goat water

Dreamers,

Thinking that the Chairman and the Three Wise Men have got it just about right when it comes to the touring party for the West Indies.
Little doubt that the elevation of MJ Clarke to the vice-captaincy was a fait accompli with the graceful departure of the Great Gilly.
Not sure about now, but in the olden days the vice-captaincy would have entitled him to a seat at the touring selection table, the old “well, it’s you and me skip, who do like among the rest?”
Now he has cleared the hurdle of being engaged to be married, he can leave all that for his missus-to-be and his agents to organize, while he gets on with the game.
The selection of The Kat was also a lay down mizere, in fact there would have been calls for a Royal Commission if he had been left out of the squad.
Had to be picked on the sheer weight on runs, and while its easy to dismiss Katich as the spare bat in this party, he can play anywhere between 1 and 6, so should be able to keep the pressure on the top order,
The Beau Casson kiddie is undoubtedly the bolter in the 15, but confesses to his delight in being picked to fulfill the duties of Tour Entertainment Officer for the duration.
Hilfenhaus and Nofke will also be required to do a lot of drinks carrying.
In fact the party has a distinct party flavour to it: Old Haydos on the pans whipping up the odd pot of goat water [www.caribbeanchoice.com/recipes/recipe.asp?recipe=341]
Casson mixing the rum punches, TSC MacGill serving the cheeky Chablis, Roy rolling the scoobs, Mr Cricket doing the musical selections, and MJC responsible for rounding up the girls.
Ahhh…life in the Caribbean.

Test squad Matthew Hayden, Phil Jaques, Ricky Ponting (capt), Michael Hussey, Michael Clarke, Andrew Symonds, Simon Katich, Brad Haddin (wk), Ashley Noffke, Beau Casson, Brett Lee, Mitchell Johnson, Stuart Clark, Stuart MacGill, Ben Hilfenhaus.

on song with the slipper

Benchmen,

On that performance you can imagine teams who are scheduled to play in Sydney this year sitting around staring vacantly at a blank whiteboard as the coach scratches his head trying to figure how to get out of Sin City without the benefit/humiliation of a ten goal football lesson.
The cricket ground will be a very difficult assignment for any visitors this season.
Port were perfectly outplayed by a team that knows every blade of grass like the backs of their hand
The two Bolton’s combined to be best on ground in one, for mine, but contributions from all over the park – too many to mention.
Marty Mattner could see himself coming into his own and could be a good buy [played his 100th AFL match in this game and yet no one has ever heard of him], the sort of bloke who will “toil manfully” all day.
Son of Gary certainly has his father’s turn of speed and a kicking boot to match; must’ve realized that he was too small in stature to play the rugby league but could get a go in rules with his pace & accuracy.
He also doesn’t mind a good smack in the head.
Marvellous to witness, even by remote control, Michael O’Loughlin back on song with the slipper.
Fantastic to see the wily veteran [who already has the appearance record in the dilly bag] march past (465 career goals) Plugger (462 career goals),and now only trailing the great Bob Pratt (the forever unattainable 681 Swans goals) on the Swans' all-time goal scorer’s list.
Perhaps it is now time for one of the assistant coaches to approach the AFL’s Equipment Technology Standards sub committee and ask them if it would be alright if Magic wheeled himself out to say, centre-half forward in a sports wheelchair, so he can manoeuver around the forward line like some kind of murder ball player.
The only time that he is allowed to get up and walk, is when he tees off for goal, as if using a seven iron, having taken the mark in the chair.
You are always going to win with BBB Hall kicking five fa’s up front and the likes of Leaping Leo and the Ugliest Man in Football also finding themselves on the score sheet.
There were some classic cutaway shots on the television coverage of SC Roos on the bench, personally running the bench, and at one point BBB appeared to be giving the coach quite a bit of lip before throwing his hands in the air.
A few moments later there was a slo-mo replay of SC Roos, fixing a bead on Hall, as he appeared to be saying “why don’t you just shut the f*uck up, Barry, and let me get on with coaching the team?”
That’ll do.

SYDNEY: 6.2, 10.5, 17.10, 22.14 (146). Hall 5, O'Loughlin 4, McVeigh 2, Kirk 2, Barlow, Jack, Barry, Bolton, Roberts-Thomson, Goodes, Grundy, Bevan.
PORT ADELAIDE: 4.1, 6.7, 7.8, 11.12 (78). Goals: S.Burgoyne 4, Tredrea 2, Motlop 2, Rodan, K.Cornes, Pettigrew
At Sydney Cricket Ground.
Crowd: 20,700.

