lathering themselves with Champagne and beer foam

Between Seasoners,

Having been overseas for a while, missed the end of the cricket season and the start of the football season.
The news of Benji Marshall breaking down within minutes of the start of the opening game of the season, doing his knee in an apparently innocuous tackle, didn’t exactly make back page news in the Bangkok Post or the Vientiane Times!
[although the Bangkok Post, to its credit, does carry the cricket scores!]
Benji says he hasn’t been walking under any ladders or running into black cats lately, but you do have to wonder.
A good thing for everyone involved that the kiddie saw the light and decided to sign on again with the Mighty Tiges on a considerably reduced wage, and after being told by those who know, that no other club would be prepared to take him on given his form when it comes to injury.
SC Sheens, as you’d expect, was philosophical.
“…at least it’s not a season ender. I hate season enders. Both for the player, and what it does to the playing roster”

West Tigers 24. Tries: Fulton, Lawrence, Farah, Moltzen. Goals: Hodgson 4.
St George Illawarra 16. Tries: Gasnier, Soward, Reynoldson. Goals: Soward 2.
At Sydney Football Stadium.
Crowd 18,211 [Other sources suggest: 18,247]

The Swans side for the opening match of the caper against St Kilda has an interesting look to it on paper.
The time honoured mix of yoof and experience.
Good to see SC Roos has slotted the debutant Bird into the team right next to BBB Hall, that should sort him out; the Son of Gary right next to the Ugliest Man in Football, which doesn’t give the backline much of a calendar pin up look, but should be effective; especially with the Great Thadhg deciding to stick it out for one more year before returning to Dublin, and the Mattner kiddie, who was unloved and unwanted at the Crows, also getting a guernsey in the backline.
The forwards can look after themselves, you would have thought.
You can only hope that Magic and The Goodes Train can play through the tired old legs and aching bones and find the form that was sadly lacking for much last season.
The coach has faith, so so must we.

The Mighty Blue Bags winning the Sheffield Shield was never in doubt for mine, months ago, when my bookie was offering the juicy odds of $3.00
Happy to see a not inconsiderable pay out on the wager.
How was it ever in doubt when Kaptain Kat broke the all-time record for runs scored in a Shield season, with 1506, at a Bradman like average of 94.12?
How was it ever in doubt when Doug “Champagne” Bollinger played out of his skin all season to top the bowling averages with 45 wickets at 15.44?
After having seen perhaps more first class cricket this season than any other in Sydney, should have gone to the ground on the fifth and final day as the opportunity was there, but at the moment the boys were lathering themselves in Champagne and beer foam, found myself having an afternoon nap at home, secure in the knowledge that the job was done.
A champion effort from a champion team.

Did I say something about “artless batting”?

Snoozers,

It seems like MJ Clarke has been called upon to more or less single handedly save the Strayan batting on more than one occasion in the past couple of weeks.
Just a pity that I haven’t backed him more than I should have to top score for Straya at typically $6.00 - $6.50!
79 in his last innings against India was a pearler in the one day context, before he started thinking about the ton.
Punter all at sea, and interesting to note that the great Gilly has even publicly suggested that the summer has done the skipper’s head in.
Perhaps time for a rest, and give Pup a go as the main man?
Certainly, the Chairman and the Three Wise Men are well overdue for a complete re-think of the one day line up, as it’s pretty wrong headed at the moment for mine.
That said, it appears unlikely that Straya will be touring Pakistan in a hurry, and we will have to wait until the West Indies to see [hear on the crystal set?], some real cricket again.
Unfortunately, never did make it to the ground for any of the latest first class fixture NSW v VIC.
Anyone who thought the two sides were ‘evenly matched’ would have been vindicated by the extraordinary tie on the first innings.
What was Champagne Bollinger thinking batting at No.11?
Reliable informed he tried to glide a single down to third man to take the precious two points and only succeeded in offering an easy chance for a pouching in the slips cordon.
Also informed that it was the “deadest track seen at the SCG this season” with the wicket getting slower and lower and expanding into a six lane highway as the season wears on, combined with some massive slow turn for the spinners – you only have to look at the bowling analysis.
Where is TSC MacGill when you need him?
Having seen a bit of women’s cricket lately, was struck by the tragically slow strike rate of the women in the recent “test match” in Bowral.
Match aggregate of 813 runs in a full four days!
It’s been pointed out to me that that fully one third of all the overs bowled in the game were maidens.
Like watching paint dry.
The collective sound of snoring at the ground could reportedly be heard in Bowral town.
Did I say something about “artless batting”?

