lord Joisus that there’s now bigger fish to fry in Beijing.
They won’t be needing turnstiles at the Olympics, on account of the party will make sure that the stands, everywhere, are full to the brim with locals, even if they have to pull them off the street at Lidcombe Station.
Loose the bears on the midgets and let the gaming begin!

a plate of dry biscuits

Viticulturists,

Had a bad feeling in my water about this game, especially given unnecessary sniping and smart alecery that came into the inbox and on the txt mssg mid week from various points along the Murray downstream from Mildura [you know who you are].
In the end it was a very good thing that none of my friend wanted to accompany me to the ground; so ended up on the lounge at home in front of the unblinking eye, with a plate of dry biscuits, and a granny rug thrown jauntily across the knees.
Adelaide, it appears, is one side who long ago worked out how to beat the Swans at their own game, home and away.
Damned good thing they don’t play each other very often.
All you need is a tight defence and one or two strong talls up front and a long kicking game, and you can be confident about winning against Sydney every time.
The kiddie with a surname that sounds like some kind of fatal grape vine fungus kicking five out of eleven goals is a case in point.
Years ago, the Crows were officially installed at the Swans “hoodoo” team.
Nothing’s changed.
You’d have to delve deep into the record books to find the last game when no goals were scored in The Championship Quarter.
Mind you, Marty Mattner appeared for all the world to kick a goal at the 11 minute mark of the stanza, but the vision impaired goal, boundary and field Bamfords all conspired to call it a behind, and only one flag was run up the pole.
When the revolution comes, they will be the first bastards to be taken out and shot at dawn.
No one was counting, but the Swans hit the post at least seven times in the second half by my reckoning, which might go some way to accounting for the 17 behinds on the score sheet.
It was utterly predictable that BBB “Slugger” Hall would find himself all at sea, after his miraculous cure from mental illness; far too busy keeping his fists and elbows out of the action to be of any use at all.
Thought Rhino Keefe had another great game.
He’s the sort of bloke who gets noticed by the Bamfords when he has a blinder, bin playin’ well, could wind up as the smokey in the Brownlow Medal count, for mine.
For SC Roos and the ‘leadership group’ there would have been a fair degree of chin rubbing and forelock tugging at the Sunday morning smoko by the magic waters, with only four points clear in fourth, and the Wild Western Bulldogs to come next weekend on the wide open frozen steppes at Manuka.
With the swathes of spare seats in the stands that were apparent on the television, it’s hard to believe the crowd figure.
Perhaps they were counting all the club members who’d rung in saying they’d found themselves with something better to do.
The only saving grace out of the whole debacle was fleecing my bookie for plenty at $2.65 on Total Match Points: 150 or less.
Given the way both teams play, and the fact that a couple of inches of rain had fallen along the coastal fringes of Sydney in the few days prior to the game, thought straight up they would be lucky to kick 15 goals between them.
It was like taking candy from a baby.
Sweet & Sour.

SYDNEY: 2.3, 4.8, 4.12, 6.17 (53). Goals: Jolly, Ablett, Bird, O'Dwyer, Hall, Mathews.
ADELAIDE: 3.6, 8.7, 8.10, 11.11 (77). Goals: Porplyzia 5, Goodwin 2, Campbell, Gill, McKay, Symes.
At Sydney Cricket Ground.
Crowd: 26,260.


Never seen a frame of the Tigers match given that it was played simultaneously with the Swans game.
In any case, finding yourself at the ‘foot of the mountains’ on a bitterly cold Saturdee night would not have been a good position to be in.
You’d need rum.
The cause was not helped by the late withdrawal of The Great Hoddo and the Beau Ryan kiddie, with long standing, well publicised injuries.
Said it before, say it again – season cruelled by injury.
Old time seasoned, shivering, observers at the ground noted that half the team were going ‘round with numbers on their backs that they’d never worn before.
Only goes to show that you are no show without a couple of half way decent front row forwards.
The game was invented around them, and the backs quickly learnt to look after themselves
SC Sheens would have instructed the Club Secretary to take out the trusty abacus.
Just to play around with the beads.
Mid week.
Over lunch.
When asked on interview after the game whether he thought the loss might be terminal, Saint Tim didn’t put any fairy floss on the situation when he replied:
"It's certainly a nail in the coffin. I wouldn't say we're sealed in yet, but we're going under. We just couldn't afford to lose that game.''
Despite both of the top two teams being beaten by lowly unlikely opponents on the weekend, surely any more losses from here on in would reduce the Tigers to the mathematical possibility department of making the final eight.
At this rate, Mad Monday may come earlier than expected.