The Mighty Tigers looked like premiership material for the first 15 minutes for mine, what with the early try; but then, and lets see how many clichés we can employ here - it all went pear shaped, the wheels had fallen off, the game plan had gone agricultural, and after that, it was all downhill from there, before eventually, the floodgates opened. The Tigers cause wasn’t particularly advanced by a terrible kicking game.
You only have to look at the match winning try, when a Morris grubber more or less landed straight in the arms of Sonny Bill Williams, who, after he had completed a legal juggling act, put on a burst of speed and just strolled away the 70 metres to the try line with a couple of slow-moving try-hard Balmain forwards floundering in his wake.
Did the first two games of the season take the stuffing out of them, or are they yet to be truly match fit for a game played in “the heat” [ie about 26 degrees!]?
They are sure to find out the answer to that question this week on the training paddock.
Ran out of legs in the last 15 minutes for sure; the soft tries conceded tell anyone that, and SC Sheens looked to be at his wits end, as he could see the moves that were required from his spot on the bench, almost at ground level, but had already realized that his players had simply run out of ideas, as well as running on empty, and there was not much he could do about it.
Gawd almighty - hate getting beaten by Canterbury.
It becomes even more intolerable after having lived the past 11 years in Bulldogs heartland territory, given as we are, but a hop skip and a jump from their spiritual home, Belmore Sports Ground.
But, you just have to learn to cope, somehow…

CANTERBURY-BANKSTOWN BULLDOGS 32. Tries: Patten 2, El Masri, SB Williams, Nanai, Ryan. Goals: El Masri 4.
WESTS TIGERS 12. Tries: Ryan, Halatau. Goals: Hodgson 2
At Olympic Stadium, Homebush.
Crowd: 21,057.
Craven.

deep pockets

Love struck oglers,

Australia’s 25 most beautiful people, eh?
And she doesn’t make the cut.
Trust the Indian papers to strike on a dollar figure for the rock.

http://www.thaindian.com/newsportal/india-news/michael-clarke-snares-lara-bingle-with-1-lac-dlrs-5-carat-diamond-ring_10030904.html

My mother always said that one must spend at least a month’s salary on the engagement ring.
The kiddie obviously has fairly deep pockets, that just about need to get a whole lot deeper to cope with the upcoming mining operation.
It’s a very good thing that I’ve never been engaged.

creeping back into the game

Undertakers to the Stars,

The Swans will be lucky to have any hard core fans left at the end of the season, given that most of them would have been carted off to the graveyard on account of being bored to death.
Those that came from South Melbourne 25 years ago would find their DNA fossilized.
A cursory glance at the scoreboard reveals that Sydney was short of a goal or two in the championship quarter.
What’s new -- yet another rusty start to the season?
Lets hope and pray to the good lord joisus that they don’t again become the masters of losing games by the merest of margins, the fact of which did them in last season.
Kennelly was best on ground for mine; when all hope is lost, why not run out of full back, take a few bounces, and put on a long ranging kick that lands the ball more or less on the half forward flank?
Then anything could happen.
Surely right in thinking that there were 40+ minutes between Swans goals at one stage – the television commentators were saying so, so it must be true.
You’d have to be all for the return of the place kick to the game when kicking for goal.
Any mark taken outside the 50, and you should have the right to call for the sideline boy with the bucket of sand and tee up for goal off the long run.
Be just as exciting as anything served up on Saturday night.
Mind you its was good to see Son of Gary have a fine game, and at the death was really prepared to believe that Nick Davis Come To Save Us, when he was looking for leads somewhere near the goal square and then just dropped it onto the boot and saw it sail through the big ones.
When he missed the next set shot to win the game, SC Roos threw down the headphones, knowing that it was all over.
Nothing changes at the dénouement, even if you have coached your first ever senior game entirely from the sideline.
Players must have been surprised at the supercoach personally directing the interchange bench.
The girls were unhappy that Along Came A Schneider kicked the winning goal for St Kilda, as if to say, in no uncertain terms, UP YOU, for being released by the Swans.
Could be a long season.

ST KILDA: 4.3, 4.6, 6.10, 6.15 (51). Goals: Riewoldt 2, Koschitzke 2, Milne, Schneider.
SYDNEY: 1.1, 4.6, 4.10, 6.13 (49). Goals: Grundy, Hall, J Bolton, Buchanan, Goodes, Davis.
At Dockland Stadium, Melbourne
Crowd: 36,614.