the child prodigy

Apologists,

Was reminded the other day that CB Fry, test cricketer, raconteur, agent, who then took up a long career as a complete madman, always maintained that the best catch he ever saw in any form of cricket, was one he witnessed at the annual Women’s Match at Lords sometime in the late 1910’s.
So, call me mad or call me old fashioned, but found myself at the Sydney Cricket Ground yesterday for 22 overs of the women’s one- day international Australia v England.
All very civilized.
Delighted to find that they were not charging any admission fee after lunch, and that the trustee’s had the decency and sense to open the Members Bar to all comers.
For once in their lives the Blue Coats couldn’t give a rats who came into the members, although there were a couple stationed at the Members Bar entrances just to cast the disdainful, cursory glance and keep the riff raff out.
On breasting the bar and ordering a beer the barman said
“Will you be going outside, Sir?”
“No, I don’t think so.”
“Well, I’ll put that in a cold glass for you, Sir.”
Just the ticket.
The principal motivation for turning up was to see the child prodigy EA Perry in action.
Introduced to Elysse at the Lords Taverners charity lunch at the start of the season and she struck me as a normal, intelligent,
live-wire sort of teenager, self deprecating of her prodigious talents, but well aware of them and where they might take her.
She is the youngest ever Australian to represent her country at both cricket and soccer.
At the age of 17, a dual international!
No wonder there is a tug o’ war between the two for her long term services.
Her bowling action reminds me a bit of TA Alderman.
Off 12 paces with a spring-in-the-step mid way through, a compact delivery stride and a quickish right arm with a hint of sling in it, and while I was watching, she had the inswinger working.
At the upper end of medium pace viz a viz the men, but well quick enough for the competition.
She had one Pom opener plumb to one of those inswingers; never seen one that was more out, and then got the other opener with a pearler that made a mess of middle and off stumps.
Cry went up in the Members Bar, with me, another bloke, and the barman, yelling in unison “got him! all ends up!”
Then we had to politically correct ourselves briefly with a larf.
Surreal scene greeted me on entry to the ground about ten minutes before the end of the lunch break – the Australians out in the middle engaged in full scale, full tilt, fielding practice!
Struck by how considerably and noticeably smaller the ball is compared to the men’s ball.
It has a completely different sound, the thwack of leather on willow, and those who are good of hearing should be able to tell when they are going up hill and down dale and hear a cricket match in progress without being able to see it, whether men or women are playing.
Before the start of the England innings the umpires came into the bar on their way to middle and a couple of pommy blokes on their way to the test matches in New Zealand, gave the Bamfords some lip:
“eh, oompy, now keep yr fingers in yr pockets, ay oop, now won’t yu laddie?!”
One of the Bamfords replied “well at least there are no New Zealanders here”
Crowd about the same as you would get on a weekday Shield match, but more vocal, and fewer punters asleep.
Although, The Man & His Dog was nowhere to be seen, and believe me, people were looking for them.
Impressed by the captaincy of the veteran KL Rolton, rotated the bowling well, and scattered the chooks with ease, with a simple flick of the left arm at first slip, she could move the whole leg side field backwards and forwards by five to ten meters or so without so much as the blink of an eye as everyone was looking at her.
There is absolutely no doubting the grace and athleticism of the girls in the field, but the England batting appeared to be fairly artless most of the time, for mine.
Noted that the Bamfords were both men who happen to be well respected first class umpires, in GA Abood & RJ Tucker, and the SCG ground staff thought it fit to have two blokes on hand to drive the drinks cart out to the middle and back.
Was that a case of the best man for the job?
Whoops.
Politically incorrect, again.
Sorry.

pitter-patter of tiny puppy feet

Verbatim from the Daily Telegraph, so it must be true!
Other reports suggest a HUUUUUUUUGE five carat diamond ring.
How long until there’s the pitter-patter of tiny puppy feet??