PENRITH PANTHERS 24. Tries: Gordon (2), Iosefa, Jennings. Goals: Gordon (4).
WESTS TIGERS 10. Tries: Tagive, Laurie. Goals: Marshall (1).
At Penrith Stadium.
Crowd: 14,075.

the best Leb in the game

Your Excellencies,

Another get out of jail card deftly pulled from the pack.
Been saying all year that the Swans need to perfect the art of winning those close away games by narrow margins.
Given that the television coverage on Seven was limited to a two hour highlights package given their commitment to motor racing, found myself back in the Jason Recliner with a brandy sour in hand, and listening to the NewsRadio call of the game.
Rhino Keefe and Marty Mattner were best on ground purely on the number of times their names were mentioned on the radio call, which is always a .always a good indication, with Captain “never played a bad game” Kirk an honourable second best.
Who would’ve picked Odd Head McVeigh as a goal kicker in his old age?
SC Roos’ very rare fearsome spray at the players at three quarter time, along the lines of “if you lose this one you can all go and stew in your own juice, and you can count me out” was noted by some long time sages at the ground and passed on to the commentators
It must have got the lads going in the final quarter as they were almost run over in the shadows of the post.
It’s not often that you can use the word “pulsating” to described a half of modern Australian Rules football, but after a stellar Championship Quarter, to take a couple of goals lead at the start of the last quarter, see that pegged back, go again on the last legs for what looked like a match winning lead, and then have two goals kicked on you in the last few minutes of the game to witness the vision of the jaws of defeat opening up once again, only to go out winners when the match was called over inside 28 minutes into the final quarter, after three really long quarters, will do for mine.
The deep mysteries of AFL timekeeping are being kept in the inner circle, and those in charge are determined that they will never be revealed.
Six points clear in fourth on the ladder is a lot better than two, with Adelaide, Richmond and Carlton pretty much gorn for all money.
They should be able to comfortably dispose of the hapless Crows on the hallowed turf this weekend and push that out to ten.
The old stagers at the Crows Club down at Southwark must be saying to themselves “who was it exactly, who let Mattner go?”

CARLTON: 5.5, 10.9, 15.9, 18.11 (119). Fevola 5, Betts 3, Judd 2, Walker, Russell, Murphy, Kreuzer, Fisher, Grigg, Hartlett, Waite.
SYDNEY: 2.1, 8.5, 14.10, 18.13 (121). McVeigh 4, O'Keefe 3, Moore 2, Bevan 2, Jolly 2, Goodes 2, J Bolton, Playfair, Roberts-Thomson.
At Docklands Stadium.
Crowd: 38,401.

Possibly the worst first half blind refereeing performance of the season.
First the Bamford puts the young Moltzen kiddie [plucked from obscurity to stand in at full back for the injured Great Hoddo] in the sin bin for what amounted to an innocuous technical professional foul, then failed to call a pass that was a country mile forward that produced Souths first try with the Tigers down to 12 men, and then called a South Sydney try held-up in goal when the video ref, if it had been referred to him, would have clearly called it a Rabbitoh’s try.
Useless.
Luckily, someone convinced him to take off his dunces hat at half time and put on something sensible.
SC Sheens is reported to have used one of his favourite words, “ordinary”, to describe it.
Regardless of being caned in the penalties, Heighington, Blud Nut Gallaway and Robbie [he was described to me mid-week as “the best Leb in the game”] Farah all had outstanding games for mine.
Which only goes to prove the parable that if your forwards are going forward -- no matter what number jumpers they are playing in -- the backs can please themselves.
And they did just that, with Benji putting in by far his best game of the season; bought the kicking boots to the ground and did some fine work with the toe on the ball in general play, and was pretty well on song with difficult shots in front of goal in the absence of The Great Hoddo.
The trademark jink, step and weave are back….putting on two tries for his wingers, including a miracle set play down the blind side involving just a couple of sets of hands and a couple of well timed dummies, and suddenly the try scoring freak Lawrence was away as quick as lightning for 45 metres, tip-toeing all the while within inches of sideline to score in the corner, as the commentator said, alone and unattended!
You can’t coach against that.
It appears that Benji had some kind of epiphany during his Sunday morning ablutions, which can be enough to scare the living bejoisus out of anyone.
He said on interview after the game:
“I was standing in the shower this morning and thinking I was sick of losing the last few weeks. I'd forgotten how good I used to be, forgotten what I can do, and I just thought I'd try and remind myself of how good I can be if I tried.”
Not quite sure what he was saying there, but whatever it was, the faith that he decided to place in himself, worked.
The Pontiff was kicking himself that he couldn’t get to the game, as he was a bit tired and emotional after his morning duties at Randwick. Later realised he’d gone too hard, too early.
But he was happy enough to watch the match on the big screen in the lounge bar at St Mary’s while enjoying a cheeky little pilsner, and subsequently declared it an official miracle that the Mighty Tiges are now just half a win outside the top eight.
Shaking his head, he mumbled something about how forgiving the rugby league can be at times.