Never mind Benji, Benji who?
An unheralded and unfancied pack of forwards could take the Tigers places this season.
Consider the names.
Farah, Galea, Fulton, Heighington.
Been watching all these blokes for the last couple of years and they are just coming into the peak of their career’s, for mine.
Then there’s the freak try scorer Lawrence, at 19, and another 18 year old kiddie that SC Sheens has faith in.
Did like Bronson Harrison copping the rugby league rarity of ten minutes in the sin bin for being the “3rd man into a melee”!!
And it’s somehow reassuring to see The Great Hoddo in Disneyland after being smacked in the head yet again.
He’s seen more fairies than anyone else known to man.
This bloke has been hit in the head so many times that he will probably spend his retirement in a state of catatonic apoplexy.
Someone told him once that it is all in a good cause.
But again, the supercoach has the eye on the prize.
On interview after the game, SC Sheens was asked to comment on the well-known longstanding narkiness and animosity of two players, one on either side, towards each other.
To which he replied “the O’Donnell/Fulton thing? Well, it was always going to blow up.”
Good to see a little bit of hate creeping back into the game.

NORTH QUEENSLAND COWBOYS 10 Tries: Graham, Harris. Goals: Thurston.
WESTS TIGERS 30 Tries: Farah, Harrison, Lawrence, Moltzen, Fulton. Goals: Hodgson 3, Lawrence 2.
At Townsville Stadium.
Crowd: 20,566

lathering themselves with Champagne and beer foam

Between Seasoners,

Having been overseas for a while, missed the end of the cricket season and the start of the football season.
The news of Benji Marshall breaking down within minutes of the start of the opening game of the season, doing his knee in an apparently innocuous tackle, didn’t exactly make back page news in the Bangkok Post or the Vientiane Times!
[although the Bangkok Post, to its credit, does carry the cricket scores!]
Benji says he hasn’t been walking under any ladders or running into black cats lately, but you do have to wonder.
A good thing for everyone involved that the kiddie saw the light and decided to sign on again with the Mighty Tiges on a considerably reduced wage, and after being told by those who know, that no other club would be prepared to take him on given his form when it comes to injury.
SC Sheens, as you’d expect, was philosophical.
“…at least it’s not a season ender. I hate season enders. Both for the player, and what it does to the playing roster”

West Tigers 24. Tries: Fulton, Lawrence, Farah, Moltzen. Goals: Hodgson 4.
St George Illawarra 16. Tries: Gasnier, Soward, Reynoldson. Goals: Soward 2.
At Sydney Football Stadium.
Crowd 18,211 [Other sources suggest: 18,247]

The Swans side for the opening match of the caper against St Kilda has an interesting look to it on paper.
The time honoured mix of yoof and experience.
Good to see SC Roos has slotted the debutant Bird into the team right next to BBB Hall, that should sort him out; the Son of Gary right next to the Ugliest Man in Football, which doesn’t give the backline much of a calendar pin up look, but should be effective; especially with the Great Thadhg deciding to stick it out for one more year before returning to Dublin, and the Mattner kiddie, who was unloved and unwanted at the Crows, also getting a guernsey in the backline.
The forwards can look after themselves, you would have thought.
You can only hope that Magic and The Goodes Train can play through the tired old legs and aching bones and find the form that was sadly lacking for much last season.
The coach has faith, so so must we.

The Mighty Blue Bags winning the Sheffield Shield was never in doubt for mine, months ago, when my bookie was offering the juicy odds of $3.00
Happy to see a not inconsiderable pay out on the wager.
How was it ever in doubt when Kaptain Kat broke the all-time record for runs scored in a Shield season, with 1506, at a Bradman like average of 94.12?
How was it ever in doubt when Doug “Champagne” Bollinger played out of his skin all season to top the bowling averages with 45 wickets at 15.44?
After having seen perhaps more first class cricket this season than any other in Sydney, should have gone to the ground on the fifth and final day as the opportunity was there, but at the moment the boys were lathering themselves in Champagne and beer foam, found myself having an afternoon nap at home, secure in the knowledge that the job was done.
A champion effort from a champion team.

Did I say something about “artless batting”?