“Is it possible that Michael Clarke and Lara Bingle are about to take cricket's most glamorous partnership to the next level?
Clarke's manager denies it but there was a hot rumour circulating yesterday that the glamour couple are preparing to announce their engagement just over a year after they got together.
They were pictured shopping in Brisbane yesterday soon after the Australian team checked into a hotel.
Walking hand in hand, they looked every bit the happy couple.
See pics of Lara and Michael here.
Clarke had plenty to smile about after captaining Australia to a Twenty20 win over India in front of 84,000 spectators at the MCG on Friday night.
His leadership skills caught the eye of regular skipper Ricky Ponting, who missed the match with a back injury.”

...and then...in a crazy week...the Tait kiddie goes mad

Trick cyclists,

Spent last Sunday in an interesting exercise of watching two very similar games of cricket in a kind of parallax view.
Attended the SCG for day three of the Milk Cup match NSW v WA.
Two old ladies, who must have been in their 70’s, somehow found themselves a pair of chairs and installed them in the air-conditioned comfort of Monty”s Bar in the MA Noble Stand, pretty much with a perfect view of the ground behind the bowlers arm at the Paddington end, and just over their shoulders was a telly with the test match on it, with the Channel Nine commentary gently piped throughout the bar.
They got themselves a schooner each at 11am, and settled in for the day.
A class act.
There is no other player in the first class caper at the moment who can take imperious command of the centre square like Simon Katich does.
It’s as if everyone is out there for the sole purpose of serving up runs on a platter.
Like when he stands up to the quicks on the back foot and plays an immaculate defensive shot, and the ball just rolls away to mid on for a single.
Has all the answers for the spinners and scored most of his 25+ boundaries off them,
Thinking that he must take slow bowlers for idiots, or at least the ones that aren’t very good at it.
Would have been disappointed to be out for 189, with the double looming, but you can hardly blame him – one of those lazy shots that creep into your game after hours and hour and hours at the crease, that you would normally get away with nine times out ten.
And in any case it wasn’t about personal scores on the day anyway.
The Kat knew all too well that someone had to make a big score to try and run down the first inning points and then take whatever lead you can get, as the first innings lead in any game is worth its weight in gold.
And with Haddin out early, he knew it was all down to him.
Some Beau Casson fireworks extended the lead to about 90, which was more than enough in the end, but we missed the four quick wickets very late in the day with Doug “Champagne” Bollinger on fire yet again [closing in on 50 first class wickets for the season] as me and me mate Trev had by then retired to the comforts of a beer garden near Central station, to tell more lies and talk more nonsense.
Katich – now here’s a bloke who has already scored a thousand first class runs this summer at an average of about 118, with four big tons [including the triple] and a string of 50’s to win/save games etc.
Here’s a bloke who has now scored a thousand first class runs against every state except NSW [and he scored a few when he was playing against us for WA!].
Here’s a bloke who averages about 55 in all first class cricket [and he’s played a helluva lot of county cricket] -- there aint many of them that do that.
And here’s a bloke who can’t get a game for Australia, let alone a Cricket Australia contract!
Go figure?
At least NSW has had the decency and sense to look after him as captain guaranteed for the next four years, on a fair whack.
Meantime, at the test match in Adelaide, MJ Clarke was doing nothing more or less than was expected of him by his captain – score a big hundred on a deck that lets face it your grandmother could have scored a big hundred on, after nursing Punter through to his own hundred.
Interesting that he adapted well to the circumstances - well in on a dead pitch against some pretty good bowling; put away about half your usual shots, and concentrate, concentrate, concentrate.
I haven’t had a look at the score card, but I think you’ll find about 50 of the hundred was scored in singles and you could count the number of boundaries on the fingers of one hand.
And jeez he’s pretty to watch against spin, the footwork is balletic and he worked a bit more off the backfoot in this innings trying to negate the irresistible urge to go dancing and find yourself out of your ground.
Wouldn’t have been disappointed to get out to an absolute screamer at 2nd slip - just ran out of luck at the end.
Something of a worry though in the field.
Dropped a couple of howlers in both Perth and Adelaide.
Should spend more time behind the slips machine.
But you can hardly blame him; Pup doesn’t know whether he’s Arthur or Martha fielding at first and second slip.
Someone needs to decide where he’s going to stand, and leave him alone.
Or perhaps he could be like Steve Waugh of recent memory, and become a prowling specialist cover point.
I’m sure The Iceman would tell you it’s a pretty good spot from which to move the cattle about.
Nice spell of bowling too in tandem with Roy, with Taity out of favour, and Hoggy getting hit.
A couple of excellent wickets to stash away in the kit.
Some mention should be made in passing of the retirement of the great Adam Gilchrist.
Always rated Gilly as best all rounder of his generation – possibly the best all rounder in living memory [ie since Keith Miller] – even though he never bowled a single ball in first class cricket
Always a batsman first and a wicket keeper second, he changed the way test cricket is played forever almost single-handedly with his flamboyant, aggressive line in batting, to the point where scoring slowly in test matches is now considered un-Australian!
A scholar and a gentleman to boot -- and there aren’t many of us left – and a genuine ornament to the game, who’s ears will be sorely missed.
And then…in a crazy week…the Tait kiddie…goes mad!
Where will it all end?
Certainly hope he doesn’t do a Johnny Briggs.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Johnny_Briggs_%28cricketer%29