SOUTH SYDNEY 12. Tries: Simpson, Asotasi. Goals: Luke (2).
WESTS TIGERS 36. Tries: Ryan (2), Lawrence (2), Tuiaki (2), Farah. Goals: Marshall (4).
At Olympic Stadium, Homebush.
Crowd: 21,818.

Pontiff has tickets

Losers,

Happy to find myself chained to a BBQ on Sunday afternoon, being contracted to do the gourmet catering for a 16th birthday party.
The din that a mob of teenage girls makes is so incredible that it was all but impossible to hear the News Radio call of the Swans game on the tinny transistor that lives on the back deck.
Gave up trying just after half time and turned the thing off.
A good thing too.
By the look of the score sheet, the Swans were, as usual, slow out of the blocks, made something of a fist of a fight back in the Championship Quarter, and then ran out of legs in the final stanza.
One away game they had to win.
It’s harsh at the top in The Rules, where in the blink of an eye, you can go from a potential ten points clear in fourth to having other jokers snapping at you heels.
Not qualified to comment further, except to say that SC Roos appears to have done some stating the bleeding obvious when he said on interview "When they had control of the game, they were able to put a lot more scoreboard pressure on us."
Is that something that can be resolved on the training track with the run home to come?
Don’t ask me.

HAWTHORN: 3.4, 9.9, 10.13, 15.16 (106). Goals: Williams 4, Franklin 4, Roughead 3, Young, Taylor, Hodge, Rioli.
SYDNEY: 2.4, 4.6, 8.9, 10.15 (75). Goals: O'Keefe 2, Buchanan 2, O'Loughlin 2, McVeigh, Playfair, Goodes, Smith.
At Melbourne Cricket Ground.
Crowd: 49,529.


SC Sheens wasn’t kidding when he said during the bye week that he was running out of player roster.
On Monday night at the third home ground, he actually played a front row forward by the name of Daine Laurie, who they’ve recruited on match payments only.
Until three weeks ago he was knocking about for Yamba in some obscure country competition, and came to the Tigers simply because he was big and boofy, and allegedly had a few rugby league skills.
Welcome to big time football, son.
Crikey!
Old timers at the ground suggest the highlight of the night was the old fashioned all in stink in the shadows of half time – a nice little donnybrook that came out of nothing in particular.
Incredibly, despite four losses on the trot, the Tigers remain just half a win outside the top eight, given the nature of the log jam in the league.
Melbourne just too big, too strong, too many skills…Tigers tried to kick over or through the defence as they was no other way around it.
Losing strategy from the off.
And there is no accounting for that Greg Inglis on the Melbourne side – a freak of nature – three tries just like that, and the kiddie has already done everything there is to do in the game.
He will be a hall of famer dead set by the time he finishes up.
SC Sheens was pretty glib when he said on post match interview:
"We're putting together patches but we're not putting together a real good game and the confidence is down a little bit too.”
But was right on the money when he added "We need a win desperately to raise that confidence and need to make a move soon if we’re to remain in the hunt."
The Great Hoddo did in fact very quietly confirm during the bye week that he is off at the end of the year to take the very smart cash on offer at that well known retirement home for Tigers players, Huddersfield, in the English “Super” League [a misnomer if ever there was one!],
No one can blame him for taking his superannuation.
And so, all of a sudden, he finds himself playing in his last ever game at Campbelltown, where he started his illustrious career with Western Suburbs, and where they want to cast his likeness in bronze.
The crowd went apeshit when he latched onto a runway move to score under the uprights and miraculously tie up the scores at 12-12 at half time.
A more thorough appraisal of The Great Hoddo’s work will come after Mad Monday, but suffice to say for the moment that he is a genuine, glittering, ornament to the game.
A session in the Room Full of Mirrors probably wouldn’t do the boys any good, as it seems destined to be one of those seasons dogged by back luck, misfortune, and cruelled by injury.
Nice time of the season to be coming into the annual grudge match against South Sydney, just when the hapless Rabbitoh’s are finding some form.
There are reports out of Rome that the Pontiff has tickets in the cheap seats, as he wants to be with the masses.
His Holiness loves his rugby league; can’t get enough of it, according to the Vatican.
And the Tiges will need all the luck they can get from the Good Lord Joisus.

WESTS TIGERS 18. Tries: Tuiaki, Hodgson, Ryan. Goals: Hodgson (3).
MELBOURNE STORM 30. Tries: Inglis (3), Slater, Manu. Goals: Smith (5).
At Campbelltown Sports Ground.
Crowd: 16,653.