Snoozers,

It seems like MJ Clarke has been called upon to more or less single handedly save the Strayan batting on more than one occasion in the past couple of weeks.
Just a pity that I haven’t backed him more than I should have to top score for Straya at typically $6.00 - $6.50!
79 in his last innings against India was a pearler in the one day context, before he started thinking about the ton.
Punter all at sea, and interesting to note that the great Gilly has even publicly suggested that the summer has done the skipper’s head in.
Perhaps time for a rest, and give Pup a go as the main man?
Certainly, the Chairman and the Three Wise Men are well overdue for a complete re-think of the one day line up, as it’s pretty wrong headed at the moment for mine.
That said, it appears unlikely that Straya will be touring Pakistan in a hurry, and we will have to wait until the West Indies to see [hear on the crystal set?], some real cricket again.
Unfortunately, never did make it to the ground for any of the latest first class fixture NSW v VIC.
Anyone who thought the two sides were ‘evenly matched’ would have been vindicated by the extraordinary tie on the first innings.
What was Champagne Bollinger thinking batting at No.11?
Reliable informed he tried to glide a single down to third man to take the precious two points and only succeeded in offering an easy chance for a pouching in the slips cordon.
Also informed that it was the “deadest track seen at the SCG this season” with the wicket getting slower and lower and expanding into a six lane highway as the season wears on, combined with some massive slow turn for the spinners – you only have to look at the bowling analysis.
Where is TSC MacGill when you need him?
Having seen a bit of women’s cricket lately, was struck by the tragically slow strike rate of the women in the recent “test match” in Bowral.
Match aggregate of 813 runs in a full four days!
It’s been pointed out to me that that fully one third of all the overs bowled in the game were maidens.
Like watching paint dry.
The collective sound of snoring at the ground could reportedly be heard in Bowral town.
Did I say something about “artless batting”?

the child prodigy

Apologists,

Was reminded the other day that CB Fry, test cricketer, raconteur, agent, who then took up a long career as a complete madman, always maintained that the best catch he ever saw in any form of cricket, was one he witnessed at the annual Women’s Match at Lords sometime in the late 1910’s.
So, call me mad or call me old fashioned, but found myself at the Sydney Cricket Ground yesterday for 22 overs of the women’s one- day international Australia v England.
All very civilized.
Delighted to find that they were not charging any admission fee after lunch, and that the trustee’s had the decency and sense to open the Members Bar to all comers.
For once in their lives the Blue Coats couldn’t give a rats who came into the members, although there were a couple stationed at the Members Bar entrances just to cast the disdainful, cursory glance and keep the riff raff out.
On breasting the bar and ordering a beer the barman said
“Will you be going outside, Sir?”
“No, I don’t think so.”
“Well, I’ll put that in a cold glass for you, Sir.”
Just the ticket.
The principal motivation for turning up was to see the child prodigy EA Perry in action.
Introduced to Elysse at the Lords Taverners charity lunch at the start of the season and she struck me as a normal, intelligent,
live-wire sort of teenager, self deprecating of her prodigious talents, but well aware of them and where they might take her.
She is the youngest ever Australian to represent her country at both cricket and soccer.
At the age of 17, a dual international!
No wonder there is a tug o’ war between the two for her long term services.
Her bowling action reminds me a bit of TA Alderman.
Off 12 paces with a spring-in-the-step mid way through, a compact delivery stride and a quickish right arm with a hint of sling in it, and while I was watching, she had the inswinger working.
At the upper end of medium pace viz a viz the men, but well quick enough for the competition.
She had one Pom opener plumb to one of those inswingers; never seen one that was more out, and then got the other opener with a pearler that made a mess of middle and off stumps.
Cry went up in the Members Bar, with me, another bloke, and the barman, yelling in unison “got him! all ends up!”
Then we had to politically correct ourselves briefly with a larf.
Surreal scene greeted me on entry to the ground about ten minutes before the end of the lunch break – the Australians out in the middle engaged in full scale, full tilt, fielding practice!
Struck by how considerably and noticeably smaller the ball is compared to the men’s ball.
It has a completely different sound, the thwack of leather on willow, and those who are good of hearing should be able to tell when they are going up hill and down dale and hear a cricket match in progress without being able to see it, whether men or women are playing.
Before the start of the England innings the umpires came into the bar on their way to middle and a couple of pommy blokes on their way to the test matches in New Zealand, gave the Bamfords some lip:
“eh, oompy, now keep yr fingers in yr pockets, ay oop, now won’t yu laddie?!”
One of the Bamfords replied “well at least there are no New Zealanders here”
Crowd about the same as you would get on a weekday Shield match, but more vocal, and fewer punters asleep.
Although, The Man & His Dog was nowhere to be seen, and believe me, people were looking for them.
Impressed by the captaincy of the veteran KL Rolton, rotated the bowling well, and scattered the chooks with ease, with a simple flick of the left arm at first slip, she could move the whole leg side field backwards and forwards by five to ten meters or so without so much as the blink of an eye as everyone was looking at her.
There is absolutely no doubting the grace and athleticism of the girls in the field, but the England batting appeared to be fairly artless most of the time, for mine.
Noted that the Bamfords were both men who happen to be well respected first class umpires, in GA Abood & RJ Tucker, and the SCG ground staff thought it fit to have two blokes on hand to drive the drinks cart out to the middle and back.
Was that a case of the best man for the job?
Whoops.
Politically incorrect, again.
Sorry.