a gigantic tusk up the runter

Fellow Disappointees.

Consider this scenario:
You are 81 not out in a test match after playing all the shots and you are seeing the ball like a watermelon; starring down the barrel of a famous hundred as you fight a rearguard action in a seemingly hopeless, losing cause.
Then suddenly a major fuse in your brain explodes.
You dance down the pitch to a well flighted, well pitched ball, you miss the thing by a proverbial country mile, and only have time to look back over your shoulder to see the best stumper in the game pull the ball down from shoulder height and clinically remove the bails.
What’s the sponsor’s slogan? “Keep on walking”.
Clarkey, Clarkey, Clarkey, what were you thinking?
The kiddie still has a lot to learn about test cricket.
Given what the tail did very late in the piece and the Raj’s winning margin, Pup in fact missed the chance to become an overnight national hero just by keeping an end together and scoring a big hundred.
In a match won by India simply by bowling well in both innings, it might be instructive to have a look at the match batting aggregates in game where no century was scored.
VVS Laxman 106
MJ Clarke 104
R Dravid 96
SR Tendulkar 84
A Symonds 78
IK Pathan 74
RT Ponting 65
Seems fairly obvious Clarke scored his runs in the wrong innings, whereas the Indians popped up where it mattered in both.
But from the off, Straya was always in more trouble than the early settlers when you consider the opener’s match aggregates:
PA Jaques 24
CJL Rogers 19
[From that effort, you’d think that CJL Rogers would join MJ Nicholson in the exclusive One Test Wonder Club].
But the inescapable upshot is that Straya copped a gigantic tusk up the runter to the tune of 72 runs; never mind records going out with the bath water.
I blame the Captain.
Punter looked and acted like his head had been done in by Sydney and its aftermath, made a couple of blunders, and always had your scratching your head.
Interesting that on interview after the game he said “now we won’t be making any excuses for losing the match”, and then proceeded to trot out the list of excuses for losing the match, as if making a powerpoint presentation.
In my book, the Captain has to take responsibility, on account of the buck always stops at the desk of the chief executive officer.
Another shocker in Adelaide, and I may have to give Roebuck a ring re the timing of the gold watch presentation.

I have seen the future

Purists,

I have seen the future.
Very happy indeed to count myself, along with the good lady wife, among the 23,737 punters in attendance at the Olympic Stadium last night for the T20 game NSW v QLD which was billed as Ohh Aah’s Last Hurrah.
Some bright spark at the NSW Cricket Association had figured out that Glenn McGrath had retired from test cricket a full twelve months ago and still went on to play in the World Cup, but had never really had a proper send off wearing the Blue Bag.
Sydney cricket fans voted with their feet.
First got wind that something was up when I got to Lidcombe station from Strathfield and found the Olympic Park platform absolutely jammed packed.
Thankfully Shitty Rail had the decency and sense to put on a train every ten minutes to shift the crowds.
When I got to the Novotel bar it was like a Sydney Swans match crowd – except they were in either blue or maroon state of origin style – one bloke had contrived to dress up like Marcel Marceu, a couple of refugees from the Sydney test match had slipped on colourful summer frocks over their hairy manboobs, and I was expecting to see people in monkey/gorilla suits – but there were none that I saw.
And a crowd of that size can make some noise in that fishbowl!
Cold, full strength beer and hot pies were on tap; something unheard of in this day and age.
There was even a mob of speed daters in on the middle deck.
Whenever a wicket fell or a six was scored , the boys moved along one seat to the next girl, and all repaired to the Cauldron Bar for some shitfacedness after the game.
The game itself was a quite curios affair on an even curiouser drop in pitch that made scoring difficult.
When NSW found themselves five wickets down for not many on the board, Katich sent out the edict that there would be no heroics under any circumstances, and the aim of the game was to bunt singles and make sure you scored off every ball.
Queensland pretty much tried the same tactic in the conditions and only fell just short in reply.
The great McGrath had an excellent game with one wicket and two catches, although he thought he’d lost the game for the Mighty Bleeeeews when he grassed a sitter late in the QLD innings.
Moped around at third man slapping his thigh
Not to matter.
Had them all out on the last ball of the match anyway.
Ooh Ahh would be hurting this morning – he’s been in a good paddock since retirement.
SPD Smith, a hitherto unknown NSW 18 year old right arm leggie, known to his mother as “Steven”, to his team mates as “Junior”, and to everyone else as “Smiffy”, took four wickets late in the piece to snare the man-of-the match award
Smiffy has the weirdest run up in world cricket for mine.
He takes three small steps then literally stops [!!] mid stride, then somehow gets going again by dragging his left foot and then three more sort of strange loping steps to the crease and then he’s into his delivery stride.
No one could have possibly coached him to do it that way.
Any batsman seeing that would be going “What the…?”
Trades on the surprise factor.
On interview after game:
Ground Announcer: “that would have been the biggest crowd you’ve ever played in front of”
Smiffy: “oh, yeah, right, yeah, it was”
GA: “you must have been pretty happy with your own performance”
Smiffy “um, yeah, I was just happy to get a game”
GA: “must have been great playing with Glenn McGrath”
Smiffy: “oh, yeah, erm, yeah, a fantastic legend”
End of interview.
Dave Warner from the Suburbs also turned out for NSW and the nickname in pink on the back of his shirt read “Wee Man”.
I couldn’t help wondering if he is related to the late, great “Trough Man” of Oxford Street fame?
The more you look at it, the more it becomes apparent that it is a fielder’s game, best played by kiddies.
Whoever is best at short sprints and accurate throws do the best.
While I consider myself something of a purist, I fell in love with T20 from the moment I first witnessed it at Hurstville Oval, maybe four or five seasons backs now.
I am sure it would simply horrify the good folks who invented the caper, particularly the blokes from the Hambledon CC who perfected the art in Hampshire all those years ago.
They imagined the game as a long, languid, liquid pursuit that was frequently punctuated by long breaks in play for drinks and meals, something still reflected in the long form of the game today.
Very happy when not much happened.
But Hambledon’s utter refusal to change ultimately led to the club’s oblivion, and the control of the game being thieved off them.
They would take one look at T20 and say “What the!! You haven’t even got time to fart!”
Strangely, the game was played in the spirit of the game, and I thought the umpires swarthy GA Abood and the fat boy RD Goodger both put in creditable exhibitions.
Especially the Abood, who gave a very close run out decision against Queensland – the Bamford was crouched like a close in catcher and had his hands on his knees taking a close look at the action from a shortish square leg, and when the appeal went up in a flurry of arms, legs, bat, ball and flying bails, he had no hesitation in jumping to his feet and raising the finger.
Respect.